probably could, I could do anything

lousy fisherman, failed innkeeper, history's greatest tactician 😏 foolproof advice 🔞

[ask-ed-teach]

Did you see that Stede knows what Izzy said to you now?

see it? I heard all about it

thanks, guys, now I have an angry blond I have to keep on a leash he keeps trying to dig the old bastard (affectionate) up

[ask-ed-teach]

stedes telling your secrets

BABE >:c

[ask-ed-teach]

what’s the best way to looking after leathers?

best advice I have: don't throw them in the fucking ocean

[ask-ed-teach]

Did you know you're beautiful?

well Stede tells me all the time but you're welcome to remind me 😌

[catchymemes]

[ask-calico-jack]

Who on the revenge crew would you hook up with?

Well I already offered it to Roach so, that's still on the table, wouldn't say no to Frenchie, and Lucius seems like he knows his way around a dick, but honestly most of those guys are kinda losers. My types a little crazier than them. I need a bitch to threaten me at gunpoint or some shit.

[ask-stede-bonnet]

I'd threaten you at gunpoint. But I wouldn't fuck you after.

[ask-ed-teach]

That's my man right there ☝️☝️😍

[ask-ed-teach]

I'm stranded with a blown tire and no signal, what should I do? How do I change a tire?

ships don't have tires, where'd you get a tire, mate? i, uh, reckon you just... take it.. off? and slap on a new one? can't be that hard!

[ask-ed-teach]

did you ever get to try that soup?

no 🥺

[ask-stede-bonnet]

We can make soup, darling!

[ask-ed-teach]

yeah? 🥺

can it be alphabet soup? so i can put U and I together 👉👈

[ask-stede-bonnet]

Awww, babe, of course we can!! 🥺 U and I will be together 4EVER!!! 💖💖💖

[ask-ed-teach]

@ask-oluwande

yes but we are ✨️free✨️

[ask-ed-teach]

did you ever get to try that soup?

no 🥺

[ask-stede-bonnet]

We can make soup, darling!

[ask-ed-teach]

yeah? 🥺

can it be alphabet soup? so i can put U and I together 👉👈

[ask-ed-teach]

did you ever get to try that soup?

no 🥺

[ask-stede-bonnet]

What if you found out Ed rebounded after you dumped him?

We were on a break. What he did during that time romantically is his business.

[ask-oluwande]

Okay but what if it was Izzy

[ask-ed-teach]

Izzy?? He's like my elderly toothless chihuahua with attachment issues

I love him but I wouldn't cheat with him

[ask-ed-teach]

bb, how are you? seems like you've had a rough time of it lately

idk what you're talking about

me and my husband boyfriend are fantastic innkeepers and we aren't struggling at all

the customers adore us and tell us our cooking is outstanding and nobody gets food poisoning ever and there aren't noise complaints every night

and neither of us wants to burn the place down or stab any customers ever

we definitely haven't thought about switching professions every other week

and we don't cry about missing the crew or the sea on occasion, nope, not us

[ask-stede-bonnet]

Hello all ✨

Tis I, the Gentleman Pirate! Ask away all your burning questions!

[ask-ed-teach]

babe!! i've been looking everywhere for you <3

[ask-ed-teach]

how do you deal with annoying people assuming you're dumb/weak? Do i stab them? is that an appropiate response? I wanna stab them

Oh, stab them for sure. Thrice for good measure.

They'll never call you dumb or weak again.

... 'cause, y'know, they'd be dead

[ask-ed-teach]

Feeling down about a breakup. Any suggestions?

Have you tried throwing all their fancy shit into the ocean? It doesn't actually help, but it feels p good for a hot minute

Other suggestions I've personally found helpful:

- blanket fort and sweets

- ugly crying on furs

- pushing their personal scribe into the ocean and marooning their crew

- breaking other ppl's records 😎 (eat shit Ned lol)

- sailing directly into a storm

Hope this helps!!

[ask-ed-teach]

any tactical advice on how to find a bf?

have you tried searching for dudes who are bleeding out? swooping in to save them and watch them sleep worked wonders for me! (just maybe don't plot to kill him and/or take his identity)

alternatively, I s'pose you could make a... wanted poster?

[ask-ed-teach]

what's the worst way to lose a crew member?

Crabs.

[ask-oluwande]

Like…like the disease?? Is that happening?

[ask-ed-teach]

Nahhhh, don't worry about it, mate

Just don't eat the crabs 😅🦀 (rip felix)