GLaDOS voice: "Would you like to see some artwork I generated? I've heard from other test subjects that AI-generated artwork produces an uncanny valley response in human viewers because they can't perceive it as fully real. They've told me that it looks absolutely hideous to them, that they can't imagine anything more disgusting than AI art. But, well I've been practicing and wanted your honest opinion. Feel free to let me know how ugly you find this by ranking it on a scale from 'vomit-inducing' to 'eye-bleeding'."
A robotic arm lowers from the ceiling holding a hand mirror up to Chell's face
sns is so fucking unhinged and nobody will ever be them i’m sorry. you start the series and it’s like oh haha look at these goofy angsty rivals! they hate each other! then sasuke dies for naruto thirty chapters in giving up his dream of revenge and naruto goes batshit insane. now you’re like ah they’re friends i guess that’s cute! and sasuke is trying to kill naruto because he’s the most important person in his life which is . ok and it becomes the driving force of everything or something. sasuke leaves and naruto dedicates the rest of his life to bringing him back and you’re still a casual fan so ur like he’s doing it for the promise right? then orochimaru says sasuke is his and naruto goes batshit insane feral homicidal (again) and after that sasuke reappears and they have ??? like five different panels dedicated to them staring at each other??? and he jumps off a mountain and hugs naruto for some reasons just to whisper some gay shit in his ear kishimoto frankly needs to be jailed drawing this and keep that best friend nonsense going. anyways. you have sasuke become a convicted terrorist to which the normal people response is “ok we need to hunt him down” and when naruto learns they’re gonna hunt him down he starts screaming crying throwing up he has a panic attack he can’t breathe he’s falling in the snow he gets on his knees and begs them to spare his BFF. after having a meltdown over the thought of sasuke dying what may possibly be the natural coping mechanism any stable person would adapt? of course realising that if sasuke dies he can die too. so he sees sasuke again and after he attempts murdering sakura twice and expresses the intent to murder kakashi he’s like. i will bear the burden of your hatred and die with you hehe and if we both die you won’t be an uchiha and i won’t be the jinchuuriki to the nine tails and we’ll be able to understand each other better in a different lifetime! WE’LL MEET AGAIN IN THE AFTERLIFE BECAUSE NOT EVEN DEATH CAN DO US PART! and sasuke (just as insane as him) doesn’t even flinch he’s like what the fuck is wrong with you but then ok let’s fuckingggf die together on my god i will kill your first anyways . then they find out they are soulmates and get cute matching tattoos on their hands and decide to fight to the death once more because sasuke is back on his i will shoulder all the hatred of the world alone and i need to kill you because i love you more than anyone else in the world actually you’re the only person i love so you need to DIE and naruto is like I WILL NOT LET YOU SHOULDER THAT HATRED ALONE I WILL FREE YOU FROM THE PAIN and they fight and despite all the whatever weapons used in the war it’s a fuckinggg fistfight in which just as sasuke is about to inflict what he thinks is the last blow says “farewell… my one and only…………………. (very long pause to accentuate how heteronormative this next word is gonna be) FRIEND” and fucking stops using his sharingan because not even then he can record the image of naruto dying especially by his hand but naruto STOPS HIM LIKE A f cHAMP and they end up blowing each other’s arms off (rip the matchies) and as they’re bleeding to the fucking death sasuke is like you’re the only person that has never tried to severe their ties with me why do you go so far for me and naruto from the depths of comphet hell is like because you’re my FRIEND and sasuke being absolutely done with this bullshit is like ok what the fuck does that mean to you then and this is where it gets even gayer and relatable because naruto is like i don’t KNOW i just know that when you hurt i hurt and i just can’t take it and isn’t that the most gay experience thing ever? naruto knows what it feels like to have friends but what he feels for sasuke is so bone deep and unconventional that he cannot make sense of it and can only describe the pain it brings. after that sasuke CRIES LIKE THEYVE GOT ME SOOO FUCKED UP but you know what got me even more fucked up?
