I have no idea why I am blogging!

Cis 18 year old girl who still doesn't know how to use tumblr.

[standandwatchshitburn]

why so silent good messieurs

[nsfwitchy2]

I’m SEVERELY disappointed this post didn’t include the eye witness statement of the mirror crash incident in question

[captainlordauditor]

My favorite part of this is the addition of the violin, implying he either intended to or indeed did play the violin while roller skating into a (checks conversion rate) roughly $60,000 mirror

[callmekaza]

For my Fem!Dunk is Baelor’s Daughter/Princess Dunk au: Part 1

Beloved mutual @kienie said something about House Blackfyre so I’m going to expand on it.

Dunk , (maybe born as Duncaera or Daeria), was taken when she was 5, Valarr was 7, and Matarys was in Jena’s womb. The Princess had her mother’s red hair but lighter in color and deep blue eyes. The Blackfyre Sympathizers didn’t like the outcome of Red Grass so they waited until things calmed down and took Dunk.

The young princess was supposed to be a political hostage and later Daemon ii Blackfyre’s wife. The Sympathizers had heard that Prince Baelor’s only daughter was the jewel of his eye but hadn’t heard that she was an extremely heavy jewel. Princess Duncaera had inherited her mother’s AND grandmother’s height or would at least in the future. So it was a struggle getting her out of the Red Keep.

Stuff happens and the princess wakes up. She screams and the guards are alerted. The kidnappers hit her to shut her up but it’s too late because the whole castle is awake now so they run. They take a carriage out of King’s Landing but forgot to secure the young girl so after a too sharp turn? She fell out in the middle of Flea Bottom. Lost amongst the other lost children.

Princess Duncaera becomes Dunca becomes Dunk. She is so young she barely remembers her old life before Flea Bottom. She probably would’ve died if it hadn’t been for another girl that later became her sister. As time goes by and the more time spent surviving with Rafe, Dunk leaves the memories of warm laughter and love behind her.

Rafe thinks Dunk is weird. The too tall girl with a too soft heart didn’t belong in Flea Bottom. Didn’t belong next to Rafe but she’d be damned if she let anyone take her away. Whatever happened for Dunk to land down here in the filth Rafe was grateful for because she couldn’t imagine her life without her now. The tall girl was still weird though. Her blue eyes were such a dark color that they looked almost purple at times but Rafe guessed that a lot of residents of Flea Bottom had the blood of Dragon Seeds. It doesn’t matter. Dunk was Rafe’s and she’ll bite anyone who came too close.

[cosmonautroger]

[mrshamill]

i can't hit the love button hard enough.

O. MY. GOD.

[rembrandtswife]

This is adorable but I also want context. Take your child to work day, and you're a penguin keeper with a toddler? Or just lucky enough to live near wild penguins?

[tired-w]

How do you feel about a Dunk gender swap au. Maybe she disguises herself as a man and operates under being a mystery knight. Would juts be interesting to see how the relationships change and your take on her and others

I honestly enjoy it, I have always loved the "Girl disguises herself as a man trope" for reasons I did not find out until I realized I was trans later down the line. While I am someone who does believe it is important to the messaging of the story that Dunk is a cis male, as it is a tale proving that there are good men and what it means to be one in the face of adversity (aka, it's unintentional anti-manosphere media), this au is for fun!!! Never let things get in the way of fun! Fandom is a buffet, try and enjoy shit, even if it isn't always to your taste but even then, you may find you enjoy it nonetheless!

In this AU, the messaging just changes to a girl desperate to see good men and knowing that her only protection is to be said good man. Some people take height as a challenge, and just as male Dunk is handsome in a plain way, I think Dunk/Daph or Duncan/Daphne, is beautiful in a plain way as well. I think the biggest difference will be that Daph knows she is both beautiful and desirable but it gives her just as much anxiety as Dunk believing himself to be undesirable and unwanted.

NOW ONTO PLOT THINGS (I will be referring to Dunk as Daph. Dunk is what she goes by as a knight, but Daph is her actual name)

- I think Daphs backstory would happen when she is a bit younger, pre period age (so like 8). My reasoning being girls suffer earlier than boys, a comment on how "nowhere is safe for little girls", messaging on how quick girls must mature, and so Daph is can hide her gender from Arlan until she starts her period when she's 10. Arlan keeps her anyway because if she was smart enough to hide her gender from him for 2 years as a child, she'll make it. He's has also canonically been to Dorne, hes probably fine with women fighting.

