[apersoninthehead]

don’t know

I don’t really know where to start whenever i have full of desire to write down my thoughts. they are coming and want to be realised i can feel it. 2020 has been such an unforgettable year ever for all of us for me it was the year of anxiety and struggling to keep my mind calm. the unknow future has been always a big issue for but in 2020 it hit me so bad that i couldn't even control not only my mind but also my physical health. once I had those moments where i couldn't breath, eat or enjoy the moment....couldn't focus on anything but just feeling sick. after the 2 months things got better I was feeling normal, i am feeling normal. time to time i have that feeling the unknow of future and don’t what to do but then I try to have all my attention to this moment and be present. this remind me a scene from kung fu panda where the turttle say “ Yesterday is a history tomorrow is a mystery but today is a gift that is why it is called present” by Master Oogway 

it is as simple as it is but we humans are complicated creatures and nothing as simple as we thought or do i mean at least for me. once i started that job as English teacher i was more than a simple teacher because my job wasn't only teaching to children  but also do other stuff things which are make sure you satisfied all people. yeah i know its impossible but when you work in a private sector you need to be more than human. So that’s why i was struggling fit in until i remember that i am a human and i make mistakes and i am not perfect. this is my journey to find myself wait NO to get to know myself because it doesn't matter how old are you, there are still magical parts in you and show themselves when you faced with the failures.   

[toki-wren]

So yesterday my dad told me that the people online didn't care if I interacted with their posts, didn't care about me or whatever, and told me to talk to "real people" and said that people online weren't "real people."

And honestly what the heck.

I know that I'm a real person, even online. I know I care when people interact with my posts. Why would anybody else be any different?

I've seen people being so appreciative of their followers, of the people who interact with their posts, and just a lot of general "real people" behavior.

So... reblog if you're a real person and care if people interact with your posts and appreciate your followers, I guess.

[apersoninthehead]

thinking

thinking can be exhausted but at the same time remind me that I am alive and breathing. recently I have realized that there is always a way even if sometimes feeling like hopeless. never ever stop believing yourself, you will get there I know. 

[apersoninthehead]

love

love is the relinquishment of logic the willing relinquishing of reasonable patterns we yield to it or we fight it. but we cannot meet it halfway without it, we cannot continue for long to exist sanely under conditions of absolute reality.

The Haunting of Hill House.

[apersoninthehead]

He kindly stopped for me

Emily Dickinson wrote a lyrical poem and it published in 1890, such a long time ago. today is one of those days having a feeling of stuckness between living and really living. everything happens for a reason and it all starts with choices except to be born. how many of us choose that option so funny right. This morning I read the news that the young Korean singer and actress committed to suicide. those kinds of news always break my heart and got me to think about Death and the poem I've read it when I was at university. 

    because I could not stop for Death (479)

Emily Dickinson

Because I could not stop for Death – 

He kindly stopped for me – The Carriage held but just Ourselves – And Immortality.

We slowly drove – He knew no haste And I had put away My labor and my leisure too, For His Civility –

We passed the School, where Children strove At Recess – in the Ring – We passed the Fields of Gazing Grain – We passed the Setting Sun –

Or rather – He passed us – The Dews drew quivering and chill – For only Gossamer, my Gown – My Tippet – only Tulle –

We paused before a House that seemed A Swelling of the Ground – The Roof was scarcely visible – The Cornice – in the Ground –

Since then – 'tis Centuries – and yet Feels shorter than the Day I first surmised the Horses' Heads Were toward Eternity –

so what can be said to those who choose not to live. it is hard for the left but in the end like everything else, it is going to be forgotten only memories will be remembered.

[thegoodvybe]

[apersoninthehead]

it just feels so empty

it just feels like I am in deep darkness and try to find a way. I know that my ideas are keeping alive. because otherwise I can't any purpose or anything to breath, to leave isn't is so dramatic? those thoughts are so dangers... don't know what to say anymore.  

why I feel like so stuck in this life  whenever I try to reach my dreams  

[polemicandcontent]

10 unusual language learning tips !

i see a lot of the same (sometimes unhelpful) tips being thrown around, so here’s my two cents:

1. write shopping lists/to do lists in your target language - often you don’t learn this vocab but it’s conversational & v useful! also writing yourself notes (lil pep talks on the bathroom mirror, for example) can work.

