microdosing on therapy by projecting my issues onto fictional characters and creating and consuming content about them working through it and being supported during the process
this might've been twitter but i'd like to remind everyone of the subsequent 400 IQ take, "you should ask people for consent before masturbating to the thought of them"
i think i saw that tweet actually! they said specifically that witchy and spiritual people KNOW you're getting off to them and you should ask first lmao. if that's not projecting idk what is
No. Yes we do know, i receive nasty disturbing visions out of nowhere and when i walk past them again i instantly know as well as them from their facial language. but if they are hot then yes i enjoy it and its not really bad but You Should At Least Ask Psychic Permission beforehand please.....
I mean from a witchy perspective, if you know someone has fantasised about you just from walking past them, then that's your fault for not erecting proper psychic wards. It's not some random stranger's responsibility to deal with you projecting your psyche everywhere
[We pass each other on the street and my overwhelming psychic power smashes your wards like an egg. You are unable to resist my erotic fantasies about the canadian supreme court.]
@shanemadej: Not enough love in my heart for the LEGO Skeleton. Very funny guy, barely scary but a great mid-level foe. Dangly arms also a huge plus. Everybody loves this guy (afaik) but we don’t talk about him enough.
pls oh god of fics pls grant thee touch starved Shane and oblivious Ryan in shyan ship *bows down* (i sent one before and donno if u actually got it cuz it showed error so im sending in another try)
I didn’t get your other ask unfortunately, but this is an idea I’ve been wanting to write like 10k for, but I know I’ll never have the energy. So it’s a little ficlet instead.
CW: Includes post-kidnapping, malnutrition, and an embarrassing lack of touching for a touch-starved prompt.
*
Shane disappears on September 17th. Ryan only remembers because they’d been scheduled to shoot an episode of Weird and/or Wonderful World and he’d had to eventually make the uncomfortable call to the Los Angeles County Arboretum and Botanic Garden to cancel their tour and interview.
It had been funny at first with Shane’s habitual lateness. They’d all assumed he’d slept late, forgot what day it was, and completely blanked on the filming schedule.
It’s less funny a week later when a missing person’s report is filed and Shane’s parents fly out to stay with Scott while they wait for any kind of news.
Detective Flores finds him two states over, a month and a half later. There are six hostages in total, as part of some elaborate heist that’s foiled before it comes to fruition. Shane’s kept in hospital for almost a full week, treated for malnutrition and a few general injuries, the news passed to Ryan through Scott via a DM on Instagram.
For the first time since Shane’s disappearance, Ryan sleeps through the whole night.
On the Saturday following Shane’s return, Ryan wakes to a phone call at eight in the morning.
“Hello?” he answers, voice rough from sleep, brain barely online.
“I’m sorry,” Shane apologizes, but his voice alone is enough to wake up Ryan the rest of the way. It’s the first he’s heard from him. He’d been trying to give the family space and knew Shane would find him once he was ready. Apparently, now is that time. “Can you come pick me up?”
“Sure,” Ryan agrees instantly, shoving back the covers and getting out of bed. “Where are you?”
“My apartment,” Shane admits and Ryan pauses from where he’s trying to dig out a pair of clean pants. “I just need a break.”
“Sure,” Ryan repeats. “I’ll be there in twenty.”
It’s quiet on the other end of the line before, quietly, Shane says, “Thanks, Ryan.”
*
Shane’s waiting at the curb when Ryan pulls up.
Ryan unlocks the door and watches Shane fold himself into his seat, waiting a moment for Shane to settle before reaching over to set a hand on his knee, squeezing gently.
“Hey man,” he says gently. “Long time no see.”
Shane startles at the touch, but glances over, offering a small smile in return.
He looks different. His face is thinner, his cheekbones a little more prominent, and there’s a new scar on the right side of his forehead that disappears into his hairline.
“Hey,” Shane replies, buckling his seatbelt and giving Ryan a view of his right hand, which has two fingers splinted together. “Thanks for coming.”
“Everything okay?”
“Yeah, why wouldn’t it be?”
Ryan stares at him incredulously and eventually Shane looks away, out the passenger side window.
“It’s just hard being surrounded by everyone right now,” he says, clearly talking about his family. “I need a break.”
Ryan checks over his shoulder and pulls back onto the road.
“Is my apartment okay? Or did you want to go somewhere else?”