- I have read a few of these and none of them have had Dunk bind, and I am sorry to say, but Daph would have A RACK! Arlan would be the one to show her because the moment he found out she was a girl, he realized he needed to look up things. Eventually during a travel to Dorne, Daph basically gets some trans tape. Also, the aurouchs line will be "As strong and as slow as an aurouchs... with the tits to match" Last part goes unsaid when meeting Baelor, for obvious reasons.

- Daph is a bit smarter and more well traveled than Dunk. At least smarter in a social sense, as everyone who has been born female knows, you HAVE to be more aware. As for well traveled, I do think Arlan would take Daph to Dorne and the North more often as sometimes Daphne simply needs to be a girl. I like to think that if there were any Northern houses (specifically Mormont) or Dornish houses at the tourney, Daph would have been vouched for quickly. As to the North and Dorne, she is known as "The broad beauty".

- Daph would be actually knighted in this as a delirious dying Ser Arlan would look upon his girl squire and decide that the best thing to protect her would be to knight her. Also, it would be a bit of a fuck you to the gods. It's the same reason why Daph would have armor, as Arlan did get her some armor in the North shortly before they headed to Ashford as he needed her to be protected. Again, more commentary on how girls need more protection regardless of how big and strong they are because their sex is used as a weapon against them. Dunk is a man so he'll always be okay, Daph is a woman so she'll have to settle for an anxious fine. Where Arlan neglected Dunk's education because he's a man, I feel like he went HARD regarding Daphs because she's a woman.

- As for when she gets to Ashford, I am taking your idea of her being a mystery knight to heart. She is not taking off her helmet in any situation, not even when it's the polite thing to do. It will change a few things but not by much. Lyonel's dinner scene goes much the same but instead of saying "Supper" it's "Music" which brings Lyonel an equivalent amount of delight. The meeting with Baelor to get herself knighted is changed, as in addition to Daph keeping her helmet on, she comments on how she hoped some northern lords would be here to vouch for her but since none are she has to go off her Ser's name. That intrigues Baelor enough to allow her to enter the lists.

- Egg finds out Daph is a woman the first night so in addition to name Dunk Duncan, he names Daph Daphne, and she likes the name. He doesn't judge her for the fact she's a woman and goes into the history of female warrior Targaryens and Dornish fighters and in trade Daph will give him tales of Dornish and Northern women fighters she met on her travels, ones who took her in whenever Arlan allowed. The big difference with this relationship is instead of parentified older brother and adhd younger brother energy, this will be strictly Mom and child energy. Egg will consider Daph his mom as he doesn't have one nor remember her, while with Dunk, he still very much has his father.

- Daph and Tanselle will be interesting as instead of love it is "OH SHIT ANOTHER BIG WOMAN" still an equal amount of stammering and awkwardness but not out of lust. Daph will accidentally reveal she's a woman to Tanselle and the puppeteer finds it so endearing and rather inspiring so she is more than willing to paint the shield.

- When defending Tanselle, I do think Daph would be more aware in her rage and will be smart enough to only *shove* Aerion, not hit nor kick him. For if she did that, she'd know she'd be in deep shit. It doesn't change the outcome, there is still a trial by seven as a shove insulted Aerions honor BUT it is the only reason why Daph isn't stripped of her armor and found out. Shoving a prince is unwise but not as genuinely stupid as hitting one.

- Baelor lives, as again, a female Dunk will be a better trained and more aware Dunk. Also I like him living. It does not change Daph not accepting Lyonel's offer in favor of traveling with Egg it only softens the Storms anger, but the reasoning is different to Daph. She's still not willing to be found out and while she does believe she could trust Lyonel, it's not a risk she's willing to take.

- Besides Tanselle and Egg, the only people who find out Daphs a lady, would be Raymun, Rowan, and the other Dondarrion whores. Raymun basically kidnaps Daph to his tent after the fight to have him patched up only for Rowan to finish removing the top of the armor and bandages and coming face to face with the biggest pair either of them have ever seen. Rowan shoos her husband out and gets the other ladies to help (Dondarrion believing it's just his women wanting to see a giant’s cock) and when Daph wakes she is so EMBARRASSED! They promise to keep her secret, Raymun even saying that should he and his wife have daughters he hopes they'll be as good fighters as her too. Aka, Daphs rack cures sexism.

