Today's Document
đȘŒ
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
Monterey Bay Aquarium
â
d e v o n
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sheepfilms
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i don't do bad sauce passes
oozey mess
@theartofmadeline
Origami Around
Claire Keane
Discoholic đȘ©
Mike Driver
ç„æ„ / Permanent Vacation
Sweet Seals For You, Always
Love Begins
One Nice Bug Per Day
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@arsonistofchaos
Lyra, my beloved cat of 13 years, passed away this year on Father's Day. She's been by my side through very difficult times and was my little rock of steady and unrelenting love. I struggled a lot drawing this, and struggled a lot posting it, but I know I would've wanted to read a comic like this that validated my grief for her when I lost her.
Wherever you are, Lyra my little summer star, I love you always! Thank you for being the best thing in my life.
"The trannies should be able to piss in whatever toilet they want and change their bodies however they want. Why is it my business if some chick has a dick or a guy has a pie? I'm not a trannie or a fag so I don't care, just give 'em the medicine they need."
"This is an LGBT safe space. Of COURSE I fully support individuals who identify as transgender and their right to self-determination! I just think that transitioning is a very serious choice and should be heavily regulated. And there could be a lot of harm in exposing cis children to such topics, so we should be really careful about when it is appropriate to mention trans issues or have too much trans visibility."
One of the above statements is Problematic and the other is slightly annoying. If we disagree on which is which then working together for a better future is going to get really fucking difficult.
Someone who says they don't care if dudes wear dresses and makeup is a better ally than someone who says they're a safe space for women and non-binary people. I am not joking.
yeah I went to a gay bar recently with my husband tumblr user beemovieerotica, and a VERY confused capital S Southerner straight man in cargo shorts and a trucker hat showed up
apparently he (who through my drunken memory I remember only as Earl) liked some woman, and she told him that he wasn't cultured enough and needed to attend his first drag show (she also flaked on him)
Now I'm reasonably androgynous and was wearing makeup, a short leather skirt, and black heeled boots, but still when this guy came up to me when I was standing off alone and asked "So. Do you come here often?" with a very earnest expression, I thought. Surely not. This guy doesn't think I'm a straight woman does he????
Anyway I start talking with this guy and he has no idea what the fuck is going on but he is just a very kind and earnest dude and asked a lot of questions (while asking if it was alright if he asked those questions). I track down my husband and friends and I'm like y'all. We need to make sure that Earl has a Good Fucking Time tonight.
Man was completely out of his depth. At one point they put on a puppy auction to raise money for Pride, that started with a 6 ft drag queen in all her glory leading a leather pup out on a leash to the tune of that damned RSPCA "in the arms of the angels" song
We look at Earl. Nervous. He squints, laughs, and then goes "I was wondering why people were dressed like that!" He turned to me and asked "So they're like dogs?" And I said yeah pretty much. And he just chuckled and went "Yeah I thought so with the tails! Never seen this before!"
When the first drag king came out, Earl looked at me wide eyed and went "There's a dude version too?!" And I said yeah they're called drag kings. And he said, low, "Drag kings."
During one of the queens performances, he frowned, shook his head and told me, "Your legs are better than hers." in a tone that implied he thought there was some travesty taking place and I should also be getting paid
When he found out I was there with my husband (and that I am not a woman) he profusely apologized and said "I'm so sorry, it's dark in here and I thought you were a hot chick! I wouldn't have said nothing if I knew you had a husband, I'm so sorry about that."
When beemovie invited me to the dance floor with him later and I still had a drink in my hand, Earl said "Oh don't worry about that I can hold your drink, you get on out there and shake your ass with your husband!" Then before we left, Earl bought me drinks for "Putting up with me all night and answering everything. Y'all helped me have a great time tonight."
like. You gotta recognize there's going to people who have never had interacted outside of their of their own community. This includes you. And just because your community is familiar with all the right vocabulary and how to correctly say something, it doesn't mean they're actually going to support you. If someone like Earl shows up, confused and out of their depth but kind and curious and earnest, you gotta have patience and truck through the small things, so when he goes back to his friends and his coworkers and they snicker asking how the drag show was, he can genuinely talk about how included we tried to make him feel and that he had a great time
The person matters more than the language
I will fuckin never not reblog this.
REMEMBER THAT POST WITH CINDERELLA WHERE HER DRESS CHANGES TO THE COLOR OF YOUR BLOG?
THIS ONE DOES IT TOO!!
I found a bunch more!!
x
This. is. so. COOL
If this doesnât work Iâm going to cry.
itâS back!
Just reblogging to see if the last one is true
Wait- what? đ€Ł
Edit: OH WAIT NO I DIDNâT THINK ITâD GENUINELY WORK OMG- (tap on the images to see it after reblogging đ€Ș)
iâm only here for the last one-
Official graveyard post. +Bonus
Seeing if it works
Yâever read something and have understanding that has eluded you interminably suddenly stop, curl up, and snuggle neatly into a fold in your brain because a new way way opened to it?
I've seen this passes around a few times, and I have one thing to say:
It's online. The book was carefully and wonderfully recreated online by hand. You can find it here. The entire book is this easy.
calculusmadeeasy.org
sometimes I remember how on the last day of my high school latin class our teacher had us gather around his laptop to show us latin memes on tumblr and my best friend and I just gaped at each other in abject horror. we couldnât figure out if our teacher was just showing us memes on a Fun Website He Had Found or if he was a tumblr user for real. but he knew how to navigate it. years have passed but it haunts me. he could still be out here
Reblog to help find a lost connection.
do NOT do this
Investing at under 5K notes. Help them reunite!
Hey so it's come to my attention that the Creators of Disco Elysium want you to share the game and not give the company who took over and fired them (illegally)?) any profits off of their ideas and work, and I originally joined tumblr 2 weeks ago when that post was going around about the Steam sale and how you should [Skull and Crossbones flag] it instead.
So.
in light of that.
Check the replies/notes of this post :)
I was informed that posts containing links in them aren't findable in the search so i'll just.... drop a link in a seperate reboot :)
first things first though, copy this key:
q4-EJ9G2DV7MYYI-Vs0KdQ
here's the edited version with the captal YY in the key above!
2326 files and 29 subfolders
and also the Google drive link :
Destroy the myth that libraries are no longer relevant. If you use your library, please reblog.
So apparently Ask a Mortician has gotten told this video âviolates community guidelinesâ for showing ânon-graphic dead bodies without educational intent,â âexcessive law enforcement without educational intent,â and âblood and gore.â (Spoiler: none of those things happened.)
Itâs a documentary on a disaster you may never have heard of, the USS Eastland. Itâs done with incredible quality, research, and heart, and itâs all but been delisted. YouTube is refusing to give answers as to why. (I have my suspicions, which are âshe came down pretty hard on a shitty corporation in this video and it hit just a liiiiittle close to home.â)
Caitlin has asked that if viewers enjoyed the documentary or found it helpful, we share it directly with others. So I am here. Yâall know how important history is to me.
Make this important to you too.
This link pops up as age-restricted and what appears to be a link to YouTube in the message body does not work. However clicking on the little teeny "play" icon in the lower right corner *does* work. Reblogging because I like history and because censorship reeeally pisses me off.
What the FUCK.
Just to be clear, I got the link by going directly to her channel on the YT app, clicking the video, and using the âshareâ button. There should not be any shady link bullshit going on here. That is entirely YouTube.
tw// everything tbh
hey dear people, i'm an iranian girl. i want to talk about life in iran, so you can gain some perspective and understand what we're going through.
from the age of seven we have to wear a hijab to attend school, we have to study the quran and islam. we can't go to the same school with amab people. we can't criticize the government or talk about the leader and these are considered crime in iran. there is awful awful oppression against minorities. they treat followers of other religions so badly, there aren't enough resources for them to study their own religion. one minority group that they treat so badly are followers of Baha'i religion. some years after the islamic revolution they ex3cuted 10 bahaii women, one of them was Mona Mahmoudnejad who was 17 years old. a few months ago they ruined a bahaii neighborhood, also they can't go to work or have insurance. they also ex3cute atheists.
other than religious oppression there is gender inequality. afab people are considered half a person, so their income, their testimony and their blo0d money are less than an amab person. also there are laws about compulsory hijab. (i just want to mention that amab people have it bad too, there is compulsory military service and they can't attend universities if they don't do military service).
and let's talk about queer rights. you probably know what they do to gay people. a month ago they wanted to ex3cute two queer rights activists. we don't know what happened because they probably can't have a lawyer. people often think that being a trans person is easy in iran because you can have surgery covered by insurance. unfortunately i don't know enough about the surgery but i've heard that it's still really expensive for an average person. other than that they don't consider non-binary people as trans and they force gay people(amab people mostly) to transition. something that i want to mention is the role of compulsory hijab in dysphoria.
lastly i want to talk about political groups. they arrest people for political beliefs and there are literally thousands of people in the prisons because of that. everyday i hear that some person is arrested for saying that they don't want the government.
