[whitepeopletwitter]

[marisatomay]

Did you see the moon is wet?? I think that's why people aren't handling things well

i found out like this

[f1rstperson]

I went to look this up and this was the first article

[goodzillo-deactivated20220127]

Love that everyone collectively and without words agreed to not be normal about this

[6937529469274696869-deactivated]

[idek-anymore46]

[peteneems]

[snorlaxatives]

oh wow five years ago today the stylish but illegal monkey was found roaming around ikea in toronto…. now this is truly an iconic date in meme history

[snorlaxatives]

never forget

[severalowls]

The Ikea Monkey is alive and well at a sanctuary in Ontario! He was only a baby when he was found clothes shopping in Ikea.

Name: Darwin, Japanese Macaque

Date of Birth: 2012

Arrival Date: December 10, 2012

Previous home details: Darwin was born in Canada as part of the exotic pet trade in 2012, and had lived in a family home in Toronto. He was found in an IKEA parking lot in December 2012 after escaping from his owner’s car and was seized by local authorities. A social media and worldwide news sensation, Darwin has resided at SBFPS ever since.

Condition upon arrival: Darwin had been imprinted by humans, which rarely bodes well for a monkey. He was very insecure upon arrival, and needed to be the centre of everyone’s attention. He was sheltered from the other monkeys until he got used to his surroundings.

Progress: Since his arrival Darwin has grown in strides - learning to be far more monkey than human. He is grooming Sweet Pea, and calls to Julien and Lexy - mimicking their vocalizations and learning how to speak macaque. He has grown in size and confidence as well, and was slowly transitioned towards having multiple caregivers who he can trust and love as his ‘troop’, as he had no real monkey mother to show him the ropes.

Personality Traits: Darwin is a cheeky little guy, that’s for sure! He loves to play all day, and is always bouncing off the walls with excitement, especially when his favourite people come to visit! He loves to play tricks on you when you’re not looking, like any adolescent!

Favourite Activity: Darwin loves Curious George! He has a Curious George doll whom he takes to his pool to give a bath, and grooms him and tries to get him to drink. He also loves swinging on his fire hose.

Favourite Food: Darwin loves grapes, dates and cherries - but cherries definitely top the list!

Wish list from staff: Darwin can always use new and exciting toys, and he loves his fire hose swings and swimming in kiddie pools!

[eggcup-deactivated20180129]

you think your crush is laying in bed thinking about you but in reality they’re reading about swords on Wikipedia

[canadad-deactivated20171111]

my eyes change colour depending on my swag levels. they are the darkest brown when my swag levels are at a maximum. i have never seen them change

[aroostook]

this is a dwight shrute quote

[unproduciblesmackdown]

ron was going to be spiders. he just was.

[unproduciblesmackdown]

god just saw i forgot to put in the last one

[twitblr]

me_irl

[bob-belcher]

[gaymerfrag]

The Hero We Deserve!

[sessioneleven]

I am Squidward Tentacles on so many levels.

[treehouse0fhorror-deactivated20]

He’s Squidward, you’re Squidward, I’m Squidward! We’re all squidward!

[i-dont-like-pancakes]

wow, i used to think squidward was such a negative asshole. But, he’s me. He is my spirit animal.

[hellzones]

this is the funniest shit ive ever seen

[chameleon-ari]

why did his head get so big and his torso short

[rustandruin]

I’m LIVING.

[deadasspool-deactivated20200604]

Black twitter stay triumphant 😂😂🙌

[facts-i-just-made-up]

What is an onion???? Please Help?????

It’s a paper that won’t hire me damn it.

[aroostook]

[odinsblog]

Florida sheriff Grady Judd, who represents a county in the path of the strongest hurricane ever recorded in the Atlantic, offered a stark warning for anyone thinking about going to a local shelter: If there’s a warrant out for your arrest, you could wait out the hurricane in jail. (source)

PLEASE do not be fooled by the disingenuous lie that he *really* meant to scare pedophiles away—who often do not have outstanding arrest warrants, and who may have innocent children who (surprise) also need shelter from hurricane Irma—if that’s what he meant, he could have said that originally. Sheriff Judd absolutely meant to scare undocumented immigrants away. From seeking shelter. From perhaps the biggest hurricane in history.

What a piece of shit.

And not so incidentally, statistically speaking, undocumented immigrants tend to commit fewer crimes than U.S. citizens, specifically *because* they don’t want to be deported by racist, overzealous police officers like Joe Arpaio and Grady Judd. (source)