ashleyqualls.com / All Of These Artifacts

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[ashleyqualls]

[ashleyqualls]

“Someday I want to lay down like God did”

I put my hand on the stove, to see if I still bleed. And nothing hurts anymore,,.I feel kind of free.

If Kanye had a song that ever got to me, this one’s it. God bless that man.

[kushandwizdom]

Love makes your soul crawl out from its hiding place.

Unknown, (via kushandwizdom)

[docbe]

Some of that classic feel good uplifting and slightly ridiculous tunage for if youre driving with a new lease on life or cleanin your place up for good times

[ashleyqualls]

In 2017. But that’s okay, too.

[aaua05]

Cat Power - Lived In Bards

We’ve lived in bars and danced on tables

[ashleyqualls]

Many flights ago. Nothing like ending it for the world.

[ashleyqualls]

Lived in Bars

We've lived in bars And danced on the tables Hotels, trains and ships that sail We swim with sharks And fly with aeroplanes in the air Send in the trumpets The marching wheelchairs Open the blankets and give them some air Swords and arches, bones and cement The light and the dark of the innocence of men We know your house so very well And we will wake you once we've walked up all your stairs

[ashleyqualls]

I used to listen to music. I've missed that part of me. So. "The cracks in our foundation, and I know that I should let go but I cannot" you said that I "must eat so many lemons" because I was so bitter.

[ashleyqualls]

Yeah you merry, make me very very happy but you didn't want to stick around. I can watch a sunset on my own.

[ashleyqualls]

I know I should forget, but I can’t

[ashleyqualls]

Breathe

Love yourself more. Let it all go. Push, you must. Remember the rain. Remember the piercing sunshine. Remember the shadows. Remember this is all just your story. Hello 2017.

[ashleyqualls]

All that grace, all that body

Will you still love me when I’m no longer young and beautiful? 

One turn after another. I’m pushing as hard as I can. My heart doesn’t want to work right anymore. So there’s that. Ah well. Bre’s wedding is FINALLY this weekend. Not sure why I capitalized finally...it flew by. I can barely fathom how fast time is going anymore. Jesus.

Hoping for a decent weekend. Looking forward to Lou Bega and lightsabers of course. xo

[wnq-anonymous]

Let it hurt. Let it bleed. Let it heal. And let it go.

Nikita Gill (via fyp-philosophy)

[ashleyqualls]

This is Killing Me

I told you so

[bsrbryn]

Visit Original Link

Goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. You have been the one, you have been the one for me. 

[ashleyqualls]

13 Years later.. 

Did I disappoint you? Or let you down? Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown? Cause I saw the end, before we’d begun. Yes I saw you were blinded, and I knew I had won. So I took what’s mine, my eternal right.

- Took your soul out, into the night. It may be over, but it won’t stop there. I am here for you, if you’d only cared. You touched my heart, you touched my soul. Changed my life and all my goals. Love is blind and that I knew it, my heart was blinded by you. I’ve kissed your lips, and held your head, shared your dreams and shared your bed. I know you well, I know your smell. I’ve been addicted to you.

I am a dreamer, and when I wake--You can’t break my spirit, it’s my dreams you take. And as you move on, remember me. Remember us and and all we used to be. I’ve seen you cry, I’ve seen you smile. I’ve watched you sleeping for a while. I’d be the father of your child. I’d spend a lifetime with you. I know your know fears, and you know mine. We’ve had our doubts, but now we’re fine. And I love you, I swear that’s true.

I cannot live without you.

-- You have been the one for me

I’m so hollow. 

[ashleyqualls]

8/19/16

I’m okay with having more ailments and more info on my diagnosis. Turns out I also have Hashimotos thyroiditis autoimmune on top of the Fibro/Lupus treatment. The past few months have been horrific, but I am trying to keep my head above water. After nearly 7 years, I feel a relief in ways -- and in other ways, many of my friends have disappeared because I’m not always around or cannot be. Tremors in my hands from months ago spread to my arms, legs, and feet. I’ve used a cane to walk and it broke my heart. I had to leave the bank when attempting to fill out a deposit slip that was impossible to read. The mental strain is more than I imagined with this. But likely because I overthink nearly goddamn everything. I thought about vanity and ego a lot - plenty of reflection. I was okay with getting sick anymore, and now that it has intensified, I feel as if my heart may give out at any time.

Honestly, I’m just scared. And although I felt the best in 7 years simply getting diagnosed with stuff, I’ve never felt more isolated from the best friends I have had for 10-15 years. It’s upsetting, though, the ones who do care have shown it. In their own way.

More appointments today and this coming week. I’m overwhelmed with anxiety on top of this, just frustrated. I’ve got to see a lung specialist now due to the water buildup/edema etc. My resting heart rate is 97-166 bpm, not <60 -- Which conflicts with my thyroid attacking itself...so back to the cardiologist, endo, nephrologist, and neurologist. 

I wish I went to school to be a doctor with the amount of time I’ve spent with them lately. Please let me get through this. 

I wish my posts were more about life, living, and joy. I need to get there again, I just don’t know how at this very moment.

[psych-facts]

Where does a thought go when it’s forgotten?

Sigmund Freud  (via psych-facts)