Yikes.

people call me Baby Mel. i dont know why and im not gonna ask - she/her - 24 - a bunch of ferrets in a trenchcoat

[sodiumvaporss]

i do have to say that no matter how shitty any sort of media is or how shitty your own creations are. always remember

[hollowtones]

Holly how long should i boil my noodles for

If you don’t want to read the package directions I’m going to tell you to boil them for about thirty minutes & enjoy my new meal (name of “Wet Incident”)

[kushblazer666]

i am as white as a white american can get and the thought of using the white color emojis sickens me to the bone. bitch if you dont make me simpsons yellow

[skunkes]

[bish0ps]

[souliex]

The other perspective makes it funnier

[official-kircheis]

where's that post of someone getting a letter from their bank like "dear keith we realise you're just taking the piss but every time you venmo your mate for 'al-qaeda training camp' we do have to, by law, fill out a lot of boring paperwork for the police so we'd really appreciate it if you'd stop doing that"

[andmaybegayer]

here it is

[importantcatpics]

[drtanner]

The whole photo is gold but I especially like that the automated feeder is taped to the fucking floor.

[slimegargoyle]

straight men at the gym loooove to sound like they’re getting the best dick of their lives

[neenarchive]

maidens if you are going to flee dramatically from my castle in the middle of the night once i reveal my true nature to you please leave your candelabra on the little ledge by the portcullis we are running out of them

[neenarchive]

starting to think these maidens are stumbling in soaked through from the rain just to steal my beautiful gowns and homewear are any of you actually lost

[elektrashocktherapy]

At the checkout in Home Goods loading the belt with nothing but candelabras in all shapes & sizes while the cashier watches sympathetically and asks if it’s the maidens again

[lukewarmtomatosoup]

gar field? that’s not where they’re supposed to be

[encryptidarchivist]

ah,,, but they are such gentle beasts,,,

[lukewarmtomatosoup]

oh wow… how serene…

[cloudabserk]

just watched an interview with james ortiz (rocky’s puppeteer) where he’s like “they were torturing ryan gosling for this movie. it was killing him. he was developing isolation sickness in real life from being the only actor on set for 6 months. i needed to be there for him even when rocky wasn’t in frame to serve as his guiding light and the sole thread tethering him to the concept of love. i was kneeling at the altar” and what

[synthetic-ultramarine]

don't go on indeed dot com at 2am they start showing you the job listings for gnomes and talking squirrels

[succumbing-song]

[dragon-in-a-fez]

[sygol]

Hi I'm 1 years old and learning to read through your posts. Cigarette.

very good job using your words! will someone get this toddling bitch a smoke

[louisegluckpdf]

no one has ever survived having a crush. scientists don’t believe it can be done

[yardsards]

but i stay silly! *←said in the most world-weary voice you ever did hear*

[fizzlepop-frog]

“but I stay silly!”

[sensiblereblogifposts]

Reblog you stay silly

[weaselle]

on it boss

[cryptotheism]

wuh oh guys! Set thrusters to bedtime because I just got a signal from planet Sleepy: they are going to kill us with lasers

[whitepeopletwitter]

[samshine-and-lollipops-deactiva]

Wait, it got better.

[libertineangel]

He does this a lot, to my deep surprise in undergrad:

For reference, the reason nobody likes this book and you can press tofu with it is that it’s about 1600 pages long.

[horizon-penblade]

It’s also, by all accounts, the origin of Cousin Throckmorton

[supreme-leader-stoat]