Survivor's Remorse (XXIII)
Chapeter One | Chapter 11+
I flip over Johanna's crouched frame and use my feet to propel her in the air above me, punching her square in the ribs so she had to throw her arms out to right herself as she skids against the mats, launching back at me before she even has her full equilibrium back. Her instincts and the sounds of my panting the only thing she relied on as we clashed head on again. My hunting knife met her axe just a little too late, having swiped my shoulder a few inches deep before I could parry and push back. As we fought for dominance, neither able to get more ground, she reared back and slammed her forehead into mine. This sent me down so i was on bended knee, both of our weapons having flown to the left of us. Swiping her foot from beneath her I pulled her to the ground with me, fingers clasped around her wrists to try and make sure I had the leverage even from beneath. But Johanna was wily and very cunning, especially with hand-to-hand combat and would not be slammed without retribution. Her right knee is in my chest as she twists her wrists in a way that would pop anyone else's out the socket, arching her back deeply and flipping backwards so that I had to either let go, or risk breaking my own wrists.
"You double jointed snake!", I cackle, rolling over three times away from her and adjusting my gloves again.
"Thought you'd like that. Throw a patch on that shoulder and then we can start another round", she grins widely, running a towel over her face and wincing when the sweat meets the deep gash on her hairline.
"Same for that forehead", I smirk, slapping the patch over my shoulder and ignoring the weird crawling sensation it elicits as it sows the skin back together.
"Did you see her?", Quin asked Jean, the other server on duty, with an excited squeal once she came back with the empty cart.
"Oh my God yes! She is so pretty in person!"
"Does she really have the scars?"
"Yup. They look so cool. Even the burns actually look good on her. You can serve the next round to get a better look. She was really nice"
"Thank you so much Jean! I've always wanted to see if her teeth were real or not!"
"Oh, they're real alright", he smirked to himself, not realizing he'd said this aloud.
"That's right! You did work with the tributes for the last 5 years of the Hunger Days. Have you ever met the Mockingjay?"
"A few times", he shrugged, wishing he hadn't drawn attention to himself.
The knowledge that the Mockingjay was in fact in the Capitol with her husband, unlike what the other Victors vehemently denied when asked, would serve him well. She was here. Within reach. This information was all he needed to work his way into a room alone with her. If he could just get Peeta's schedule, he could plan his revenge accordingly. Time to do some sleuthing. He would break her wings once and for all.
"Would you ladies serve the drinks please?", Marshall, the Kitchen Manager asked politely.
"Yes sir!"
In the meantime, he'd make himself scarce and get in touch with his contacts. She would regret the day she left the protection of District 12 until he crushed her under his foot.
Johanna and I lay flat on our back on the floor beside each other, arms spread out at our sides, lying across one another as we caught our breath.
"That...was....fuckin...fun" Johanna panted with a giggle.
"Sooo much fun. I feel a lot better"
"And you only lost it once. Loved that part", Johanna snickered, rubbing the heel of her hand against my bruised ribs for emphasis.
"You definitely kept me here and dished it right back", I chuckled, turning my head and poking her bruised collarbone.
"Shit if Peeta can't handle it, you can always call me to deal with them. That was awesome"
"You say that now", I answer dryly.
"I'm serious. I don't get this kind of workout anymore and it's got me feeling stagnant. Fighting with you is so....freeing. I don't have to worry about scaring or hurting you. It makes me feel...normal"
"I love you too weirdo", I snort grabbing her hand and squeezing twice before staring back up at the murals on the ceiling.
We're quiet for a while before her voice breaks the comfortable silence as our breathing has evened out.
"I promise to always protect you...and when I fail, I'll kill whoever sneaks past me to hurt you"
"I promise to murder anyone who ever tries to bring any pain to you too", I assert back, turning my face to hers with a wide cat-like grin.
"You two cannot keep up this kind of fighting", Haymitch grouches as he looks over the new layer of skin on my sliced shoulder with disapproval.
"And why the hell not? We're in the Capitol, where they can just fix us up in a jiff; even if we do slice each other like turkeys" Johanna shrugged, barely wincing as the nurse pops her shoulder back into the socket.
"Even modern medicine has its limits"
"I've yet to see them", she snorted, looking away as Gale poked at her sore relocated shoulder to prove Haymitch's point.
"They practically brought me back from the dead when I ripped my stitches out in my first games", I tack on to prove Johanna's point, refusing to let them win this one.
"Barely! And don't you dare do anything like that again!", Peeta hissed, eyes locked on mine seriously.
