Welcome to Hell.

My garbage fire of a blog. No particular theme or style, it's pretty much shit from my dash. This is not a spoiler free blog, and I don't use tags except on very rare occasions. Anything that would deal psychic damage is put under #10d10, anything that does healing is under #4d4, anything that does fire damage is under #6d6

[memeuplift]

[homunculus-argument]

Once wrote halfway through a sci-fi short story where there was a human petting zoo. Alien creatures of all carbon-based species could go to a special park to be petted by humans. Due to having not only extremely dexterous hands, but also some ability to instinctively pick up on non-human body language, and genuinely enjoying both teaching each other things they have learned about how to do a task and the simple act of petting, humans are just really, really fucking good at this sort of thing.

The story was just of one nonhuman creature having a friend introduce them to a petting zoo for the first time, and being impressed by the service. They agree that it is pleasant and very relaxing, but is it ethical to keep humans this way? There is so many of them for such a small area, and there doesn't seem to be shelters or appropriate nesting materials anywhere.

The friend is like oh no, they're not in captivity. These are wild humans and they're free to come and go however they please. They simply enjoy this activity as much as we do, and come here as a form of recreation as well. The one currently at your prothorax is my cousin's dentist.

[strongermonster]

i taught a baking class for 12 year olds today and we made your garden variety chocolate chip cookies, but i’m a big believer in Questioning Everything and the who/what/where/why/when/how behind things, so the first part of the class was purposely letting the kids do things the wrong way, to show and explain why we do things the way we do.

“why do we bake cookies at 180 for 9 minutes when we could do 400 for 2 minutes?” -enter the godawful lump of coal with a still gross wet and uncooked inside

“why do we have to scoop out little cookies instead of doing the whole tray?” -ok well that one you can technically do if the spread is even. you just end up with one giant, structurally unsound cookie. “PLEASE CAN WE MAKE GIANT COOKIES” (we did make 1 giant tray cookie)

we talked a lot about why consistency is important, but i don’t think it really hammered home until i said “okay everyone gets ONE cookie, that’s fair, right?” and then handed out cookies of hugely varying sizes. + baked one fat lump of a cookie that still wasn’t done at the 9 minutes, vs the regular one i put in that came out charred by the time the first was actually done.

we also made a row of cookies where each one had one single differing ingredient omitted, like a cookie with no flour, or a cookie with no butter, and laid them all out on a single tray to bake together to see how each ingredient affects the outcome.

two of the little girls added cocoa to their cookie doughs until it matched the colour of each others skin to make best friend cookies, and that almost made me tear up a bit 🥺

got briefly distracted (…for over half an hour…) talking about how eggs form when someone cracked an egg and it had 2 yolks

expertly tolerated being asked how old i am (just turned 31 the other day) which was immediately followed by asking if i watched the moon landing live on tv

was so focused on keeping track of all the kids that in the end i forgot to make a cookie for myself, but it’s ok because one of the girls gave me this

tiny……….

[prose-n-scripts]

so I go to animation school now

[calico-and-lace]

please unmute this

[dazzleyourmindseye]

That was… not what I expected it to be but I am delighted

[only-tiktoks]

[neverthere12345]

[hustlerose]

big fan of situations where nobody gets hurt 

[amishsicario]

[coked-papi-deactivated20220221]

I hate osha bro they make doing construction jobs a bitch

[dogcunt]

[the-absolute-worst]

Any construction worker that hates OSHA should actually hate their boss for giving them so little time that the only possible solution is to be unsafe.

[firlalaith]

this goes for any job, not just construction.

[belvira]

[colestyle-deactivated20231123]

sending people wikipedia articles is my favorite form of humor. one time a long time friend of mine asked why i was using a different name and acting different i sent him the wikipedia page for DID. ryder just asked me why its 108 degrees in nevada right now and i sent him the wikipedia page for global warming and the season of summer.

[colestyle-deactivated20231123]

i see you all in the tags going "this is so funny" you better not steal my fucking bit. im copyrighting this joke

[jrwiyuri]

Plagiarism - Wikipedia

[colestyle-deactivated20231123]

you cant do this to me

[ampervadasz]

[wheeloffortune-design]

This is why aliens don’t want us in their Starfleet.

[carebewear]

Are you fucking kidding this is why aliens should be begging us to join their Starfleet. The precision?? The CONTROL?? The absolute mastery this driver has over their 20+ ton of steel is superhuman. This person could weave a mothership through an asteroid belt without making a single scratch on the hull. Foh “aliens don’t want us” aliens should be sucking our dicks.

[exlibrisfangirl]

[jaubaius]

Found this guy while kayaking

[mugwomps]

Not for long you didn’t

[vitrified-vitriol-deactivated20]

Every reblog removes one HP from the queen

[un-unpopular]

i cant wait until she actually dies and everyone freaks out saying the final reblog did the last hit

[zooophagous]

This is so fun its just like Jenga

[frogger-irl]

It is the year of our lord 2022. I told a customer I liked her shoelaces. Not as a tumblr reference, as a genuine compliment. I had forgotten about the meme altogether, and her shoelaces were a pastel ombré of various pinks and oranges, with bronze aglets.

She smirked. I had fallen into her trap. She would later tell me at the register that she bought fancy shoelaces for every pair of her sneakers, for this very reason.

“Thanks.” she said, mischievously grinning, “I stole them from the president.”

I burst out laughing. She smiled triumphantly, and then the snort in my laugh made her laugh. My 40yo coworker looked at us like we were from mars.

[dct239394cvvd098dffgggp]

twitter fucking sucks but sometimes people just redeem the whole thing just all of it

[13th-crew]

[randomfandomteacher]

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

How the frick fracketty fuck

[telumendils]

Yeah. So you know how I feel. 

The Magicians (2015-2020)

[mysharona1987]

[natalieironside]

Steve Harringron in season 1 of Stranger Things is the most character. He did some bad stuff and immediately went "Aw, beans. That wasn't cool. I better go apologize" at which point The Plot he'd been blissfully unaware of for the entire show immediately tried to eat him.

[natalieironside]

Steve: "Hey Nancy I wanted to apologize for--"

Nancy, cocking a gun: "Wall's haunted."