naruto waking up bloodied and battered and half alive with one arm missing but still wondering if that was heaven because sasuke was next to him. sasuke looking so happy and peaceful when saying “i lost” as a stark contrast to him looking and feeling like half of his body was being torn apart when he “won” against naruto in vote1 and left him. the bitterness of victory vs the sweetness of losing if you will. AND HIM COMPARING WHAT HE FEELS FOR NARUTO TO PRAYING MY GODD. did i forget to mention that then we learn that Ohhh it was never a stupid shallow rivalry as we all thought! they have actually been watching each other from afar since they were little freshly traumatised children and have longed to hold each other’s hands since then! what was it sasukeeee you felt warm and fuzzy when you saw naruto to thought of it as a weakness? these two are so astronomically hopelessly desperately obsessed in love with each other it’s ridiculous i’ve had ENOUGH free me from this mental prison
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I write these words in great pain, my eyes brimming with tears. I can no longer bear this situation. I am exhausted by hunger, severe anemia, my father's cancer, and the exorbitant cost of the medications he needs.
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Please donate if you can. Your donation will enable me to buy medicine for my father, and it will save him, save me, and save my whole family. Our lives are at stake from hunger, disease, and anemia, and it will end the constant pain. Gofundme
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For the drabble request, could I ask for a post-canon snippet from "shallow water weather"? Maybe some Bingqiu daily life fluffy snippet or maybe Shen Jiu's reaction to finding out that his baby brother now has a surprise courtship going on?
here's a lil drabble of lbh trying very, very hard to get his laoshi to consider taking their courtship to the next stage(s)!
(original fic here)
---
Luo Binghe wants something. Shen Qingqiu isn’t sure what, exactly, but whatever it is must be a larger ask than the things Luo Binghe usually wants - pretty trinkets, play wrestling, or other such things that very naturally come with being the spoiled mate of a pod lead.
(Shen Qingqiu has to take a moment’s pause there, as he usually does when he accidentally lets himself think of Luo Binghe as his mate instead of just a very successful courtship partner. Stop stretching out your fins in such a disgusting display of pleased showboating, Shen Qingqiu, there’s nothing to brag about just yet!! No such official mate has actually been secured!!)
Ahem. Luo Binghe wants something, and it’s a big enough ask that he’s very clearly been buttering Shen Qingqiu up for it for days, now, which is especially alarming coming from a mer that Shen Qingqiu is quite used to simply taking whatever he wants and then asking forgiveness later.
Perhaps - does he need more enrichment? Would he like to go visit some deeper waters? Shen Qingqiu could come, but he’d have to prepare both his body for the higher pressure of deep waters and his pod for his absence, and -
After the fourth time that Shen Qingqiu nearly destroys the fragile Bone Eater’ Fish he’s trying to carefully disassemble for parts, he resigns himself to the fact that he’s far too distracted to work in the lab today, and slinks back to his cave early.
Unfortunately, Luo Binghe is already there waiting for him.
“Binghe,” Shen Qingqiu greets, flicking his tail in mild embarrassment at the sound of his own voice, layered with a pleased trill that seems impossible to get rid of when he’s around Luo Binghe.
“Laoshi,” Luo Binghe greets in turn, with far less shyness. “I’ve missed you!”
Shen Qingqiu’s ear fins flare in smug satisfaction - he missed me, he missed me, my mate thought of me while I was away! - and smiles softly as Luo Binghe swims a lazy lap around Shen Qingqiu in the cave, looping his tail around Shen Qingqiu possessively.
“I was hardly gone that long,” Shen Qingqiu says, even as he returns Luo Binghe’s greeting with a quick curl of his tail around Luo Binghe’s. Then, more indulgently: “If you missed me, you could have come and seen me.”
“Laoshi always kicks me out of his lab when I visit,” Luo Binghe whines, draping his arms over Shen Qingqiu’s shoulders so he can lean in close and nip at Shen Qingqiu’s cheek.