i've faced some of these oppressions and i struggle with religious trauma and i'm only 16!!! so i want people to try to raise awareness and help us overcome the government. right now cellular network has been shut down and i can only use wifi, but they cut off the wifi in big cities. they are kÂĄlling people in the protests. they shot Amir Fuladi, a 15 yo boy. you can find more information on twitter, search the hashtags #Ù Ù۳ۧ_Ű§Ù ÛÙÛ / #MahsaAmini / #IranProtests / #OpIran
if you have any questions please feel free to ask <3
Women, Life, Freedom
Every reblog removes one HP from the queen
i cant wait until she actually dies and everyone freaks out saying the final reblog did the last hit
This is so fun its just like Jenga
Vriska: "Once upon a time, there was a lovely princess. 8ut she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort, which could only 8e 8roken 8y love's first kiss. She was locked away in a castle, Felted 8y a terri8le fire-8reathing Terezi. Many 8rave knights had attempted to free her from the dreadful prison, 8ut none prevailed. she w8ed in Terezi's keep, in the highest room of the tallest tower, for her true love and true love's first kiss." Vriska, laughing: Like that's ever gonna happen. Vriska: What a load of-- Vriska: goes a8out her d8y while villagers plan to kill her Vriska, after going about her day: 8elches Villagers: go! go! Dave: think it's in there? all right! let's get it! Roxy: whoa!!! hold on! do u no what that thing could do to u? Jake: Yeah, it'll grind your bones for its bread! Vriska, laughing: Yeah, well, actually, that would 8e a cheru8. Now, trolls-- they're much worse. They'll make a suit from your freshly peeled skin. Dave: no! Vriska: They'll sh8ve your liver! Squeeze the jelly from your eyes! Vriska: Actually, it's quite good on toast. Dave, waving a torch: back! back, bitch! back! i warn ya! Vriska: licks her fingers and snuffs the fl8me Dave: right⊠Vriska: roaring Dave, Roxy, and Jake: screaming in terror Vriska: more roaring Vriska: continues roaring Dave, Roxy, and Jake: continues screaming Vriska, whispering: This is the part where you run awaaaaaaaay. Dave, Roxy, and Jake: do just that while screaming for their life Vriska, laughing: And st8y out! Vriska, picking up their poster: "Wanted. Weirdo sci-fi creatures." Vriska: siiiiiiiighs
Felt: All right. this one's full. take it away! Felt 2: Move it along. Come on. Get up! Equius: D-> Ne%t! Felt 3: Give me that broom! your flying days are over, witch. Equius: D-> Now that's 20 pieces of silver for the witch. Ne%t. Felt 4: Get up! Equius: D-> Twenty pieces. Felt 5: Come on! Felt 6: Sit down there! Keep quiet! Nepeta, crying: :((< this cage is too small! John: Please, don't turn me in. i'll never be stubborn again. i can change. please! give me another chance! Jane: oh, shut up! John: oh! Equius: D-> ne%t! what have you got? Dirk: This little metal puppet. Lil Hal: I'm not a puppet. I'm a real dude. Equius: D-> five shillings for the possessed toy. take it away. Lil Hal: Father, please! Don't let them do this! Equius: D-> Ne%t. Lil Hal: Help me! Equius: D-> What have you got? Jane: Well, I've got a talking windsock. Equius: D-> Right. well, that's good for ten shillings, if you can prove it. Jane: Oh, go ahead, little fella. Equius: D-> Well? Jane: Oh, oh, he's just-- he's just a little nervous. He's really quite a chatterbox. talk, you boneheaded dolt-- Equius: D-> That's it. i've heard enough. Felt! Jane: No, no, he talks! He does! Jane, moving Johnâs lips: I can talk. I love to talk! I'm the talkingest damn thing you ever saw! Equius: D-> Get her out of my sight. Jane: No, no! I swear. oh! he can talk! Felt: take Jane away, kicking and screaming Jane: kicks a fairy, which lands on John John, now flying: *gasps* Hey, i can fly! Rufioh: he can fly! Mituna: H3 C4N FLLY! Equius: D-> he can talk! John: Ha, ha! that's right, fool! now i'm a flying, talking windsock guy! you might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly, but i bet you ain't never seen a John fly. ha, ha! Uh-oh. John: crashes Equius: D-> Seize him! Felt 7: after him! he's getting away! grunts, gasps Felt 8: get him! this way! turn! Everyone: bumps into Vriska Equius: D-> You there, cerulean! Vriska: aye? Equius: D-> By the order of Lord Eridan, I am authorized to place you both under arrest, and transport you to a designated... resettlement.... facility........ Vriska: oh, really? you and what army? Equius, now alone: D-> *gasps, whimpering, and ultimately runs away*
John, chuckling: Can i say somethin' to you? listen, you was really, really somethin' back there. incredible! Vriska: are you talkin' to-- me? John: *disappears, then reappears* Vriska: whoa! John: Yes, i was talkin' to you. can i tell you that you was great back there? those Felts! they thought they was all of that. then you showed up, then bam! they was trippin' over themselves like babies in the woods. that really made me feel good to see that. Vriska: oh, that's gr8. really. John: Man, it's good to be free. Vriska: Now, why don't you go cele8r8 your freedom with your own friends? hmm? John: But, uh, i don't have any friends. and i'm not goin' out there by myself. hey, wait a minute! i got a great idea! i'll stick with you. you're a mean, green, fightin' machine. together we'll scare the spit out of anybody that crosses us. Vriska: *8itches, loudly* John: Oh, wow! that was really scary. if you don't mind me sayin', if that don't work, your breath certainly will get the job done, 'cause you definitely need some tic tacs or something, 'cause your breath stinks! girl, you almost burned the hair outta my nose, just like the time-- Vriska: *covers his mouth* John: *mumbling* Vriska: *uncovers his mouth* John: -then i ate some rotten berries. i had strong gasses eking out of my butt that day. Vriska: Whyyyyyyyy, are you following me???????? John: I'll tell you why. John, singing: 'Cause i'm all alone. John, singing more: There's no one here beside me, John, continuing to sing: My problems have all gone, there's no one to deride me. John, really getting into it: But you gotta have friends! Vriska: Stop singing! it's no wonder you don't have any friends. John: Wow. only a true friend would be that cruelly honest. Vriska: Listen, little human. take a look at me. what am i? John: uh-- really tall? Vriska: No! i'm a bitchy troll. you know, "gra8 your torch and pitchforks." Vriska: doesn't that 8other you? John: Nope. Vriska: really? John: Really really. Vriska: oh. John: Man, i like you. what's your name? Vriska: uh, vriska. John: Vriska? well, you know what i like about you, Vriska? you got that kind of i-don't-care-what-nobody-thinks-of-me thing. i like that. i respect that, Vriska. you all right. whoo! look at that. John, coming up to Vriskaâs hive: Who'd want to live in a place like that? Vriska: that, would 8e my home. John: Oh! and it is lovely! just beautiful. you are quite a decorator. it's amazing what you've done with such a modest budget John: I like that boulder. that is a nice boulder. John: âŠ. I guess you don't entertain much, do you? Vriska: i like my privacy. John: You know, i do too. that's another thing we have in common. like, i hate it when you got somebody in your face. you're trying to give them a hint, and they won't leave. there's that awkward silence, you know. Vriska: *awkwardly silent* John: Can i stay with you? Vriska: uh, what? John: Can I stay with you? please? Vriska: of course! John:Really? Vriska: no. John: Please! i don't wanna go back there! you don't know what it's like to be considered a freak. John: Well, maybe you do. but, that's why we gotta stick together! you gotta let me stay! please! please! Vriska: okay! okay! 8ut one night only. John: Ah! thank you! Vriska: what are you-- no. no. John: This is gonna be fun! we can stay up late, swappin' manly stories, and in the mornin', i'm makin' waffles. Vriska: ugh! John: Where do, uh, i sleep? Vriska: outside! John: Oh, well, i guess that's cool. i mean, i don't know you, and you don't know me, i guess outside is best. John: *sniffles* John: Here i go. good night. John, sighing: I mean, i do like the outdoors. i'm a human. i was born outside. i'll just be sitting by myself. outside, i guess. you know. by myself. Outside. John, singing but sad this time: I'm all alone, there's no one here beside me.
Vriska: *sighs* *wood creaking* Vriska, annoyed: i thought i told you to st8y outside? John: i am outside! clattering clattering Aradia: well every0ne, it's a far cry fr0m the farm, but what choice d0 we have 0-0? Sollux: iit'2 not home, but iit'll do ju2t fine. Jake: what a lovely bed! Vriska: got ya. Jake, sniffing around: i found some cheese! Jake: *bites Vriska* Vriska: ow! Jake: Blah! awful stuff. Aradia: is that y0u, jake? Jade: how did you know? Vriska: enough! what are you doing in my house? Vriska: *is hit with a fridge* Vriska: hey! Karkat: *SNICKERS AWKWARDLY* Vriska: oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. dead 8road off the ta8le! Karkat: WHERE ARE WE SUPPOSED TO PUT HER? THE BED'S TAKEN. Vriska: huh? Jade: what? Vriska: i live in a swamp. i put up signs. i'm a terrifying troll! what do i have to do to get a little privacy? Jade, being promptly thrown out the door: aah! The Door: *shows Vriska whatâs going on outside her hive* Vriska: oh, no. no! no! oh, no. Vriska: what? Vriska: what? are you doing?? in my swamp???????? Everyone: *le gasping* Vriska: all right, get out of here. all of you, move it! come on! let's go! hapaya! hapaya! hey! quickly. come on! no, no! no, no. not there! out of my hive! Vriska: *sighs* John: Hey, donât look at me. i didn't invite them! Lil Hal: gosh, no one invited us. Vriska: what? Lil Hal: we were forced to come here. Vriska: 8y who? Mituna: L0RD 3RD4M. H3 HUFF3D ND H3 PUFF3D 4NDâŠ.. H3 7H1GN3D 4N 3V1C710N N071C33. Vriska, sighs: all right, who knows where this Eridan guy is. murmuring John: Oh, i do! i know where he is! Vriska: does anyone else know where to find him? anyone at all? anyone? John: Me! me! oh! oh! pick me! oh, i know! i know! me, me! Vriska: okay, fine. attention, all alien, weirdo, things. do not get comforta8le! your welcome is officially worn out! in fact, i'm gonna see this guy Eridan right now, and get you all off my land and 8ack where you came from! *cheering* *twittering* *cheering continues* Vriska: oi! You! Vriska, pointing at John: you're comin' with me. John: All right, that's what i like to hear! vriska and john, two stalwart friends, off on a whirlwind, big-city adventure. i love it! John, singing once more: On the road again- sing it with me, Vriska! John, singing on: I can't wait to get on the road again Vriska: what did i say about singing? John: Can i whistle? Vriska: no. John: Can i hum it? Vriska: all right. hum it. John: humming
*long, protracted scene of Eridan walking down the hallway* Tavros: *iS BEING WATERBOARDED* Eridan: that's enough! he's ready to talk. Tavros: *cOUGHING* Eridan, laughing: run, run, run, as fast as you can. you can't catch me. i'm pupa pan! Tavros: yOU'RE A MONSTER. Eridan: i'm not the monster here, you are. you and the rest of that trash, poisoning my perfect wworld. noww tell me, wwhere are the others? Tavros: eAT ME! Tavros: *sPITS IN ERIDANâS EYE* Eridan: i'vve tried to be fair to you creatures. noww my patience has reached its end! tell me, or i'll-- Tavros: nO, nOT MY LEGS! nOT MY SHINY METAL ASS! Eridan: all right, then. wwho's hiding them? Tavros: oKAY, i'LL TELL YOU, dO YOU KNOW THE MUFFIN MAN? Eridan: the muffin man? Tavros: tHE MUFFIN MAN Eridan: yes. i knoww the muffin man. wwho livves on drury lane? Tavros: wELL, sHE'S MARRIED TO THE MUFFIN MAN. Eridan: the muffin man? Tavros, crying: tHE MUFFIN MAN!!! Eridan: she's married to the muffin man. *door opens* Equius: D-> My lord! we found it. Eridan: then wwhat are you wwaiting for? bring it in! Equius: D-> puts a thing on a pedestal Everyone: *gasping* Tavros: oH. Eridan: magic mirror, rose lalonde. Tavros: dON'T TELL HIM ANYTHING! Equius: D-> yeets Tavros Tavros: nO!!! Eridan: evvening. mirror rose, on the wwall, is this not the most perfect kingdom of all? Rose: Well, technically you're not a king. Eridan: uh, gamzee. Gamzee: SmAsHeS a MiRrOr Eridan: you wwere saying Rose, unimpressed: What I mean is, you're not a king yet. but you become one. All you have to do is marry a princess. Eridan: go on. Rose, chuckling: So, just sit back and relax, my lord, because it's time for you to meet today's eligible bachelorettes. And here they are! Bachelorette number one is a mentally abused shut-in from a kingdom far, far away. She likes sushi and hot tubbing anytime. Her hobbies include cooking and cleaning for her evil sister and mother. Please welcome, Feferi Piexes! Rose: Bachelorette number two is a cape-wearing girl from the land of fancy. Although she lives with seven other men, she's not easy. Just kiss her dead, frozen lips and find out what a live wire she is! Come on, give it up for Aradia Megido! Rose: And last, but certainly not the least, bachelorette number three is a fiery jadeblood, from a Terezi-guarded castle surrounded by hot boiling lava! Rose: But, don't let that cool you off. She's a loaded pistol who likes piña coladas and getting caught in the rain. Rose: Yours for the rescuing, princess Kanaya! Rose: So will it be, bachelorette number one, bachelorette number two, or bachelorette number three? Felts: two! two! three! three! two! two! three! Eridan, anxiously: three? one? three? Gamzee, holding up two fingers: ThReE! pIcK nUmBeR tHrEe, My LoRd! Eridan: okay, okay, uh, number three! Rose: Lord Eridan, you've chosen princess Kanaya. Rose, singing: âIf you like piña coladas. and getting caught in the rain-â Eridan: princess kanaya..... Rose, still singing: âif you're not into yoga-â Eridan: she's perfect. all i havve to do is just find someone who can go-- Rose: But I probably should mention the little thing that happens at night. Eridan: i'll do it. Rose: Yes, but after sunset- Eridan: silence! i wwill make this princess kanaya my queen, and duloc wwill finally havve the perfect king! captain, assemble your finest men. wwe're going to havve a tournament.