"Wait...you remember that?"
"They didn't toy with much from our first games. Snow said it wasn't necessary, he needed those memories to ring true, so I never questioned Peeta's affection in the beginning. He just needed me to believe Peeta hated me because his love was real and I was 'faking it' for the cameras"
"So nothing about that time was tampered with? You remember what we talked about in the cave and everything?"
"I remember you going to the Cornucopia to get some medicine for my stomach. You tricked me into eating the sleep syrup to sneak out and go. Even though you promised you wouldn't", I grumble irritably at the memory.
"I never promised. You had an infection; it would have killed you if I didn't go. Tricking you was the only way"
"I can't believe I thought you were a bad liar back than"
"That's the thing about being a good one, you can convince people of whatever you want them to believe. I didn't lie to you though. Just told you I wouldn't go as long as you didn't get worse. You did. I knew you wouldn't make it through another night if I hadn't gone"
"What? They didn't show any of that. What happened?"
"It's so hot. How is it raining and its hot?!", you snap irritably, wiping the sweat from your face with the back of your hand.
Peeta watches you lay your forehead against the cool wall of the cave, his worry only growing. He'd seen the bandages across your torso when he'd killed Marvel, but you'd been asleep for the last day and a half, so he hadn't been able to ask what happened. What he did know, it was actually freezing out, so your being hot enough to sweat, deeply disturbed him.
"It's freezing actually. Lay down. I need to check your wound"
"No", you snap, eyes flickering around the cave distrusting.
"We need to keep it clean and rewrap it"
"I don't have anything to cover myself and...I-"
"I won't look at anything but your wound. I swear"
"You're not the problem Peeta....the cameras though...", you trail off, looking away to the mouth of the cave while biting your bottom lip.
You had a point. Even Peeta couldn't deny that having you strip out of the bandages, revealing your body to the cameras, would only fan the flames of whatever creepy crap the Capitol delighted in. Digging in Marvel's commandeered bag, Peeta found a hand towel, passing it over to you.
"In the corner. Once you're covered and ready, you can call me over"
"Thanks Peeta", you smile, kissing his cheek gently, before moving to the corner and turning your back to begin unwrapping the blood-soaked bandages.
His cheek burned where your lips left their mark. Yes, he could tell your skin was burning up just from that simple contact, but this was the first time he'd ever seen you initiate physical contact with anyone. He could hear Haymitch in his ear,
'You told the world, now use it to keep you both alive. She'll understand without you needing to explain it. Trust me. She's nonverbal with the majority of how she interacts with people, she'll know what the plan is. Drop a hint if necessary. She aint the sharpest tool in the box when it comes to emotions'
"Peeta", you call with a shaky voice.
Peeta lifts his head and sees your naked back facing him, swallowing hard, before making his way to the corner to join you. He stays 3 feet away when he lowers himself to his knees, and can't help but feel guilty at the fact that he was enjoying this time with you; especially when he just had to tear Marvel off of you.
This felt so...intrusive.
"You've got some scrapes back here. Is it ok if I clean them too? I won't touch you anymore than I have to", he asserted, needing you to know you were safe with him, in every sense of the word.
"It's ok Peeta...I trust you", you swallow, but he can see you shaking when the wet cloth touches your shoulder. "Can...can you talk? Please?"
"Of course...were you really that mad at me after I told Caesar how I felt about you?", he asked, happy to be able to get some of the things weighing on his mind out to you.
"Yeah. I thought you were making fun of me and trying to make me a target", you shrug, only to hiss with pain at the action.
"You thought you always had a cinnamon roll hidden in your baskets when you came to trade, because my dad liked your squirrels that much?"
"Yes", you shrug again, as Peeta continues to gently clean the blood and dirt from the open wounds on your back.
"It wasn't. I always snuck you one because I know you preferred them, and the cheese buns, over anything else in the shop. Giving you those baskets was my favorite part of the week. It was some of the only times you spoke to me before the games. You'd even crack a smile when you thought no one was looking and you noticed them inside"
"They make me think of my Ma. She always smelled like cinnamon. Ma grew our herbs and spices. She liked to bake too. Once she died...we didn't get to have sweets much anymore"
"Your mom baked? Do you know any of her recipes?", he asked curiously, knowing he'd never make it out of here, but still wishing he could recreate one of them for you.
"I've got a book she and Pa wrote in together with all of their recipes and survival tactics"
"That explains how you lived on your own all this time", Peeta nodded, genuinely impressed.
