arent you tired of going apeshit?

dont you just want to be nice this used to be a discourse blog but now i mostly just post about queer things in general here. often aro/ace/nb stuff. may still be discourse-y topics occasionally but i hope u enjoy ur stay icon credit: (x) | header credit: (x) ❤️ note about blog-runner: i am in my 20s, aroace, agender, & autistic. they/them pronouns please!

[melandrops]

the aroace read of ryland grace is so personal and haunting. "you don't even have a dog." was it not enough to love the world for the sake of living in it. was it not enough to live for the thrill of discovery. was it not enough to smile at your students. was it not enough to be afraid.

[storm-of-feathers]

yeah yeah rainbow capitalism is bad and whatever but like. when I was a child, being pro gay was not the popular or lucrative choice. I'm happy that times have changed.

[storm-of-feathers]

I miss rainbow capitalism. I do. I miss when it felt like public opinion was still pro gay. I understand it was always an empty gesture, but it mattered in a sense of knowing how socially acceptable being queer is. If that makes sense.

[dunmeshistash]

Izutsumi is aroace, you agree with me, happy pride.

[peach-pot]

being anti-amatonormativity in a romance centered world is like watching half the people you know put all their eggs in one basket and then drop the basket and all their eggs break and they’re crying and swearing they’re never gonna do that again and then a month later they have all new eggs in a new basket and they tell you the problem was they didn’t have a strong enough basket or fresh enough eggs and then they drop the fucking basket again.

[hxneyfarm]

Happy pride month specifically to folks on the asexual and aromantic spectrum who oftentimes feel isolated and left out of the conversation. You belong here as much as the rest of us and I hope that you are all loved in a way that is comforting to you.

[lewadny]

happy june to everyone, especially my fellow aroaces

[necropolis144]

Figured this one would be a hit with the aros.

[creekfiend]

it's interesting to me to see like. within queer communities the thing where if you said "things are really fucking stressful and awful for us right now and it's giving us a lot of really terrible feelings that don't have an outlet" ppl are like "yes, true" and then if you're like "it's far easier and safer to vent that frustration and fear on accessible members of your own community than it is to try to vent it on the people who are actually in power" they would be like "yes, true" and if you said "it feels better to justify venting that frustration and fear and anger if you can frame it in head as very important and righteous, rather than admitting that it's a coping mechanism being utilized by a fallible human being undergoing very difficult circumstances" they'd say "yes that's also true"

but if you're like "this is relevant to your own current behavior" with the implication that the intracommunity thing they're currently big mad about is actually not as important and righteous as they're casting it in their head, it's like "no no. not MY behavior. mine is rational and I am correct. the issue I am fighting with other queer people about like rats in a sack IS actually the most important issue to be addressing right now"

and like

this is stuff I have to constantly watch out for in my own behavior! it is absolutely absolutely a thing, and absolutely something we ALL deal with and are capable of engaging in. it's ramped up in intensity the last year or two and I don't think that is a coincidence. I wish we were more capable of this level of analysis of this stuff without getting defensive.

and like, again, it isn't like it's evil. I don't think it's GOOD to do, but as I said, it's the completely understandable behavior of a human being under considerable stress. we need to cut ourselves a break in order to be able to be honest about what we are doing sometimes.

[bookwyrminspiration]

starting a new fuck/marry/kill called aro/crack/attack where you take three characters and decide who you're making aromantic, whose egg you're cracking, and who you're doing grievous bodily harm

[knifearo]

one thing that does often actually genuinely break my heart about aromanticism is that it opens so many ontological pathways to methodologies that would unilaterally improve people's lives but most people can't even be bothered to learn about aromanticism much less apply those lessons to themselves

[knifearo]

being aromantic (and being aspec in general) prompts you to unlearn the thought that a romantic relationship is going to fulfill you in a way that nothing else can. to unlearn that your worth is tied to your desirability. to unlearn that your life is defined by love. it prompts you to restructure your relationships. to reevaluate the ways in which the people around you contribute to your life and the ways in which you want to engage with them. it shows you that everything we know about relationships is defined by social constructs that don't need to be heeded. it opens you to a life of such blissful freedom and i feel such a sense of grief for the way that this information never seems to get beyond us