Yeah, that's about it BUT if you have anymore questions OR want to know the specifics for any of my fun AU dribbles regarding what it would be like for a Female Dunk/Daphne LEMME KNOW! I enjoy doing them and it's fun to think about.

[alicewiththreefingers]

Who would win? The horniest man alive or a stupid, sexy hedge knight?

[cartooncoyote]

This is actually the best intro to a porno that has ever existed

[satanblessitt-deactivated201608]

There is no way this is a porno

[zombiesahoy]

This is the best porno there has ever been.

[usingtimewisely]

The way he says “HEY WHAT THE FUCK” shaped me as a person

[thebibliosphere]

It’s been over a decade, and I still think “I’m a lemon stealing whore” to myself every time I take fruit off a lemon tree.

Which isn’t often, but it’s often enough.

[madmarymad]

the difference between how aerion and lyonel would react to a fem!dunk is that aerion would have this LONG sexual crisis about how he had the hots for duncan BEFORE it was revealed she was a woman and mope around writing love/hate letters from the westeros version of Ibiza, hiding the fact he can only get hard at the sight of a strong bicep OR largely tall women, boiling to the point he'd up a whimpering pathetic still kind of evil sub who'd yearn at a distance bc he just cant get a handle on his goddamn FEELINGS!!!

lyonel would say, "hmm, I see... how's this: you get this golden dildo up my arse then sit on my face and fuckin' drown me with your cunt."

[beanabouttown]

[leupagus]

Dunk:

[leupagus]

because @takiki16's tags were an absolute inspiration (and because I'm a bit burnt out on writing the behemoth dunk/baelor fic), I present to you a snippet of something where hopefully it doesn't take Baelor 150K to get his pants off:

"No, truly, Your Grace," Dunk repeated, for what he guessed might be the seventeenth time but he'd lost count around the dozenth, "I could take no ransom from you. It was an honor to have faced Your Grace at all, and in truth I ought not have presumed—"

Prince Valarr Targaryen, second in line to the Iron Throne, Prince of Dragonstone and scion of the most powerful family in the Seven Kingdoms, blew a deep breath out through his nose. "Ser Duncan," he said, gearing up for the eighteenth (or possibly nineteenth) attempt, "you didn't presume anything. I challenged you, or did your first tilt against Lord Tully addle your wits?"

That didn't seem hardly fair, but Dunk had met three four princes in the course of this tourney and only one had spoken to him with anything like kindness. Perhaps that was the way of princes and lords; Lyonel had seemed hardly better, and when Lord Tully had come to pay his ransom this morning, he had tossed the bag into the mud at Dunk's feet, sneering at him to scrabble for it if he was so desperate for coin. Egg had done the scrabbling for him, and had clearly been of a mind to tell Lord Tully where he could stick his coin, but Dunk had collared him before he could say anything too rash.

And so Dunk of Flea Bottom had become Ser Duncan the Tall, Champion of the Ashford Tourney. Ashford servants had come down from the castle to proffer food and ale, compliments of his gracious host, and Lyonel had come over from his own pavilion on Champion's Row to complain about the ale and bring over his own casks, made special in Storm's End and sure to burn your hair right off your chest, he'd said.

By far the greatest gift Dunk had received, however, had come from Prince Baelor himself, who had not actually been in attendance (it had been early in the morning, after all, Dunk had told himself sternly, there was no reason for the prince to witness every joust in the tourney). But a squire in black and red had come wheezing up to his chair and tack stand — for he still had no pavilion for himself that was not the elm tree by the river — clutching an enormous jousting lance, also black and red.

"Oh, for fuck's sake," Lyonel had muttered, and snatched the accompanying note from the panting squire's hand before Egg could reach for it. "It's — this is embarrassing," he announced as he read it.

"What does it say?" Dunk asked, hoping he would not simply thrust it at him. Most hedge knights could not read — certainly the old man could never manage more than his name — but there still felt something shameful, something dangerous, about admitting as much now.

Lyonel sighed deeply. "'To replace the lance you broke upon Lord Tully,'" he recited. "'May it serve you well in your next match.' He's got the clap, you know," he added, which was probably not in the note. "And his breath smells horrible. He beats his servants, too, I'm sure you'd object to that." This last was said uncertainly, as though perhaps there were hedge knights who did not object. Which was true enough; the old man had beaten him bloody any number of times.

