Til that Benzodiazepines (Anti Anxiety Medication) if taken long enough, can produce a horrific withdrawal syndrome that lasts up to 3 years or more if stopped in some people. It is not recognized by psychiatry or any medical profession.
Hey so uh. As someone who was on Klonopin for seven years, this is really genuinely serious. I can’t even get through the first five minutes of the documentary because it’s too emotional to think about, but let me just say the withdrawal is fucking terrifying. Do not go on benzodiazepines long-term. I would even argue don’t take them short term repeatedly, ever.
Physiological dependence on benzodiazepines is accompanied by a withdrawal syndrome which is typically characterized by sleep disturbance, irritability, increased tension and anxiety, panic attacks, hand tremor, sweating, difficulty in concentration, dry wretching and nausea, some weight loss, palpitations, headache, muscular pain and stiffness and a host of perceptual changes. Instances are also reported within the high‐dosage category of more serious developments such as seizures and psychotic reactions. Withdrawal from normal dosage benzodiazepine treatment can result in a number of symptomatic patterns. The most common is a short‐lived “rebound” anxiety and insomnia, coming on within 1‐4 days of discontinuation, depending on the half‐life of the particular drug. The second pattern is the full‐blown withdrawal syndrome, usually lasting 10–14 days.
I’ve been in the E.R. three separate times for benzodiazepine withdrawal symptom because I wasn’t tapered off properly. It is genuine fucking hell. I am speaking as someone who has had hallucinations, has C-PTSD and Dissociative Fucking Identity Disorder – the worst psychiatric episodes I’ve ever had in my entire life were from benzo withdrawals. The uncontrollable shaking. The uncontrollable failure to breathe. The lack of ability to sleep. The fact that it literally induces a panic attack.
The professors who were interviewed the documentary include Dr. Heather Ashton, who created the Ashton Manual for benzodiazepine withdrawal. She fucking pioneered the methods of getting off all of the benzodiazepines 100% with the least amount of withdrawal symptoms and the rate of relapse after following the steps was as low as 8%.
I want you to consider for a second the way American drug rehab works with its 12-step programs and the cold-turkey approach. I want you to consider that if I didn’t literally google a way to taper off of Klonopin made from a country that wasn’t fucking America I would still be on Klonopin right now. I want you all to consider how drug users are treated in this country.
If you want to do something about it, spread the word of the Ashton Manual. Spread it like fucking wildfire. My psychiatrist is graduating at the end of June and I had a conversation with her in which she asked if I was mad at her or held any resentment for the way the taper schedule worked - I told her straight up, I’m not mad at her, I’m mad at the failures of our system to include this in their resources and knowledge base. I told her to tell her colleagues about this so that nobody ever has to go through what I went through again.
I’m currently in the stages of weaning off of low-dose Valium but let me just tell you. I am clean of Klonopin. I am fucking free. I’m done with it. It is thanks to Heather Ashton that I am. Nobody in America should be suffering like this because of benzos. There are other treatments.
God, if you ever can, please avoid Benzodiazepines. I understand needing them for when you have a one-off panic attack. But do not ever take them long-term.
Florence and the Machine at last night’s Spotify event in Brooklyn. As Florence began to sing Sky Full of Song a literal storm began to hit, she never faltered and embraced the storm.
one of the things that really bothers me about modern franchises, and in particular over the last 5 years or so, is their refusal to commit. what i mean here when i say this is that it's not uncommon for a major franchise to make a decision, whether about the plot or the characters, that should have had huge, world-changing consequences... and then just never address that again or worse, immediately go back and undo it. and i'm gonna pick on star wars and the mcu here because those are the two big franchises i'm into at the moment (and i think they're kind of the worst at this), but i don't want you to walk away from this thinking that this is solely a disney thing. i've seen this happen with game of thrones and supernatural and plenty of other non-disney franchises. spoilers ahead, you've been warned:
in ant-man & the wasp quantumania, scott and hope make the life-altering decision to stay behind in the quantum realm and defeat kang instead of going through the portal to return to their world. this should have been a huge meta decision for the mcu, and when i first saw it in theaters, my immediate thought was wow, what is this going to mean for the mcu going forward? are we going to get a movie/miniseries about scott and hope helping to rebuild the quantum realm? how are cassie, janet, and hank going to react to the losses of their loved ones (in some cases, for the second time)? is cassie going to become the "first" young avenger because she has to take her father's place among the team lineup (and i only say first because as of this moment, none of the other young avengers introduced to the franchise are official avengers yet)? except nope, because less than 2 minutes later, cassie had fixed the portal that had broken way back at the beginning of the movie and brought scott and hope back.
