Sometimes being an artist is feeling like a baker seeing a chemist making the deadliest liquid in the world and wishing you could make the deadliest liquid as well but you're a baker, not a chemist, and then you feel like your bread is worthless
If it helps, as a writer with artist friends often feels like being a chemist surrounded by bakers. I'll spend ages coming up with a hypothesis and then lock myself away for weeks or months only to emerge with a small vial of glowing liquid. Yes it took a lot of work, and yes I'm proud that I've created it, but it pales when I look across at the bakers. In the same time, they've made so many delicious things that make living a delight. Chances are they've fed me and kept me from despair while I was locked in my lab. And I envy their wonderful craft.
I feel like when I say ârelatableâ what I really mean is âresonant.â I donât want characters who I feel are like me, I want characters who have emotions so strong I can feel them through the page.
Fun fact from a therapist who works in the field of inteusive thoughts: did you know that one of the (many) techniques we are taught to work on with people is to literally yell (in their heads or maybe even out loud if necessary) STOP at thoughts that are distressing or unpleasant and than redirect away from it?
Past three months have not been favorable for us. More unexpected expenses than income, so I'm opening emergency commissions to try and ensure we have food till next moneys come.
Goal is to get at least 150 euros.
Payment happens via me sending Paypal invoice to your email, tipping option will be added to said invoice.
If you want to commission you can contact me through direct messages here, Discord, or email.
I've seen this before, but it's been years and it just came across my Twitter in its dying days. The words are from a favorite author of mine, Maggie Stiefvater, and they are the words I most need to hear when it comes to dealing with chronic pain and illness. I didn't need this the first time I saw it, six years ago. I need it now. Maybe you do, too.
A series of 8 tweets on the experience of being autistic and ADHD (AuDHD) by @pot8um on twitter, image descriptions below cut.
I saved these shortly after being dx + medicated with ADHD last year. It was the first time I began to seriously consider the possibility that I was also autistic. 1/8
AuDHD is a constant tug-of-warâ contradictions that exist simultaneously that I feel equally strongly about.
[image description: Two-column text inside orange arrows on left, and blue arrows on right. Title âWhat ADHD & autism feel likeâŚâ L column is ADHD; R column is autism. 1st row, L text: âMaking spontaneous plansâ, R text: âGetting very upset if those plans are interruptedâ 2nd row, L text: âStruggling to organizeâ, R text: âHaving a strong need for orderâ. By @autistic.qualia]
Each of these are so familiar to me, but I could never articulate my experiences with the right language. Also, if you donât know what youâre experiencing is AuDHD, you donât know what questions to ask. You didnât know you were even supposed to *have* questions! 2/8
[image description: Two-column text inside orange arrows on left, and blue arrows on right. Title âWhat ADHD & autism feel likeâŚâ L column is ADHD; R column is autism. 1st row, L text: âImpulsively making purchases for a new hyperfixationâ, R text: âHyperfocus on researching the productsâ 2nd row, L text: âStruggling to be on timeâ, R text: âUpset when others are a few minutes lateâ. by @autistic.qualia]
I have phases of hyperfixation with certain things, and lifelong interest in others. Successfully executed plans / tasks is always my goal. (The perfectionism is too real.) I always get frustrated when I inevitably miss steps, regardless of my attention to detail. 3/8
[image description: Two-column text inside orange arrows on left, and blue arrows on right. Title âWhat ADHD & autism feel likeâŚâ L column is ADHD; R column is autism. 1st row, L text: âHyperfixating on a wide variety of topicsâ, R text: âAlso having long term special interestsâ 2nd row, L text: âForgetting steps in plansâ, R text: âNeeding plans to execute perfectlyâ. by @autistic.qualia]
I *love* trying new foods⌠until itâs a bad experience, then I clam up and am reluctant to try again. When it comes to food, consistency is vital to me. My brain is far more active than I have spoons for. Most of my ideas strike when Iâm freshly overloaded and spoonless. 4/8
[image description: Two-column text inside orange arrows on left, and blue arrows on right. Title âWhat ADHD & autism feel likeâŚâ L column is ADHD; R column is autism. 1st row, L text: âEnticed by novel foodsâ, R text: âHypercritical of food taste and textureâ 2nd row, L text: âWanting new experiencesâ, R text: âWanting to stick to what I know I likeâ. by @autistic.qualia]
