when onion rings, I pick up the phone @astrathetic - Tumblr Blog

bwaow

Did You Learn?

you can lie on the floor in your home and the Soft Baby who lives there will approach you. this will increase your chance of contact with Nose Wet by 75%

pissvortex

overwatch had the right idea when they made every sniper in the game weak to a gorilla that could leap to your position and beat you to death. i think this should be a more common game design choice for multiplayer games

dryad-knifeplay

Is that a swarm of locust in your pants or are your dick and balls just heralding the end of days

homunculus-argument

Wednesday the 15th. What an excellent day. Middle of the week, middle of the month. Truly, we are in the middle of things.

femmchantress

I don’t care if Monday’s yuck

Tuesday, Wednesday tread through muck

Thursday maybe eat a duck

It’s Friday, Flat as Fuck

doyoulikethissong-poll

My fav version of poll song #854 tbh

Mash-up source: video by 5piersy

meow-moment

Early Adventure Time Episode: finn discovers a squirrel that can burp like a human and names it Burpin Mike. he uses Burpin Mike to prank jake, but takes the prank too far and learns a lesson about boundaries.

Late Adventure Time Episode: Burpin Mike's burping talent has netted him a lucrative career as a political spokesperson in the candy kingdom. the job brings him success, but he hates himself for selling out his talent. he is depressed, and at one point is implied to be suicidal. none of Adventure Time's main characters appear in the episode.

#burping mike helped me escape my depression

miggylol

Spin the wheel. That's who's trying to kill you.

Spin the wheel again. That’s who’s trying to protect you.

(If you have zero idea about a name you got, spin until you see someone you recognize.)

Are you safe?

Absolutely not. I'm dead. 100% dead.

I might stay alive, but it'll be a really close thing.

I'll take some hits, for certain, but I should be okay in the end.

A few attacks might get through, but nothing concerning.

The attacker might be able to get in one lucky hit. If that.

I am the opposite of worried. I'm 100% safe.

…Look. I've tried picturing this. But I honestly don't know how to answer.

Voting ended onJul 14

(I've run this poll twice before, expanding it significantly for the second run. With about a year passed since that second run, I thought it was time to add another couple hundred names to the list and have another go.)

#sylvester the cat is trying to kill me #and I'm being protected by will smith #im pretty sure the fresh prince can handle toon force