and it felt like such a cheat. i was so disappointed in that theater, not as someone who was invested in these characters on a personal level (because yay, cassie gets her dad back!), but as someone who has spent years investing themselves in the story of the mcu. what was the point of wasting screentime on scott and hope accepting their new lives in the quantum realm if it was just going to immediately be undone? the entire scene could have been cut to scott and hope making it back bare seconds before the portal closed and it would have had the same emotional impact. there was nothing added by making scott and hope (and us) think that there was no way back only to rip the rug out from under us and go "gotcha! you really thought we were gonna give this movie a sad ending? haha! you're so dumb!"
and this isn't the first time the mcu has done this. one of the biggest complaints about endgame was the decision to set it five years in the future with no consideration for how that would actually change the setting of the mcu. characters were brought back to the exact place they disappeared from with no consideration for how things might have changed in the interim five years (like planes that weren't in the air anymore, buildings no longer standing, even just something as simple as a chair being unoccupied). and then the mcu didn't even really have the courage to address how this would have shaped the world other than a few jokes and making the bad guys in the falcon and the winter soldier people who cared about how the world had screwed them over during the blip.
and things like this happen over and over and over again. the accords are put into place in civil war, but by the time we get to she-hulk, they're gone with no explanation because, as best as i can tell, the writers didn't want to have to deal with the worldbuilding that went into the accords. gamora is killed in infinity war, but heaven forbid quill not have an emotional investment in a film he appears for maybe 10 minutes in so now she's back in endgame. steve got to go live in the past with his ex-girlfriend (which is in itself a refusal to commit after the mcu both gave her a different husband and had the woman herself tell him to move on) but we need to establish that messing with timelines is bad because that's what the entire next phase hinges on so actually his ending was predestined and it's only everyone else who can't change time. whoever took this entire town and also wanda hostage and forced them to live out a sitcom fantasy is bad and needs to be stopped but wait, it's actually wanda and she can't be the bad guy yet, we need her for doctor strange 2, so actually everyone's going to defend her now and say that no one else could ever possibly understand her grief. thor has decided to accept responsibility as king of asgard, but we can't use him for any more movies if he's stuck in asgard, so actually he's decided to pass it on to someone whose entire leadership capability is developed offscreen. i could list more examples but this is making me angry, so let's move on to star wars instead.
with star wars, i look at first the oft-quoted meme, "somehow palpatine has returned." yeah, i shouldn't really need to go into detail on how that counts as a refusal to commit but. the last jedi was a study in how johnson refused to commit to anything that abrams had laid down in the force awakens, but rise of skywalker was almost like abrams had looked at the franchise and said "screw you for taking it away from me, i'm going to come up with the most bullshit stuff just to spite you for doing that in the first place. and i'm going to start by undoing the most important plot point of the first trilogy: the emperor dies." and yeah, disney's kind of tried to salvage this by dropping hints into the bad batch and the mandalorian about cloning, but that only really works if you're watching the franchise chronologically and not considering that both of those series came out after rise of skywalker.
and then there's the mandalorian, my sweet summer child, who is, in my opinion, the worst at backtracking their plot points. i'm not entirely convinced that any of the higher ups for this show really knew what they were doing when they started working on it and i'm not convinced that they know what they're doing now. yeah, there's the tie-in to the last season of clone wars, but the mandalorian has managed to walk back pretty much every single major plot point it's had. din is this legendary warrior who can't be beat, but no one will watch this show if he defeats everyone too early, so he's constantly getting beat up (tbf, sometimes some of the fights he loses makes sense like the krayt dragon and the mudhorn, but a lot of them don't. at all). moff gideon is dead, no wait no he's not, now he's imprisoned, no wait no he's not, now he's definitely dead, you can totally believe us this time guys. grogu can use the force and must be placed with the jedi, but wait, the only person still actively teaching the way of the jedi is luke and all of his students will be brutally murdered ten years from now, and we can't have that, everyone will be mad at us for killing off such a cute character and no one will buy baby yoda dolls (and also we have to set up luke's character degradation from hopeful, believes-in-love cinnamon roll to "i'm going to kill my nephew") so in between seasons let's have grogu decide to go back to din (and don't even get me started on how frustrating it is that a casual mandalorian watcher also had to watch book of boba fett to understand why grogu is back). din has the darksaber now which makes him king of mandalore, that's totally going to be important and what the entire series has been building up to, right? wrong! he might have spent the first two seasons making connections, learning about the world outside his sheltered upbringing, and demonstrating the various qualities that would make for a good leader, but the entire third season will be about din realizing that actually he's super unworthy and the darksaber should actually go to someone who... saw an animal in the water.