2. buy a small whiteboard and practice verb conjugation (esp. romantic languages) or script writing 

3. talk to pets in target language if possible!

4. look for quotes in your target language - often the turns of phrase are  more colloquial, and is a good opportunity to see how things are translated from your native language 

5. find a fairly easy news headline (in target lang) and try to re-write it w/ vocab you already have. you’ll quickly find gaps - this is a good thing! (if you’re feeling extra spicy, try writing a small subheading or description about the article).

6. create an imaginary friend who you speak with on the shower, or on the train, doing the laundry etc. talk w/ them in your target lang (in your head, obvs) about your day, future plans, etc etc.

~for more advanced learners~

7. when you’re more advanced, and have some grasp of past/future tenses, buy a children’s/tween’s/YA book that you’ve already read. highlight and annotate the shit out of it. you’ll know the general gist already, which makes context clues easier to find.

8. change wikipedia settings into target language - same goes for any social media site. this can be a mega challenge, but is so good for vocab, plus you’re more likely to remember the info since you worked so hard for it.

9. write a review for a book/film/record/whatever you’ve most recently consumed. maybe start a diary of them, or just have an ongoing word doc.

10. find a bilingual edition of poetry/literature if possible. you might find you can spot translation differences, but you’re sure to find some new vocab.

[thegoodvybe]

[apersoninthehead]

idontknow

I just want to say random things because I am tired of everything recently nothing makes sense, it's strange to feel that way when I have goals and my dreams. at those time I need someone that makes me feel safe. so if you have that person, you are the luckiest person in the world.  

[apersoninthehead]

exhausted feelings

I can not even describe my feelings anymore so many things are going on in my head and none of them even my problem, 

[somepiecesofmyheartandsoul-deac]

“Sometimes, this loneliness feels more like a friend than a foe. And when that happens, your love that is softer than water feels more like daggers in flesh than cupid arrows in hearts.”

— Lukas W. // Vs

[apersoninthehead]

supergirl

she is too strong but somedays cant keep going I can't help her right now I cant take her pain but watching how hurting inside couldn't even cry. but she is my super girl my powerful hero ever. how strange that cant helping her nothing comes in my hand but just standing by her side. she doesn't deserve to live that way. she has been struggling for a long time and still, she does. even if she is in pain she always finds a way to leave all those things behind and keep going because she is Supergirl.

[apersoninthehead]

emotions are up

love is just something that I never get along with it always have the problem and at the end of the day, I am betrayed by who I really give meaning and cares. I am not the person who can find love actually I never being falling love for a long time, nothing goes further than likes that's the reason.

cant even get along with myself since I try to understand myself. I am such a mess, I do have the mental problem I know that but I don't want to see any doctor or taking medicine because I know the cure is not that I am the cure I need figure out by myself, but some days I need help. I think I really like to hurt myself with feelings how healthy thoughts is this.

I am at the edge of the suicide cliff but not have the courage to do that. I am not trusting about that actually maybe I can do that or not.

[apersoninthehead]

Figure out the life in a some way

“What a beautiful feeling is love

makes you both cheerful and sad

so should we fall in love or not”

These are the thoughts that I have towards the love so what is the connection between love and figure out the life both sides is totally relevant with each other. These are complete each other and gives the power to people keep going. All we need love, isn't it?

the summer officially starts I have so many things that I want to do but I need to courage and energy for that. have you ever felt like so empty but also so full. it's so nonsense, right?

ANYHOW I JUST WONDERING WHAT DO YOU GUYS UP DOING FOR THIS SUMMER?

[action]

Jeanette Antolin from USA Gymnatics @ USOW 

[apersoninthehead]

I am so sorry for everyone who try to survive. It's too hard for me ignoring the things which are happening around me and us.