[raisinchallah]

literally thank god sex isnt real and was just invented by big fiction to emphasize greater social and psychological themes i was getting scared id have to do all that

[infizero]

as ive said many times i love the dynamic of "character A is in love with character B who is aromantic, and they're both aware of this and function fine with character A just enjoying being close to B even if it means not being able to actually be in a relationship with them". and because i hate allos i dont have to care if thats "unrealistic" or "puts too much stress on character A". WHO GAF!!!!!!!!!!! SECRET THIRD THING DYNAMICS FOREVER!!!!!!!!

[saveyourhelplessspite]

[aromantic voice] look just because they have sex and live together that doesnt mean theyre like, romantically involved, dont be stupid

[dooblebugss]

[blueberry-ry]

Aromantic Horror is when your best friend in the whole world, that you have spent half of your life by their side, who helped you and you helped with, who lived through your worst and your best and their worst and their best moments always together, who you loved with all your heart through all those years, gets a partner and looks you in the eyes and tells you "I have never had someone that makes me as happy as them" and you just have to sit with the realization that you mean nothing to them and that your love is not "good enough" for them

[blueberry-ry]

YEAH! People do not understand that it’s not the lack of romance the problem, it’s how people who seek it are expected to leave behind everyone else for it, because one is more “important” than the other.

Unless you become someone’s romantic partner people will always treat you as number 2, and that fucking sucks

[tlirsgender]

Lately I've been of the increasingly urgent opinion that more people need to embrace nonbinary identity because shit's getting weird watching people Behave in the wake of the last few discourse cycles

[tlirsgender]

Incomplete list of people who should just try being nonbinary instead of whatever this is:

Trans guys who insist they aren't really men and find it distressing to be perceived as men

Transmascs who "want to be trans women," clearly exhibiting misguided ideas about how transfemininity works, aiming for a Secret Third Gender and landing at the most culturally recognizable figure of one (transmisogynistic caricatures)

The trans women I've seen talking about "not being allowed to be nonbinary," starting from entirely valid critiques about the dominant ideas of what nb people look like (skinny afab white etc) and erasure and etc, but landing on this weird conclusion that you simply Can't? Be Nonbinary? I promise you can. Most of the people I spend time with irl are nonbinary transfems and they're not like, segregated off into the she/it robot dog girl zone being Different Nonbinary they're just nonbinary. Virtually indistinguishable. I know there are Real Societal Pressures to present as strictly feminine as possible to avoid the Material Consequences but if it really truly is making you miserable I promise it's okay to stop doing w/e part of conventional femininity is bothering you please please please

The entire "cis" "woman" demographic who think it's normal to hate being women and actively wish you were born as something else (can have a crumb of nuance with like yes misogyny sucks but "Womanhood Is Suffering" is a different Take than "wow being treated like xyz for being a woman sucks")

[tlirsgender]

I just keep seeing people who are clearly dysphoric with conventional gender/roles and kind of floundering at trying to articulate these desires without knowing proper terminology/theory and/or justify why they "can't" transition and it's Painful. For me. Please free yourselves from your mental prisons I promise you don't have to live like this

[tlirsgender]

And like circling back to the Material Consequences ... most prominently for transfems due to transmisogyny but also just, any of this. My point isn't that it's going to be easy I won't lie to you about how everybody's going to be nice forever, the point is that it's still worth it

Like. If you know me I've been fairly open about my experiences with transphobia as a nonbinary child in the 2010s & I Tried to make myself fit a more binary mold as a teenager in response to the Trauma & it did not fix anything. People didn't even treat me any better. I know how scary it is but you still have to Do It Scared and claw out a place for yourself, even just privately, even just with people you trust. Ok ? I love you

[raisinchallah]

literally thank god sex isnt real and was just invented by big fiction to emphasize greater social and psychological themes i was getting scared id have to do all that