Johny grabbed Vanessa LaRusso’s thin arm and pulled her away from the kitchen.
“Woah, what are you doing?” she asked, indignant, kinda looked like LaRusso doing it.
“I need to talk to you for a sec.”
He dragged her out into the garden, looked around. Nobody else were there. “Okay. I was talking to the bonehead-”
“Yeah, whatever, and he told me you were a shrink.”
She frowned. “I’m a student, I’m training to be a child psychologist.”
“Yeah, that’s what I said. Well, I gotta talk to someone. I’m going out of my mind.” He took a deep breath. “You have to help me, doctor.”
“Uh- well, what’s up, Johnny?”
Johnny took a pause for effect. “I got Stockholm Syndrome,” he said with gravity.
Johnny nodded. There was a weird relief, saying it out loud. Maybe the kids were right. Talking about mental health was so important.
“That’s- a largely disproven diagnosis specifically relating to kidnap victims,” Doctor LaRusso said. “you been in a bank robbery?”
“What? No. I mean, LaRusso gave it to me.”
She made a face, looked inside at the family gathered in the kitchen. “Which one?”
Johnny made a confused face. “Who’s that? No, Daniel.”
“Cousin Daniel gave you Stockholm Syndrome.”
“Because, I like, okay, I hate the guy. Sorry, I know he’s your cousin. But he sucks. And I still like. Can’t stop thinking about him. His stupid annoying voice. And his big stupid eyes. Way he’d fit in my lap. Like an idiot.”
“You see the hot chick I come with? Carmen?”
“Sometimes I close my eyes and think about him when I’m banging her,” Johnny said. “and it’s like I’m with him. They’re about the same cup size.” He cleared his throat. “Sorry, sorry. Not funny.”
“You’re in love with my cousin Daniel?”
“No! It’s Stockholm Syndrome! What kind of shrink are you? We hung out too much, and he gave it to me.”
“Okay- what would you like me to do about it?”
“There’s gotta be some exercise or thing I can do to get rid of it, right? It’s not permanent, right? Like Downs’ Syndrome?”
She shrugged her thin shoulders. “Sounds to me like the patriarchal environment and your own toxic masculinity has made you a textbook case of repression. You should examine your feelings honestly and take it from there.” She made an apologetic face and turned to walk back inside.
“How about electro shock therapy?” Johnny called after her. He sighed, looked inside. Daniel was laughing. Made his eyes go all warm and you could see the cute little gap between his front teeth. Johnny winced.
Fucking Stockholm Syndrome.
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