"Didn't have much choice. Those orphanages are worse than a forest to survive in, believe me. Once I got comfortable hunting on my own, I realized I preferred it"
"I need you to turn and lie down" Peeta explains softly, making sure the sleeping bag was beneath your freshly cleaned back first.
"You promise not to hurt me?", you slur, rocking unsteadily.
This only makes Peeta's heart pick up in fear.
"I promise not to purposely hurt you. We might need to tighten the stitches and bandages. That will hurt. But I won't do anything that's not medically beneficial to you"
Peeta tried to disguise the fear that slapped him in the face once you were fully reclined on the sleeping bag. Cato had cut you good across the stomach, in a smooth arc, that you'd somehow sewn up with what looked like hair. The sponsors couldn't even be bothered to give you fucking thread?! Biting the inside of his cheek, he was grateful that the fever was making you delirious, because it was not easy to hide how his hands shook with fear. The edges of the suture were turning a sickly purple, green in some places, showing definite signs of infection.
"Peeta...I was so scared"
"When?"
"When Marvel was trying to...hurt me"
"You didn't show it. That's what helped me find you"
"I didn't want him to touch me. I don't like when people touch me. Especially not boys"
"I promise I'll stop once I get your wound cleaned"
"You don't count", you sigh softly, lids heavy as you tried to fight your exhaustion. "I don't mind when you touch me Peeta...I never have. Please...just don't leave me, ok?"
"I'm not going anywhere. I'll be here when you wake up"
"Peeta will stay with me...", you slur with a giggle as your blinks become longer and longer.
"Always"
You yawn softly and without warning your breathing is deep as you succumb to sleep. Peeta resigns himself to the fact that he will in fact have to go to the Cornucopia to get whatever it is they've got there that he knows will save your life.
***
"So did they say how often we get to go fighting there until we all go home?"
"They said you two are free to use it any time that you like while we're here", Peeta sighs dramatically.
"Yeeeees", Johanna and I sing together.
"Tomorrow?"
"Oh nooo, we're having a ladies slumber party tomorrow night, and you two will not have us nursing black eyes for it!", Effie tuts as she saunters into the room, an unusually relaxed Haymitch on her heels.
"Girls slumber party?"
"Plus Cinna, of course, but he doesn't count as one of the hooligans"
"I resent that title!", Finnick snapped, throwing a throw pillow at the back at Effie's head, that she surprisingly dodges.
"And thank you for proving my point Finnick"
"I second the objection. I'm quite the gentleman", Peeta huffed, arms folded over his chest.
"This week. The hole you put into the kitchen wall during heat week would beg to differ", Johanna laughs.
"And the door to your room that needed to be replaced", Annie snickers behind her cup of tea.
"And the swing you broke on the veranda when we went to that Gala", Onyx snorts.
"And the-"
"Oh my God shut the hell up all of you!", I squeal, burying my face in Peeta's shoulder.
"All inanimate objects. I'm a gentleman to living creatures" Peeta smirks, left arm curled around my waist.
"The sunflower patch in the garden would like to chime in on this conversation", Haymitch sniffs.
"Puhleeease stop, I beg of you!", I moan loudly, around the pillow I've decided to bury my face of shame into.
"We didn't have sex on the sunflower bed", Peeta refutes with pure boredom as his fingers run through my hair.
"Oh honey, I know you're new to this but, just because you didn't penetrate, doesn't mean it wasn't sex"
"I swear to God-wait....Peeta isn't exactly new to everything. That's not fair to assume just because we cleared up that it wasn't with me"
"Oh my God this heffa", Onyx sighs with a roll of the eyes
"Yes, actually I am. I'm just as green as you are"
"So...everything I thought was a lie? So you and Katniss never kissed or anything?"
"For the love of God, I'm gonna smack her!"
"Now, now Johanna, cut our little post-hijacked baby some slack. This has to be the first time she's ever asked about it after the war", Cinna coos, arms wrapped tight around my head, that he now has buried against his chest.
"No love, I did not. I only ever had eyes for you", Peeta smiles at me, rolling his eyes playfully.
It's taking everything I have not to burst into hysterical laughter but the fact that Peeta was saying those weren't true too...a lot of things were starting to fall into place. Memories anew and old were being rewritten without the gloss of insincerity over them. The time I spend with Aurelius after this week will be sure to make my head rattle.
~~~~~~
Excerpt from Survivor's Remorse Ch.XXVI- Torture Tales Pt.2 on Wattpad Maddink0318
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