Siriusly Bad

Mostly reblogging awesome posts about HP because I am siriusly bad *HA* at creating original content

[dajo42]

a muggleborn student coming to hogwarts with a thermos flask and filling it with tea in the morning so it stays hot all day and their pureblood friends are like “whoa what spell did you use for that” and they’re like “?????? it’s just a thermos???” and all the pureblood students start pointing their wands at cups and saying “THERMOS”

[colorfuloddity]

THERMOS

[athenavine]

plot twist: it works, mugs suddenly start keeping tea at the perfect temperature for the caster all day. students in muggle studies start experimenting with other muggle jargon and a new generation of magic spells are born, propelling the stagnated wizard community into the technological age

[susiephone]

*points wand at book* KINDLE!!!! *book propels itself into fireplace and bursts into flames* I FUCKED UP I FUCKED UP

[mischief-marauders]

Harry: My father didn’t strut

James Potter (walking through Hogwarts 20 years ago):

[pasdecoeur]

i am once again asking you not to buy her goddamn books

[mischief-marauders]

Actual Marauders

Remus Sirius James

Marauders in fanfictions

James Remus Sirius

[mydearthisbe]

The most hilarious thing about the fact Buckbeak had a trial and lost is that later on JKR resolves the issue by having Hagrid take him in again and renaming him Witherwings. That’s literally all it took. What if in POA, Hagrid simply said, “Sorry, Buckbeak flew away.” 

“There’s a hippogriff right there, Hagrid.”

“A different hipprogriff.”

“I’m… pretty sure that’s the same hipprogriff.”

“Prove it.” 

[twelvemonkeyswere]

no dna tests we die like scientifically underdeveloped societies

[thesanityclause]

Prisoner of Azkaban continues to be the most frustrating book

[septimusprime]

Someone should have just adopted Sirius and started calling him Gerald.

[dreadpiratemary-deactivated2018]

Remus: Erm… this is our new order member, my… cousin Gerald. Gerald White.

[zero0000]

“Mr. Lupin that is Sirius Black with glasses!” “Oh come now Minister, Sirius Black doesn’t wear glasses. That wouldn’t make sense.” “Well have Mr. White take off his glasses then!” “He can’t he needs them to see.”

[animatedamerican]

it got better

[thefingerfuckingfemalefury]

It’s honestly a miracle to me that wizarding society doesn’t collapse every other week because like

You’ve got this world full of people who can destroy whole buildings or turn people into beetles or make vehicles fly just by waving a stick at them

And there is literally no common sense

Anywhere to be found

Voldemort would never have had anyone find out he was back if he just went around calling himself Steve 

[kat8porgs]

Okay, see, I thought I saved this post to comment on it but I’d like to bring up

The Minister would NEVER EVER disbelieve in Gerald White. He’d buy it hook line and sinker. The wizarding world would buy it hook line and sinker. The GOBLINS wouldn’t but wizards have been shown to be pretty blindingly clueless. Still, Gringotts would grudgingly give Sirius access to the Black fortune.

But, but, but, you know the one person

the one person

who Gerald White would drive AB-SO-LUTELY FUCKING BATSHIT?

Severus Snape.

Snape would do everything, EVERYTHING, to get people to believe that it’s Sirius. But the Order would ignore it (they accepted Sirius as Sirius before anyway) and Remus would just be so… so affronted.

‘Severus, he is my cousin.’

And Sirius would love it. He’d love the fact that Snape just hated it. He’d be the BEST DAMN GERALD WHITE EVER b/c Snape is doing everything from dropping veritaserum into his firewhisky to capturing a dementor in a box and releasing it on Sirius when he least expects it

That one causes problems for a bare minute because SHIT A DEMENTOR ATTEMPTED TO GIVE GERALD THE KISS MAYBE SNAPE IS RIGHT except Harry comes forward and is like ‘excuse me, I’ve never committed a crime and dementors are ALWAYS attacking me, I think they’re attracted to glasses’

and the magical community is like ‘shit, yeah, you’re right’

and just

Spare. Snape goes spare.

[laurathia]

Picturing Snape as Mr. Crocker from the Fairly Oddparents now.

[mariana-oconnor]

Gerald White eventually becomes a fully registered animagus. When he turns into his animagus form right in front of Snape, Snape’s bursting at the seams, just pointing at him and spluttering:

‘HE’S A BIG BLACK DOG! A DOG - THAT IS BLACK. SIRIUS BLACK. BLACK DOG DOG BLACK.’

And Remus calmly says: “That’s absurd, Severus. Sirius Black was never an animagus and besides which, people’s names don’t have any influence over their animagus forms or anything like that. That’s ridiculous.”

And Snape yells: “Shut it WEREWOLF MCWEREWOLF!”

Everyone looks at Remus, who blinks and sighs as Gerald White turns back into his human form.

“Pure coincidence,” Gerald says. “My aunt was into Roman mythology. Has to happen sometimes.” Then he pauses to give Snape an overly concerned look. “Are you alright, Severus? You’re looking a little red.”

