aka the counterpart to @cliocodex ‘s wonderful sleep drabble. set in the KotOR Rock AU and... of course it’s Atton and Meetra. It’s sappy fluffy; who else would it be? at least until we get deeper into the series
It still surprises him how badly Meetra sleeps.
It’s not like it’s a total shock, not after how much coffee he’s seen her drink over the last few months (and especially not after the first time she slept over at his and read him the riot act for having a French Press but only using bulk-bought instant coffee instead of grounds. Trying to argue that he’d bought it because it was R2-D2 themed and not because he wanted brewed coffee got him nowhere). He’s also seen her out of makeup enough to know that the bags under her eyes aren’t always just smudged liner or eyeshadow. Still, she always seems so put-together and alert that he sometimes forgets just how little sleep she might be running on.
The first time they spent a full night together it hadn’t really been an issue. They’d both been too worn-out from their… earlier activities to do much more than sleep like two sweaty, exhausted logs – something that applied to pretty much all their early sleepovers, come to think of it. Even if they hadn’t just finished exhausting each other there was just something about curling up beside her that never failed to make him conk out like a light. Her, too, it seemed.
Once they reached the point of not always fucking each other to a good night’s sleep, it was a different story.
He’s not about to pretend he’s always a sound sleeper. Fuck knows he’s spent more than a few nights tossing and turning – shit, it’s why there’s almost always a drink or seven with his evening meals; easier to pass out and deal with any residual hangovers than work half-asleep. Now that he’s an honest-to-god rockstar it almost seems required. It’s not the healthiest option by a long shot but it shuts the voices in his head right the hell up.
Meetra, however, takes tossing and turning to a whole new level. At least when she wakes during the night and can’t get back to sleep.
It’s the frustrated sighs that get him. He can sleep through a lot of things – accidental headbutts, drool, once apparently losing both pillow and blanket to notorious blanket-hog Meetra – but he always wakes to the sound of her voice. Especially if she doesn’t sound happy. Useful if it’s a bad dream, less useful if she’s sleep-mumbling, and right now…
She sighs again. The frustration is audible. Self-directed, too; he’s spent far too long studying Meetra to not know the difference between her “someone’s being an idiot” and “gods I’m an idiot” sighs, even if he’s only half awake.
Well. That and the fact he knows her insomnia mostly comes from getting too wrapped up in her own thoughts and not being able to fall back asleep. He knows it’s not the only reason – he’s heard her muttering about Malachor a few times, actually saw her wake in tears once – but tonight she definitely sounds frustrated instead of upset.
He doesn’t speak up immediately. Sometimes she’s still asleep and he’s not keen on waking her if she isn’t already awake. When the sigh is interspersed with a half-moaned hiss, though, he rolls over. ‘Bad dream?’ he asks groggily, mouth not fully awake even if his mind kind of is.
She sighs again. The self-directed annoyance comes through heavily. ‘Nah. Bathroom then couldn’t fucking sleep. All this stupid little shit. Doesn’t matter.’
‘It’s keepin’ you awake. It matters.’ At least it does in his own sleep-addled brain. He can’t quite figure out what to say next so he settles for wrapping his arms around her and pulling her close. Despite her irritated noise she burrows in close immediately.
‘It’s so stupid. Like – morning’s hours away; I know I have to bin the garbage on the way out, I know I have to swing by fucking Tesco’s for some more coffee and maybe laundry powder, I fucking know I need to restring that backup bass before rehearsal –’
The first time he tried reassuring her that she could deal with it all later and that hadn’t seemed to work. The second he’d tried pointing out the illogicity of it all and that had definitely not worked (in his defence he’d been half-drunk and even knowing it was a bad idea wasn’t enough to stop his mouth from trying it). The third, however, some magical combination of his own exhaustion and his ridiculous luck had nailed the solution, so tonight he knows what to do.
It’s kind of ridiculous. Anyone else he’d just roll over and go right the fuck back to sleep. But Meetra’s the exception, has been from that very first day in Peragus, so tonight he’s not going back to sleep until she does.
Atton tucks her head beneath her chin, shuffles so that she can lie with her ear against his chest. She’s still rambling – his ears are about as awake as his mouth is – but the words are slowing, less angry, a little more directionless. When he starts slowly stroking her back there’s a legitimate pause in her words.
‘S’okay, angel,’ he murmurs, pressing a kiss to her hair. ‘Brains’re stupid sometimes. S’not your fault.’
She huffs against his chest but it’s not as heavy as it should be. Her arms snake around his waist; her legs twine in his almost unconsciously. ‘I know.’ Some of the frustration leaves her voice, though.
He continues stroking her back. ‘Gonna tell you anyway.’
She snorts, curls a bit closer, holds him a bit tighter. ‘I know.’
A few moments pass before he remembers what he was planning to say: ‘Wan’ me to tell you again?’
That’s the normal answer. He gives his normal response. ‘Mmm… whaddabout a story then?’
She shuffles a little, presses her lips against his chest. ‘You never did tell me how that one with the exiled Jedi ended.’
‘I did. You were just asleep.’
She snorts. Already she sounds a little bit sleepier. ‘Then tell me again, flyboy. I’ll stay awake this time.’
Despite himself a smile curls the corners of his lips. ‘Doubt it. Guess it can’t hurt to try though…’
True to his word, she’s asleep by the time he’s describing his most recent Light-Side Exile’s landing on Nar Shaddaa. He keeps talking anyway though, just in case. Just in case those beautiful eyes flutter open again, or those gorgeous lips start murmuring a half-asleep question of him. Just for a few more seconds of seeing Meetra at peace and asleep in his arms.
It’s not a permanent solution. He knows this as well as he knows that one day he’ll have to be honest with her about his past, as well as he knows that one day he’ll have to face the memories of his own past that keep him awake at night.
But for now, for tonight, he lets himself trail the story to a close as the Exile forgives the smuggler and accepts him for Jedi training, and drifts off to sleep with his whole world in his arms.