and it's really, really frustrating as a viewer! because how am i supposed to get invested in any of these plot decisions when they almost always get reversed? why should i care that mj and ned have forgotten peter when ant-man 3 has shown me that they'll remember him the next time they're all on screen together? why should i care that tech is dead when half of the last season of clone wars was about how echo was actually alive? if none of these decisions have any permanence, then where are the emotional stakes? why should i watch your movie if all you're going to tell me is that nothing matters?
hey i just wanted to put a quick post up for people that may not know, cuz i certainly didnt until a couple years ago, but the whole prescription glasses industry is a massive racket, and i wanted to let people know about the more affordable options for buying or replacing glasses
when you go to an optometrist to get your eyes tested, they take a lot of measurements and will give you a prescription that lists things like how near or farsighted each eye is, spherical and cylindrical measurements for astigmatism, etc, but one measure they almost always leave out of the portion they give you is your interpupillary distance, that is, the distance between your pupils, measured in millimeters
the reason they leave that out is because if you have your full prescription, including the interpupillary distance, you can just go online and buy glasses from a place like zenni optical for less than $20 USD. and if you go and buy them online, thats ~$200 they dont get to bilk from you
so, you have two options, you can either request your interpupillary distance number when you get your eyes tested, which they cant legally withhold from you because its medical information
This Is Specifically Enforced By The Federal Trade Commission!
they dont get to withhold this! a lot of them will lie to you, or try to skirt around it, because they want your money. raise a fucking stink. this is an argument you can win.
the other option is to measure your interpupillary distance at home, using either a ruler and a mirror, or a phone app which is made for this purpose
once you have your full prescription information, you can buy glasses online, made to your specific prescription, for well under a TENTH the cost of ones you would buy at a brick and mortar store
Recently I have seen a lot of excellent posts in the dark academia tags which call out the euro-centrism of this subculture and also give great recommendations for non-white cultural academia. So I decided to put together works of Indian authors that I read growing up in India as a literature student. Please note this list leans heavily towards works centred on Bengal due to my own heritage, and is by no means comprehensive or meant to represent the entire, varied diaspora of India.
Historical/political fiction:
the lives of others by neel mukherjee: chronicling the rise and fall of a bengali family against historical events like the partition, the 1943 famines, the bengal emergency etc. diverse cast of characters retelling history through multiple povs, lyrical prose, incredible research providing an insight into naxalite bengal. talks about how it feels to be a leftist when you are born and brought up in bourgeois privilege.
the lowland by jhumpa lahiri: everything!! written by jhumpa lahiri!! should be savoured!! but this gorgeous book in particular made me UGLY CRY. to summarise without spoilers, it’s a story about two brothers, separated by inches and then by miles, a story about student revolutionaries, bengal burning and boston beaches, and it’s a story about a beautiful, brilliant, tormented woman who loves and loathes in equal measure.
the shadow lines by amitav ghosh:** intergenerational trauma, dhaka riots and the entwined histories of two families- one in london and the other in calcutta. sharp, bittersweet and sometimes rather scandalous. if you enjoy ggm’s works try this.
a flight of pigeons by ruskin bond**: after her father is killed in the 1857 sepoy mutiny, an anglo-indian girl, her mother, and female relatives are given shelter by the muslim family of one of the chief rebels. set in north india near UP, ruskin bond’s writing is powerful and explores found families and the price of imperialism and war. chef’s kiss.
