I'M A GREAT BIG CLUMP OF TALENT.

Welcome to the page of one Rachel Barbra Berry! The often imitated but irreplaceable star of Broadway. I am sure many of you will pretend you stumbled upon this page accidentally but one does not simply stumble onto the page of such an up and coming starlet and therefore I encourage you to embrace the meticulously detailed and perfectly laid out blog before you. I have recently been informed that there are some poor and unfortunate souls who are unaware of my existence and so I have decided to illuminate you with a short, yet informative life history of one Rachel Barbra Berry. I was born on the 18th of December 1994 to two wonderful fathers, Leroy and Hiram Berry, who had made me out of pure love. To this day I do not know who my true biological father is as they had both of their sperm artificially inseminated into a surrogate, selected from a vast pool of women as she was deemed most compatible based on height and beauty to produce their future star. I do not at this time have any contact with my surrogate nor do I have any means of reaching her. Questions regarding her will not be tolerated. Growing up my fathers fostered in my a love of all things music related, with me winning my first dance competition at the tender age of only three months. My fathers have always provided the best of the best for me and therefore I grew up on singing, dancing and acting classes. My fathers particularly fostered a love of Barbra Streisand in me, clearly an idol of theirs considering my middle name, and I consider her to be a symbol of what I hope to achieve in my own life. Whenever I am down I find great comfort in singing something from her expansive collection of work and reminding myself that one day I will have her success. Following on from my detour to spread my love of one Barbra Streisand I grew up, in, Lima, Ohio, The home of many a Lima Loser and hell on earth for anyone as driven or as talented as me. I attended William McKinley home to many of the Neanderthals and future Lima Losers of our town, and the basis of much of the bullying. This did not stop me, however, from engaging in a thriving school life. I was a member of 18 extracurricular clubs and societies as you can see from my many school yearbook photographs, and these include Kwanza club and founded the GayLesball. My main extracurricular was Show Choir, namely the New Directions, for whom I was once Captain and after a rather unfair demotion became Co-Captain. For the first year of my school career this club was in shambles under the shocking favouritism of one ex-teacher at this school. Although I deny all accusations that I was the one to get Mr Ryerson fired I maintain that this school is far better place without him. Following his replacement by Mr Schue who, although he did have a rather unfortunate habit of taking away solos that were rightfully mine and a bizarre love of 80s rock, proved to be a more than capable leader to our small band of talent. Indeed in our very first year as a team we found success at Sectionals where I performed our opening number the Barbra classic Don’t Rain On My Parade to much aplomb and fan fare. During my Junior year I dedicated myself to perfecting the talents of my less talented, pitchy peers and in ensuring I would make it to Nationals in New York. Despite my rousing and moving original song at Regionals meaning we breezed through to the final stage of the competition, we failed to secure the title that year. I deny all responsibility for “the kiss that missed” as I think it is clear in that video that the T-Rex was eating the Jew and not the other way around. Only during my Senior year did I finally achieve the recognition for my talents that I deserved in winning both the Nationals Championship, a spot at NYADA and graduating with a 3.8 GPA. This was not without hard work and heartbreak, with my first and last case of stage fright almost robbing me of my rightful place in New York. Indeed once again it was my solo performance of “It’s all coming back to me now” that truly bought us that victory. My journey then finally brought me to my true home, and the shining lights of New York. I have just spent my first year in the hallowed halls of NYADA where my talents are being honed in order for me to become an even brighter star than I am today. Under the tutelage of such famed performers as Carmen Tibideaux and Cassandra July, I know I will make it onto the Great White Way. While some may say I faced a harder time there than most under the intense scrutiny of Miss July this past year I choose to believe I thrived under her pressure and became a better star because of it. Asides from making my big splash upon entering the pool of students at NYADA, I am sure my most notable achievement thus far was my Funny Girl audition, or to be specific, being in the final two for taking on Barbra’s iconic role. Alas, the producers did not see fit to cast me, despite my obvious future as a Tony award winning Fanny, and so I will not be stepping into Ms. Streisand’s formidable shoes any time soon. (or rather at least not until they realize what a huge mistake it was to cast anyone else for the role). This has not stopped me, however, and I fully intend to continue auditioning and performing in Off-Broadway, and hopefully very soon, Broadway productions. Don’t be alarmed if I start blogging as Barbra for a while, it is all part of my preparations to become a star and she more than helps me get into whatever role I shall be playing. WWBSD. It’s a way of life, dear fans, and one I truly do advocate. I know many of you will now be wondering about my love life, and where all the men are who want to ‘tap’ this. I am going to have to let any prospective suitors down, unfortunately, as I am taken my the one and only Jesse St. James. You may have heard of him from his show choir days but I can assure you that in a few year he will be famed for his Tony rather than his four Nationals wins. I am sure that many of my fans are confused, however, and indeed only a few months ago when I started this blog there was a whole paragraph dedicated to my plan to stay single and focus on my career. This is a plan that I did stick to for an entire year, anon, and one that made sure I was emotionally ready to commit myself to someone again. Reuniting with Jesse was simply inevitable after that. I do admit that we didn’t go into this expecting anything romantic to come of it and yet our friendship has re-awakened my feelings for him and our love story has recommenced after more than a few bumps and stops along the way. He is far more than just my boyfriend, he is my confidante, one of my best friends, and the best bed companion I have ever had. Regardless, I bid you a final welcome to my blog and remind you as always fanmail is welcome at all times. Lots of love and stardust, Rachel Barbra Berry ★ var ref = (''+document.referrer+''); var w_h = window.screen.width + " x " + window.screen.height; document.write('