I’m rarely on Tumblr, mostly because I don’t know how to use it since I’m an old ass; but alas, here I am.
Yesterday I felt the intense need to write my journey down somewhere, and where better than Tumblr? The place with no rules, no limits, nobody watching. It’s perfect. I’m not ready to post a before an after on my Facebook (my main social media platform...told you, I’m old) but I do post them on my Instagram (@ashashgoesketo). Mostly because I don’t have a whole lot of followers there either.
Anyway, let me take you from the beginning. I am currently a 26 year old mother of two. In a relationship that gets more complicated than I would appreciate most of the time. As long as I could remember, I have always been bigger than my peers. One memory in particular, I was in either 2nd or 3rd grade, and for some reason we were discussing our weight. It had to tie in with gravity and weight, or something or another. I can’t remember....old. I was 80 pounds at that point. I don’t remember thinking of myself as fat, I don’t think I was fat even now looking back. I was just always heavier but carried it well. One of the boys in the class was 60 pounds and I remember him saying “Wow! She’s 20 pounds heavier than me!” I was embarrassed. I never discussed my weight ever again.
Fast forward many years later. It’s May 2015. I’m a 24 year old paralegal. Working my ass off for part time legal work. Didn’t pay too well, but I told myself “I love this job!” because I did, and also, “I’m using this for experience to move on to something better”. Sounds like the typical 20 something in a shitty economy mantra, right? I was lucky enough to be able to save enough money for a down payment on a house for an FHA loan and I was super excited. House hunting in the semi shitty areas of town was GREAT! *sarcasm* But I was able to find a house that was doable for my boyfriend and I. Pretty much, we both hated it. I put the offer down on this house. It’s a 3 bedroom! So exciting! I tell my boss I would be needing Friday off to close on the house AND to be able to move from our two bedroom apartment into the house, since I was able to move in upon closing. He said no big deal. About a week or two before closing I find out I’m pregnant. Good thing it’s a three bedroom right? Let’s go ahead and throw my plans for a playroom out the window. Thursday before I left for the day he said to me “Happy Closing!” Yeah....happy closing indeed.
I purchase a moving truck, and try my hardest to move our two bedroom apartment mostly by myself (since my significant other is SO FUCKING TERRIBLE at scheduling shit off from work). But it gets done and I have everything in from one place to the other. Then on Saturday, the phone rings. It’s my boss. I figured he might be checking in on me to see how the move went. I answer. The conversation went somewhat like this;
Boss: Hello, Ashley?
Me: Hi Unnamed Bossman!
Boss: Sorry to tell you this, but I won’t be needing you any longer. So, don’t come in on Monday. Please call next week to schedule to come in and pack your belongings.
Me: Oh, um. Okay....Yeah.
Yeah, what a way to start a new life in a new house right? I’m now a 24 year old mother of a 2 year old who is currently pregnant and now UNEMPLOYED! Fun times. The struggle was surely real. Panic mode immediately sets in. WHO IS GOING TO HIRE A PREGNANT LADY?! It was rough. I wasn’t comfortable buying anything for the house, not even food. I applied for food stamps and was denied. Apparently the State of Indiana thinks an unemployed mother who is pregnant making $150 a week on unemployment makes too much for assistance. Luckily, it only took me 3 months to find another job. Another 3 months, and I would have been kicked off of unemployment, because the State of Indiana only allows you to collect unemployment for 6 months. It was as a temp for a local insurance agency. I was DETERMINED to work my ass of to get hired into a permanent position. I even put the health of myself and my baby at risk doing it, by moving big ass boxes filled with files from one place to another. To be fair, they didn’t know I was pregnant, and I justified it to myself by saying “This box CAN’T be any heavier than a 2 year old”. But, my determination paid off, as I was hired into a permanent position even though I was noticeably pregnant, and was going to have a baby in about 2 months of my new position’s hire date. I will forever be thankful.
Fast forward, it’s March 2016. I just got back from having a baby and was cleared by my doctor to resume all normal activity including exercise. I decided 2016 was the year I was going to start taking care of myself. I had hit my absolute lowest of the low mentally, physically, and emotionally the past year, and I wanted to do what was right for myself, and my body. I went to the dentist for the first time in 5 years, went to the doctor, and started exercising four days a week (mostly). My place of work happens to have a gym in the building for employees to use, which was perfect! I could go down on lunch, and not have to pay more for a membership AND wouldn’t have to worry about childcare. Amazing! But, as time went on, and I continued to work my ass off, my ass was not coming off. I toned a little, but I was 100 pounds overweight. Working out and moving my body, lifting weights, doing cardio, SHOULD have made me lose SOMETHING right? Nope. That damn number on the scale was NOT budging. I kept at it, nothing happened, so I kept at it some more. Literally, the definition of insanity.
December 2016, I hear about this crazy diet called the Ketogenic diet. It’s a high fat/low carb diet. You basically give up sugar and bread and everything that makes the world go ‘round. And, instead, you eat butter, and bacon, and leafy greens. I figure that this diet might be doable. It wasn’t a new years resolution, but I happened to start the first week of January 2017.
The goals started small then gradually got bigger. “Make it two weeks”, “Make it 30 days” “Lose 20, 30, 40 pounds”. I haven’t quite hit that last one yet.
Six months in and I still work out 4(ish) days a week. I still have a ways to go weight wise, but I’m getting closer to my big weight loss goal of a 50 pound loss. People at work are noticing, even people I don’t see very often. This is very exciting.
I’m FINALLY taking control of my weight, and my body. To be honest, I don’t even miss carbs that much. The ease of carbs? Sure, but the carbs themselves? No.
This story is not finished, but will it ever be finished? Likely not until I die. I just wanted to get this out into the world. Life is tough, but you will always be with you, and you need to take care of yourself, however that might be. It doesn’t HAVE to be diet and exercise. If taking care of yourself is gardening, reading, playing video games, or sleeping. You do it, and you be the best you can be at it!
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