train to pakistan by khuswant singh: the horrors of post independence sectarian violence as recounted by a fictional village on the indo-pak border with a population largely comprising muslims and sikhs. a harrowing read but evocative and honest.
shalimar the clown by salman rushdie: allegorical story about the kashmir valley unrest, told through the insane, shakespearean revenge tragedy spun out by kashmiri tightrope walker shalimar who falls in love with boonyi, a beautiful pandit girl, a love that dooms him.
a fine balance by rohinton mistry**: four strangers’ lives spill into each other as india crumbles under the 1975 emergency. this one has everything political commentary, social satire, depiction of economic hardships and a whole range of characters from diverse backgrounds. side note: it’s a pretty heavy and tragic read, please be careful.
Societal stories
the guide by rk narayan: raju, an impoverished, street smart boy in a fictional south indian town takes to conning people as a tour guide but things spiral out of control when he has an affair with a married classical dancer. allegorical writing, funny and eccentric, and there’s a LOT of satire about desi stereotypes: fraud religious leaders, scandalous village affairs, neocolonial mindsets and well, dancing. had a great read of this one. don’t watch the film, it’s inaacurate and the author himself didn’t like it :(
malgudi days by rk narayan: set in the same town as the guide, a collection of short stories about the colourful lives of small town dwellers, from astrologers to doctors to postmen. it’s funny and poignant in equal measure. there’s not a single mediocre story in here, they’re all just……charming.
interpreter of maladies by jhumpa lahiri: stories set in boston and bengal about ordinary indian people and ordinary indian lives which are just so, so MASTERFULLY written and in such crystal bright detail it feels all too real. I recommend a temporary matter, when mr pirzada came to dine, sexy, mrs sen and this blessed house.
em and the big hoom by jerry pinto**: a goan family in late 20th century mumbai + their experience when the mother is diagnosed with bpd. I haven’t read this book but it was highly recommended by my friends + authors who are greatly esteemed by me
any and every work by ruskin bond because my man literally GREW up around ayahs and tonga drivers and lonely gardeners and sad kite-makers and friends in small places. I recommend road to the bazaar: a collection of short stories about north indian children involving tigers in train tunnels, beetle races, rooftop gardens and the feeling of being home again.
the white tiger by aravind adiga**: epistolary novel that deals mostly with the class struggle in india as told by a village boy, who travels to delhi for work and his slow rise to success through monumental obstacles. a good read to look into the lives and the plight of underprivileged workers and the persisting class disparity in globalised india.
city of djinns by william dalrymple: travelogue/memoir/anecdotes of the author’s time in delhi as he researches for the detritus of history in the country capital. non fiction but every bit as riveting as a well spun story.
Retellings/Biographies
rajkahini (transl: stories of kings) by abanindranath tagore: stories about the rajput rulers of western india and their glorious, semi-mythological histories of battles and heartbreaks and visions. the author was often termed a lyrical artist because his descriptive prose is so good it feels like a painting put into words.
empress: the astonishing reign of nur jahan by ruby lal: a feminist biography of my favourite figure from history, nur jahan, and her deliciously satisfying ascent as the sole female sovereign in the line of the great mughals. but wow, what a woman.
the palace of illusions by chitra banerjee divakaruni: retelling of the great epic mahabharata but from draupadi’s point of view. poetic and magical, and her descriptions of female rage and the unfairness of society even in mythical canon is SUPERB.
hayavadana by girish karnad: a ridiculous, criminally hilarious play-within-a-play about a love triangle and accidental body/torso swaps and a goddess who couldn’t care less and a man with a horse head. yeah.
devdas by sarat chandra chattopadhyay: pls stop shoving the movie down my throat it’s the cringiest depiction of bengali culture ever but yeah the novel is 💗💗 and it’s about childhood sweethearts dev and paro, the cost of obsessions and lusts and an enigmatic courtesan chandramukhi who keeps loving the wrong things.
any and every work by rabindranath tagore should be considered academia but in particular his short stories, like the kabuliwalah and the postmaster.
the byomkesh bakshi series by sharadindu bandyopadhyay: written in the vein of poirot but in colonial bengal, follows one (1) sleuthy boy and his sidekick as they unravel psychological crimes and murder mysteries. some stories are just genuinely scary and all have eclectic casts. sharadindu said homoerotic/feral women/immoral genius people rights!