[killjoynerd]

^this is my new life

[lakeffectqueer-deactivated20240]

im crying thanks for this

[my-insanity-is-an-artform]

Another point in the direction of Gerald White Not Being Sirius Black is that everyone knows Sirius Black hated Severus Snape. Gerald White bakes the ungrateful dungeon bat cookies and is always polite to him. It so nice that Gerald really wants to be friends.

[likeawildthing]

forget saving the wizarding world, naming his firstborn after them, heading the auror office, etc., I would love to see the reunion/conversation in which dead Harry tries to explain to his dad and godfather that he named his other son after snape

[persephoneed]

#he saved me dad #he sold you out to fucking voldemort son #he loved mum dad #so did our cat you wanna name a kid after him harry #he spied for dumbledore dad #he participated in mass murder and only switched sides because he felt guilty for causing your mum’s death son #he was the bravest man i ever knew dad #that is because you didn’t know me you tosser (via prongsmydeer)

[its-hp-bitch]

Harry: Where’s Sirius? I thought he’d want to see me?

James: he’s crying Harry. look at what you’ve done

[its-hp-bitch]

Adventures of Dadfoot & Moomy

[w0lfstar-blog]

Sirius, to Harry: You know Voldemort can be really aggressive, so it's important to take all the necessary precautions when approaching

Sirius: [blows airhorn at Voldemort] GET FUCKED

[macklesufficient]

now i deeply, deeply love the boggart lesson scene in poa for all of its symbolic/character implications but im sure that shit would’ve only worked in the nineties

like can u imagine that scenario with millennials??? poor remus would have to deal with shit like Abandonment and Crushing Poverty hoppin out of the wardrobe and gettin turned into none pizza with left beef

[shieldmaidenofsherwood]

#*remus lupin voice* why did that student loan check turn into a sad frog

[asiriuslymaraudersblog]

The true crime in the Crimes of Grindelwald is that Dumbledore lost all sense of fashion somewhere between the 1930s and 1990s... smh

[elena-alvarezs-suit]

I’d like to thank Jude Law for acting the gay despite not being given any gay in the script to work with

[pigeonwith-anxiety]

Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald spoiler but with no context

[pigeonwith-anxiety]

Addition:

[pigeonwith-anxiety]

Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald spoiler but with no context

[legere-librum]

I can never understand how Snape apologetics can stand up for him when he CANONICALLY does this shit.

I can maybe, maybe, understand those who haven’t read the books standing up for him, because honestly the movies don’t cover all the horrible stuff he does. But those who have read the books and still stick up for him baffle me.

I mean, you don’t see anyone sticking up for the Dursley’s or Umbridge, when they do the same stuff to Harry as Snape. How is Snape any different?

[atlasoftheclouds]

SNAPE IS GARBAGE

LOVING SOMEONE DOESNT MAGICALLY MAKE YOU A GOOD PERSON

[asiriuslymaraudersblog]

I love Snape’s style, but he was awful and his behavior cannot be excused whatsoever

[marisatomay]

Me, someone who’s definitely past Hogwarts age: I sure am excited for another magical year at Hogwarts happy September 1st everyone see you all on the train

[anidragon]

Every official Harry Potter source: Hufflepuffs get along best with Gryfindor!

Every Hufflepuff I know, when asked what house they get along best with: Slytherin

[harrypotterconfessions]

100% trueeee

[antoniosvivaldi]

“I don’t go looking for trouble. Trouble usually finds me.”

— Happy birthday to Harry James Potter

[fernsandsunflowers]

Minerva Mcgongall pulled out her notebook and turned to the page that listed the names and details of that years Gryffindor Quidditch team. Her heart swelling with pride she jotted down the name “Harry Potter” next to the position “Seeker” before closing the book and opening a second drawer. She took out a small, wooden box and rummaged in it for a few seconds before withdrawing a worn out envelope, inside of which was a short letter and a photograph.

“Dearest Minnie,

Hope you’re doing well! I’m the same of course, driving Lily up the wall as usual, she sends you her love by the way!

Now I know I told you that you’ll never find a chaser as good as me ever again, but it just goes to show that even the brilliant are sometimes mistaken. I’ve found you (made you!) a replacement who will one day outshine his old man by leagues! Enclosed is a photograph of your new Quidditch prodigy so that you may assess his skills for yourself. We have him chasing the cat for practice. He’ll be unbeatable by the time he starts at Hogwarts! The youngest Quidditch player in a century!

I guarantee it, Minnie. And you know I’m never wrong, though you’ll never admit it!

Missing you and Hogwarts terribly,

Lots of love,

James

P.S. Sirius says his marriage proposal still stands.”

Wiping away a single tear that ran down her cheek and chuckling to herself, she smiled down at the photograph of a small, gleeful, black haired boy zooming along in a toy broom, a pair of legs chasing after him and a young woman laughing hysterically in a corner.

“Right again, Mr. Potter.”