“You know, you could try asking him out. I think you’re ready now.” The princess said between bites of chocolate as she sat in the tower’s best armchair, legs thrown over one side and back leaning against the other.
“It’s been almost a week already,” The warlock said, ignoring the suggestion. “He’s usually here by now.”
“Maybe you should try sending another ominous warning. Storm clouds over the palace?”
“I already did that a couple days ago.”
“Yikes. What about a skull burned into the grass?”
“They might think that means you’re already dead though.”
“Hmm. Burn a skull into the ground and then a number? And then make the number go down every day?”
“All this kind of assumes he hasn’t left yet, doesn’t it? Even if he was going to leave later than usual, he wouldn’t wait this long. Maybe I should do storm clouds over the tower? He would probably be able to see from wherever he is.”
The princess had just opened her mouth to respond when they heard the sound of a horse neighing outside. The warlock rushed to the window and looked out, furrowing his brow in confusion when he saw what was outside. This horse was white, not the soft gray of the handsome knight’s horse, and this knight had a significantly different build than the other. This new knight dismounted the horse and knocked on the tower door.
“Finally.” The princess stood and straightened her dress. “I was beginning to think he’d never show up.”
“It’s not him. It’s a different knight.” The warlock muttered, heading towards the door.
The princess frowned in confusion and settled back on the armchair, arms crossed. The warlock headed down the long spiral staircase, making sure to grab his staff on the way. Making himself look as intimidating as possible, he flung open the door, creating a strong magical wind that billowed his cloak menacingly as he glared down at the new knight.
“Who are you?” He bellowed in a booming voice that echoed throughout the clearing in which the tower was situated.
The new knight drew his sword, a smug look on his face that the warlock detested. The handsome knight never looked smug. Without so much as a word, the knight began to swing his sword. The warlock rolled his eyes, and with a wave of his staff, he blasted the knight back into the clearing onto his back. The horse whinnied fearfully and reared up before running away.
The new knight jumped back to his feet and brandished his sword again, but the warlock simply tsked and waved his staff once more, blasting the new knight back even further. Yet again the knight jumped up and attempted to charge, and yet again, the warlock blasted him backwards.
“I could do this all day.” The warlock said with a yawn.
“Release the princess!” The new knight exclaimed breathlessly, pointing his sword at the warlock.
“Where’s that other knight?” The warlock asked, examining his nails in an attempt to appear nonchalant.
The new knight ignored his question, and the warlock sighed heavily before blasting him back yet again. “It’s rude to ignore a question, you know.”
“Don’t play these mind games, wizard!” The knight cried out, rushing forward again.
The warlock frowned, and this time, instead of blasting the knight back, he cast a spell that caused vines to erupt from the ground and entangle the knight’s legs. The knight tried to hack at the vines, but a lower intensity blasting spell quickly knocked the sword out of the knight’s hand. The warlock stepped forward as the knight struggled to get free.
“First of all.” The warlock said, stepping closer to the struggling knight. “I am a warlock. Not a wizard.”
The knight spit in the warlock’s face. The warlock wiped it off his face, then dragged his hand across the knight’s face, sneering with disgust.
“Second of all, I assure you, you will know when I am playing mind games, and this is not it. Now, I asked you a question. Where is the other knight?”
The new knight frowned in confusion. “He left as soon as he heard that the princess was missing again, and he has not returned. We thought you’d finally bested him.”
Now it was the warlock’s turn to frown. “He has not arrived here. Something must have happened on his way here…”
With the warlock’s focus directed elsewhere, the vines loosened enough for the knight to break free, and he ran for his sword before turning and trying to charge the warlock once more, but the warlock simply stepped back inside the tower and closed the door, locking it behind him. He headed up the spiral staircase, too deep in thought to even notice how the knight shouted and cursed on the other side of the door.
“So?” The princess gave him a questioning look as he stepped back into the room.
“Something has intercepted him.”
The princess frowned. “Who could do that? I mean, if he can beat someone as powerful as you…”
“Oh no, I always let him win.”
“Well damn. Still, what could be on the way here that could stop him from coming if he hasn’t been hindered before?”
“I don’t know, I mean he’s passed by everything on the path a million times before without being stopped. Well, except that witch, I suppose.”
“Oh, a witch settled down a little way’s away from here a few weeks ago.”
The princess just stared at him for a moment. He was just about to ask her why she was looking at him like that when it hit him.
“Oh my god, he’s been captured by the witch!”
The warlock turned on his heel and hurried back down the staircase. The new knight was still trying futilely to break down the door. The warlock flung it open and blasted the knight back again, marching out into the clearing. The knight jumped to his feet and brandished his sword, charging at where the warlock stood, but the warlock simply kept marching forward, the knight running into a tree as he zoomed past.
“As soon as I get my sword unstuck from this tree, it’s over for you, wizard!”
“Warlock!” The warlock shouted without turning around as he continued marching.