Like I said this list is not comprehensive!!! But I tried my best!!! I think we should really try to decolonize our reading tastes. And yes I purposely left out Arundhati Roy (because she is literally the only Indian author ever recommended in lists) Vikram Seth (because I do not like him) and Roshani Chokshi (because any one of the above)
I hope you guys get some good picks from this list :)
Maharani by Ruskin Bond: I know OP mentioned any work by Ruskin Bond, but this specifically because it’s about a someone who used to be queen and how she now navigates life with all legal and visible traces of royalty gone
Tughlaq by Girish Karnad: a satirical play about Muhammad bin Tughlaq, a medieval Indian ruler. Read more here.
Cocoon by Bhalchandra Nemade: this is a translation of a Marathi work that’s about navigating life as a 20-something year old. It’s also a heartbreaking and beautiful story of all those to moved to cities from villages to study. Highly recommended
The Courtesan, the Mahatma and the Italian Brahmin by Manu Pillai: stories from Indian history that are more often than not left untold. Very interesting.
The Bachelor of Arts by R K Narayan: about coming of age in late colonial times and also the transition into independent India. Also recommend its sequel, The English Teacher. I’d also recommend The Vendor of Sweets.
The Epic City by Kushanava Choudhury: not strictly DA; it’s a memoir/autobiography of someone who returns to India after living in the USA for most of their life; about how they confront and navigate Kolkata after years of being away, a compelling insight into Kolkata
Literally any Munshi Premchand work
If you’re looking for movies, I recommend
Junoon: adaptation of Flight of Pegions
Kalyug (1981): adaptation of the Mahabharata in modern times; about family and intergenerational ties, trauma. chef’s kiss.
Guide: also an adaptation of the novel
Udaan: coming of age story about a smalltown boy who struggles who realise his passion while under the shadow of an authoritarian father; more importantly also about smalltown aspirations and dreams
Notes from a small room: a beautiful collection of essays from his very interesting life+a lot of observations on beautiful mundane things
When Darkness Falls: a collection of gorgeous ghost stories and otherwise macabre fiction
Other recs:
The Man Eater Of Kumaon (Jim Corbett): used to be obsessed with this one. Bunch if stories about the days of shikar. After animal welfare and all became more popular the author put down his gun but the stories in this are amazing
Feluda (Satyajit Ray, often translated by Gopa Majumdar) !!!! If you love sherlock you will love it its about a private investigator in 70s Bengal and the various cases he solves along with his cousin Topshe and friend. He wrote about 20-30 novella length stories which are available as 2 big volumes
so recently i decided to finally make use of my 4TB hard drive by torrenting literally every piece of media that i could possibly ever want, and i remembered a post i saw once about how a lot of people dont know how to get Free Shit on the internet. and being a huge nerd, i got the idea to throw together a little guide
so here we go. how to get free shit on the internet/I WOULD Download A Car
King Arthur legend of the sword said “forget the idea of Arthur as a kind, patient king” and gave us an Arthur filled with rage, who is ambitious and driven, crude but friendly, protective of his loved ones, calculating, willing to forgive and forget and make allies. Willing to die to save the life of the prostitutes who raised him. He makes the best of every situation he’s in. He lost everything, gained prestige in the gutter, and lost everything again. I love him. The Mage says “you are resisting the sword. It is not resisting you” because he became a leader, a fucking king, while being raised as a bastard nobody far from his throne
this is extra funny if you know that the show is in fact not scripted, for the kids anyway, so the 3 of them who were on the show were only told a basic outline of the scene so (most) of what they said was exactly what they thought of on the spot and the adults had no idea what was going to happen
I can understand people questioning the history books and the source books we’ve been given. History is, of course, written by the victors, and the source books are demonstrably filled with incorrect or biased information [intentionally so, I might add, as they are posing as at least partially in-universe texts, relaying in-universe opinions.] We’ve just seen in ExU: Calamity that Orcs, which we were previously lead to believe were created in a fight between Gruumsh and Corellon during the Calamity, predate the war by enough time that half-orcs are common members of society. So it is natural to call everything into question, after all the betrayer gods have a much harder time defending themselves from behind the divine gate.
