How I feel nowadays (you gotta find a way to cope)

if i look back, i am lost

tannertan36
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@apsiva
How I feel nowadays (you gotta find a way to cope)
Hey readers, I've got eBooks ready to go out to reviewers, and I've got tons of recs from TikTok and Insta , but honestly, I like Tumblr best, so I'd like to share some love here. too. Who are your favorite book folks on Tumblr? Where do you go for book recs and reviews on this platform?
Nothing screams Monday night like a fucking panic attack
#Life imitates art
I'm an adult
You're a dumbass who the fuck says something like that
a few months ago my friend called me and told me she was moving back up near me from 7 hours south in the middle of nowhere and asked if i would help her because she couldn’t move the furniture by herself and the town was so small there was no moving company (there were actually only 5 or six businesses in the whole town including both restaurants) and she had no one else down there to ask.
And even though money is pretty tight for her, she told me I could name my price if I would help her, because it was so far away.
I told her she was a dummy for thinking i would take her money but that i would accept the traditional helping-a-friend-move price: a meal (i know she would feel wrong about herself if she didn’t do something for me in return, that’s just how she is) Tradition suggests pizza and beer, we opted for enchiladas and a margarita.
we crashed on the floor of the empty place and left back north in the morning - when we got back to the city three more friends met us at her storage place (the place she was moving into wouldn’t be vacant for a couple months) and we started to move all her stuff up to a storage room on the THIRD FLOOR (because large city storage places be like that)
we had just taken the first box out of the truck when the (only) lady working there walked by and told us they closed in an hour and twenty minutes, and she couldn’t stay even a little late because she had to get to her other job.
One hour twenty minutes. To completely un-jenga a large uhaul and re-tetris it back into a similar sized room on the third floor.
We all just, shared a look, took off hoodies, and got the fuck down to business.
It was actually.. I still cherish look we passed around. The tiny eyebrow quirks and chin nods. The eye glints. The bigger breath we each took as we prepared to kick it up several gears. That moment of wordless connection, when we all just silently agreed that we were damn well going to do the impossible and didn’t even waste the time it would take to say anything, just got to it.
And we did it too. Finished with exactly two full minutes to spare. And then we all went for dinner and drinks to celebrate. And my friend’s friends that came to help? Two of them were acquaintances/friends of mine already. Like I lived with one for a year a decade ago sort of thing. But this experience? Brought us all closer. Made myself a new friend too.
And the friend i helped move? She and I are closer than ever because of it.
When i left our storage success diner to go home, she asked me again if I was sure i wouldn’t take any money.
I said “I ever tell you when I was 22 I went down to Hollywood to try that scene out? Anyway ten months later, when I just couldn’t do it anymore, and needed to come back, I called one of my best friends and said i can’t do this anymore i need to come back. You know what he said? He said: I’ll be there tomorrow. Not how much will you pay me, not what do i get out of it, not will you be able to cover my gas, just: I’ll be there tomorrow. Okay? You’re my friend. If you need help, I’m going to be there”
If helping someone move ruins your friendship, you’re doing at least one of those two things very wrong.
Two of my friends drove a rental from Texas to New York to pick me up and move me back home when I left New York. My husband drove across five states to help drive a U-Haul to their new home for two of our friends.
Even me, who physically can’t really do much in helping anyone move anymore, still spent several days helping them load up and directing packing, getting food, etc.
Friends help you move. It’s in the fucking code.
I have managed to spend over a week with little contact, I know the girl is physically well but I know little less.
She hasn't reached out, we've exchanged a total of 4 words (bless you and thanks, I said bless yo because she sneezed)
I don't have a way of knowing if she even cares. And that's the rub...
I went back over some texts, some idiot things I wrote and she's not going to reach out. Now I feel like my heart got crushed AND I lost a friend
I'm tired
I'm exhausted
I don't want to keep checking my phone
I don't want to listen out for your voice
Im tired of being the first one to talk
I'm done going up to you to simply say hello
The worst part is it's all gone tomorrow
And I'll crawl back to you
The funny thing is you'll be able to forget me.
You won't be the first one
I've left more minds than you'll ever know
You'll move on and I'll remember everything
It's what always happens
I break and the other people live their lives and never have a second thought about me
I keep thinking about what it could've been
What if you wanted me
What we would mean for each other
The growth we could experience
The places I'd take you
The love I'd would have given you would be unconditional
But instead I get to be alone
I got my heart broken
And you're off with some guy that will never fill your needs
i wish you were here next to me ,my heart mind body & soul yearns for you, so desperately.
Oh girl, you're going to break my heart in a million pieces and you won't even realize you've done it.
I know this yet I keep thinking of you
At this point I'm a master at skipping a relationship and diving right in to heartbreak from crush
Here to having powerful boobs that the probably straight girl I'm crushing on stares
My personal ouroboros is never knowing if I'm sad because I'm single or I'm single because I'm sad