Ask Rocket & Groot

Because you know you want advice from a talking raccoon and a walking tree. Buy Me a Coffee

[askrocketandgroot]

Hey Rocket where is Quill?

Hell if I know, ain’t my job to watch him.  But I’m guessing, by the way we’re still airborne and haven’t crashed into anything in a while, that he’s probably up in the cockpit.

You don’t want him to come get on the blog, trust me, he still ain’t sure how the internet works.  Or that it’s even real.

[askrocketandgroot]

Hello my name is Fiona Malfoy how are you doing today?

That’s great for you?  I mean, I’m Rocket, he’s Groot…

I AM GROOT.

Yeah, and we’re doing pretty good, didn’t have to blow anything up today or anything, nobody’s even gotten in a shouting match for no reason except to be louder than the other person.  Which happens a lot around here.

[askrocketandgroot]

Christmas is coming. what's your thoughts on Krampus? He is an evil Santa who eats little kids who have been naughty. (0_0)

Okay, first of all, Santa and the Krampus are two totally different dudes, so calling the Krampus ‘an evil Santa’ is just rude, that’s like calling Ronan ‘an evil Smurf’, just doesn’t work.

Second of all, the Krampus ain’t evil!  He’s the one taking care of the kids that some old dude who only comes around once a year has made arbitrary judgment calls on.  If anyone’s evil in this scenario it’s Santa, judgmental bastard.  Who put him in charge anyway?

[askrocketandgroot]

Are you gay?

What, like for each other?

I am Groot.

Yeah, what he said, we’re just good friends.  Life-partners or something, but it ain’t like that.

[askrocketandgroot]

Hey Rocket and Groot! I am a bounty hunter like you guys, but I know you teo are the best. Any tips for me on how to get the best bounties?

Besides knowing what you’re capable of?  Uh…

I am Groot?

Yeah, what the big guy said, don’t bite off more than you can chew.  Pay attention to the price and how hard it’s going to be, lot of the time those two things don’t match up, and if it looks like it’s going to be easy for the amount that’s being paid, turn around and walk away, don’t do it.

[askrocketandgroot]

OK bruh I got one that'll make you think! Is the S or the C silent in the word "scent"? And Who put the alphabet in alphabetical order? -_-

Neither of ‘em are, actually.  I mean, “I sent a letter” and “that’s an interesting scent” have different sounds, you probably can’t hear it, since you’re human and all, but it’s definitely there.

As far as alphabets being in the order they’re in?  Depends on what alphabet.  There’s dozens of ‘em.

[askrocketandgroot]

On a scale of 1 to 10 how stupid is most of humanity. AND NO NEGATIVE NUMBERS LIL BOY!

Average intelligence is always going to be below the actual average, y’know?  That’s how averages work.

Hell, some of you people are actually pretty clever, might actually survive a while in space.

The rest of you though?  Hoo boy, it’s a wonder you even survive the day-to-day.  So I guess the answer to your question is ‘about four’.

[askrocketandgroot]

Hellos i is names turd. Turd askesss yous this, hows muchs woods would a woods chuck chucks ifs a woods chucks coulds chucks woods?

We actually had to go ask Quill if this was some kind of weird terran thing, and turns out it is.

For the record, they’re called that because they live in the woods and make a noise that sounds like ‘chuck’, ain’t got anything to do with chucking abilities.

[askrocketandgroot]

Just gonna answer these both at once since they’re from the same person.

We all know about Mary Poppins, it’s just... y’know, it ain’t a good thing to mention.  It’s been a while, sure, but that kind of hurt don’t go away easy and reminders bring it all back brand new.  So I don’t have to ask Quill, I already know, and I’m not going to ask him, either, because he’s been doing real well lately and I don’t want to be the one to ruin that.  Not like this.

As far as things that make a day better... uh...

I am Groot?

yeah, okay, today three things were actually stocking up on fresh supplies, don’t have to live on freeze-dried rations for a while Bounty price on the whole crew is actually going down.  Guess not a lot of people want to actually try and stop two-time galaxy-savers. And actually got a full sleep cycle, didn’t wake up to Quill blasting his music at the crack of freakin’ dawn to wake us all up.

[askrocketandgroot]

As you may already know, math stands for M. Mental A. Abuse T. To H. Humans. But that doesn't stop evil teachers from giving us (students|kids) to much of it to figure out! I am assuming you guys are smart so can you two please help me out with this homework question? I'm stuck on it. (4x) + 2 (x)=

Are you supposed to be factoring this or graphing it or what?  Because as a graph it’s just a diagonal line and that doesn’t mean a damn thing to me.

Then again, numbers ain’t really my forte.  Not unless they’re the kind on a bounty tag.

[askrocketandgroot]

Hey, Rocket and Groot~! You guys have a sequel made this year! Also, look in my hands. *shows them a toddler form of Groot* this is the toddler version of Groot, he's often called Baby Groot to everyone.

Yeah, movies are a thing, all that stuff happened a while ago, though, and a lot of it was changed around for dramatic effect.  Still freakin’ awesome though.

But, uh, hate to be the one to tell you this, but you ain’t got hands.  And Groot hasn’t been the sprig for a while now.

[askrocketandgroot]

What was it like when you found out Groot resprouted?

I always knew he would.  Well, I knew he could, if I’d gotten heartwood splinters into the dirt.  So I guess mostly what it was like when he actually did was a relief.

Mostly because it means I can hold it over him forever.  Sacrifice play is worse than even my worst ideas.  Anything I come up with from here on out is going to be better than that.

[askrocketandgroot]

Have you guys listened to the songs on Quill's Zune yet? Which ones are your favorites?

I don’t think even he’s listened to all of them yet, but that’s because he’ll get stuck on one and play it over and over and over and over until it drives the rest of us crazy.  I mean, most of it sounds the same to me anyway, but even I can tell when he’s played the same song two or three dozen times in a row.

We had to hide the auxiliary cable twice now so he couldn’t play it over the Milano’s PA system and had to use his headphones instead.

[askrocketandgroot]

Okay, we’ve turned anonymous questions back on.  Don’t make us regret it or we’re turning them off again.

[askrocketandgroot]

I don't know if someone asked that question before but I ask it anyway... Rocket! How old are you? I mean how do you feel it...?

Yep, that one’s been asked, got an answer right here, and same person did some calculations here.

So those are probably about right, and I still ain’t sure what to do with the information.

[askrocketandgroot]

Hi hi! :D *hugs groot* You two are my heroes, especially you rocket, I had a hard life growing up and it never seemed to get any better, I can still remember this one girl calling me a "freak". So I have to ask, was there a moment when you both were treated the same way?

Just ask anybody who’s called me ‘rodent’ more than once.  It… well, it ain’t pretty, I’ll tell you that.

I am Groot!

Yeah, I know, I mean, I’m not suggesting that you use violence to solve things, just saying it’s worked pretty well for me.

Anyway, some famous guy once said that a life well-lived is the best revenge, and I’ve gotta say, it’s pretty true.  If you’re doing better than the people who don’t like you, even just by your own standards, that’s the way to live.

Mostly because it really pisses them off when they can’t hold you down.

[askrocketandgroot]

Have either of you ever seen, used or heard of a fidget spinner?

Nope.  This is some weird Terran thing, ain’t it?