remade as widojestonmain @asimplefryingpans-crblog - Tumblr Blog

I'm remaking as widojestonmain if anyone wants to follow me there, kinda gonna start using it as my main blog so it won't be all cr stuff but it should be fun

#url change

stardustedknuckles

Beau and Nott's race up the tree is honest to god one of my favorite bits in the entire campaign.

"I'm going to try and trip Nott."

"Mage hand, I'm gonna pull her hair."

"I throw an unlit firecracker and hit her in the face." (natural 20)

"I shoot her with my gun. In the ass."

stardustedknuckles

"Not my crossbow, my gun."

"The gun that has one bullet?"

"It's worth it."

And then Nott: "It was a fair race."

And Beau shakes her hand and throws her out of the tree to feather fall down.

And then she beefs her hard-won perception check. Truly, top ten m9 moments for me.

foxqueen-katarian

I think the most plausible way for Caleb to become Headmaster of the Soltryce is to move into the office.

Just posting up in Margolin’s office one day, matter of factly telling him his services were no longer needed on a day-to-day basis and to kindly remove his personal affects from the room. With the poorly veiled threat that if he does not the Assembly might find themselves short another Archmage before the day is done.

britcision

And let’s be honest, the scariest part of this threat isn’t Caleb specifically

Every member of the Assembly is sooooo used to threats from powerful wizards

Bitches got counterspell

You know what Caleb has that no one else in the Assembly can handle?

Friends

And yeah those friends ~could~ come kill you (they didn’t kill Trent, so that part’s got a question mark on it)

Because the worst they can do isn’t just kill you

The worst they can do is Expositor Beau makes it her personal business to follow you around, and not even investigate you; just follow you and be passive aggressive

(She needs practice, usually she’s just regular aggressive)

Her wife Yasha can just show up at your house and rearrange your garden to say “fuck you” every day

Bring her big ol’ Magician’s Judge just to polish it and watch you recognize the blade

There’s this crazy little halfling who knows both magic and alchemy and can add all kinds of crazy shit to your drink WHILE YOU ARE HOLDING IT

And you’ll never know

There’s a big soft cow man who may be the most fearsome of all because he’ll look at you for 30 seconds then dissect your personality and flaws

Just as cool and calm as you please

Doesn’t even raise his voice but the other person who always listens to him is the fucking Wildmother

Or maybe it’s the other cleric, the tiefling who’s the scariest, because all she has to do is see your face once

Or just a real good description

And she can just talk to you in your head every night for the rest of your life

And that doesn’t sound scary because they’re used to threats, implicit and explicit, but Jester doesn’t fucking threaten them

She’ll tell bad jokes, sing about squirrels, make fart noises, you’ll know she had spare spell slots when you see Ludinus twitching throughout the day

To be fair you will also see Caleb Himself twitching too as she messages him all kinds of nonsense so no one is safe from her

Oh and Fjord is there I guess with his dainty wrists

(And that divine fucking smite if you get too uppity)

Caleb Widogast is just another mage

The Assembly is made SOLELY of extremely powerful mages who are all used to maneuvering around each other

But Caleb Widogast of the Mighty fucking Nein? He’s learned the one thing none of the others ever did: other classes are useful too

brain-depositary

I did some long and hard thinking about why Percy and Grog actually have a lot in common when they seem nothing alike, and I think I’ve cracked the code, which can best be explained through this diagram:

hellomehlo

Imogen: [on having her thoughts probed] I appreciate the effort, FCG… of tryin’ to do that…but don’t ever do it again without my permission.

FCG: Yes, ma’am. Sorry.

Marisha, on the other side of the table:

psychicdamaged

stress levels during keyfish: highest to lowest

1) matt, who had to use his phone to roll 100d6 and tell his girlfriend she got 363 points of damage and died because she jumped off a fucking cliff

2) liam, the only person who fully grasps that one of them just fucking died

3) ashley, shocked and offended at travis laughing about this

4) laura, laughing occasionally but very stressed

5) sam, who appreciates both the gravity and the humor of the situation

6) taliesin, mildly concerned but mostly amused

7) marisha, arguing with matt about physics, shaking with laughter for five minutes

8) travis, who is actively cackling throughout

demonprincex

its fast fashion to YOU. im wearing a forever21 sweater i got during the bush administration.

freddieandersen

in the words of my sister: they don’t tell you that when you buy a pair of athletic shorts from tj maxx in middle school that you will wear them until you are thirty

izzymatic-art

don’t you hate it when your only friends show up to your work and quickly dismantle your carefully constructed cold persona in front of your workers with a simple hug?

soccandballdorture-deactivated2

Elf Host: “Hello everyone, and welcome to tonight’s episode of Casting Rolls, where a bunch of us fantasy creatures sit around and play nerdy-ass voice actors”

Various fantasy creatures in unison (but the orc is the loudest): “WE PLAY NERDY-ASS ACTOOOOORS!”

thechekhov

Addition because I’m way too into this concept now:

stickandthorn

Huge fan of Liam O’Brien going “I feel like I didn’t drive home that yes, Caleb was in an evil german murder polycule in his youth hard enough in the main campaign, so I’m going to make it as undeniably clear as possible in his companion comic. Like, the three of them are making out clear.” I respect it.

oathofwhimsy

I love how Travis’ characters have been getting steadily smaller each campaign while Ashley’s characters have been getting steadily taller

maziecrazycloud

Rest of VM: Percy?! Why won’t you tell us how you invented that gun and are smoking like a fire?!

Percy:

acepalindrome

The annual Rexxentrum Cat Show is somewhat famous for offering magical items for their grand prizes (they realized long ago that wizards tend to be cat people, and the prizes help drum up support and attention around the city.) This year the prize is a particularly rare spell book. One that Caleb and Essek are both very very interested in. Naturally, the logical thing to do is have one of them polymorph into a cat and enter the contest to try to cheat their way to a fancy new spell book.

acepalindrome

After heavy debate on the matter, they decide to enter Essek. Catleb is a bit scruffy. He’s a super soft longhair who’s so good for petting and cuddling, but he doesn’t really have the look of a show cat.

Catssek, on the other hand, is an absurdly beautiful cat. Sleek and graceful shorthair with curious violet eyes. Caleb tells the judges that he’s a purebred Xhorhasian Blue, banking of them not knowing enough about the native cats of Xhorhas to call his bluff (and he was right.)

He also tells the judges that his cat is a pampered little prince who spends an insane amount of time grooming and is so very picky about food. Used to hate getting his dainty little paws dirty, but lately he’s started enjoying playing in the garden. Essek waits until the judges aren’t looking before giving Caleb a little swat.

winking-owl

The twist is none of the cats in the show are real, they are all just polymorphed wizards trying to win the spell book, and one druid there for the lulz