cuts to John and Vriska outside the castle John: But that's it. that's it right there. that's eridanâs place, duloc. i told ya i'd find it! Vriska: so, that must 8e lord Eridan's castle. John: Uh-huh. that's the place. Vriska: do you think may8e he's compens8ing for something? Vriska: laughs John, groans: Hey, wait. wait up, Vriska. Vriska: hey, you! Jake, in an Eridan costume: screams Vriska: wait a second. look, i'm not gonna eat ya. i just-- i just-- Jake: whimpering and runs away Vriska: *sighs, marching stoicly through the 8ullshit, and the empty line* Jake: *hits his head on the wall, whimpering, groans* Vriska: it's quiet. too quiet. Vriska: where is every8ody? John: Hey, look at this! John: *presses a button on a thing* Thing: *clattering, whirring, clicking* Thing: *clicking* Thing: *clicking quickens* Clubs Deuce, singing: welcome to duloc such a perfect town! here we have some rules, let us lay them down. don't make waves, stay in line and we'll get along fine, duloc is a perfect place. please keep off of the grass, shine your shoes, wipe your⊠face. duloc is, duloc is, duloc is a perfect place! âȘ Clubs Deuce: *takes a picture of Vriska and John* John: Wow! let's do that again! Vriska: no. no. no, no, no, no, no! no. *trumpet fanfare* *crowd cheering* Eridan, in the distance: bravve knights. you are the best and brightest in all the land. *John humming* Eridan: today one of you shall provve himself-- Vriska: all right, you're going the right way for a smacked 8ottom. John: Sorry about that. Crowd in the distance: cheering Eridan: that champion shall havve the honor-- no, no-- the privvilege, to go forth and rescue the lovvely princess kanaya, from the fiery keep of the terezi. if for any reason the wwinner is unsuccessful, the first runner-up wwill take his place, and so on and so forth. some of you may die. but it's a sacrifice i am wwilling to make. Crowd: cheering Eridan: let the tournament begin! Vriska and John: enter the scene Crowd: gasps Eridan: wwhat is that? Crowd: gasping some more Eridan: it's hideous! Vriska: ah, that's not very nice! Vriska :âŠ..it's just a windy boy. John: Huh? Eridan: indeed. knights! neww plan. the one wwho kills the troll wwill be named champion! havve at her! Hearts Boxcars: get her! Vriska: oh, hey! now, come on! hang on now. Meenah: go ahead! get her! Vriska: can't we just settle this over a pint? Diamonds Droog: kill the beast! Vriska: no? all right then. come on! Vriska: smashes the keg open âȘ bad reputation by joan jett playing a fight breaks out, in which Vriska proceeds to whoop everyoneâs ass in a wrestling ring. Meanwhile, John uses the busted giant keg in order to steamroll everyone, probably murdering them in cold blood John: Hey, Vriska, tag me! tag me! Vriska: o8liges John: Kicks spades slick in the head Vriska: ha! Vriska: yeah! Latula, in the crowd: th3 ch41r! g1v3 h1m th3 ch41r! bell dings Crowd: cheering Vriska, laughing: oh, yeah! ah! ah! thank you! thank you very much! i'm here till thursday. try the veal! ha, ha! Vriska laughs, meanwhile the Felt bust out an absurd number of guns and point them at Vriska crowd gasping, murmuring Felt 9: shall i give the order, sir? Eridan: no. i havve a better idea. Eridan: people of duloc! i givve you our champion! Vriska: what? Eridan: congratulations, cerulean. you're wwon the honor of embarking on a great and noble quest. Vriska: quest? i'm already on a quest. a quest to get my swamp 8ack. Eridan: your swwamp? Vriska: yeah, my swamp! where you dumped those weird alien freakshows! crowd murmuring Eridan: indeed. all right, lowblood. i'll make you a deal. go on this quest for me, and i'll give you your swamp 8ack. Vriska: exactly the w8y it was? Eridan: dowwn to the last slime-covered toadstool. Vriska: and the squatters? Eridan: as good as gone. Vriska: âŠ..what kind of quest?
John: Let me get this straight. you're gonna go fight Terezi, and rescue a princess just so Eridan will give you back a swamp, which you only don't have because he filled it full of freaks in the first place. is that about right? Vriska: you know what? may8e there's a good reason humans shouldn't talk. John: I don't get it, vriska. why don't you just pull some of that troll stuff on him? throttle him, lay siege to his fortress, grind his bones to make your bread, the whole troll trip. Vriska: oh, i know what. may8e i could have decapit8ed an entire village, and put their heads on a pike, gotten a knife, cut open their spleen and drink their fluids. does that sound good to you? John: uh, no, not really, no. Vriska: For your inform8ion, there's a lot more to trolls than people think. John: Example? Vriska: example? okay, umâŠâŠ trolls are like onions! John, sniffing her onion: They stink? Vriska: yes-- no! John: They make you cry? Vriska: no! John: ohhh, you leave them out in the sun, they get all brown, start sproutin' little white hairs? Vriska: no! l8yers! onions have l*yers. trolls have layers. onions have layers. you get it? we 8oth have layers! Vriska: *sighs* John: Oh, you both have layers. Oh. John, sniffing the now discarded onion: You know, not everybody likes onions. John: Cakes! everybody loves cakes! cakes have layers. Vriska: i don't caaaaaaaare, what everyone likes. trolls. are not. like c8kes. John: You know what else everybody likes? parfaits. have you ever met a person, you say, "hey, let's get some parfait," they say, "no, i don't like parfait"? parfaits are delicious. Vriska: no! you dense, irrit8ing, miniature 8east of 8urden! trolls are like onions! end of story. 8ye-8ye. Vriska, whispering: see ya later! John: âŠ..parfaits may be the most delicious thing on the whole damn planet! Vriska: you know, i think preferred your humming. John: So you have a tissue or something? i'm making a mess, just the word parfait makes me start slobbering.
cut to a travel montage where the duo end up at the foot of a volcano John: Ooh! Vriska! did you do that? you gotta warn somebody before you just crack one off. my mouth was open and everything. Vriska: 8elieve me, john, if it was me, you'd be dead. Vriska: sniffs Vriska: it's 8rimstone. we must be getting close. John: Yeah, right, brimstone. don't be talking about it's the brimstone. i know what i smell. it wasn't no brimstone. it didn't come off no stone either. Volcano: rumbling Vriska and John: stare at the castle in the middle of a volcano for a minute Vriska: âŠsure, it's 8ig enough, but look at the loc8ion! John: Vriska? remember when you said trolls have layers? Vriska: oh, aye. John: Well, i have a bit of a confession to make. humans don't have layers. we wear our fear right out there on our sleeves. Vriska: w8 a second. you don't have sleeves. John: you know what i mean! Vriska: you can't tell me you're afraid of heights. John: No, no, i'm just a little uncomfortable being on a rickety bridge over a boiling lake of lava! Vriska: come on, John. i'm right here 8eside you, okay. for emotional support. Vriska: we'll just tackle this thing together, one little 8a8y step at a time. John: Really? Vriska: really really. John: Okay, that makes me feel so much better. Vriska: just keep moving. Vriska: and don't look down. John: Okay, don't look down. don't look down. don't look down. keep on moving. Vriska: kinda done with him John: Don't look down. John: breaks a step and stumbles John: Vriska! i'm lookin' down! John: God, i can't do this! just let me off right now! please!!! Vriska: 8ut you're already halfway there John: But I know that half is safe! Vriska: okay, fine. i don't have time for this. you go 8ack. John: Vriska! no. wait! Vriska: John-- let's have a dance then, shall we? Vriska: shakes the 8ridge John: Don't do that! Vriska: oh, i'm sorry. do what? oh, this? Vriska, with a shit eating grin: swings the 8ridge even more John: Yes, that! Vriska: this? this. do it. okay! Vriska: swinging the 8ridge like no8odyâs 8usiness John: Vriska! no! stop it! Vriska: you said do it. i'm doin' it! John: i'm gonna die. i'm gonna die. vriska, i'm gonna die! John, stepping back onto solid land: Oh! Vriska, patting his face affectionately: that'll do, john. that'll do. John: cool. so, where is this fire-breathing pain-in-the-neck anyway? Vriska: inside, w8ing for us to rescue her. John: I was talking about terezi, vriska.
John, whispering: You afraid? Vriska: no, 8ut-- shhhhhhhh. John: oh, good. me neither. John: Cause there's nothin' wrong with bein' afraid. fear's a sensible response to an unfamiliar situation. unfamiliar dangerous situation, i might add. with a Terezi that breathes fire and eats knights and breathes fire, it sure doesn't mean you're a coward if you're a little scared. i sure as heck ain't no coward. i know that. Vriska: John, two things, okay? shutâŠâŠ.. up. now go over there and see if you can find any stairs. John: Stairs? i thought i was lookin' for the princess. Vriska: the princess will 8e up the stairs in the highest room in the tallest tower. John: What makes you think she'll be there? Vriska: i read it in a 8ook once. John: Cool. you handle the terezi. i'll handle the stairs John: I'll find those stairs. i'll whip their butt, too. those stairs won't know which way they're going. John, doing his own thing: gonna take drastic steps. kick it to the curb. don't mess with me. John: I'm the stair master. i've mastered the stairs. i wish i had a step right here, right here. i'd step all over it. Vriska, spotting the tower: well, at least we know where the princess is, 8ut where's the--? John: Terezi! Terezi: RO4RS John: runs away from Terezi Vriska: John! look out! John: screaming manly screams as they run away from terezi John: whimpering in fear rather courageously Vriska, grabbing Tereziâs cape: got ya! Terezi: RO4RS MOR3 4S SH3 FL1NGS 4 B1TCH 4W4Y Vriska: whoa! whoa! Whoa! Vriska: crashes into the tower John, meanwhile: Oh! aah! aah! Terezi: GROWLS John, absolutely cornered: No! oh, no. no! John, at this point desperate: Oh! what large teeth you have! Terezi: GROWLS MOR3 John: I mean, i mean, white sparkling teeth. i know you probably hear this all the time from your food, but you must bleach, 'cause that is one dazzling smile you got there. do i detect a hint of minty freshness? Terezi: G3NU1N3LY FL4TT3R3D John: And you know what else? You're-- Terezi: LOOMS 1N John: You're a girl, terezi! oh, sure! John: I mean, of course you're a girl, terezi. John: Cause, you're just reeking a teal-blooded beauty. Terezi: BLUSH3S John: What's the matter with you? you got something in your eye? Terezi: BLOWS 4 H34RT SH4P3D SMOK3 R1NG John, coughing a little: Ooh. oh. oh. man, i'd really love to stay, but, you know, i'm, uh-- coughs i'm an asthmatic, and i don't know if it'd work out if you're gonna blow smoke rings and stuff. John: Vriska! Terezi: DR4GS H1M BY TH3 HOOD John: No! vriska! vriska! vriska!