“Your place is fine,” Shane tells him, and from the corner of his eye, Ryan sees him turn his head, staring as though Ryan won’t notice.
At the next red light, Ryan glances over. “How are you doing?”
Shane looks away, clearly caught. “Getting tired of people asking me that. It’s all anyone asks these days.”
“Guess they just want to know you’re okay.”
Shane glances back towards him. “Could be better,” he says bluntly and Ryan can’t help but let out a quiet huff of laughter.
“Yeah, no shit. But the hospital cleared you?”
“Yeah,” Shane sighs. “Apart from a few broken fingers and some weight loss, I’m okay.”
“I missed you,” Ryan admits. “It’s probably the longest I’ve gone without seeing you since we started at BuzzFeed.”
Shane frowns like he’s thinking and then the frown deepens. “Jesus, you might be right.”
Ryan laughs again. “Horrifying thought, huh?”
“Puts things in perspective.”
“Didn’t you miss me?” Ryan asks jokingly, but Shane doesn’t answer, just laughs quietly.
“It’s weird,” Shane says. “I was never alone, but it feels like I have to relearn how to be around people now.”
Ryan had read the news after Shane’s rescue. There had been five others saved alongside Shane, so he suspects they might be the reason Shane wasn’t alone.
Ryan shrugs gently. “Adjusting is hard, and I’m sure it’s even harder with your family refusing to let you out of their sights.”
Shane shakes his head. “You have no idea. I was in the shower for twenty minutes this morning and they started knocking on the door to see if I was still alive.”
“Rough,” Ryan laments. “Well, you’re welcome to chill at my place for as long as you need.”
“Can I move in?” Shane jokes, but Ryan just shrugs.
“If that’s what you want.”
It’s silent for a moment before Shane says, “Thanks, I appreciate it.”
Ryan offers him a smile. “Of course, dude. It’s what I’m here for.”
It’s quiet for the rest of the drive until Ryan pulls into his usual parking spot and glances over. “You good?
Shane nods and carefully unbuckles his seatbelt. “Yeah, I’ve got it.”
Ryan’s chest tightens watching Shane limp his way towards the front door, but he knows the last thing Shane needs is more helicoptering.
“Can I get you anything?” Ryan asks as he shuts the door behind them, watching Shane glance around as though he expects Ryan to have redecorated during his disappearance, but ultimately Shane shakes his head. “Okay, well, make yourself at home. You know the drill. I’m gonna go grab a drink.”
He knows Shane can find his own way to the living room, so he moves around him, heading in the direction of the kitchen instead.
“Ryan?” Shane questions and Ryan pauses, turning back.
“Yeah?”
Shane hesitates like he doesn’t know how to get the words out, but after a moment, he takes two steps closer and draws Ryan into a hug instead.
Ryan isn’t entirely expecting it. Shane’s not a touchy-feely guy, which means Ryan can probably count on one hand the amount of times they’ve hugged. But Shane folds around him so tightly that it startles the breath right out of him.
“I did miss you,” Shane mutters and Ryan lifts his hands to reciprocate, holding Shane as hard as he dares when everything feels so fragile.
“I was really worried,” Ryan admits. “I thought you’d been killed.”
He finds himself rubbing one hand along Shane’s spine, trying to soothe him as Shane tucks his face against his shoulder.
“You were gone for a long time,” Ryan continues.
He can feel the warmth of Shane’s breath through his shirt as he exhales shakily. “They broke my fingers when I tried to escape.”
Ryan holds him tighter, needing them both to understand that Shane’s safe again. Having the weight of Shane leaning against him is grounding in a way he never knew it could be. About a month into Shane’s disappearance, Ryan had gone through a mourning period, assuming he’d never see Shane again. He finds tears prickling his eyes as the relief hits him solidly in the chest.
“God, Shane,” he murmurs and he’s not sure who’s comforting who.
The warmth of Shane spreads through him, all the way down to his toes, like a cup of hot soup on a cold day. Except that Ryan never realized he was too cold until this moment. He feels alive and whole again, and he knows he can’t even begin to understand what Shane experienced. The fact that he can feel every ridge of Shane’s spine as his hand passes along it says enough.
When he finally starts feeling like Shane’s probably ready to let go, he loosens his arms and shifts, one foot lifting to take a step backwards.