"He does not have the clap," Egg said hotly, "and he's never beaten a single servant."

Lyonel had squinted at Egg, then looked to Dunk. "Mind you, some servants could probably do with a little beating."

Which had been about the time that Prince Valarr had ridden up and touched his own lance — the twin to Dunk's new weapon — to Duncan's shield. "A challenge, ser," the prince announced with a friendly smile. Or perhaps it was not friendly; Dunk had a difficult time telling, with princes. Prince Aerion had seemed friendly enough yesterday before he'd impaled Ser Humfrey Hardying's mount, and Valarr had been spectacularly unhorsed early this morning by Ser Robin Rysling. It seemed he thought Dunk an easy opponent to regain his place upon Champion's Row — and no doubt he was right.

Nevertheless, Dunk had stood up from his chair and bowed. "I accept, my— Your Grace," he'd remembered in time.

"Excellent," Prince Valarr had said, and saluted him. Behind the prince, in the stands, Dunk saw Prince Baelor and his brother slowly making their way toward their seats beside Lord Ashcroft. Behind them trudged a third figure, vaguely familiar and clearly unhappy to be there. At least Prince Aerion seemed still absent; rumor had it that he'd been confined to his rooms in the castle as further punishment, which seemed more a punishment of the castle's servants than anyone else.

As Prince Valarr trotted off, Dunk had remembered something else. "Fuck."

Lyonel had sprung up from his chair. "I'll give you all the lances you want, hedge knight," he'd promised, with a manic gleam in his eye that could only come from strong drink or a mild concussion or both. "Just make sure to put that princeling in the mud right in front of his father, will you?"

[austin--friars]

As for Baelor, i enjoy reading him as a very morally complex, but at the end, morally good man, verses the black and white goody two shoes persona that is often pushed on to him.

Because Baelor objectively is a good man, better than his brother. But he still sat by and allowed toxicity to fester within his family. Baelor standing against Aerion and his own brother to fight for Dunk wasn't just him doing the right thing, it was also him coming to terms with the fact that a legacy he had probably held on to so strongly before all of this, was crumbling. The right thing to do, would have been side with Dunk to begin with and bring his concerns to Maekar, regarding Aerion being a loose canon. The right thing to do, would have been to reprimand Aerion far before it got as far as it did, whilst punishing Maekar for allowing his son's awful actions to fester and go unchecked.

While Baelor was kind to and empathized with Dunk, even to the point of being extremely cold and sharp toward Egg (which I like--because it shows us that he is capable of being cruel and cut throat), he still did not overly praise what Dunk did in the moment. He did not commend Dunk for striking Aerion, nor did he excuse he. He simply said, 'I might have done what you did, but I'm a prince'. There are so many ways to interpret that, but none of them overly excused or ignored what Egg did, nor did they put any accountability on Aerion. Infact, Baelor validated Aerion; he validated his anger, he validated the fact that what Tanselle did could be seen as treason against House Targaryen.

Even when Aerion requested a trial of the 7 (and both Maekar and Dunk were equally confused and both actively crashing out in unison), instead of denying him that or even trying to argue with him, he allowed him to trial without any consequence, knowing that it would be a disadvantage to Dunk. And by that I mean, he hardly stood up for him, outside of giving Dunk and his brother a history lesson, he gave Aerion what he wanted. And of course, that is the law, but Baelor never put up very hard opposition against his nephews desires.

This is not at all to say that, he didn't stick his neck out for Dunk because he did, immensely. This was seen by the fact that he did not blame Dunk at all, for any of this. He blamed Egg for it. This also isn't excusing the fact that he gave his life for Dunk, because he did. But joining the fight against his family, IMO, is the result of Baelor realizing that there needs to be a change. That he has been enabling his brother and his brother's son for too long that it has come to this; the Targs have not only lost their way but are falling back into the travesty that was Aegon the Unworthy. Baelor doesn't want a repeat of that, but he sees that by his lack luster actions, that is going to happen. He knows that as much as his brother grumps about his children, he is an inactive/bad father. He will threaten and hit Aerion, but he will stand by him. He too is an enabler; if none of them stood up to Aerion, then their legacy would repeat itself.