Vriska, waking up from her crash landing: groans, sighs Kanaya: Gets Herself Ready Kanaya: Oh! Oh. Vriska, in armor, shaking Kanaya: wake up! Kanaya, definitely shaken: What!? Vriska: are you princess Kanaya? Kanaya: I Am, Awaiting A Knight So Bold As To Rescue Me. Vriska: oh, that's nice. now, let's go! Kanaya: But, Wait, Sir Knight. This Be-Ith Our First Meeting. Should It Not Be A Wonderful, Romantic Moment? Vriska: yeah. sorry, lady. there's no time. Kanaya: Hey, Wait. What Are You Doing? You Know, You Should Sweep Me Off My Feet, Out Yonder Window, And Down A Rope Onto Your Valiant Steed. Vriska: you've had a lot of time to plan this, haven't you? Kanaya: Mm-Hmm. Vriska: gra8s kanaya and makes 8reak for it Kanaya: But We Have To Savor This Moment! You Could Recite An Epic Poem For Me. A Ballad? A Sonnet! A Limerick? Or Something! Vriska: i don't think so. Kanaya: Can I At Least Know The Name Of My Champion? Vriska: um, vriska. Kanaya: Sir Vriska. Kanaya, clearing throat: I Pray That You Take This Favor As A Token Of My Gratitude. Vriska: thanks! Vriska: wipes the sweat away Terezi: RO4R1NG OFF 1N TH3 D1ST4NC3 Kanaya: You Didnt Slay The Terezi? Vriska: it's on my to-do list. now, come on! Kanaya: But This Isnt Right! You're Meant To Charge In, Sword Drawn, Banner Flying! That's What All The Other Knights Did! Vriska: yeah, right 8efore they 8urst into flame! Kanaya: You Know, That's Not The Point! Oh! Wait. Where Are You Going? The Exits Over There. Vriska: well, i have to save my ass. Kanaya: What Kind Of Knight Are You? Vriska: one of the kind. John, cuddled by Terezi: Slow down. slow down, baby, please! i believe it's healthy to get to know someone over a long period of time. just call me old-fashioned. i don't to rush into a physical relationship. i'm not emotionally ready for a commitment of, uh, this-- magnitude really is the word i'm looking for. magnitude-- hey, that is unwanted physical contact! Terezi: BR1NGS 4 C4NDL3ST1CK CLOS3R John: Hey, what are you doing? Terezi: L1GHTS SOM3 C4NDL3S John: Okay, okay. let's just back up a little and take this one step at a time. we really should get to know each other first as friends or maybe his pen pals. 'cause i'm on the road a lot, but i just love receiving cards, and-- i'd really love to stay, but-- hey, hey, hey! don't do that! that's my windsock! that's my personal sock. you're gonna tear it off. i don't give permission to-- wait. John: What are you gonna do with that? hey, now! Terezi: L34NS 1N FOR 4 K1SS John: no way. no! no! no, no! no. no, no, no! no! Oh! Vriska: launches a quick 8ut ultim8ly 8um8ling rescue, ending with a quite literal ass kissing and a slightly confused 8ut massively annoyed Terezi John: Hi, princess! Kanaya: It Talks! Vriska: yeah, it's getting him to shut up, that's the trick! John: Vriska! Vriska: oh! Vriska: hits herself in some unpleasant ways Terezi: G1V3S CH4S3, RO4R1NG L1K3 SH3 DO3S TH3 WHOL3 W4Y Vriska: okay, you two. head for the exit. Vriska, grabbing a sword: i'll take care of the Terezi. Vriska: run!!!!!!!! Vriska: manages to chain up Terezi in the castle while making a 8reak for the rope 8ridge, cutting it partway through Terezi: JUMPS, BUT 1S CH41N3D TO TH3 C4STL3 Terezi: RO4RS, MOROS3LY Terezi: NOW GROWL1NG 1N TH3 DIST4NC3
Kanaya: You Did It! You Rescued Me! Youre Amazing. Youre-- Youre Wonderful. Youre⊠A Little Unorthodox, Ill Admit. But Thy Deed Is Great, And Thine Heart Is Pure. I Am Eternally In Your Debt. John: clears throat Kanaya: And Where Would Be A Brave Knight Be Without Her Noble Bestie? John: All right, i hope you heard that. she called me a noble bestie. she thinks i'm a noble bestie. Kanaya, laughing: The Battle Is Won. You May Remove Your Helmet, Good Sir Knight. Vriska: uh, no. Kanaya: Why not? Vriska: i haveâŠâŠ.. helmet hair? Kanaya: Please. I Wouldâst Look Upon The Face Of My Rescuer. Vriska: no, no, you wouldn't'st. Kanaya: But, How Will You Kiss Me? Vriska: what? that part wasn't in the jo8 description. John: Maybe it's a perk :D Kanaya: No, Its Destiny. Oh, You Must Know How It Goes. A Princess Locked In A Tower And Beset By A Terezi, Is Rescued By A Brave Knight, And Then They Share True Loves First Kiss. John: hmm? with vriska? you think-- wait. wait. John: You think that vriska is your true love? Kanaya: Well, Yes. John and Vriska: w8 a moment John and Vriska: laughing now John: you think vriska is your true love! Kanaya: What Is So Funny? Vriska: let's just say i'm not your type, okay? Kanaya: Of Course, You Are. Youre My Rescuer. Now-- Now Remove Your Helmet. Vriska: look. i really don't think this is a good idea. Kanaya: Just Take Off The Helmet. Vriska: i'm not going to. Kanaya: Take It Off. Vriska: no! Kanaya: Now! Vriska: okay! easy. as you command, your highness. Kanaya: You-- Youre-- A Girl. Vriska: oh, you were expecting prince charming. Kanaya: Well, Yes, Actually. Oh, No. This Is All Wrong. Youre Not Supposed To Be A Girl. Vriska: princess, i was sent to rescue you 8y lord Eridan, okay. he's the one who wants to marry you. Kanaya: Then Why Didnt He Come To Rescue Me? Vriska: good question. you should ask him that when we get there. Kanaya: But I Have To Be Rescued By My True Love. Not By Some Troll And Her Schlub. John: So much for noble bestie. Vriska: you're not making my jo8 any easier. Kanaya: Im Sorry, But Your Job Is Not My Problem. You Can Tell Lord Eridan That If He Wants To Rescue Me Properly, Ill Be Waiting For Him Right Here. Vriska: hey! i'm no one's messenger girl, all right? i'm a delivery girl. Kanaya: You Wouldnt Dare. Kanaya, being lifted up: Put Me Down! Vriska: ya comin', John? John: i'm right behind ya. Kanaya: Put Me Down, Or You Will Suffer The Consequences! This Is Not Dignified! Put Me Down!
Some time later⊠John: Okay, so here's another question. say there's a woman that digs you, right? but you don't really like her that way. how do you let her down real easy so her feelings aren't hurt, but you don't get burned to a crisp and eaten? Kanaya, still on Vriska shoulder: You Just Tell Her She's Not Your True Love. Everyone Knows What Happens When You Find Your- Vriska: jostles her Kanaya: Hey!! Kanaya: The Sooner We Get To Duloc The Better. John: oh, yeah. you're gonna love it there, princess. it's beautiful! Kanaya: And My Groom-To-Be? Lord Eridan? Whats He Like? Vriska: well, let me put this way, princess. men of Eridan's standards are in short supply. laughs John: I don't know, Vriska. there are those who think little of him. both laughing Kanaya: Stop It. Stop It, Both Of You. You're Just Jealous You Can Never Measure Up To A Great Ruler Like Lord Eridan. Vriska: may8e. 8ut i'll let you do the "measuring" when you see him tomorrow. Kanaya: Tomorrow? It'll Take That Long? Shouldn't We Stop To Make Camp? Vriska: no, that'll take longer. Kanaya: But There's Robbers In The Woods. John: whoa! time out, Vriska! camping definitely is startin' to sound good. Vriska: hey, come on. i'm scarier than anything we're going to see in this forest. Kanaya: I Need To Find Somewhere To Camp Now! Vriska, grunting: hey! over here. John: Vriska, we can do better than that. i don't think this is fit for a princess. Kanaya: No, No, Its Perfect. It Just Needs A Few Homey Touches. Vriska: homey touches? like what? Kanaya, ripping wood off a tree: A Door. Well, Ladies, Gentlemen, I Bid Thee Good Night. John: You want me to read you a bedtime story? i will. Kanaya: I Said, Good Night! Vriska: starts pushing a 8oulder closer to the cave John: Vriska, what are you doing? Vriska, laughing: i just-- you know-- oh, come on. i was just kidding.
John and Vriska: hanging around a bonfire Vriska: over there. that's Mindfang, the only troll ever to spit over three wheat fields. John: hey, can you tell my future from these stars? Vriska: the stars don't tell the future, John. they tell stories. look. there's Dualscar, the flatulent. you can guess what he's famous for. John: I know you're making this up. Vriska: no, look. there he is, and there's the group of juggalos running away from his stench. John: Man, ain't nothin' but a bunch of little dots. Vriska: you know, John, sometimes things are more than they appear. hmm? forget it. John, sighing: Vriska. what we gonna do, when we get our swamp anyway? Vriska: our swamp? John: you know, when we're through with rescuing the princess. Vriska: we? John, there is no "we." there's no "our." there's just me and my swamp. the first thing i'm gonna do is 8uild a ten-foot wall around my land. John: you cut me deep, Vriska. you cut me real deep just now. you know what i think? i think this whole wall thing is just a way to keep somebody out. Vriska: no. ya think? John: are you hidin' something? Vriska: never mind, John. John: this is another one of those onion things, isn't it? Vriska: no, this is one of those drop-it-and-leave-it-alone things. John: why don't you want to talk about it? Vriska: why do you always want to? John: why are you blocking? Vriska: i'm not 8locking. John: yes, you are. Vriska: John, i'm warning you. John: who you trying to keep out? Vriska: every8ne! okay? John: now we're getting somewhere! Vriska: for the love of pete! John: what exactly is your problem? what do you got against the world? Vriska: i'm not the one with the pro8lem. it's the world that seems to have a pro8lem. people take one look at me and go, "aah! help! run! a 8ig, stupid, ugly, 8isexual, 8lue, 8itchy troll!" Vriska: sighs Vriska: they judge me 8efore they even know me. Vriska: that's why i'm 8etter off alone. John: you know? when we met, i didn't think you were just a big, stupid, ugly, bisexual, blue, bitchy troll. Vriska: yeah. John: so, are there any Johns up there? Vriska: there's Johnny, the small and annoying. John: oh, yeah, i see him. the big, shiny one there. right? Vriska: that's the moon.
Back at the palace Eridan: again. showw me again. Rose: stops the music Eridan: mirror, mirror, showw her to me. showw me the princess. Rose: Ugh Rose: Rewinds, resumes the clip Eridan: ah. perfect.
John and Vriska: snoring, soundly asleep Kanaya, having wandered off: âȘâȘ Vocalizing Some Music Kanaya: âȘâȘ Music Shit Continues Davesprite: âȘâȘ whistling Davesprite: âȘâȘ whistling some more Kanaya: âȘâȘ Sings In Time Davesprite: âȘâȘ matches with whistles Kanaya: âȘâȘ Vocalizes Happily Davesprite: âȘâȘ whistles joyously Kanaya: âȘâȘ Does Her Thing, A Bit More Intensely Davesprite: âȘâȘ isnât backing down KanayaâȘâȘ Now Insanely High Pitched Davesprite: âȘâȘ now itâs personal Davesprite: davesplodes
Kanaya: Is Making Some Suspiciously Orange Eggs John, sleeptalking: Mmm, yeah, you know i like it like that. John, still mumbling in his sleep: Come on, baby. i said i like it. Vriska: John, wake up. John: huh? what? Vriska: wake up. John: What? Kanaya: Good Morning. How Do You Like Your Eggs? John: Good morning, princess! Vriska: what's all this a8out? Kanaya: We Kind Of Got Off To A Bad Start Yesterday. I Wanted To Make It Up To You. After All, You Did Rescue Me. Vriska: uh, thanks? Kanaya: Well, Eat Up. Weve Got A Big Day Ahead Of Us.
Vriska, after breakfast: 8elches John: Vriska! Vriska: what? it's a compliment. 8etter out than in, i always say ::::D John: Well, it's no way to behave in front of a princess. Kanaya: Belches Kanaya: Thanks. John: She's as nasty as you are. Vriska, chuckling: you know, you're not exactly what i expected. Kanaya: Maybe You Shouldn't Judge People Before You Get To Know Them. Kanaya: Starts Doing Her Singing Thing Again Kanaya: Is Swept Off Her Feet By A Random Bronze Blur Monsieur Rufioh: la l1berte! hey! Vriska: princess! Monsieur Rufioh: laughs Kanaya: What Are You Doing? Monsieur Rufioh: be st1ll, cher1e, for 1 am your sav1or! and 1 am rescu1ng you from th1s cerulean k1ssing sounds beast. Vriska: hey! that's my princess. go find your own! Monsieur Rufioh: please, monsters! can't you see 1'm a l1ttle busy here? Kanaya: Look, Pal. I Dont Know Who You Think You Are! Monsieur Rufioh: oh! of course! how rude. please let me 1ntroduce myself. oh, merry men! laughs âȘâȘ accordion Merry Men, mostly Kurloz and Horuss: âȘ ta, dah, dah, dah, whoo! âȘ Monsieur Rufioh: âȘ 1 steal from the r1ch and g1ve to the needy. âȘ Kurloz: âȘ HE TAKES A WEE PERCENTAGE. âȘ Monsieur Rufioh: âȘ but 1'm not greedy. 1 rescue pretty damsels. man, 1'm good1oh. âȘ Merry Morons: âȘ what a guy, monsieur Rufioh! âȘ Monsieur Rufioh: âȘ break 1t down! Monsieur Rufioh: does an 1r1sh r1ver dance Monsieur Rufioh: âȘ 1 l1ke an honest f1ght and a saucy l1ttle ma1d. âȘ Merry Morons: âȘ what he's basically saying is he likes to get-- âȘ Monsieur Rufioh: âȘ pa1d! âȘ Merry Morons: âȘ so. âȘ Monsieur Rufioh: âȘ when an troll 1n the bush grabs a lady by the tush, that's bad. âȘ Merry Morons: âȘ that's bad. âȘ Monsieur Rufioh: âȘ when a beauty's w1th a beast 1t makes me awfully mad. âȘ Merry Morons: âȘ he's mad. he's really, really mad. âȘ Monsieur Rufioh: âȘ 1'll take my blade and ram 1t through your heart. keep your eyes on me, boys 'cause 1'm about to staaaaaaaart- Kanaya: Tarzan Yells, Swinging In And Swiftly Roundhouse Kicking Him Monsieur Rufioh: unconsc1ous, probably Kanaya: Karate Yell Merry Morons: gasping Kanaya: Man, That Was Annoying! Horuss: 8=D oh, you little-- Kanaya: Gets Back To It, Promptly Kicking Many An Ass With A Variety Of Flips, Kicks, Punches, And Matrix Times Kanaya, chuckling: Shall We? Vriska: hold the phone. Vriska: oh! whoa, whoa, whoa. hold on now. where did that come from? Kanaya: What? Vriska: that! 8ack there. that was amazing! where did you learn that? Kanaya: Well- When One Lives Alone, One Has To Learn These Things In Case Theres A-- Theres An Arrow In Your Butt! Vriska: what? oh, would you look at that? Kanaya: Oh, No. This Is All My Fault. Im So Sorry. John: Why? what's wrong? Kanaya: Vriska's Hurt. John: Vriska's hurt. oh, no, vriska's gonna die!! Vriska: John, i'm okay. John: you can't do this to me. i'm too young for you to die. keep your legs elevated. turn your head and cough. does anyone know the heimlich?!?! Kanaya: Calm Down. If You Want To Help Him, Run Into The Woods And Find Me A Blue Flower With Red Thorns. John: blue flower, red thorns. okay. i'm on it. blue flower. red thorns. Vriska, don't die. if you see a long tunnel, stay away from the light! Vriska: John! John: okay, okay. blue flower. red thorns. blue flower. red thorns. Vriska: what are the flowers for? Kanaya: For Getting Rid Of Him. Vriska: ah! Kanaya: Now You Hold Still, And Ill Yank This Thing Out. Kanaya: Tugs Vriska: ow! hey! easy with the yankin'. Kanaya: Im Sorry, But It Has To Come Out. Vriska: no, it's tender. now, hold on. what you're doing is the opposite of help. Kanaya: Don't Move. Vriska: look, time out. Kanaya: Would You-- grunts Okay. What Do You Propose We Do?