However, we have seen some of their actions in the present day in canon, not stories told second hand! Namely those of Lolth and Tharizdun, so let’s compare and contrast their actions with those of the Prime Deities.
During Exandria Unlimited’s first run, the party to be known as The Crown Keepers found The Circlet of Barbed Vision, a Vestige of Divergence created by Lolth. It made everyone who touched it that didn’t have a chaotic or evil alignment throw up, or at least extremely nauseous. From the moment they found it, Lolth began giving the party dreams and visions. They started fairly innocuous, simply seeing spiders everywhere, with webs appearing along their skin and their eyes turning black. Scary, but not in anyway harmful. Then, when no one put on the circlet, she escalated. In E1x05: A Test of Worth, Lolth sent Dariax a dream where he was alone and frightened in a barren wasteland. She asked him why he was scared and why he was running from the circlet. He said it seemed bad, and her response was:
AABRIA: "Why do you care that it's bad? What is 'bad'? It's interesting. It's powerful."MATT: Yeah, but, I don't know, I'm traveling with some better people now and I don't want to disappoint them.AABRIA: "Really?"MATT: I guess so.AABRIA: "But you took it. You kept it. I'm so close and you're just going to what, hold me in a bag?"MATT: For now.AABRIA: "Boring. You are boring." [E1x05: A Test of Worth, 0:37:21]
She also directly stated that she knew he was no good on his own, that’s why she picked him. To be clear, he started speaking disparagingly of himself, and she agreed with him. Then, she spoke to Dorian in his dreams and had this conversation:
ROBBIE: What do you want from us? Please!AABRIA: And a voice, low, feminine, just, "(chuckles) What do you mean, what do I want?"ROBBIE: Why are you doing this?AABRIA: "Because I'm bored."ROBBIE: You're tormenting my companions and I because you're bored?AABRIA: "Yeah, duh." [E1x05: A Test of Worth, 1:21:05]
Lolth was tormenting the Crown Keepers, enduing hallucinations and nightmares, because she was bored. That’s the canonical, stated reason from her own mouth. And she didn’t stop there! When still no one put on the crown, she began appealing to each and every single one of the party across the last two episodes. Here are some choice quotes from her:
"Everything you walked away from. And now you're here at the ass end of the world. Doing what? For what? They don't need you. Doing fine without you. They'd probably be better without you. You could be more valuable if you weren't such a coward." to Dorian [disclaimer: Dorian perceives this as just negative self-talk but he also only rolled a 10, this is almost certainly Lolth given he had the thought while wiping spider silk from his eyes] [E1x07: Beyond the Heart City, 0:41:40]
-and-
You feel your skin going cold and you hear that voice in your ear again that says, "(cold laugh) You know it's not going to work."ROBBIE: I'm going to try to cast it anyway.AABRIA: "Okay. I'll wait for you to fail. And then tell you how you don't have to be so ineffectual once again." [E1x07: Beyond the Heart City, 2:40:10 ]
-and-
"It's not looking very good, is it? You're going to die here. You're all going to die here."ROBBIE: I think you underestimate my friends.AABRIA: "I think you overestimate them."ROBBIE: I guess we'll see.AABRIA: "A real leader would do what was required of him to ensure success. And I'm so very close. You could just reach out and grab me." [E1x08: What Comes Next, 1:16:42]
She turned her attention to Opal, offering her health and magical energy so she could get her sister back, praying on her vulnerability, and notably insulting her at the time:
AIMEE: Okay. What do I get for wearing it, what do I get?
AABRIA: "Maybe the ability to be less fucking useless right now." [E1x08: What Comes Next, 0:54:25]
Opal then put on the circlet, and it instantly transformed her. Those who have watched ExU: Kymal will be aware of the extent of her change in appearance, but I shall provide an image for those who haven’t.
The above transformation wasn't instant, her eye changed colour over time. The most important thing to note, however, is that she found herself unable to remove the Circlet. When she tried, this happened:
AABRIA: Give me-- Give me a charisma saving throw.AIMEE: Okay [...] 13!AABRIA: A number too auspicious. I can't, I can't not play with it. You wrap your hands around and you feel the actual pricks of it in your skin and you feel that it immediately draws blood from your fingertips. [...]AABRIA: And then you hear, "(tutting) Why don't you keep it on for a while, then decide?" And you try to pull it free, and you feel it shifting something below your skin. It seems a little bit ill-advised to try to pull free right now. You can certainly keep going, but you will take damage. [E1x08: What Comes Next, 3:21:12]
Over time, Opal grew accustomed to hearing the voice of The Spider Queen in her head at all times, and came to view her as a friend of sorts, even offering to rework her image. Lolth decided to give Opal a challenge, that if she succeeded would make her her champion. This on the surface isn’t too different from the Prime Deities, who have also been known to challenge mortals aspiring for that title. But let’s compare the challenges themselves.