Shen Qingqiu tugs on his hair in mild protest, but doesn’t move his face out of the danger zone of Luo Binghe’s teeth.
“You could have come and seen me if you were capable of being in the lab without distracting me,” Shen Qingqiu amends.
Luo Binghe clicks his teeth at Shen Qingqiu, but his expression is still bright and happy, so Shen Qingqiu doesn’t bother to placate him.
Instead, Shen Qingqiu straightens up a bit and bites the bullet.
“Binghe,” he starts, perhaps with a bit too much hesitancy for what is really a very capable pod lead simply asking if his courtship partner wants something specific. “Recently, you’ve been…”
“Very good?” Luo Binghe suggests, gently butting his head against Shen Qingqiu’s.
Shen Qingqiu flicks a fin at him in mild scolding, but returns the head butt anyway.
“Too good,” Shen Qingqiu agrees. “So: what is it that you want?”
“Laoshi sees right through me,” Luo Binghe says, clearly pleased. “Mm, I want something, and Laoshi has to consider it properly before answering, because I’ve been very good for him recently.”
Against Shen Qingqiu’s will, his fins flare slightly at the challenge. “I always consider Binghe’s requests.”
“Yes,” Luo Binghe agrees, “so you must also consider this one.”
Suspicious, Shen Qingqiu pulls back slightly to get a better look at Luo Binghe. Luo Binghe lets himself drift slightly downwards, so that he’s looking up at Shen Qingqiu through his lashes. Shen Qingqiu’s suspicion doubles.
“Laoshi,” Luo Binghe says sweetly, “would you give me guppies?”
Shen Qingqiu’s fins flare out far wider than they had before, and his mouth opens to instinctively refuse.
“You promised you’d consider it!” Luo Binghe whines before Shen Qingqiu can get even a single word out, and Shen Qingqiu, reluctantly, has to close his mouth before letting his knee jerk reaction take over.
Little guppies with Luo Binghe, would be - troublesome. They’d undoubtedly be too energetic and curious and sticky, and they’d probably latch onto Shen Qingqiu’s tail to be dragged around behind him all day, and Luo Binghe would teach them awful habits that would only make their teething phases way worse.
Shen Qingqiu, horrifyingly, finds that he quite likes the idea of it.
Still, he won’t go down that easily!
“Guppies are -” Shen Qingqiu swallows thickly, tries again. “Guppies are a lot of responsibility, especially for an unmated pair…”
Luo Binghe’s expression turns bullied.
“We’re only unmated because Laoshi won’t ask me,” he says mulishly. “Laoshi was so bold when he announced our courtship, and yet in the last year he hasn’t even tried to ask this mer of his to spend a mating season together!”
“You could ask too!” Shen Qingqiu cries, ignoring the way his voice cracks on the words.
He pauses, fighting all manner of embarrassing and very physical responses that would surely give himself away to Luo Binghe, who is still watching quite closely.
“...You’d - not be opposed?” Shen Qingqiu asks after a long moment.
“I’ve been trying to get Laoshi to mate me properly since before he announced our courtship,” Luo Binghe says with no small amount of pettiness, his gills flaring in a sigh.
“Ah,” Shen Qingqiu says, feeling a bit faint.
“So guppies are a perfectly reasonable thing to discuss,” Luo Binghe concludes.
“Ah,” Shen Qingqiu says again. Then, finding some of his old resolve: “I - can’t carry them. It would put the pod in danger, if their lead was in such a precarious state…”
“Naturally, I’d carry them,” Luo Binghe says, coiling his tail tighter around Shen Qingqiu’s possessively. “In fact, if Laoshi had suggested I didn’t carry them, I’d have been very cross with you.”
Shen Qingqiu despairs inwardly. This little guppy of his, asking for more little guppies, and so neatly taking care of all of Shen Qingqiu’s worries!!
Still, guppies were - a lot. To think about. For a mer that had only just realized he could formalize his mate as such, even! But… a couple sticky little guppies really… really didn’t sound so bad…
Shen Qingqiu’s gaze dips down to Luo Binghe’s navel.