John, wandering through a field of blue flowers: Blue flower. red thorns. blue flower. red thorns. blue flower. red thorns. this would be so much easier, if i wasn't color-blind! John: blue flower, red thorns. Vriska: ow! John, grabbing the nearest flowers: hold on, Vriska! i'm comin'!
Vriska: ow! not good. Kanaya: Okay. Okay. I Can Nearly See The Head. Vriska: grunts in pain Kanaya: Its-- Vriska: ow! Ohh! Kanaya: Falls On Vriska In A Rom-Com Manner John: Ahem. Vriska, getting up: nothing happened. we were just, uh- - John: look, if you wanted to be alone, all you had to do was ask. okay? Vriska: come on! that's the last thing on my mind. the princess here was just-- ugh! Kanaya: Smugly Wiggles The Now Free Arrow Vriska: âŠâŠ..owwwwwwww John: hey, what's that? John: nervous chuckle that's-- is that blood? John: faints Vriska: picks up her 8lue 8uddy
Cue a montage of them doing cutesy falling in love things, like crossing a river, absentmindedly yeeting John, catching flies with a spiderâs web, and mutilating random animals for the sake of a visual gag
On the outskirts of Eridanâs place Vriska: there it is, princess. your future aw8s you. Kanaya: That's Duloc? John: yeah, i know. you know, Vviska thinks lord Eridan's compensating for something, which i think means he has a really-- John: is smacked John: Ow! Vriska: um, i, uh-- i guess we 8etter move one. Kanaya: Sure. But, Vriska? Im-- Im Worried About John. John: blubbering Vriska: what? Kanaya: I Mean, Look At Him. He Doesn't Look So Good. John: What are you talking about? i'm fine. Kanaya: That's What They Always Say, And Then Next Thing You Know, You're On Your Back. John: doesnât get it Kanaya: Dead. John: gets it Vriska: you know, she's right. you look awful. do you want to sit down? Kanaya: Ill Make You Some Tea. John: i didn't want to say nothin', but i got this twinge in my neck, and when i turn my head like this, look. John, turning his neck like a demon: bones crunch John: Ow! see? Vriska: who's hungry? i'll find us some dinner. Kanaya: I'll Get The Firewood. John: Hey, where you goin'? oh, man, i can't feel my horns! John: ....i don't have any horns! John: i think i need a hug :(
Kanaya, over a bonfire: Mmm. Mmm. This Is Good. This Is Really Good. What Is This? Vriska: uh, weedrat. rotisserie style. Kanaya: No Kidding. Vriska: well, this is delicious. well, they're also gr8 in stews. now, i don't mean to 8rag, 8ut i make a mean weedrat stew ;;;;) Vriska: chuckling Vriska: may8e you can come visit me in the swamp sometime. i'll cook all kinds of stuff for you. swamp toad soup, fish eye tartare-- you name it. Kanaya, chuckles: I'd Like That. Vriska: um, princess? Kanaya: Yes, Vriska? Vriska: i, um, i was wondering. Vriska: are you-- Vriska: sighs are you gonna eat that? Kanaya: chuckles John: man, isn't this romantic? just look at that sunset. Kanaya: Sunset? Oh, No! I Mean, Its Late. I-Its Very Late. Vriska: what? John: wait a minute. i see what's goin' on here. you're afraid of the dark, aren't you? Kanaya: Yes! Yes, Thats It. Im Terrified. You Know, Id Better Go Inside. John: Don't feel bad, princess. i used to be afraid of the dark, too, until-- hey, no, wait. John: I'm still afraid of the dark! Vriska sighs Kanaya: Good Night. Vriska: good night... door creaks John: Ohh! now i really see what's goin' on here. Vriska: oh, what are you talkin' a8out? John: I don't even wanna hear it. look, i'm an human, and i got instincts. i know two were diggin' in each other. i could feel it. Vriska: you're crazy. i'm just 8ringing her 8ack to Eridan. John: Oh, come on, vriska. wake up and smell the pheromones. just go on in and tell her how you feel. Vriska: i-- there's nothing to tell. 8esides, even if i did tell her that, well, you know-- and i'm not sayin' i do 'cause i don't-- she's a princess, and i'm-- John: A girl? Vriska: yeah. a girl. John: Hey, where you goin'? Vriska: to get⊠more firewood.
Later, in the hut John: Princess? princess kanaya? princess, where are you? John: Princess? John: It's very spooky in here. i ain't playing no games. Kanaya: Appears In A Lesbian Pride Flag Cape John: screams! Kanaya: Oh, No! John: No, help! Kanaya: Shh! John: Vriska! vriska! vriska! Kanaya: No, It's Okay. It's Okay. John: Vriska, what did you do to the princess? Kanaya: John, I'm The Princess. John: Aah! Kanaya: It's Me. In This Outfit. John: Oh, my god! John: You mind controlled the princess, vriska! can you hear me? Kanaya: John! John: Listen, keep thinking! i'll get you out of there! Kanaya: No! John: Vriska! vriska! vriska! Kanaya: Shh! John: Vriska! Kanaya: Covers His Mouth Already Kanaya: This Is Me. John, muffled: Princess? John: What happened to you? you're, uh, uh, uh, different. Kanaya: I'm Into Girls, Maybe, Okay? John: Well, yeah! was it something you ate? 'cause i told Vriska those rats was a bad idea. you are what you eat, i said. Kanaya: No. I-- Ive Been This Way As Long As I Can Remember. John: what do you mean? look, i ain't never seen you like this before. Kanaya: I Only Let It Happen When The Sun Goes Down. Kanaya: "By Night One Way, By Day Another. This Shall Be The Norm, Until You Find True Loves First Kiss, And Then Take Loves True Form." John: Ah, that's beautiful. i didn't know you wrote poetry! Kanaya: Its A Spell. When I Was A Little Troll, A Witch Cast A Spell On Me. Every Night I Become This. This Horrible, Ugly Bitch! I Was Placed In A Tower To Await The Day My True Love Would Rescue Me. Thats Why I Have To Marry Lord Eridan Tomorrow, Before The Sun Sets And He Sees Me, Like This. sobs John: All right, all right. calm down. look, this sounds more like a societal pressure thing than an actual spell. John: You're also not ugly. John: Well, i ain't gonna lie, you do look like a bitch John: But you're only looking like this at night. vriska's a bitch 24-7. Kanaya: But, John, Im A Princess, And This Is Not How A Princess Is Meant To Be John: Princess, how 'bout if you don't marry Eridan? Kanaya: I Have To. Only My True Loves Kiss Can Break The Spell. John: Again, i think thatâs more a societal thing, but, you know, um, i think you're kind of an huge lesbian and maybe in denial, and Vriska-- well, you got a lot in common. Kanaya: Vriska? Vriska, outside, practicing: princess, i-- uh, how's going, first of all? good? um, good for me too. i'm okay. i saw this flower and thought of you 8ecause it's pretty and-- well, i don't really like it, 8ut i thought you might like it 'cause you're pretty. 8ut i like you anyway. i'd-- uh, uh-- Vriska: i'm in trou8le. okay, here we go. Kanaya, inside: I Cant Just Marry Whoever I Want. Take A Good Look At Me, John. Kanaya: I Mean, Really, Who Could Ever Love A Bitch So Hideous And Nasty? "Princess" And "Nasty" Don't Go Together. Vriska: conveniently overhears that part and leaves despondent Kanaya: Thats Why I Cant Stay Here With Vriska. My Only Chance To Live Happily Ever After Is To Marry My True Love. Kanaya: Deep Sigh Kanaya: Dont You See, John? Thats Just How It Has To Be. Its The Only Way To Break The Spell. John: Not a spell, but you at least gotta tell vriska the truth. Kanaya: No! You Can't Breathe A Word. No One Must Ever Know. John: What's the point of being able to talk if you gotta keep secrets? Kanaya: Promise You Won't Tell. Promise! John: All right, all right. i won't tell her. but you should. i just know before this is over, i'm gonna need a whole lot of serious therapy. look at my eye twitchin'.
Later on Kanaya, plucking petals on a flower: I Tell Her, I Tell Her Not. I Tell Her, I Tell Her Not. Kanaya, plucking the last petal: I Tell Her! Vriska! Vriska, Theres Something I Want-- John: snoring Kanaya: Vriska. Are You All Right? Vriska: perfect! never 8een 8etter. Kanaya: I-- I Dont-- Theres Something I Have To Tell You. Vriska: you don't have to tell me anything, princess. i heard enough last night. Kanaya: You Heard What I Said? Vriska: every word. Kanaya: I Thought You'd Understand. Vriska: oh, i understand. like you said, "who could love a hideous, ugly 8east?" Kanaya: But I Thought That Wouldnt Matter To You. Vriska: yeah? well, it does. Kanaya: Sighs Dejectedly Vriska: ah, right on time. horse whinnies Vriska: princess, i've 8rought you a little something. âȘâȘ fanfare John, yawning: What'd i miss? what'd i miss? John, realizing the royal guard would kill him if he doesnât shut up, now muffled: Who said that? couldn't have been john. Eridan: princess kanaya. Vriska: as promised. now hand it over. Eridan: vvery wwell, cerulean. the deed to your swwamp, cleared out, as agreed. take it and go before i change my mind. forgivve me, princess, for startling you, but you startled me, for i havve evver seen such a radiant beauty before. i am lord eridan. Kanaya: Forgive Me, My Lord, For I Was Just Saying, A Short, Farewell. Eridan: that's so swweet. you don't havve to wwaste good manners on the bitch. it's not like it has feelings. Kanaya: No, Youre Right. It Doesn't. Eridan: princess kanaya, beautiful, fair, flawwless kanaya. i ask your hand in marriage. Eridan: gets off his high horse Kanaya: Gasps Eridan: wwill you be the perfect bride for the perfect groom? Kanaya: Lord Eridan, I Accept. Nothing Would Make- Eridan: excellent! i'll start the plans, for tomorroww wwe wwed! Kanaya: No! I Mean, Uh, Why Wait? Lets Get Married Today Before The Sun Sets. Eridan: oh, anxious, are wwe? you're right. the sooner, the better. there's so much to do! there's the caterer, the cake, the band, the guest list. captain, round up some guests! Kanaya: Fare-Thee-Well, Blue Blood. John: Vriska, what are you doing? you're letting her get away. Vriska: yeah? so what? John: Vriska, there's something about her you don't know. i talked to her last night. Vriska: i know you talked to her last night! you're gr8 pals, aren't ya? now, if you two are such good friends, why don't you follow her home? John: Vriska, i-- i wanna go with you. Vriska: i told you, didn't i? you're not coming home with me. i live alone! my swamp! me! no8ody else! understand? no8ody! especially useless, pathetic, annoying, talking, Johns! John: but, i thought-- Vriska: yeah. you know what? you thought wrong! John: VriskaâŠ
âȘ hallelujah playing over a sad montage of Kanaya and Vriska slowly realizing how hollow their lives feel now that the other is gone. They are both sad and hollow. meanwhile John sits at a lake, bumping into a sad Terezi who somehow escaped the castle. he consoles her while the sad montage continues
Later, at Vriskaâs hive thumping sound Vriska: John? John: grunts moving some logs around Vriska: what are you doing? John: I would think, of all people, you would recognize a wall when you saw one. Vriska: 8ut the wall's supposed to go around my swamp, not through it. John: It is. around your half. see, that's your half, and this is my half. Vriska: oh! your half. hmm. John: Yes, my half. i helped rescue the princess. i did half the work. i get half the booty. now hand me that big old rock, the one that looks like your head. Vriska: gra8s the log john is moving Vriska: 8ack off! John: no, you back off. Vriska: this is my swamp! John: Our swamp! Vriska: let go, John! John: you let go! Vriska: stu88orn jackass! John: bitchy troll! Vriska: fine! Vriska: lets go of the log and storms off John: hey, come back here! i'm not through with you yet! Vriska: well, i'm through with you. John: Uh-uh. you know, with you it's always, "me, me, me!" John: Well, guess what! now it's my turn! so you just shut up and pay attention! John: You are mean to me. you insult me and you don't appreciate anything that i do! you're always pushing me around or pushing me away! Vriska: oh, yeah? well, if i treated you so 8ad, how come you came 8ack? John: Because that's what friends do! they forgive each other! Vriska: oh, yeah. you're right, John. Vriska: i forgive you Vriska: for sta88ing me in the 8ack! Vriska: slams the door on john, 8oth metaphorically and literally John: ohh! you're so wrapped up in layers, onion girl, you're afraid of your own feelings. Vriska: go aw8y! John: there you are, doing it again just like you did to Kanaya. all she ever do was like you. maybe even love you! Vriska: love me? she said i was ugly, a hideous monster. i heard the two of you talking! John: she wasn't talkin' about you! John: she was talkin' about, uhâŠ. somebody else. Vriska, opening the metaphor door along with the literal one: she wasn't talking about me? John: Mhm Vriska: well, then who was she talking a8out? John: Nuh-uh. no way. i ain't saying anything. you don't wanna listen to me. right? right? Vriska: John! John: No! Vriska: okay, look. i'm sorry, all right? John: Hmph. Vriska, sighing: i'm sorry. i guess i am just a 8ig, stupid, ugly, 8lue-8looded 8itch. can you forgive me? John: Hey, that's what friends are for. right? Vriska: right. friends? John: Friends. Vriska: so, what did Kanaya s8y about me? John: What are you asking me for? why don't you ask her? Vriska: the wedding! we'll never make it in time. John: ha-ha-ha! never fear, for where, there's a will, there's a way, and i have a way! John: whistles Vriska: John? Terezi: SHOWS UP ON 4 MOTORCYCL3 John laughing John: I guess it's just a human magnetism! Vriska, laughing: aw, come here, you! Vriska: hugs him in a genuine show of affection John: All right, all right. don't get all mushy on me. no one likes a kiss out of nowhere. all right, hop on and hold on tight. i haven't had a chance to install the seat belts yet! John, laughing his ass off: WHOO!