The witch’s house was within a few hours of his tower, even by foot. At least, it was for someone like him, who knew all the shortcuts. It wasn’t long before he was at the witch’s door, knocking firmly on her door.
“Oh, so you finally came to meet the new neighbor.” The witch said a little irritably when she answered the door. “I’m sorry, but you’ve caught me at a bit of a bad time, I-”
The warlock ignored her, pushing past her into the house. There was a bubbling cauldron in the middle of the room, and tied to a chair next to it was the handsome knight. He was gagged, and had clearly been struggling, but now he was still, breathing heavily as he looked at the warlock with a mixture of confusion and wariness. The warlock turned to the witch.
The witch sputtered. “What?! Why on earth would I do that?! And why would you want me to, anyhow, isn’t he your enemy?”
Instead of answering her, he pounded his staff on the floor, the sound magically magnified, and a powerful gust of wind blew out around the warlock, putting out every candle in the room, as well as the fire beneath the cauldron, knocking the witch off her feet, and, regrettably, also knocking over the chair that the knight was tied to.
The warlock walked over to the chair, met with no protest by the confused witch. The warlock knelt down and waved his staff over the bound knight, and the ropes and gag magically untied themselves. He held out a hand to help the knight up, half expecting him to refuse the help and get up himself. Instead, he accepted the offered hand and got to his feet. The warlock turned to the knight’s armor, which had apparently been removed by the witch, and waved his staff. The armor began to float behind the warlock as he led the knight out of the house.
The walk back to the tower was quiet. The warlock remembered the princess suggesting that the warlock finally ask the knight out. He felt his palms growing sweaty at the thought, but wouldn’t now be the best time?
He looked over to the knight, clearing his throat. The knight looked up from the ground, and the warlock found himself at a loss for words.
“What?” The knight asked.
“Well, um, I thought that maybe, you know, since I saved you, we-”
“Wait, saved me? I thought you just wanted me as your prisoner, and not hers.”
“Oh, no, I was saving you. Look, I…This whole, me kidnapping the princess and you coming to save her and me kidnapping her again and you coming to save her again, it’s all been a bit misunderstanding.”
The knight raised an eyebrow.
“What I mean by that, is that I…Well, I’ve never hurt the princess, as I’m sure you’ve noticed, and I’ve never hurt you either.”
“I just thought you were really shitty at this whole evil warlock thing.”
“Why were you just going to come with me then, thinking I was taking you prisoner but also thinking that I was a really shitty warlock?”
“I figured I’d get to the princess quicker, and I could just fight you off back at the tower.”
“But if you didn’t want to hurt anyone, then what was the point of all this?”
“Well…You see…The thing is, I kind of…Like…You…”
There was a moment of silence.
“Yeah, the princess is in on it, she gives me flirting advice while we’re waiting for you, and we eat chocolate together, and-”
“Wait, that was flirting? I thought you were taunting me!”
“Yes, well, we’ve established that I have communication issues, anyway, the point is that the princess and I are kind of friends and so we just hang out and she gives me tips, and-”
“So, wait, you guys just have slumber parties up there while you wait for me?”
The knight looked at the warlock incredulously for a moment before throwing his head back and laughing. The warlock shifted from foot to foot self-consciously. When the knight finally stopped laughing, he put a hand on the warlock’s shoulder.
“Why didn’t you just talk to me?”
“Well, you know, communication issues and all…plus, the princess gets bored in the palace, and she gets to have all the chocolate she wants at my tower but no one will let her have any at the palace because the queen wants her to watch her figure, so…”
The knight chuckled a bit. “So what now? Do we head back, tell everyone the truth?”
“Well, I don’t think they’d accept the truth, they’d probably think I put you and the princess under some kind of spell, and then she wouldn’t have a way to get out of the palace once in a while…”
“Are you suggesting that we just…keep this going?”
“Yeah, maybe when you come to ‘save’ her in the future, you can hang around a little while, and we can walk together for a bit or have dinner together. Maybe sometimes I can even come into town in disguise and we can have dates then, but I do think for her sake that we should keep the ‘kidnap the princess’ thing going for a while.”
“Maybe one day when she becomes the queen and doesn’t have her mother breathing down her neck anymore, you can ‘kidnap’ her one last time and I can get one of the other knights to come with me, and they can bring her back and tell everyone that I was killed or put under your spell, and I can stay here with you, and we can both go into town in disguise when we want a date there, or to visit her, or my friends and family. I’ll tell them the truth, of course, they deserve that much.”
“Of course. sounds like a plan.”
“I kind of already have someone in mind for who to bring with me for the last kidnapping. There’s a certain knight that the princess has been watching train a lot, and given the way she shows off when her highness is watching, I think the knight might feel the same way.”
The warlock grinned. They finally came to the clearing the tower was in. The new knight was still struggling with his sword, and called out to the handsome knight to help loosen his sword. He was ignored as the warlock and the handsome knight came up to the door of the tower, and before they stepped in, the warlock turned to the handsome knight to give him a quick peck on the cheek before the went inside to tell the princess the good news.