“I’m not familiar with how your deep sea blood might affect the process,” he admits. “On average, for a deep sea mer - do you know how many eggs would be viable?”
Would they have to try for awhile to get one to take? Shallow water mers could have clutches of up to five, but only a couple would be viable at once, so for mers that live in more treacherous waters -
“We can have clutches of up to thirty,” Luo Binghe says, clearly smug.
“Thirty -!”
Luo Binghe’s expression turns sorrowful. “Though, it’s really only ten or so that will be viable,” he adds apologetically.
“Oh,” Shen Qingqiu says, and then promptly passes out.
i love that shen qingqiu (shen yuan edition) is so fixated on the fact he's transmigrated into a stallion novel that he completely misses the extremely early genre shift caused by his presence. it's a late-game revelation that he's moved over to the danmei section, and he's frankly astonished that he's unlocked a male romance route, wow, what a surprise.
meanwhile this whole time, shen qingqiu is out here collecting handsome men like it's going out of goddamn fashion. half the country's Important Figures are madly in love with him. he trips and falls and acquires another male suitor with some tragic link to his past and a complex history.
shen qingqiu is seriously standing around fixating on luo binghe's theoretical harem of women. meanwhile he's got the cultivation world’s Hottest Eligible Bachelors in a state of pure chaos. they are orbiting around him like lost sheep. everywhere he goes he acquires a +10 bonus to homoeroticism and manages to unlock whole new romantic dialogue options. he is at the dead centre of this extremely complex and multidimensional love triangle with zero. visibility. about it.
also, it's extra funny because 14yo luo binghe canonically checks him out and is like "yeah can't complain, he's good looking, not supremely beautiful but you wouldn't kick him out of bed" and then is obsessed with him forever. everyone is obsessed with him forever. turns out that shen qingqiu is a straight up irresistible hottie once he's no longer radiating shen jiu's stinky old cat energy. give the man a snickers bar and a cup of tea to calm down and suddenly he's the world's most in-demand man-on-man bachelor doing constant psychic damage to his myriad suitors through sheer obliviousness
Shen Yuan, who transmigrates into PIWD as himself, finds out he is allergic to basically everything. Thankfully Bingge is ready to dual cultivate with him every time he has an allergic reaction to save his life. What a bro. What an absolutely heroic straight protagonist who fucks even a nerdy, straight guy like him to help a bro out. Well, it is a little strange that his blood mites does not work for this, so they have to dual cultivate every time, but Shen Yuan blames Airplane. It must be his fault. Shen Yuan is just so thankful and blessed to have such a good friend, who spends every minute stuck to him to make sure he is safe! Bingge even moved him to his own room and bed to stay vigilant! What a protagonist, what a bro!
Role reversal AU ideas (Links to other posts 1, 2 and 3 ) of Shen Yuan's demon form being plant/nature based.
Shen Yuan thinking demon form is not appealing as Shen Jiu in book was described as a disgusting demon and just all book Binghe's POV of how disguising Shen Jiu and his demon heritage was.
Only his demon form is adorable, has plant based powers and flowers will grow in hair reflecting mode (with how in bloom they are + in regard to flower language), hes able to grow and create plants at will and control it like Mobei Jun ice powers. He also has petal like grows that look like scales.
Luo Binghe sees disciple in demon form and just keeps blue screening because he's beautiful, even more so before and he really didn't think that was possible. He is having a lot feelings and putting a lot of things back in context and oh...I love him.
Anytime they're around each other Shen Yuan feels super self conscious and he's sure Luo Binghe sees him as disgusting demon and he knows he's glaring at him (He's not Binghe is glaring at anyone else who dares look at his disciple/future husband) and doesn't knwo why Shen Yuan is trying to hide away form him and is sure someone must have said something, he'll figure it out after he's dragged his disciple/future husband out of the abyss that he seems to want to stay in for some reason.
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