Recently, I lost one of my friends. He is... was the husband of a close friend of mine. They were together for 10 years, and he was only 33 years old.
I went to the funeral. My friend was not listed on the obituary, as they were both not fully out to their parents/families. My friend was, I guess, allowed to be there as part of the family, but it's like he was just tacked on with zero explanation. I felt... angry and frustrated and sad, while sitting there waiting for my turn to pay respects.
My friend gripped my hand really really tightly, when I passed by him. I looked back at his late husband's photo at the front, and I really wanted to cry.
We took a small trip back to his husband's childhood home. The parents were there, as they were not allowed to attend the funeral, likely due to some sort of taboo related to traditions. I'm not familiar with the old conventions.
I also didn't really know how to feel, when I saw the parents. His mom was chatty, and started to talk about her son. She had two friends keeping her company, and they spoke Taiwanese, so the conversation kept slipping into Taiwanese. I'm not the best at Taiwanese, but I knew enough to understand her pain. All the while, the dad sat nearby on a stool, smoking and chewing on betel nut. He didn't talk much.
I was prepared to keep being angry, but the anger faded quite quickly. What I'm left with is just this immense and deep sadness. This is a very very traditional Taiwanese family that does repairs and metalworking as a livelihood. They cannot understand and cannot accept that their son is gay, but they have to because he is now gone.