At the church bells tolling Karkat, in a priest outfit: PEOPLE OF DULOC, THIS WEIRD AS FUCK BASS ACKWARDS SHITHOLE WE CALL HOME WE GATHER HERE TODAY, TO BEAR WITNESS, TO THE UNION⊠Kanaya: Um-- Of Our Now King-- Karkat: EXCUSE ME, IS THERE SOMETHING YOUâD LIKE TO SAY? Kanaya: Could We Just Skip Ahead To The "I Dos"? Eridan, chuckling: go on.
John, Vriska and Terezi arriving on the scene John: go ahead, have some fun. if we need you, i'll whistle. how about that? John: Vriska, wait, wait! wait a minute! you wanna do this right, don't you? Vriska: what are you talking a8out? John: there's a line you gotta wait for. the preacher's gonna say, "speak now or forever hold your peace." that's when you say, "i o8ject!" Vriska: i don't have time for this! John: wait. what are you doing? listen to me! John, bodyblocking Vriska: Look, you love this woman, don't you? Vriska: yes. John: you wanna hold her? Vriska: yes. John: please her??? Vriska: yes! John, singing once again: âȘ Then you got to, got to try a little tenderness! âȘ John: the chicks love that romantic crap! Vriska: all right! cut it out. when does this guy say the line? John: we gotta check it out. Vriska: yeets john for narr8ive reasons so he can look inside the church Karkat: AND SO, BY THE POWER VESTED IN ME FOR SOME GOD FORSAKEN REASON⊠Vriska: what do you see? John: the whole town's in there! Vriska: yeets him again Karkat: I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU TWO BLIGHTS ON THE WORLD HUSBAND AND WIFE⊠John: they're at the altar. Vriska: tosses him once more Karkat: KING AND QUEEN OF THIS PILE OF SHIT. John: mother fletcher! he already said it. Vriska: oh! for the love of pete! Vriska: drops john Vriska, busting into the church: i o8ject!!!!!!!! Kanaya: Vriska? The Crowd: le gasps
Eridan: oh, noww wwhat does she wwant? The Crowd: cheering on Vriska Vriska: hi, everyone. havin' a good time, are ya? i love duloc, first of all. very clean! Kanaya: What Are You Doing Here? Eridan: really, it's rude enough being alivve wwhen no one wwants you, but showwing up uninvvited to a wwedding-- Vriska: kanaya! i need to talk to you. Kanaya: Oh, Now You Wanna Talk? Its A Little Late For That, So If You'll Excuse Me- Vriska: 8ut you can't marry him! Kanaya: And Why Not? Vriska: 8ecause- 8ecause he's just marrying you so he can 8e king! Eridan: outrageous! kan, don't listen to her. Vriska: he's not your true love. Kanaya: And What Do You Know About True Love? Vriska: well, i- Vriska: uh- Vriska: i mean-- Eridan: oh, this is precious. Eridan, chuckling: the bitch has fallen in lovve with the princess! oh, good lord! Gamzee: WrItEs A cUe CaRd ReAl QuIcK The Crowd: is laughing Eridan: a backwwater troll and a princess! laughing continues Kanaya: Vriska? Is This True? Eridan: wwho cares? it's preposterous! kanaya, my lovve, wwe're but a kiss awway from our "happily evver after." noww, kiss me! mmmm! Kanaya, whispering: "By Night One Way, By Day Another." Kanaya: Fucking Busts Out Every Bit Of Gay Apparel And Paraphernalia She Just Happened To Be Hiding Under Her Dress Kanaya: I Wanted To Show You Before. crowd gasping Vriska: well, uh, that expl8ns a lot! Eridan: ugh! sheâs disgusting! felts! felts! i order you to get that out of my sight noww! get them! get them both! The Felt: starts manhandling them Kanaya: No, No! Vriska! Eridan: this hocus-pocus alters nothing. this marriage is binding, and that makes me king! Eridan, putting the crown on his head: see? see?? Kanaya: No, Let Go Of Me, Vriska! Vriska: no! Eridan: don't just stand there, you morons. Vriska: get out of my way! kanaya! aaaaaaaarrgh! Eridan: i'll make you regret the day wwe met. i'll see you drawwn and quartered! you'll beg for death to savve you! Kanaya: No! Vriska! Eridan: and as for you, my wwife, Vriska: Kanaya! Eridan: i'll have you locked back in that towwer for the rest of your days! Eridan: i am king! Vriska: whistles Eridan: i will have order! i will have perfection! i will have-- Terezi: R1D3S 1N W1TH JOHN, US1NG H3R MOTORCYCL3 TO K1CK 3R1D4N OUT 4 W1NDOW Eridan: noooooo! John: All right! nobody move, i got a Terezi here, and i'm not afraid to use it! Terezi: RO4RS John: I'm a windsock on the edge! Terezi: R3VS TH3 MOTOR 4S SH3 C4TCH3S 3R1D4NS CROWN John, laughing: Celebrity marriages. they never last, do they? The Crowd: cheers John: Go ahead, Vriska. Vriska: uh, kanaya? Kanaya: Yes, Vriska? Vriska: i-- i love you. Kanaya: Really? Vriska: really, really. Kanaya: I Love You Too Vriska and Kanaya: Kiss Gamzee: WrItEs AnOtHeR cUe CaRd FoR sWoOnInG Everyone: aawww! Kanaya: Starts Glowing, Like A Lightbulb, Now Fully Embracing Her Gayness Vriska: kanaya? kanaya. are you all right? Kanaya: Well, Yes. But I Dont Understand. Im Supposed To Be Beautiful. Vriska: 8ut you are 8eautiful. Kanaya: chuckles John: I was hoping there would be a happy ending. Vriska: puts her hand over the script as we pan to her hive
Dave: starts singing âi'm a believerâ by smash mouth as kanaya and vriska have a proper wedding this time
The Fucking End
Housekid AU Part 4
Part 1 here Part 2 here Part 3 here
Idea: Casita raises Mirabel
Julieta is Busy. Very Busy. Busy making sure the people of Encanto are healthy. Busy stopping outbreaks of diseases due to weak, untrained immune systems before they could go any bigger. Busy cooking food all day and night so she could fulfill her job in the first place. Busy, Busy, Busy.
Agustin is Busy. Very Busy. Busy assisting his wife in the kitchen. Busy assisting his wife in whatever errands she had for the day. Busy providing her ovens with the right amount of firewood. Busy, Busy, Busy.
Julieta and Agustin are very Busy.
The kitchen's practically their Room now.
The only breaks they ever get are during sleep, eating times, and for hygiene.
And even those are tainted with work.
Sleep filled with the worries of tomorrow's tasks. Eating times filled with new orders chores being handed out. Heck, their baths are hardly baths at all. It's all as quick as one reasonably can make; because the more time passes that they aren't in the kitchen, the more time accidents and incidents are allowed to happen without Julieta's Gift as a Safety Net.
The more time reasons for her MamĂĄ to double her workload are tempted to manifest.
She can't have that.
She can't handle any more.
So, Julieta works extra hard to not make any mistakes- to not have any delays or interruptions. Everything that's to be done is done; nothing more, nothing less. The Encanto is counting on her. MamĂĄ is counting on her.
(It's tiring, but at least she isn't alone. Agustin is always by her side, and she sometimes gets to see her two daughters whenever their chores intersect in time and place. Those are always the best of days: when the four of them are together. Even for the briefest of minutes.
But lately, there's been something nagging at the back of Julieta's mind. There's been something that makes her heart plummet in that certain kind of fear; that raises her adrenaline in that familiar rush that often comes in the wake of a big epiphany. Specifically, the realization that she's forgotten something. Something important. Something very important apparently, because the feeling is slowly increasing in intensity with each passing day.
You've forgotten something. You've forgotten something. You've forgotten something. You've forgotten somethingYou'veforgottensomethingYou'veforgottensomethingYou'veforgottenYou'veforgottenforgottenforgottenforgottenforgOTtENFoRGOTtEnFORGOTTEN-
Did she?)
Perspective shift
A lot happened during the weeks following Abuelita's suggestion.
For one, Mirabel finally finished her new dress. It was still mostly white- she was her MamĂ's kid, after all -but now it also has splashes of her Tio's green in the form of a scarf tied around her waist, the hourglass pattern line from his old Ruana lining the hem of her skirt, the tassles and frills at the bottom and underside of said skirt, and finally the new Glamour Bandana around her neck.
Seeing that she was going though a wardrobe change, she had decided to take the chance to ditch her old Glamour Ruana after her hermano's report of the accidental mind-screwing (plus sometimes it flies to cover her eyes during roof-runs; she now knows how it feels to land on the pavement face first), and also because of the fact that it was beginning to be too small for her.
Her brother had then suggested the bandanna as a replacement- because it was small and practical and subtle -and from there, the Glamour Bandanna was born.
"Are you sure this won't scramble my brain anymore?"
"I already said sorry, Yano!"
(Her Tio Bruno also cried for a good 40 minutes upon seeing her new dress, but that was to be expected. Don't worry though; Mirabel hugged and cuddled him, Mariano dug up his twistiest plotlines to share a laugh over, Abuelita made him tea, and Casita hummed a calming tune with her tiles. Their efforts washed the tears away, but the proud smile at seeing his ratoncita wearing his color remained smugly stuck on his face for the rest of the year.)
Next, in a discussion over Bruno's potential alter egos for public usage, attention was brought to Casita's lack of a last name. The matter, surprisingly, offended Senora Rosa Guzman; and the woman immediately sought to remedy it.
By offering her original apellido.
"Mi hermana, you're alive. You deserve, at the very least, a last name. So... if it isn't too forward, and you haven't picked one yet... you can use my maiden one. This way, not only will you have a complete nombre, we'd finally be sisters in name as well."