Vex’ahlia and Pelor: Vex’s challenge was to climb to the top of a tower before the time ran out, and then jump into fire at the end. During her ascent she was attacked by planetars trying to detain her, not to hurt her. [1x104: Elysium]
Scanlan and Ioun: Scanlan’s challenge was to find a specific book in an endless library within an hour. He was not attacked or hindered in anyway. [1x106: The Endless Atheneum]
Yasha and Kord: Yasha was continually challenged by Kord, as he is the god of, well, battle and competitions. Each challenge was a physical fight, her first against a lightning elemental [2x46: A Storm of Memories], the second against 6 elementals [2x130: The Calm Before the Storm + 2x131: Into the Eye].
Now, let’s look at Opal and Lolth. In ExU: Kymal, Part 2 Lolth “tests” Opal.
AABRIA: […] "Okay. Well then, will you be my champion?"AIMEE: Yes! Oh my god, I've been dying for you to ask. Yes.AABRIA: "Every champion requires a test. But I know how strong you are."AIMEE: Okay. Is that a written test? I'm bad at those.AABRIA: "No."AIMEE: Okay.AABRIA: "I apologize, because this is going to hurt." Make a constitution saving throw.AIMEE: Oh no. What did I just agree to? […] 19. […]AABRIA: Opal, you feel your conception of yourself double over in pain. Your veins and arteries feel like they are filled with fire Your veins and arteries feel like they are filled with fire as poison rushes through your body. You see in your mind's eye, you're looking down at yourself, and you see shuttering flashes of what could be, of people that have failed the Spider Queen's test and been warped and twisted and turned into horrible monsters who have no will of their own. They're simply bent into her service. But you know who you are. That presence of mind that lets you stand and speak to a god as an equal, as a partner, courses back through you, strengthens your resolve, hardens your veins to iron and you feel that pain lessen and lessen until it's a warm comfort that runs through your veins. Something else close to you inside of you and a part of you as your circlet awakens. [E2x02, 1:17:42]
Loth’s “test” is literally just straight up poisoning Opal. That is the test. Either she passes or she is turned into a monster.
And very quickly, while we’re on the subject of divine champions, let’s look at our good friend The Laughing Hand, Champion of Torog! While researching in 2x78 Between the Lines, the Mighty Nein came across these notes:
"The Laughing Hand was once a warrior named Ganix who sought to strike down Torog with his army. His soldiers were slaughtered and himself captured and tortured. Torog twisted and cursed his body to an endless cycle of servitude, his ever-living heart locked beyond the veil to ensure an eternal pact. [...] rumor has it that his heart was set adrift in extra-planar space to ensure it was never found. Though numerous arcanists were said to have sought it for their own research.” [2x78: Between the Lines, 3:21:20]
Now, I know we shouldn’t take books as gospel, but the Nein did find his heart in a pocket dimension, so I think in this instance there’s a high degree of veracity to the claim.
The Laughing Hand was a servant of Torog brainwashed into working for Obann, who was in turn an unknowing servant of Tharizdun. He believed himself to be working for The Angel of Irons, as no sane person works for Tharizdun knowingly and willingly. It has been confirmed out of game by Matt that Obann not only didn’t know the true nature of who he’d been serving but if the party had informed him, he could have been persuaded to stop. (“He was unaware. Right up until the very end. His moment of realization was right before he was going to die.” Talks Machina: Discussing C2E86 - The Cathedral. 52:13)
Tharizdun gave Obann a suggestion, let him create a cult of worship around this false idol, all while working to free it. Tharizdun was also interested in Cognouza, in its horribly corrupted state. This entire quote from the Campaign 2 Wrap Up is pertinent:
[The] Chained Oblivion, when it begins to corrupt somebody, this corruption, [...] that is the Chained Oblivion's influence, takes the form of whatever the creature thinks it might be looking for. And that's how it ends up masquerading [...] as different cults, as different figures, as different ways that it just undermines society. And so the Angel of Irons was a creation of Obann looking for something to follow and it allowed him to create this entity that he was looking to, without knowing really what it was. And to the same point, Cognouza became something that he just subtly wanted to happen because they had a similar-- He knew would've come to a goal of his, which is the annihilation of everything, and darkness forever. And so that was actually why [...] Kingsley's, towards the end of the campaign, that one little memory I threw in there of weird, lingering memory of the birth of the city. You see these black chains shattering in this ancient will. That was the Chained Oblivion losing its subtle investment in Cognouza.
