heaven sent

arsen baretta ; 22. all you have is your FIRE and the place you need to REACH. don't you ever tame your demons, but always keep them on a leash.

[arsenhfs-blog]

samk-g.

—-Why do I even bother to check? Of course you’re working on Chrismas, Sam, of course you are. It’s my own fault really. I chose Thanksgiving over Christmas and only God knows why. Talk about things bitting you in the ass.

      ‘ that sucks, sam. but surely they aren’t open all day so you’ll still have time to get home & celebrate, right ? ’ 

[5ladsstoleourhearts]

[arsenhfs-blog]

adamforsey.

This was the fifth time Adam went on the wrong floor, and tried to get in what he thought was his room since he got here. The whole moving thing wasn’t working out for him because he was so used to going to the second floor for his room when it’s on a different floor now. The sound of a man’s voice startled him a little. He turned around to see who was speaking to him before furrowing his eyebrows, questioning why he would even see a bearded dragon here, out of all places. “I’ve seen some really stupid people, annoying old men, smelly cats around here but not never a bearded dragon. Did you try your fridge or the bathroom?”

     when the unfamiliar face stood before him reveals that he hasn’t seen eko, thebrunettes shoulders fall. ‘ shit, alright, thanks. ’ a hand moves its way to rub at the back of his neck, a gentle nodcoming from arsen at adam’s suggestion. ‘ no way in ‘ell could he get into the fridge, and of course ichecked. he’s a fan of the bathtub... don’t ask. ’ eyes furrowing together, arsenpushes his own thoughts aside for a moment. ‘ you’renew around ‘ere, aren’t you ? ’

[soniasony-art]

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[arsenhfs-blog]

      ‘ ‘ave you seen a bearded dragon making its way around here ? ’ he’s more than aware of how odd the sentence seems, and that the very same words probably haven’t been strung together before now, but there’s a stern look on the raven haired male’s features. ‘ i was trying to put a santa hat on eko... long story, but he freaked out and jumped from my hands and i ‘aven’t had any luck finding ‘im in my apartment - so... ’ arsen’s eyes dart around the area, still searching for his tiny pet. ‘ he’s ‘armless, just in case y’were wondering. ’ 

[arsenhfs-blog]

tinycameron.

     don’t  what this time, he wonders to himself. cammy listens in silence, wanting to flinch as arsen berates his own accomplishments and talents but he stays stoic.. still. it doesn’t help that his thoughts are reminding him of his own unworthiness – he’s done nothing but support arsen’s artwork and yet apparently that hasn’t been enough. he hasn’t even noticed that arsen’s been feeling shitty though maybe that has less to do with cammy and more to do with this chasm of space that’s been growing between them. still, being cameron, he can’t shake the feeling that he’s holding arsen back, especially when being his boyfriend is apparently one of the things keeping him away from going back to school.

       arsen had been accepted. clearly, his talent speaks to more than just cammy and that’s what he’s been focusing on, presumably, in his time spent away. that’s his priority and cammy gets it. he does. ‘arsen…’ cammy breathes out shakily, looking over at the other male with his misty gaze, throat closed tight and his hands trembling as he sets the letter down. ‘it’s not the fact that you applied… it’s that you didn’t tell me. did i even cross your mind? did it even occur to you that i might want to know about what’s going on in your life?’ cammy knows the answer already though and with a blink, a few rogue tears start to fall. ‘how can i s-say i’m dating someone when i feel like i hardly even know them? when they don’t include me? don’t seem to want to, even… you promised… promised to be around but i’m here and you’re not.’ it’s hard to get his thoughts in a cohesive order and he shakes his head with a sniffle. ‘this isn’t working.’

