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halfbaked-alchemist

nebulations

[ID: A Fullmetal Alchemist screencap of Ed punching Hohenheim in the face, captioned “Happy Father’s Day.” End ID]

animentality

biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist

once again for the bargain price of $6.66 i will present to you a Top 5 Childhood Misadventures: April Fool’s Edition

biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist

Presenting:

The Saga Of The Stolen Door

Ah, to be young and filled with mirth and rage.

I was 14 at the time. 14 was not a good year for me. New town, new house, new school to adjust to, and that’s not even counting the complications of being an Undiagnosed Autistic Teenager. Ah, puberty. You think you’re finally catching up, and suddenly there’s a whole parade of shiny new developmental delays to widen the gap between you and your peers. Ah, nostalgia.

Point is, it was a difficult year for me and my 2 siblings. So when April rolled around? I decided, quite magnanimously I thought, a sign of benevolence of character and all that, that we all deserved a good laugh.

Well, that is one version of events.

The second version of events is: my siblings and I had spend the year driving each other up the walls. Up the walls, through the ceiling, past the colony of attic-dwelling dust bunnies, around the rafters and straight to cracking our skulls on the new roofing tiles (terracotta).

biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist

The thing about the house we were living in at the time…it was weird. It was a weird house. Rooms with too many corners. Windows shoved in bizarre places. Odd flourishes of grandeur.

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biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist

It occurs to me, in hindsight (glorious, alluring, unobtainable hindsight), that if one is determined to go about removing a door in this manner, there is probably a correct order in which to remove screws from a doorframe.

I did not choose that order.

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biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist

At this point, it may have occurred to some of you that I am not much of a planner.

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biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist

Dear Reader, let me snatch back my words. Earlier, I compared my tale to the Tragedy of Icarus. This was not wholly accurate, because you will note that Icaraus’s primary tragedy was that he was an insipid little bitch who couldn’t get his act together.

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Let us skip ahead.

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FINAL CHAPTER

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one final detail, the briefest epilogue, the cherry & sprinkles atop the sundae.

(I’m not 100% sure my memory is accurate on this part, and I’m too scared to ask Claire, but from what I personally remember) not only did it take her 3 days to realize her bedroom door was missing: when she finally noticed, it was specifically because she was having an argument with Mom.

She tried to slam the door and–surprise :)

ko-fi

biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist

am worried some of you (wisely) neglected to click ‘keep reading’, in which case you missed my exquisite illustrations

fun fact: the pink ass in the last panel is modeled on a classical painting of Sisyphus pushing his boulder up the mountain. That is Sisyphus’s ass.

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SISYPHASS

aphysicallymanifestedbirdsin

No wonder he never reaches the top, he’s pushing a boulder and dragging a dumptruck

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#SISYPHAT-ASS

biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist

THEY MATURE CONTENT LABELLED MY PINK ASS!!!

thememedaddy

todaysbird

Today's bird is the Australian Little Raven of judgement

thoughtkick

“I’ve wanted to kill myself a hundred times, but somehow I am still in love with life.”

— Voltaire, Candide

stahsm

Overlock Stitch by @clothes_reetzy

thatisuseful

Damn, that's useful

status-quo-hater

I think one of the funniest abortion stances I've heard was from my parents neighbor. He's a like, hard-core libertarian viking larper guy who is very tall and very fat and very bald.

He believes a fetus is human with a soul, but also its "basically attacking the woman's body" so if she wants to get rid of it, that's "basically self-defense". He compared it to shooting a home invader. So he supports abortion not as healthcare, but as killing a baby in self-defense

status-quo-hater

Y'know I'm so glad someone reminded me of this. Because this was also discussed.

My stepmother did NOT like the way her Libertarian Viking Neighbor framed pregnancy as the fetus "attacking the woman". She incredulously told him this was extremely disrespectful to expectant mothers to portray pregnancy as so violent and negative.

Libertarian Viking Neighbor's response was that people consensually hurt each other all the time, and "there's like a whole community about that, with the acronym the one that starts with a B" And his reasoning was that if the mother was consenting to bring attacked by the baby, it in fact wasn't violent and negative because there was consent.

He brought up people consensually hurting each other, didn't go for one of the obvious answers like boxing or body mods or something, no he went STRAIGHT TO BDSM and he DIDN'T EVEN REMEMBER THE ACRONYM

unclefather

superepicchan

sashayed

has anyone figured out how to turn off the thing where you love your pet so much it slides inexorably into grief-borrowing

boomstab-papa

your-cosmic-creature

“For me this glass is already broken. I enjoy it; I drink out of it. It holds my water admirably, sometimes even reflecting the sun in beautiful patterns. If I should tap it, it has a lovely ring to it. But when I put this glass on the shelf and the wind knocks it over or my elbow brushes it off the table and it falls to the ground and shatters, I say, ‘Of course.’ When I understand that the glass is already broken, every moment with it is precious.”