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25f aroallo 💚🤍💛

[aro-culture-is]

allosexual aro culture is never really understanding why it’s ok for an alloromantic person to want a friends with benefits, but when an aro person wants one they are seen as an evil person who uses everybody

.

[aro-sparrow]

I think it's because most (not all but most) alloromantic ppl don't believe FWB is a real thing. Like, they flat out believe it's impossible to repeatedly have sex with someone you like without falling in love.

They consciously or subconsciously see it as a stepping stone to a romantic relationship. So when someone states that there's absolutely no possibility of that happening, their worldview is threatened.

[aromantic-yearning]

whoever first compared queerplatonic relationships to bonded shelter cats was so correct

I want to cuddle, I want to bap you upside the head, I want to play with you. no romo though

[justagaymoth]

When someone says “you're my best friend” or “you're my bestest friend” it feels the same as when a partner says “you're mine” for the first time it feels the same

The more they say “you're my best friend” the more it means

I say “You’re my best friend” and they say “you're so sweet” it feels like the same as “Im not into you, let's just say friends okay”

There is good and bad to feeling love to deep to the point there is in most cases no difference between how I feel about my close friends and how I feel about someone I'm dating

I know that telling them how I feel most of the time will get me hurt or get them hurt and I love them too much for that

I have found ways to tell them the intensity of my affection without telling them that in my mind no form of affection is strictly platonic or romantic

The only form of love that has limits is familial (duh)

I don't even think I feel platonic attraction anymore because the friends I'm repulsed by the thought of kissing or sex with are the friends who are like siblings to me

[gayupp]

I don't crave romance so much as I crave intimacy. Just having someone I can be with and rely on and share my deepest secrets with and cuddle with.

[acollectionofas]

In honour of discovering the word "alterous", let me explain how it feels to me:

Sexual crush (crowdsourced data): I desperately want to sleep with that person.

Romantic crush (crowdsourced data): I desperately want to date that person, hold their hand, call them pet names, introduce them as my partner.

Alterous crush (according to me): I desperately want to lie on that person's couch while they putter around in the kitchen or practice their piano or work on their other hobbies and we chat off and on about our days and lives and I feel entirely safe and can stay as long as I want, and then I go home after dinner in the quiet twilight feeling entirely certain of my place in their life.

[skys-archive]

I love the concept of cuddling but I hate the word because it just doesn't sound right. No I don't want to little/big spoon I want to dramatically flop on top of each other and stay there for a few hours while we watch a movie. I want to lay my head on your stomach while I scroll on my phone and you draw on your tablet. I want you to lay across my lap while we listen to music we both like. I want to fall asleep in the car leaning against each other the way I would with friends after a track meet. I want to close my eyes and breathe while you run your fingers through my hair, talking to someone else. I don't want intense physical contact, I want the casual affection that comes so naturally to me but seems so foreign to others.

I don't want to cuddle, I just want to be comfortable in your space.

[aiizaph]

Being aroallo and lovequeer and yearning for a life partnership is an agonizing existence because like how do I explain to alloroses that I want a non-romantic, intimate, life partnership that has sex but no it’s not romance despite how much amatonormativity has taught you that such a relationship looks to be romantic at a surface level and also most aroallos only want fwbs and non-committal hookups and while I do nod my head and tip my hat in solidarity I can’t help but feel a sense of dread and loneliness that I’ll never be able to find someone who wants the same kind of relationship I do.

[rock-wannabe]

being in the aro spectrum and still desire for a significant relationship, where we can take care of each other, have deep conversations, hugging, holding hands and touching (after set our boundaries) would be so so great.

(i'm scared of being sick alone)

[leftoverspacedust]

sometimes being alterous /aroacespec is about trying to figure out if you want to date them, kiss them, hug them harder and longer than anyone else, fuck them, spend every waking moment with them, or teach them board games and throw pieces at them when you lose.

[dr-gaytorius]

1st base: raw ethically dubious fucking

2nd base: exist in a public space together

3rd base: you witness me have a real, candid emotion

4th base: I reveal an aspect of my tragic backstory to you

[what-even-is-thiss]

I think that we as a society should get more comfortable with the idea that sometimes our friends will be attracted to us and sometimes we will be attracted to our friends and nothing needs to come of that.

You don't have to date. You don't have to stop being friends. You can just keep hanging out. Self control and respect exists.

And sometimes you will date your friend and figure out that your dynamic worked better when you were friends. And then you can go back to being friends. It's really quite simple. Mature and cool, even.

[miseriathome]

Even requited attraction doesn't need to be acted upon. Two people can be mutually attracted to each other and still decide not to date or not to change the dynamic of their friendship. People who are dating can mutually decide it worked better as a friendship, even if the attraction persists.

Feelings are just feelings. Not all feelings need to be realized as actions. It's very mature and cool to still treat people like people even after learning about their feelings, whatever they are.

[ghostofhiim]

[aro-culture-is]

Grayromantic culture is dating someone and wondering if you don't love them enough.

i really advise talking to your partner(s) if this is the case. they can reaffirm that they love your love as it is, or, if they're insecure about your love, you can work together to resolve that - which in and of itself is an act of love, for many.

[aro-sparrow]

ok now i am confused/low-key panicking bc i think i might be experiencing real romantic attraction to someone??? so now im once again rabbit-holing every discussion board on "what is romantic attraction" and doc i think i have it

[h3xt0r]

We need more ships where it's romantic for one half and platonic for the other and both parties are aware and ok with this

[sunseths]

"there is no platonic explanation for this--"

I fell asleep in my friends' arms. It was eleven at night, we were tired, curled up in a small pile on my tiny bed. I had my head buried in my roommate's side, and one of my closest friend's hand on my shoulder, steadying me. It was quiet and nothingness and peace and their heartbeats in my ears, my hands in their hair.

"there is no platonic explanation for this--"

We pack four people to that little bed, you know. Laps used as footrests, collarbones as pillows, little lights like moonlight in rustic yellow bathed on their faces. The TV plays an anime. The words are repeated by my dear friend on my shoulder, curled close. My legs are asleep; my roommate may be, too.

"there is no platonic explanation for this--"

The cat curls on top of our criss cross mess of legs and arms and heads on chests to absorb the warmth of us all. She purrs in contented peace. When my roommate and I are left alone in the quiet, she cries, and watches the door for our friends' return.

"there is no platonic explanation for this--"

I will never kiss them but the top of their heads. I will never touch but the warmth of their arms. I will never take more than what's freely given, and in return I put my glasses on the bedside table fashioned from a guitar amp, and when I lean into their sides, I pick up my vulnerability and place it in their capable, tender hands.

"there is no platonic explanation for this--"

I sing for them. I cry for them. I work and I run and I withstand the worst of the world for them, because some days I get to cradle their forehead on my shoulder and some days I get to see their shining eyes.

"there is no platonic explanation for this--"

Maybe to you. But look beyond explanation. I love them. With my heart in my unsteady hands, with my nose pressed to the side of their head, with the buzzing in my feet and the warmth all around Iike the sunset pushing into the window.

"there is no platonic explanation for this--"

Is it enough to say I love them? With no strings attached? With reckless abandon and utter devotion and freedom and kindness and fear?

"there is no platonic explanation for this--"

I cannot explain it any clearer. I love my friends. There is no more to say.

[stonegoddex]

what if we admitted to each other that it's not always really romance that we want. What if we admitted that what we're really craving is intimacy and society taught us romance is the only way to get it.