      arsen knows that look. cammy’s eyes - the one’s that have fueled arsen’s art for years - are glassy with tears and he can hear the shake of his delicate voice as he speaks for the first time in what seems like ages. this entire situation seems to be moving in slow motion, and each passing second hurts more than the last. his question causes the male to drop his head, shaking it as the mop atop it falls in his face. ‘ of course you did, cameron. every decision i’ve made in the past years we’ve been together were always with you in mind. ’ he’s not lying. the reason he made this very decision on his own was to shield cammy from any possible disappointment that should occur if arsen wasn’t good enough to get in to the program. he always has cammy in his thoughts. always.

       as his boyfriend is shaking his head telling him this isn’t working, arsen swallows hard. tears well up along the male’s lower lash line but he blinks them away quickly as a hand flies up to press his fringe back. ‘ no, ’ he exhales. ‘ don’t say that. i planned to tell you when and if i got accepted. i didn’t want to have you get your hopes up in case i wasn’t good enough and i wasn’t this amazing guy you have me painted to be. i didn’t want to let you down. but i thought too much into the situation and - ’ the tightness in his throat is unbearable and he swallows once again though it does nothing but make the feeling worse. ‘ and i only hurt you more. i told you i’d never hurt you but, shit. look at me now. ’ arsen had always prided himself in just how good he was to cameron. it was mutual, of course. they took care of each other. that’s just how it was, since day one. but with arsen drifting with his mind enveloped in a chimera of his, he went back on his promise and left cammy alone. and knowing cammy, arsen could only imagine what terrible thoughts went through his head. ‘ i didn’t mean to hurt you. ’

[arsenhfs-blog]

zoeybordeaux.

“I just spilled cheese on my shirt – is it noticeable? Oh no. This isn’t gouda.”

      ‘ that was a good one. but i think you’re good. i can’t see anything. ’

[arsenhfs-blog]

eviegdi.

“I think I’ve got a bit of a problem – Brookie seems to want Dada to come over to help decorate more of our apartment since he’s done such a nice job with our tree. That’d be all well and good if I hadn’t already told her that her mommy’s on her own on the parenting front and that there’s no father in the picture. Pretty sure she’s taking matters into her own hands and adopting a new one.”

      ‘ now, evangeline, i think it’s about time we come out and tell brookie the truth for once. i mean, us being parents isn’t exactly an ideal idea, i get that, what with you being an actual, certified man killer, and me being a flighty artist, but it’s christmas ! she deserves a proper explanation. an explanation that explains that i, am in fact, her father. ’ it’s nearly impossible for the raven haired male to hold back the breath of laughter welling up inside of him. ‘ if you want me to drop by so badly, eves, all you have to do is ask. ’

[arsenhfs-blog]

tinycameron.

     arsen’s bustling into the apartment is all supposed to be very normal, domestic even. instead it feels a bit like a life cammy’s been missing out on, like he’s sat in the place where he’s supposed to be but things have gone awry and now he just doesn’t belong. a part of that unsettled feeling has to do with the letter weighed down in his hands and the rest is the chasm of distance he’s felt between him and arsen these past few weeks. it’s been worse since their last real conversation because arsen knew how cammy was feeling and what the silence was doing to him and his comfort in their relationship but still, things didn’t improve. 

     he wants to just toss the letter aside and pretend it doesn’t matter to him, pretend there were no stinging nettles digging into his already precariously taped together heart. he wants to ignore the melancholy in his veins and the feeling of dread in his stomach. he wants to go back to how they were; things had finally been going right before they started going wrong. cammy is sure that it’s his fault – everything always is, isn’t it? arsen’s instant explanation has a frown pushing away the heartache and he slowly sets the piece of paper down among the others scattered on the other male’s table.

     ‘i didn’t even know you were applying to an art program,’ his voice isn’t above a whisper and his gaze drops to his perpetually sore knuckles. ‘i didn’t even know.’ the reiteration is for himself and the last word shakes like his hands. arsen’s saying he’s going to decline and for some reason, that makes cameron even more upset. ‘why? because of me? if this has been what’s been taking up all your time – sending in this application or whatever – then what’s the use of turning it down? you clearly wanted it at some point.’ cameron knows an art program would benefit arsen in his passion; it would help him to flourish even more in what he loves. 