“Just a little longer,” Shane requests and Ryan’s more than happy to comply, a noise of agreement escaping as he nods.
“I’ll stay here as long as you need,” Ryan tells him. “It’s just good to have you back.”
“It’s good to be back,” Shane replies and tightens his grip again like he might never let go.
To be honest, Ryan’s okay with that. He holds on just as tightly and settles against Shane, finally feeling happy again for the first time in months.
This part of the Let’s talk about the rise in hate crimes against Asian Americans stream really stood out to me. The day after the incident in Atlanta, I was deeply upset for obvious reasons but another thing that I found myself having to contend with was the nature of how white supremacy thrives under the division of various people of colour. One narrative that keeps popping up when people discuss the anti-Asian rhetoric, as well as the "how can I be racist if I'm attracted to Asians?" fallacy that stains almost every type of media we consume, is the daunting nature of activism and how the model minority myth has done a disservice to opportunities for solidarity between the black community and the Asian community.
As I've said many times in the past, being multi-racial has always been like listening to different facets of my heritage compete with one another to talk trauma from white supremacy. Whether it's my First Nations heritage, Asian heritage or African heritage, people in my extended family have expressed frustration with the BLM movement for "taking all the coverage on racism while racism against so and so goes ignored," which is just fundamentally not how it works. When a system has twisted parts to it and we've swallowed the propaganda for centuries that only one group can rise above the mire and join The Default society (which celebrates whiteness inherently) in equality, it results in what is called lateral violence.
The basic fact is that the fight doesn't just stop once you've become aware of racism against your own people, you have to start looking inward to all the parts that the infection has touched whether that is how you speak about other races, how you speak about s*x workers and trans people, how you talk colourism with your family or even the way that you proceed through fan spaces like this because all of what we do is informed by our conversations about marginalized people. And moreover, just because the conversation is America-focused, doesn't mean we can't examine our own country's relationship with systemic racism. I'm from Canada and we have no shortage of people willing to parrot vindictive jokes and perpetuate stereotypes under the security of white supremacy.
I'm just posting this to thank Tammy Cho and Michelle Hanabusa for doing the work from the ground up to propel this conversation forward while educating people about intersectionality in all activism. I would also like to thank Watcher for once again, being mindful that a platform doesn't come without immense responsibility and using said platform to educate and lift voices that go unheard. Finally, I want to thank and send my deepest and warmest compassion in solidarity with Steven and Ryan and the various other employees at Watcher who have been affected by the events of the past two years, who harnessed the hurt and the helplessness to speak out so we can all heal together in some way. I see the work you're doing and it means the world to me.
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I know it wouldve been weird for Shane to be in the livestream but once again, it hurts that he's as silent as he was last year during the protests
I think this ask really solidifies a deeper problem we have in the way by which we go about our activism, especially online activism. So much of the success of many social justice movements started by people of colour depends far too much on white acknowledgement. This isn’t a judgement call on those who feel the need to spread the word to circles where people have the systemic power to make a difference (which are circles that are predominately white). This is more of a discussion about the nuance that comes with supporting a creator and demanding--perhaps even needing--their validation about things we feel they should care about. This need comes with a pedestal as well and while I am the first to argue that a platform with a lot of people looking at you immediately imbues your existence as a person with the power and obligation to be a good role model, I also feel that if a creator with a large platform is ill-equipped to perform those aspects of their work, they shouldn’t force it.
So this is going to come across as very cold but know that I say this with the deepest sympathies I can afford right now as a fellow fan of the guy, but if Shane doesn’t believe he has the words or the capacity to speak fluidly and effectively against racism as a person who has never experienced it, then he shouldn’t do it because oftentimes pushing white voices to the forefront or asking them to weigh in simply because more people would listen or because it would mean something to you personally, can at times, do more harm than good.
Basically, guys. Stop looking to your white faves to do the work that people of colour are busting their asses to do more effectively. If Shane decides to do a retweet or make some kind of statement, good. It is the bare minimum he can do next to giving to organizations or stepping back so his co-founders can speak from a place of perspective.
Personally, I’d just be impressed if he just said anything to the effect of “Listen to Steven and Ryan right now. They’ve lived it and I support them,” which technically, was covered the first few minutes of the stream when Ryan explained in clear terms that everyone at Team Watcher is sympathetic and supportive.
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