Incorrect Westeros quotes

An incoreect quotes blog for any and all Westerosi canon and semi canon. Primarily based on the books, but show, video game, comics, and RPG canons are all acceptable. Please include your source and which canon the quote should be tagged for.

[aremixoficeandfire]

Asha: What kind of woman doesn't have an axe??

[aremixoficeandfire]

Renly: Why do I have to write my vows? You're so much better with your feelings than I am! Loras: I'm giving you the big wedding you wanted, let me have this. Renly: Is it possible my feelings are a poem by Yeats? Loras: No. Renly: A sonnet by Shakespeare? Loras: I'm not listening anymore!

[aremixoficeandfire]

Renly: Peer pressure me into going on a run. Guyard: Do it or you're straight. Renly: I said peer pressure, not THREATEN!

[aremixoficeandfire]

Bran: I'm making Bronn the new Lord of the Reach! Blue Blooded Reach Nobles Planning a Rebellion: Put that THING back where it came from or so FUCKING help me!

[aremixoficeandfire]

Jon: When I first met you, I did not like you.

Theon: I'm aware of that.

Jon: But then you and I had some time together.

Theon: Uh-huh.

Jon: It did not get better.

[aremixoficeandfire]

Ned Stark: I use my one braincell to love my children.

Tywin Lannister: I use my one braincell to advance the standing of my house.

Mace Tyrell: Rip to you but I can do both.

[aremixoficeandfire]

Tywin: Never yell at your children. Instead, take the time to calmly explain how much you regret your decision to become a parent.

[aremixoficeandfire]

Tywin: Am I a bad parent?

Tywin: …

Tywin: No. It is the children who are wrong.

[aremixoficeandfire]

Renly: Do you want paella?

Loras, skeptical: YOU know how to make paella?

Renly: No, but I know how to make the restaurant make it and bring it over here.

Loras: *smiles* You're so powerful.

[aremixoficeandfire]

Renly: Did you have to stab him?

Loras: You weren’t there. You didn’t hear what he said to me.

Renly: What did he say?

Loras: ‘What are you going to do, stab me?’

Renly: That’s fair.

[aremixoficeandfire]

Theon: So what, now I'm just supposed to do anything that Asha does? I mean, what if she jumped off a cliff?

Balon: If Asha were to jump off a cliff, she would have done her due diligence regarding the height of the cliff, the depth of the water, and the angle of entry, so yes, if you see Asha jump off a cliff, by all means, jump off a cliff.

Theon: You jump off a cliff.

Balon: Gladly. Provided Asha did first.

[aremixoficeandfire]

Jon: This is so sad. Dareon, play Despacito.

[aremixoficeandfire]

Asha: You're cute.

Qarl: *hisses*

[aremixoficeandfire]

Margaery poured salt in my coffee - I know she did. But I'm going to drink it anyways because I'm petty and I refuse to let her win.

Cersei Lannister

[aremixoficeandfire]

Dany: I'm Daenerys Stormborn, of the House Targaryen, the Unburnt, Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, Queen of Meereen, Queen of the Andals, the Rhoynar, and the First Men, Lady of the Seven Kingdoms and Protector of the Realm, Breaker of Chains and Mother of Dragons, and this is Yara. She's my ex-girlfriend.

Yara: I'm her wife.

[aremixoficeandfire]

(Robb has found out Theon and Sansa are dating)

Robb: *angry* My best friend and my little sister!

Theon: We love each other.

Robb: *fondly* My best friend and my little sister!

[aremixoficeandfire]

You think that disapproving glare works on me after all the times I've seen it?

Arianne to Doran.