   ‘i used to be the one you’d tell about this kinda stuff,’ cammy exhales but the words are more to himself, wavering on tears he can feel welling up in his eyes. ‘what happened to that?’

      ‘ don’t, ’ he exhales, cammy’s words breaking him down bit by bit. earthen hues flicker once more to the letter in cammy’s hands. he should’ve thrown it out or had day set it on fire with one of her batons, anything. he shouldn’t be holding that letter. arsen’s life has no room for that goddamned letter. when cammy begins to ask if he’s the reason arsen isn’t going, there’s an immediate shake of his head. ‘ no, s’not because of you, cammy. i was getting ahead of myself, okay ? i was feeling shitty about my work and i thought maybe -- maybe if i sent everything in... that i would get in because i was enough. that my work was enough. ’ as the words fall from his lips, arsen’s realizing how stupid it must sound to cammy.

      ‘ i got ahead of myself, ’ he repeats once more, swallowing hard. ‘ and i did want it. at one point, i did. but then i remembered who i am. i’m not a student. i’m a job-to-job artist who’s incredibly in love with his boyfriend. i lost sight of that. i got ahead - ’ he stops himself from repeating the phrase for a third time tonight. ‘ i’m sorry. ’ there’s a weight that lays heavy on his chest as he watches cammy’s expression only grow more sad. ‘ god, i’m so fucking sorry. i’ve been the shittiest boyfriend. i got so wrapped up in the idea of  this program that i’ve been ignoring you, ignoring us. ’ at this point, arsen wouldn’t hold it against cammy if he didn’t forgive him. he had every right to be upset... mad, even. he’s mad at himself, admittedly. he told cammy things would go back to normal. normal - where the two were constantly together, completely enveloped in one another. he’d failed them. he’d failed cammy.

[jkaw3]

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[ezramaries-deactivated20201126]

iv sweatpants | childish gambino Rich kid, asshole, paint me as a villain. Don’t be mad cause I’m doing me better than you doing you. Better than you doing you, fuck it, what you gon’ do?

[arsenhfs-blog]

tinycameron.

Accepted. It should be a word of congratulations, of promise, of good things for the future. Instead, it fills Cameron’s heart with dread and hollows out the pit of his stomach. Arsen’s been accepted into an art program. An art program about which Cammy had no idea and that he didn’t even know Arsen was considering. It’s great. At least it should be. But all it does for the already insecure boy is solidify the feeling he’s been feeling creep into his system the past few weeks. Him and Arsen are on different levels, different planes. He’s out of touch with Arsen’s life and the other needs to move on. Meet people as ambitious, artistic, quirky and fun as himself. Arsen’s found his place. He’s been accepted and Cameron’s going to be left behind. He clutches the letter to his chest from where he’s found it on the table of Arsen’s kitchen and he waits, in silence, for his boyfriend to return back to his place. He had come over to talk but it wasn’t about this. This is a surprise and Cammy decides he’s not very good with surprises.

      there was a part of arsen that didn’t want to lead himself through the front door to his apartment. any other time he knew cammy was on the other side, waiting for him, he’d be more than eager but there was something about this time in particular that caused him to feel different. cammy did no wrong in arsen’s eyes, rightfully so because he didn’t. it just wasn’t in his biological makeup. that only leaves one half of the relationship to do all the wrong, which arsen seemed to be nailing. from the moment he laid eyes on cameron up until recently, they’d been in sync. there were many unspoken conversations the two could have with just a look - it was scientific, almost, the chemistry the couple harvested. but as of late, and through no fault of his own, arsen noticed the wavelength he and cammy once cruised on smoothly was beginning to falter. it was one thing to try and fix it, but a totally different thing to go back on his word. arsen wasn’t even sure what had kept him so busy. there’s a quick rush that courses through his veins, causing his body to shake ever so slightly as he’s unlocking the door to his apartment. slipping his slender frame in through the door, he quickly turns himself to do up the locks again. 

