A genie gives me a thousand wishes because I'm just that awesome.
My first wish is for perfect teeth that will never decay or break.
My second wish is for a new special interest that I will never have to stop doing.
My third wish is to be able to fall asleep whenever I want.
"Whenever you... want," the genie says, watching me scour the internet for information on my special interest. "Maybe you didn't think that through."
"Shush," I say, eating sticky candies.
My fourth wish is to never get bitten by a bug again. I think about the definition of "bug" for a minute, and change it to "animal." I think about the medical uses of leeches and all the things about animal bites I don't know, and change it to "against my will."
The genie sighs and tells me that that counted as three wishes.
My seventh wish is to have no sensory processing problems.
My eighth wish is to be able to cast any spell I see or hear in any media, successfully and flawlessly every time, without any of the requirements or drawbacks the spell has. I tell the genie to make it so I just focus and say the spell name, and the effect happens.
The genie looks nervous, until I use Scruberoo from Sims 4 to clean the house, and Grand Delicioso to make dinner for me and my roommate.
I contemplate whether I'd say "scruberoo" or "prestidigitation."
My ninth wish is to be able to talk to whoever I want, whenever I want.
I don't realize that I can now talk to the dead and to people out of earshot, because I never try. I just revel in always being able to form words.
My tenth wish is not to have breasts anymore.
My eleventh wish is to have perfect eyesight.
I put my glasses in a box labeled "donate" where my sunglasses, collection of headphones, white noise machine, and blackout curtains are.
I look at myself in the mirror. I can actually see myself clearly, even without the mirror only two inches away from my nose. I like my eyes. They're a pretty hazel. Now, people will be able to see them.
Ugh, does my hair really look like that?
My twelfth wish is to be comfortable with eye contact.
My thirteenth wish is for a lifetime supply of free weed.