The loud explosion of motion around Mirabel's Lantern following that declaration was a resounding acceptance, and the youngest Madrigal added to the chaos by cheering for her mother's new apellido. (Idly, she wondered if 'Mirabel Valentina Rojas Guzman Milagros Madrigal' was too long a name now. It probably was, but honestly, she could care less. Her mother and Abuelita were 'officially' sisters now! That was the more important thing in this situation!)
Then finally, her Tio being public ready after weeks of preparation. The costumes for his rats were done, his stage-stand was primed, and his stories were proof-read and as riveting as ever.
Mirabel had also finished the enchanted threadwork for glamour needed on his cape (similar to her bandanna), and so with the added bonus of her mother gleefully, proudly letting her Tio have her new last name as his alter ego's- Oscar Milagros:The Storyteller was born.
"Hey, look at you, Tio!"
"Go Tio!"
"Knock their socks off, Brunieto!"
Suffice it to say, this year had been quite busy for the Guzman-Milagros-Madrigal Bunch, but they wouldn't have it any other way.
Bonds were tightening, connections were strengthening, skills were flourishing; the little family was thriving.
(And Casita couldn't help but preen proudly at the fact that she was the catalyst to all of this. She had set out to raise and take care of her Little Miracle, and she had done it. Her daughter won't ever be alone and unloved now
especially if something bad were to happen to her.)
Bruno's first show was held near the outskirts of town.
Not only did that fact allow him a small sample size of a viewing audience as a field test- as well as give the illusion that he came from outside of the Encanto with the usual traders -it was also away from Madrigal Traffic.
Because Alma Madrigal was always one for appearances, and that made her focus on the central part of town- unintentionally neglecting the Outskirts.
(They exploited that fact with unparalleled glee.)
So they dragged his wheeled stage-stand into one of the plazas, took a step back, and allowed Oscar Milagros to come out and play.
Later, Mirabel would be happy to report (read: Recall. They were all present for her Tio's first show) that it was a hit.
People were instantly drawn in by her Tio's natural air of mystique and playfulness. His new special way of speaking kept them in place just as much as the words conveying his tale. The weirdness and cuteness derived from his use of costumed rats in conjunction with his gorgeous painted backgrounds only added to his unique charm.
The hook of his Pilot episode certainly didn't hurt the positive reception either. From the current reactions, she couldn't wait to see how'd the Town would handle the biggest plot twist in Season 1.
All in all, it was a promising start. And as weeks went by with an episode every couple of days, it was clear that it'll only be uphill from there.
"Senor Oscar! Senor Oscar! What's gonna happen next?!"
"Ay, Oscar! You better give Georgia what she deserves!"
"I knew it! I called it!"
"Hey Oscar! They aren't really related, are they?"
"Senor Oscar! Can I play with your rats?"
"Oye, Oscar! Here's some cheese for your actors. They did a good job during Episode 24!"
"Oscar please tell me they'd get together! I can't handle the suspense!"
"No! No fucking way! That wasn't- wait. That was what that foreshadowing meant?!"
"Oscar hijo! Have a drink- that episode was more emotional than usual, eh?"
"Hey Oscar! When you showing at other parts of town? I have a couple of amigos interested over at the East side!"
"Guys, guys! Senor Oscar's here! He's here!"
The audience had even started throwing money at the end of each episode- which Tio Bruno originally declined, but in the end accepted to use for funding the show and repaying Abuelita despite her protests.
Mirabel took note of her Tio's growing self-confidence- his wide smile, carefree movement, much more expressive self; and smiled.
Yeah, he was going to be fine.
(The Lantern Burns, a little stronger.)
Perspective shift
It's almost Mirabel's birthday again (Ay Dios Mio, how time flies!), and Rosa Guzman has a Plan.
Ever since Little Mirabel found them (or more accurately, was led to) at the tender age of 6 and became her student in all things concerning the needle and thread, the woman has learned a lot about her adopted nieta.
(Never before has she felt the urge to strangle an old friend so strongly.)
The most relevant to her Plan though, was the fact that the little butterfly had to run from La Casa Madrigal all the way to La Casa Guzman and vice versa, every single day. Either on the roads, or on the rooftops.
It was good exercise yes- little Mirabel had the body of an athlete hidden under all that baby fat -but surely doing so so often, not to mention all the chaos that she usually falls into between each run, would be tiring?
And so thus, the Plan.
Casita's physical form would always be her home even if the family within it isn't, of course. But giving her precious Mirasol one of the guest rooms in the house for times she's too exhausted to make the trip would make for a good birthday present, no? Her own place in the house that isn't the Sewing Room. (She could even do the same for her darling Brunieto!) Oh, just thinking about all the benefits of such an arrangement for her beloved nieta makes her all the more excited to start.
And so, start she did.
The rooms themselves were already ready to house a person, so besides being a bland blank canvas (that would be absolutely bursting with color once her nieta was done with it, she was sure), she didn't have to worry about that front.
What all she really needed to do was get her Mirasol material and furniture to decorate her new room with, clean said room of dust, and go to Senor Alfonso downtown to commission for a personalized doorknob.
She had noticed that trend with all the Madrigal Doors- their doorknobs carved with the first letter of their name -and figured her nieta would like to have her own.
(Casita telling her that the Nursery's handle was only a dull, common knob was merely more motivation and more disappointment and sadness and anger and offense.)
The first two tasks were easy. All she had to do was keep the material and furniture in their supply crates and store them in the room during the evening (after she cleaned it, of course) when her nieta was at La Casa Madrigal.
The third one though...
"Really, Mama?!" Mariano's face was indescribably excited. At her fond nod, he beamed before saluting.
"You can count on me!"
Then he rushed off, grabbing his machete from the wall and practically burst into the Sewing room, eliciting an adorable yip of surprise from his hermanita.
"Yano wha-"
"Miraposita! Break! Mama's got a sudden errand to attend to! Wanna go Scouting with me?!"
Poor little Mirabel blinked at him a few times in confusion, but quickly recovered with a big, wide smile. Ah, they'll never get enough of that sight, will they?
"Really?!"
"Really! Race you to Montana View Point!" With his challenge made, Mariano ran to the nearest balcony, jumped on the railings, and climbed onto the roof with a masterful flip. Mirabel- with a bit of a scuffle to gently put away the piece she'd been working on and an indignant 'HEY!' -was right behind him, face set and her bag glowing extra bright as Casita shifted a few planks to allow her an unbroken sprint.
Seconds later, as Rosa watched her children fade into flitting dots above the rooves against the horizon; the woman smirked triumphantly.
Time to get that doorknob made.
Perspective shift
There's definitely something going on with the Lantern.
Casita hummed, feeling out that piece of her intertwined with her daughter's soul. Already, it's starting to feel less her and more Mirabel's; which was great! Not only would that strengthen both her Candelita and the Lantern's flame, it would also give Casita more of a leg to stand on when claiming the youngest Madrigal as a daughter.
(Unnoticed, Mirabel's image on The Madrigal Family Portrait slowly fades away. Bruno's is not far behind.)
But anyway; ever since Mirabel and Mariano's acknowledgement of their siblinghood, the Lantern Candle's Flame had suddenly switched from being just a window she can reach out from into a whole entire room. It's been storing energy, using energy, increasing little by little in magical strength- and for once, Casita doesn't have the faintest idea why. Actually, that's a lie, she does have a theory, but- it's too early to tell. Though if it is going that way...
Casita grinned.
She can't wait.
Perspective shift
Bruno understands, but he can't help but worry.
"Ay, little listener. What's the, what's the problem? Rain is beautiful but your clouds are so dark."
His little Bat hums tiredly, a half-heartedly eaten arepa in her hands. Her hair is loose and free, as his hands need them to be in order for a comb.
It's only a few minutes after his show today, after all. They've got time.
Brush, pull, brush, fluff. Her hair's smooth, silky. The sensation is funny.
"Tio...I've, I've been..." Her voice is smaller than usual.
"Hmm?"
"...it's her 8th soon." There's sadness, longing.
"You have a gift ready?" An out.
"We're up to 3 years now." Ah, he's always known she was as stubborn as her mother. She's started it, she's seeing it through. There's pride in his chest.
"They're up to 3 years. They forgot. We didn't. You didn't."
Gratitude flashes in her eyes. It's quick to be drowned. "She doesn't know though."
Bruno grins. "But she could."
There's fear. Of rejection, specifically. Of hate. It's irrational, Bruno thinks, considering his Mouse is involved.
"Isn't it too late?" Her voice had no business being that meek.
It doesn't suit her.
"We never stopped though, Little Bat. Even with, with me in Casita's walls. Even with you in MamĂĄ's noose. Never missed a birthday. We've got perfect attendance. Mira's just not the Monitor for yours."
He thinks of the flashes of surprise, suspicion, recognition, and dangerous hope in his Mouse's eyes whenever she received one of Dolores' gifts under the guise of them being from Bruno.
He thinks of his Mouse going the extra mile for Dolores' gifts on her birthdays; more than for any other family member (except him).
He thinks- he hopes, really -that they might have a new family member soon.
"But she'd love to be, I feel," He grabs her red ribbon and begins tying, "She'd love to see your record."
A tight pull, a quick fluff. His sobrina's beautiful.
A bite on the arepa. "You think so?"
A smirk. "I know so."
There's... nervousness. Jittering. And then it's gone. An inhale, an exhale, one final breath; and determination replaces.
It doesn't go away.
"I should have enough of Abuela's trust by now," She breathes out, "That I, I could make it. I would make it. But- But I don't have a gift yet. I mean, I do but- it's not, it's- nothing worthy for this." The end is an octave higher.
Bruno laughs.
His smile is a little mad.
"Oh, little Bat. Your presence would be a gift enough."
Perspective shift
It's Mirabel's 8th birthday, and La Casa Guzman came alive in more ways than one.
Loud, enthusiastic greetings and songs. Impromptu dances. A flour fight in the kitchen while they were baking Mirabel's cake. A scuffle-tickle-wrestling fight in the same kitchen while they were trying to clean it up. A water fight in the bathroom while they were getting cleaned up. Playing dress-up in Mariano's room and the whole debacle ending with them somehow making a patch that striped the boy's hair with a fitting yellow and a scarf that made him look like a girl version of himself. Playing weirdly complicated but very engaging games in the living room with Casita as their Gamemaster, the whole event evolving into a full-on story/play that Bruno immediately wrote down for a possible side-show. A singing competition after Mirabel playfully mocked Mariano's latest poems for not rhyming, and the boy broke out into song in response. A race across the whole of Encanto after the two kids (and one magical entity) were kicked out so that the rest of the food could be made without chaos.
All-in-all, a normal day for the Guzman-Milagros family; and Mirabel wouldn't have it any other way.
(The Lantern Sparks. The Candle Shudders. Casita pauses, and anticipates.)
When they were finally allowed back, the sight that greeted them can only be described by the word 'cosy'.
The dining table was all set up and ready, filled with delicious food enough for all of them. Around the living room were colorful decorations: flags, triangles, stars, banners, streamers- but none too bright or too flashy. They just put a lot more pop of contrast against the warm clay brown of the walls, emphasizing that while there was a celebration, it was still home. There were also more pillows than usual and even a few blankets on the sofas too- as well as a hammock and a thin mattress on the floor next to the fireplace -just for good measure.
They already had their rambunctious fun in the morning, after all, so now it was time for quiet.
(And considering what was probably going to happen in the next few minutes, the reprieve was very much needed.)
The cake was not yet done though, so Mirabel and Mariano took that chance to rest and cuddle by the fireplace; Bruno later joining them with a cup of Chocolate Santafereño and a half-bitten Buñuelo. They shared a few stories, a few jokes- a fight over Bruno's Buñuelo almost happened and the only saving grace had been the fact that the siblings were tired: typical bonding activities of the Guzmån-Milagros'.
The calm, amused quiet that followed that almost-fight was later pleasantly broken by Abuela Rosa's beautiful voice.
"Cumpleaños feliz," She sang softly, emerging from the kitchen with a two-layer white cake covered in colorful frosting and 8 candles, "Cumpleaños feliz!"
Mariano and Bruno shared a glance before putting on two happy grins. "Te deseamos todos!" They eagerly led their little Mirabel to the table, putting her on the head chair that Casita provided with a few tile shifts.
"Cumpleaños feliz!" All three elders finished, the result of their efforts a little girl with teary eyes and a brilliant smile on her face.
"GraciĂĄs," Mirabel managed, "GraciĂĄs."
"Happy Birthday, Hermanita." Mariano smiled, pointing to the candles with a tilt of his head. "Go on; make a wish!"