Similar to how I mentioned that Egg and Dunk are Maekar's redemption, Dunk is also Baelor's redemption. Dunk is a reflection of everything that a knight and a good man is to Baelor, and being lost in castles, in Summerhall, in Dragonstone, around elites, nobles, royals, etc., Baelor had forgotten that simply because he didn't have to confront that until he saw Dunk vs Aerion. And it was no longer something he could ignore; there was a terror brewing within the household of his brother, whcih inevitably would impact his legacy and threaten his life.

So Baelor is a very good man imo. He is not your typical Targ man, and it's foolish to act like he is a man with ulterior motives. But I actually like this idea that he deals with internal struggles more than the thought of him being a very basic, black and white person. While he was not actively torturing people like Aerion, he allowed it to fester by not condoning his brother's lack of parenting. And of course people are probably wondering 'why is it his problem', not only is he going to be king, but what one unruly prince does, impacts everyone. And it would be absolute hell for Baelor to be king while his nephew who thinks he is a dragon and a true targ is living and breathing. They would've eventually had to kill Aerion I kid you not.

I love that Dunk opened Baelor's eyes, and he shattered the family unit that Maekar and Baelor created. He forced Baelor out of his own space of comfort and compliance. It is because of Dunk, that Baelor knows that if he wants a change, then he is going to have to stand against his family, and his own brother. Because TRUST me, if Baelor survived, things would never be the same between Maekar and Baelor, and Baelor was willing to risk that because he believed in Dunk. And that is far more interesting than him being just a goodie two shoes, because not even that makes sense for what we saw.

[serlyonel]

𝔏𝔶𝔬𝔫𝔢𝔩 𝔅𝔞𝔯𝔞𝔱𝔥𝔢𝔬𝔫 𝔵 𝔗𝔢𝔵𝔱 𝔭𝔬𝔰𝔱𝔰

[alicewiththreefingers]

Your heart is too kind, your spirit too honorable. They'll kill you

[wizardpink]

Lyonel Baratheon in the trailer for the finale mad as fuck is killing me, he's so jealous lmao. The day before he was like "when I surprise Ser Dunk and gallantly ride to his aid in the trial of seven he is going to be soooo thankful :)" only for Mr. Perfect Prince Baelor to swoop in and get all the credit for saving the day. Then on top of THAT the mother fucker DIES so all anyone is ever going to talk about is how brave and selfless he was and Dunk will worship his memory and wallow in guilt about his death forever, and now he'll NEVER fuck him. 😫

[dragon-of-the-soutn]

AKOTSK soulmate AU where on the first night Lyonel and Dunk discover that they’re soulmates when they’re dancing in the Baratheon tent. Both are thrilled, like that’s their (romantic) soulmate and they’ve managed to find them in a world where most never do. Dunk is a bit starstruck while Lyonel is already planning there future and vibrating with excitement that they get to tilt against each other.

Somewhere along the way Dunk and Raymun and Dunk and Egg discover their platonic soulmates, yay! Dunk is on cloud nine. Fuck the tourney, he may of lost Ser Arland but he’s somehow found a family along the way. Hell yeah.

Still has to find someone to vouch for him so he still ends up talking to Baelor and Maekar about remembering Ser Arland. Conversation happens as normal but Baelor and Maekar are giving each other looks and keep giving Dunk looks which is confusing the hell out of Dunk who chooses to simply ignore them. He’s excited to tell Lyonel they can tilt against each other, he’s only a Hedge Knight what does he know of royalty.

Basically Baelor and Maekar have also been hit with the romantic soulmate beam (you pick how soul mates work) from meeting Dunk, as has Dunk but Dunk just assumes this is residual romantic soulmate beam energy from meeting Lyonel. Because having more than one romantic soulmate is not unheard of but it’s insanely rare and has a lot of religious/folklore implications and that would never happen to someone like Dunk.

Neither Baelor or Maekar quite knows how to deal with this. More so when they find out that Lyonel Baratheon has been telling everyone with a 30 mile radius that ‘you see that giant knight with the gorgeous blue eyes? Yeah he’s myyyyy soulmate arn’t you sooooo jealous! I bet you are, come to my party tent where I’m throwing a massive hell yeah I’ve met my soulmate party 🎉. Can’t wait to tilt against him in the tourney while carrying his favour 😎❤️.’

Ashford tourney then becomes a slight comedy of errors where the plot still happens but you have Baelor and Maekar trying (and failing) to be very normal about Dunk. Baelor has the ability to compartmentalise, Maekar cannot. It gets worse when Valarr and Daeron form platonic soul bonds with Dunk. Well they have to do something now!

