Aplatonic/greyplatonic/etc people: How is platonic attraction defined? Does it just apply to QPRs, or does it apply to all platonic relationships?
I think I might be greyplatonic.
But I’ve always been an extrovert. I love getting attention, I derive happiness from conversation and I enjoy supporting my friends and care about them but I’m really not sure if that’s platonic love, and if I can still be aplatonic spec. But I’ve never really formed deep friendships with anyone (aside from one toxic person) and I’m terrified that if I’m somewhere on the aplatonic spectrum, where does that leave me as a person?
I don’t really want any sort of intimate relationships, even if they aren’t romantic. I haven’t sought that out from anyone, and I never really form close bonds with the people I consider my friends.
Just admitting that my thoughts about the sheer possibility of being greypl is scary, but it might just be the truth. I don’t know.
I’ve always defined platonic attraction, for me personally, to mean ‘feeling a pull towards others that makes me want to be their friend’. About the whole ‘qpr or all platonic relationships’ deal, that’s actually something that’s being discussed and I won’t get into the nuances here. I’ll only speak from ‘platonic conceptualised as friendship’ perspective.
It doesn’t matter what your personality is because aplatonism is a label for anyone who can identify with ‘not feeling that pull’, whatever that might mean for different people. If you feel it helps you understand yourself and how you navigate relationships, it’s there for you to try out.
Being (gray)aplatonic for me is... I can meet someone I get along with, or who I wouldn’t mind seeing again. But I’d rarely make an effort to guarantee a future interaction, to start a relationship. If we see each other again, cool. but if we never, cool. I’ll still appreciate (or forget, depends) the memory of us hanging out.
I have meaningful platonic relationships but I wouldn’t really call them deep or founded on platonic love. I’m not confident in my ability to be committed, intimate, or emotionally open; those things scare me. Couple that with my asocial tendencies and, yeah.
Identifying as aplatonic has actually helped me. I’ve hated myself in the past for not ‘performing’ friendship like everyone else seems to. Being aplatonic has made me accept me for me; helped me understand my boundaries; and the ways I, well, navigate relationships.
In the context of the aro community, where friendship, squishes and platonic love are often treasured, I can cling to the aplatonic label with a sense of security about my aromanticism.
That’s what it’s like for me. I’m not immune to loneliness, and it’s still a conscious effort to text friends, but I like being aplatonic.




