Tharizdun’s stated goal is “the annihilation of everything and darkness forever.”
Now finally I’d like to bring up the Tales of Exandria: The Bright Queen comic. For those of you who haven’t read it [spoilers] the summary is as follows:
"Leylas Kryn has spent multiple lives in her pursuit to assemble the Luxon. With her eternal lover Quana at her side, she will stop at nothing to use its power to bring a Golden Age to the people under her rule. When what seems to be the final piece of the Luxon appears nearby, Leylas sends Quana to collect it." [Part One]
Quana is unfortunately captured on this quest by servants of Lolth who drag her back to her domain. Leylas goes and rescues her, successfully recovering the beacon in the process. However, since their return, Leylas is plagued by continual nightmares and hallucinations from Lolth [I’m sensing a pattern here from the Spider Queen].
[Both from Part Three]
The happy couple have a child, a young girl named Caelestis. Leylas allows Quana to raise her while she herself campaigns across the country, still suffering from visions. At one point, the hallucinations are so vivid that she lashes out, beheading a politicial leader in his own court.
The final insult to injury is poor Caelestis herself. You see, she isn’t a normal drow. She’s a monster either created or corrupted by Lolth.
We’ve reached the end of the post, so I’ll stop being coy. The Betrayer Gods are not your friends. They are not maligned, misunderstood losers in history. They are lying emotionally manipulative abusers who will say and do whatever they need to in order to get what they want. And what they want is the ultimate destruction of Exandria itself and all people on it. They are happy to manipulate and subjugate everyone in the meantime because they are cruel, petty and malicious.
Asmodeus sent Zerxus a sad dream painting himself as the victim, and I am asking you not to fall for it.
characters who dig themselves out of their graves (whether literal or metaphorical) are at the top of the list. nothing beats a character who should have died but didn't and comes back to haunt their own life and the world around them, benevolent or violent it doesn't matter, it's enthralling either way
the worst part about having huge autistic fantasy worlds in your head is that it takes like 8 billion years to turn that into something substantial you can show people
like oh yeah man i have these 60 OCs and a whole plot about the ethical and moral implications of meeting your alternate timeline self and if it's worth sacrificing a whole artificial timeline to get back to your own time. no you cannot see them
when georges bataille wrote, “no greater desire exists than a wounded person’s need for another wound” & when gillian flynn wrote, “a child weaned on poison considers harm a comfort” & when ocean vuong wrote, “sometimes being offered tenderness feels like the very proof that you’ve been ruined” & when lisa m. basile wrote, “did you inherit a sickness? did you blame god? do you believe in god? do you believe in yourself? are you still on fire? did you ever put out the fire?” & when stephen a. guirgis wrote, “why didn't you make me good enough so that you could’ve loved me?”
Shoutout to folk with tooth gaps, crooked teeth, missing teeth, buck teeth, crooked smiles, ‘weird’ smiles, those with underbites, or overbites, those with braces! Those with odd laughs, snort laughs, high pitched laughs, smirk like smiles. And those who can’t move part of their face, or with minimal movement, those with dentures of any type, flippers. Such a pure sign of joy, a smile and a laugh, and all the different ways they look and sound. All so lovely, so wonderful !!
"came back wrong" this "lived wrong" that, what about dying wrong. my death will forever cling to you, leaving behind a slimy trail and a metallic taste in your mouth. my soul will forever drag you down like the heavy corpse of a long-dead god, who somehow still grants wishes. you can't tell which one of us is the one not letting go. you know not even your own death will end this.
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