I tend to hyperfixate on things that arenât central to the task at hand. (I donât want to say âon the âwrongâ thingâ because Iâm on my self-compassion shit ) Discovering my neurodivergence during the pandemic was surreal. Severe boredom, severe overload, severe whiplash. 5/8
[image description: Two-column text inside arrows. Title âWhat ADHD & autism feel likeâŚâ L column is ADHD; R column is autism. 1st row, orange arrow, L text: âMisses details and makes mistakes on boring topicsâ, blue arrow, R text: âNotices small details and points out othersâ mistakesâ. 2nd row, purple arrow, L text: âBecoming easily understimulatedâ; Yellow arrow, R text: âBecoming easily overstimulatedâ. by @autistic.qualia]
Overthinking the stages of your emotional dysregulation is its own personal hell. When Iâm lowest on spoons, I tend to ruminate the most. My thirst for knowledge is met by my shoddy working memory. I try recalling a fact that *I know* I read up on. Canât. Frustration ensues. 6/8
[image description: Two-column text inside arrows. Title âWhat ADHD & autism feel likeâŚâ L column is ADHD; R column is autism. 1st row, purple arrow, L text: âStruggling from emotional dysregulationâ. Blue arrow, R text: âBeing a logical and analytical thinkerâ. 2nd row, orange arrow, L text: âStruggling to retain informationâ; Yellow arrow, R text: âWanting to learn everythingâ. by @autistic.qualia]
Itâs hard for me to Start the Thing. Once I start, I NEED to ride that wave! If Iâm taken out of the moment, idk when Iâll be able to start back up. If I donât say what Iâm thinking *while* Iâm thinking it, itâll be forever lost. (Trying my best to work on this. Itâs hard!) 7/8
[image description: Two-column text inside purple and yellow arrows. Title âWhat ADHD & autism feel likeâŚâ L column is ADHD; R column is autism. 1st row, L text: âHaving difficulty sitting stillâ, R text: âHypersensitive to other people fidgetingâ. 2nd row, L text: âInterrupting others when they are busyâ; R text: âHate being bothered while in hyperfocusâ. by @autistic.qualia]
Please note: ⢠These traits are infinitely more nuanced than a few tweets can possibly cover. ⢠I do not speak for the entire autistic community. From @autisticqualia on IG, an outstanding AuDHD awareness account.
[image descriptions: a box of text at left reads âHaving both ADHD & autism can sometimes feel like there are contradicting forces within you. Traits that seem incompatible on the surface can exist in the same person.â A box of text at right reads âEveryone with ADHD & autism is different. These are the contradicting traits that I personally experience as someone with both ADHD and autism.â]
It's uncommon for me to see someone discussing the experience of being both austistic and ADHD, and this was articulated so well, I feel like it also describes my experiences. (The author is also an advocate for late diagnosis AuDHD adults, who has shared her experiences about working with dismissive, misogynist doctors.)
Bearing in mind that every individual is different, as noted by the tweet author, I feel like I am more autistic than I am ADHD, despite my ADHD diagnosis (and these two developmental disorders have many overlapping traits, of course).
I have never, ever understood the experience of "ADHD boredom" that I have seen some people describe. I am perpetually overstimulated, not understimulated, and I stuggle to process experiences and find enough time and space. Executive dysfunction also prevents me from starting/enjoying activities, as is typical with ADHD. It's not just a thing that makes it difficult to work on stressful or boring tasks; it prevents you being being able to commence fun things, like reading for enjoyment or watching a TV show you want to watch. And when I do manage to start the book/TV show, the stimulus is often overwhelming and I don't get very far.
I saw your post about wishing you could read every book-kind of curious about whether you still want to read the boring ones-and I don't mean super dry history, I mean like..."make your own website!" books that are one big ad for a dead web design program. Cookbooks that insist that no, you must use ONLY branded products. Tolclone Fantasy Novel #9001. Archives of gossip magazines. Is there a cutoff?
There is no cutoff. I am very greedy and I want all of it.
Yes! Someone who understands!! The sin driving my need to Know All The Things isnât pride.
Itâs AVARICE.
It drives me crazy sometimes looking at a crowd of people and knowing how much information is walking around on two legs locked away from my grasp. I want to crack open their heads and drink it out of their skulls.
Will instructions on how to build a website from 1996 ever be useful? Almost certainly not. Almost. But itâs a piece of information I donât have so I have to acquire it right now.
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