Abuelita lightly smacked her son by the bicep, earning a giggle from the birthday girl. "Let her have the moment, mi pequeno Ciervo. Your stomach can wait."
"Ay but MamĂĄ! Your AjĂ de Aguacate!" Mariano half-joked, half-whined; sending a wink to his sister before fully immersing himself in the argument of the ethics of using manipulation to get to eat food faster.
When Bruno joined the bickering seconds later, Mirabel couldn't help but close her eyes and relish in the feeling of having her family's voices all around her. It was nice. The subtle but always-there hum of her MamĂ's magic slowly seeping into La Casa Guzman, the presence of her family members, the bond underneath all their playful arguments and insults, the warmth of their love from the bodies surrounding her to the food and decorations- it was all so... home, that Mirabel wanted to bawl.
Her her bigger family La Familia Madrigal was a big family. But it never felt like one, barring very few, very rare moments. Everyone was almost always separated, lost in the monotony of their work, that even during Family meals- it was all just chores, chores, chores. It was all about the image of a perfect family; rather than striving to be as close as they can to being one. The connections were flimsy, superficial. Dios, they even forgot about her!
(Idly, unknowingly, instinctually; she thinks of cracks covered in desperate plaster, slathered with layers of substandard paint.)
(Casita startles. The Lantern gives an almost playful spark. The Candle trembles.)
La Familia Guzman-Milagros, though? A small family of 5? With half of them not even related? The bonds are tight, thick. No matter how far away each member are from each other, they never feel alone. The... there-ness, of each person is ever present. It's impossible to ignore- not that anybody ever wanted to. There was love, there was care; and it was warm.
(When Mirabel blew out her candles, her wish was plain on her face.)
Surprisingly, the birthday dinner was calm- for Guzman-Milagros standards, at least. Mariano hogged all of the AjĂ de Aguacate but Abuelita Rosa managed to stop him before he could get a stomach ache. Bruno accidentally dipped an arepa in hot sauce and only survived because Casita got him some milk. Mirabel choked on a candle that Mariano somehow included with the cake slice he gave. The more exciting stories they'd saved for this event finally got told, helped by a couple of Bruno's rats for practice. There were also a few close calls to a 4-way food fight- over the argument of whether or not coconuts were of mammalian nature, no less -but Abuelita, amazingly, halted those with just a single raised eyebrow and the Look Of Disappointmentâą brimming behind her eyes.
(Casita feels excitement. The Lantern's about to put on a show.)
Before they knew it, they had cleaned up the table, and it was finally time for presents.
(Mariano and his Mother shared excited glances.)
The two men of the family went first, with the more theatrical one revealing his box with a graceful flourish of his cape. Bruno's gift is a custom pocket watch; polished silver for the casing, green glass for the face, and the intricate butterfly designs inlaid in gold. The words 'Las arenas se arremolinan, pero el desierto es un rĂo' are expertly carved on the side.
"'The sands swirl, but the desert's a river'," Mirabel read, gently tracing the words. Bruno smiled.
"It's to remind you," His hand seek her hair and he obliges, "that the Future is always changing. It's to remind you, that however worse the sandstorm is, it isn't still. It's to remind you, that you should always push forward, no matter how hard it may be." He looks her in the eye. For a second, green glows in tandem with gold.
"It's to remind you," There's a lilt in his soft voice; a lilt perhaps of mischief? Fondness? Joy? Love? "that I See by the sand, and thus so you should never worry when traversing it, because I will always be there by your side, as your eyes and as your guide."
It takes a minute for Mirabel to calm down.
(The Lantern sparks. It's Bright.)
After cooing at the adorable Sobrina-Tio moment, the youngest of the two men finally stepped forward and his grin is something fierce. Mariano's gift is a small machete (What? Tia Casita told me I could! Mira will be fine, Mama!)- engraved with Mirabel's name and with a sheath made of the best leather for her enchanted embroidery.
"Two more years and they'd let you join me out there," Mariano said, watching as his sister admired her new blade, "and by then you'll have needed to have your own bolo. So I got you one! You're the best dance partner I've ever had, hermanita. I can't wait."
Mirabel's beaming smile rivaled the shine of her machete's polish.
(The Lantern sparks. It's Brighter.)
It's now Abuela Rosa's turn, and Mirabel could feel the atmosphere shift. Like... the world itself was holding it's breath- excited and nervous for whatever laid inside the innocuous small wrapped box.
"Mijita preciosa," The elder woman began, "I've had the honor and pleasure of calling you one of my own for two years now, and hopefully for more. You've thrived under my care, and we as well in your company. La Casa Guzman became a home for you," Her smile is mischievous, "And I think it's about time to make that official, no?"
"Abuelita?"
"Come with me, Mirasol." Gently, the Guzman Matriarch led the Madrigal Heir to the bedroom wing, escorted by their two men. They passed through Abuela's, then Mariano's- until finally, they came to a stop in front of one of the guest rooms.
A dangerous feeling burst inside of Mirabel's chest as she realized that the door had no doorknob.
That feeling only doubled when Mariano left her tail with a realizing Bruno in tow, both of them then positioning themselves on each side of the door.
"Abuelita?" Mirabel asked again, tears in her eyes and a desperate, reluctantly reigned-in hope in her voice.
The elder woman's smile was all love.
"Happy Birthday, mi pequeña Mirabel," the box that had been taunting her all walk was finally placed in her hands, "Welcome Home."
Shakily, the little girl unraveled the ribbon and lifted the cover.
Inside was the most beautifully crafted golden doorknob she'd ever seen.
Fully trembling now, she grasped the object with as much care as she could while emotions of all kinds and intensity were roiling around inside her poor little heart, her fingers tracing the monogrammed 'M' over and over and over again- as if just to prove to herself that it was real.
She didn't know how long she spent in the trance, or how her tears were big and flowing, but when she finally looked up and saw the patience and love in her family's eyes, she realized it didn't matter. They knew how important this was to her, how needed- and they let her have her moment.
She loves them so much.
"What are you waiting for, hermanita?" Mariano softly half-teased, "Your Door is waiting."
Her Door.
An actual Door to an actual Room.
A Room that was all her own.
It shouldn't have felt like the few steps needed to be closer took years to accomplish, but it did. Mirabel looked at the doorknob again- one last check, one last check -and saw...
Herself.
With her family right behind her.
(The Lantern goes wild. It sparks. It burns. It-)
A happy sob, and finally the doorknob is clicked into place.
(It's gold.)
(Reblog for Part 5! Sorry this took long; School punched me in the gut and had us have the 3rd Mastery Test 2 weeks after the First Day of class when even our LMS is still desert empty. Hope you enjoy!)
When Aang asked, âBut why would I choose cosmic energy over Katara?â
and when Hakoda told his daughter, âYou and your brother are my entire worldâ
and when Katara said, âI thought you didnât want to helpâ and Sokka replied, âYou need me, and I will never turn my back on youâ
and when Toph asked, âDo you really think friendships can last more than one lifetime?â and Aang replied, âI donât see why notâ
and when Sokka said, âItâs Suki!â and later she said, âI knew youâd comeâ
and when Mai looked Azula in the eye and declared, âBecause I love Zuko more than I fear youâ and then Ty Lee saved her a moment later without a second thought
and when Iroh grabbed Zuko in a hug before he could even finish his apology and told him âI was never angry with you. I was sad because I was afraid you lost your wayâÂ
and when Aang turned to Zuko when the battle was finally over and said, âAnd now weâre friendsâ and Zuko agreed with a look that was almost akin to wonder, âYeah, we areâ
âŠthatâs love !!
Alsooo, when Katara brought Aang out of the avatar state within a couple days of knowing him by saying, âThe airbenders may be gone now, but you still have a family. Â Sokka and I, weâre your family nowâ
and when Aang realized the crazy king of omashu was actually his old friend from a hundred years before and said, âBumi, youâre a mad geniusâ
and when the gaang was stranded in the desert without Appa and Katara declared âWeâre getting out of this desert, and weâre going to do it together!âÂ
and when Katara turned to Toph and said âI know it doesnât matter, but youâre really prettyâ
and when the last two Freedom Fighters stood guard as Jet was dying underneath Lake Laogai and Longshot said, âWeâll take care of him. Heâs our leader.â
and when Aang buried his face in Appaâs fur for the first time in weeks and said, âI missed you buddyâ
âŠthatâs love too !!
When Sokka held on to Tophâs hand as she dangled over the edge of the airship for as long as he could, even if it meant heâd be killed too.
When the entire Gaang greated Sokka with an ecstatic group hug when he came back from training with Piandao.
When Kya told Yon Ra that she was the last waterbender, knowing she would be imprisoned or worse, to save Katara.
When Bato helped Sokka and Katara fulfill their right of passage in Hakodaâs absence.
When Aang, when he needed a Fire Nation alias, named himself after one of his old best friends.
When Toph asked Katara to help her write to her parents because, despite everything, she still missed them and wanted them to know she was happy and well.
When Zuko faced Ozai in prison, not to gloat or parade his victory, but to learn about his mother.
When Ty Lee, risking imprisonment or worse, defended Mai against Azula.
JustâŠthis showâŠso full of every conceivable form of loveâŠ
Atla will always be one of the best things ever đ
Can I be honest, I think if we went back in time and told that âMYRRH-DERâ â*gasp* Judas! No!â joke to a group of medieval peasants they would completely and utterly lose their shit. They would be grabbing each other and crying with laughter. idk I just love the thought of a joke created through a modern, 21st century medium being accessible and enjoyable for devout practising Catholics hundreds of years ago
Youâd be burned as a heretic, but sure, imagine theyâd laugh.
No, you really wouldnât.
When I wrote this post I specifically had in mind the liturgical plays enjoyed by medieval folks, especially from the 14th century onwards. These plays were once performed at liturgies, in Latin, under the direction of the priest or bishop, but later became plays that were enjoyed on the village green, recited in English, and performed and produced by players. Gradually, more and more comedic and farcical elements crept into the plays, because thatâs what audiences loved and demanded.
They would tell the lives of saints and Bible stories such as the Fall of Man, Noahâs Ark and the Nativity. Because plays were enjoyed at carnivals and because religious spirit and merrymaking arenât incompatible, certain characters became humorous and stereotyped. For example, Noahâs wife was a shrew who would smack her husband to get him into the ark, Herod was a ludicrous, blustering tyrant and poor old Joseph was particularly derided and used as comic relief, especially in the Nativity plays. Apparently, being cuckolded by God was not the way to appeal to a medieval man, though he would gain respect after the Reformation.
In the context that medieval peasants watched and loved ribald and slightly irreverent liturgical plays, something that would later evolve into the English stage as we know it in Shakespeare, it is entirely accurate and harmless to think that during a Nativity play the last wise man might say âI bring thee myrrâŠâ and after Jospeh has thanked him, he would unmask to reveal his red hair (sorry guys Judas was ginger) and exclaim âMYRR-DRE!â causing Joseph to gasp and cry âJUDAS!! NAY!!â and probably trip over himself falling backwards, to the unparalleled surprise and delight of the devout medieval peasants who, guess what, still have a damn sense of humour.
i read some medieval mystery plays this semester. thereâs one where mary, having pregnancy cravings, is like âoh, husband, wonât you go get me some cherries from that tree there?â
and joseph basically says âeh, that tree is really tall and I donât want to. how about you ask the guy that got you knocked up to get you the cherries?â
and the tree ~miraculously bends down~~ so she can eat them
and joseph is like âwell shitâ
âummmmm ur bra strap is showing :/ â
i thought this was me at first and i was really confused
omg hi
WEâRE MULTIPLYING
uhhhhhhh
hey
I FINALLY FOUND IT
Found what?
This Legendary post
This post is a gem and you have to reblog it or else you lose it
Someone confirm that these are all different people.
itâs here itâs on my dash!!
seeing ancient tumblr posts in the flesh rather than in screenshots has the same energy as seeing an infamous relic in a museum for the first time
I made another 'please stop destroying my house' toy
i wanted to reblog this as an awesome example of a homemade puzzle toy! i know weâve linked to a lot of buyable puzzle toys, but even if youâre on a budget you can make something great at home with stuff you have on hand. this whole thing is made with cardboard so itâs fine if your cat chews on it and there are lots of nooks and crannies to put treats or dry kibble in!
Peter Hale from Teen Wolf is going to super hell for queer crimes, murder and being a dilf!!!
requested by: @your-mighty-words-astound-me