      ‘ evie sends her love, ’ his voice raises with the intention of calling back to cameron. ‘ i know that sounds crazy, and not like evie at all but i promise she does. brooklyn, too. i wish you were there, cams, it was the cutest thing. ’ the very knowledge that cameron was with him in his apartment calmed his anxiety, but not enough to stop the shaking that had plagued his limbs. tossing his coat onto rack behind his door, the raven haired male makes his way into the next room - the kitchen. he nearly passes cameron as he expects his boyfriend to be in the living room, or his bedroom, and when he finally catches the others’ gaze his expression is quick to fall. viridescent hues fall from cameron’s eyes to the paper against the smaller male’s chest, his own heart falling into the pit of his stomach. almost immediately, arsen is rendered speechless. upon receiving the letting of acceptance, arsen mulled it over in the back of his mind - being a student, attending classes, socializing... it wasn’t him. it wasn’t what he wanted. in a way, the entire process of him sending in an application along with a portfolio of his most prestigious works was to validate if he was enough. 

      the acceptance confirmed that he was. he was enough, and that was enough for him. he’d planned it out, dealing with the letter. he was going to throw it out, swear day to secrecy and make sure cammy never found out. all of this, had he done it more efficiently, would have prevented the look on cammy’s face. arsen matched his, a solemn expression contorting to his features. ‘ cammy, ’ he starts, taking a step forward. ‘ you have to let me explain. it’s - it’s not what you think, okay ? i’m not going. i declined the acceptance. ’ he can only hope now that his boyfriend believes him. arsen can’t even imagine how hard that must be after the rut their relationship had wiggled its way into. 

[arsenhfs-blog]

hiheydb.

“Yes.. Yes I do have three large fries from McDonalds.”

      ‘ and one of those is for me, yeah ? ’

[targaryne]

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loser // beck.

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samk-g.

Sam gave Arsen a look, a ‘ha-ha’ escaping her as she began making his drink. “Helpful.” With a huge sigh, she planted the glass before him, proceeding to then raise her arms momentarily before dropping them to her sides. “Today, actually. But, Gaby, the new girl decided to call in— again. It doesn’t help, you know? It really doesn’t.”

      he can sense the sarcasm laced throughout her tone and it amuses him for the most part, but he also sees just how badly she needs a break. ‘ can’t you say no ? like, fuck you, your reason isn’t valid enough and get her to come in ? once, when i worked at a supermarket when i was a lot younger, a girl called in ‘cos she got a new puppy and didn’t want to work the next day so she could spend time with it. the nerve of some people. ’ he nods back a sip of his drink, a slight wince coming from it’s strength. it’s been a while since he’d had a drink. his meds allowed it but he rather be safe than sorry. ‘ we should hang out on your next day off. i could teach you how to get rid of stress. like, with paint. that’s why i do it, you know. i’m the chilliest chill to ever chill. ’ he leans back in his seat, pulling an almost smolder like expression as he eyes the brunette behind the counter.

[arsenhfs-blog]

text to: cindayrella

day: please don't make me zoom out to prove to u it is rlly me crying

day: what, ARSEN, WHAT

arsen: it's fine no need to

arsen: yeah

[musxng]

                             …& i can’t help but feel like i’m SUFFOCATING in all of my                                                                     awful                                                                 A W F U L                                                                  mistakes.

[arsenhfs-blog]

okophelia.

“I thought that too, but they were too cute, I just had to adopt all four. I haven’t, I’m awful at naming pets, or anything really.”

      ‘ are they related ? growing up my parents always wanted our dogs to be siblings ‘cos otherwise they feel like, lonely, or whatever. s’not that hard, you just gotta pick a name that means something. like me, i’ve got a bearded dragon named eko. means the light of wisdom. since you got all four, it’d be pretty funny if you named ‘em after the beatles. or, like, the ninja turtles. ’