Idk how anything else would work but the idea of Lyonel finding out that not one but two Targ princes have romantic soul bonds with his Hedge knight???? Oh you’re laughing, Baelor and Maekar are trying to poach his Dunk from him and you’re laughing! Maekar he could handle but Baelor, annoying perfect Prince Baelor who is currently trying to do some courtly love shit with Dunk, what is he supposed to do about that????

[missmouse1223]

Another head canon for post season 1 of AKOTSK:

Lyonel keeps sending ravens to Dunk as the taller man and Egg travel through the Seven Kingdoms. He’s saddened when he gets no reply from the hedge knight. Not even an acknowledgement that the letters found him.

Lyonel thinks that Dunk is still disappointed in him for their confrontation under the tree.

Only Lyonel doesn’t realize that Dunk can’t READ or WRITE.

Literacy means nothing in Flea Bottom and means little more to the life of a hedge knight. Dunk has been tempted to ask Egg to read the letters to him, but anxiety keeps him from doing so.

It’s only when Dunk and Egg have to take shelter in Storm’s End from a rather terrible storm that he and Lyonel meet again.

Lyonel’s pissed that Dunk didn’t respond to any of his letters, why this lowly hedge knight thinks himself fit to ignore the Lord Paramount of Storm’s End.

It’s only when Dunk nervously stutters out,

“Milord—Lyonel, I cannot read.”

Lyonel freezes and goes, “what?”

“I don’t know how to read or write.” The hedge knight confirms.

They both awkwardly look at each other as Lyonel comes to terms that his beautiful hedge knight may not have been snubbing him intentionally.

Dunk kept all the letters and so Lyonel reads them to him. Each one makes Dunk blush harder than the last.

He’s grateful that he didn’t ask Egg to read the letters.

[gaya-the-k]

The Dragon Dreams

[missmouse1223]

One of the things I think would be hilarious in the AKOTSK show is Dunk doing casual displays of strength without thinking on it.

Obviously he’s aware that he’s a bigger guy and therefore possesses a certain amount of strength that others don’t. Also he tries to be gentle and unassuming due to his size though it’s also his nature to be so.

However there are times when he doesn’t care to soften the rough edges of his body.

Like when he’s standing before the Targaryens and company after they’ve decided on a Trial of Seven. In this version of the scene, Maekar hasn’t dragged Aerion away (yet).

So when Dunk asks “Can I go?” And Baelor nods then gestures for the guards to move forward and undo the shackles binding his wrists.

Dunk shakes his head saying, “There’s no need for that, Your Grace.”

Everyone’s confused until the creaking of metal fills the chamber before a snapping sound echoes throughout.

Dunk moves his newly freed arms, the cuffs of the shackles still dangling from his wrists. “Ah, I’ll have to do these later.” He mutters to himself before bowing to the table and taking his leave.

Baelor is too stunned to speak. Maekar on the other hand is horrified.

It’s a feeling he hasn’t felt since the RedGrass. ‘That man would destroy my son. There’d be nothing left’ He thinks wildly, fearing for the trial now. Maeker turns to look at Aerion expecting fear as any sane man would be.

What Maekar finds is Aerion biting at the wound on his lip, reopening it. A flush has risen to his cheeks and he staring at the spot where the hedge knight was just standing. Maekar has seen that look before, on men who look ready to pounce when they see a pretty whore.

‘My son WANTS to be destroyed!!’

It’s then that Maekar drags him off, yelling “IDIOT!”

[mmelolabelle]

if you accept (which I do) that Baelor was down bad for Duncan at first sight, you also have to accept that whole situation simply got more intense and ridiculous from Baelor’s POV as time went on

like whoops got a bit intense and stare-y with that random stranger there, probably didn’t need to eye-fuck him in front of my super stressed out brother, but what are the odds we’ll ever be in same room again –

what do you mean, he just kicked the nephew I can’t stand in the face?

what do you mean the tall, sweet, very attractive hedge knight would risk his own wellbeing to protect the innocent?

what do you mean that he speaks truth to power as easily as breathing, because it’s the right thing to do?

and of course, of course he’s good with kids, why the fuck wouldn’t he be?

oh look he’s on his knees in front of me again, I cannot be reasonably expected to be normal about this I am only human PLEASE