Conformitygate - and why it's hard to believe in
I've been thinking about the concept of conformitygate a lot lately. About how the reaction to it has been so incredibly insane, and why that is.
But before I get into my hypothesis - let's take a look at what the most common reactions (or convictions) are:
Conformitygate believers - All these inconsistencies (in the show, marketing and cast/crew statements) are serving a greater narrative that we have yet to see unfold.
Divorcegate believers - Leigh Janiak (Ross Duffer's ex-wife) ghostwrote the show, and their divorce (which happened in 2024 -when S5 was filming) led to the Duffers having to write on their own; which is why the second half of the season sucks.
Cutgate believers - Byler was going to happen, but Netflix censored the story and/or the Duffers ruined the last season as a way to rebel because Netflix wouldn't allow the gay storyline.
Queerbait believers - the Duffer's hates us and byler was never gonna happen. We were queerbaited and they made us the butt of the joke on purpose.
Incompetent Duffers believers - The documentary exposes how incompetent the Duffers are. Netflix made that documentary to expose them and ruin their future careers (since they're leaving Netflix). The show has always been bad, but it all culminated this season.
Cast & crew went rogue believers - The entire cast and crew understands the story/characters better than the Duffers, and went rogue trying their best to save the story without the Duffers involvement and knowledge.
Coincidence believers - There is no thought behind any of this. Fans are coping and putting all these coincidences together without it having any relevance to anything. All theories and the evidence that follows are a reach.
Most people are a mix of a few of these. And bylers specifically seem to land in a 2-4-5-6-7 mix.
Conformitygate believers however, don't really venture out of their conviction. Because as soon as you actually get into conformitygate (and no, Conformity Gate doesn't count), it is almost impossible to leave.
Once you start noticing the inconsistencies, you can't unsee them. And yes, they can be explained by some of the other theories, but with a conformitygate lense it all becomes very meta. A commentary on our own conformity.
The reason conformitygate is so hard to believe in, or even just accept as a theory, is because it is challenging our own conformity.
In order to even think of it as a viable option, you have to take a look behind the curtain... You have to question everything. You have to confront the fact that you may have been wrong. Wrong about the show. Wrong about the Duffers. And most importantly: wrong about yourself. And you have to believe in the possibility of someone actually caring about the product they've made. Which in our day and age, and on this big of a scale is extremely rare. Unheard of even... It breaks the norm.
It's way easier to be angry at the Duffers. It's way easier to deny and discredit this theory. To simply assume the worst.
A big part of the pushback is probably because people have been queerbaited before. We have been dissapointed by a finale (or final season in general) before. And we have been made the butt of the joke, simply for believing in a queer ship before.
Why should this be any different?
The human brain is wired to remember danger. It is literally in our nature to focus on the bad experiences.
And I think the Duffers are well aware of that. I think they are using those exact experiences against us. All of us.
They are two white, cishet (I presume?), middle-aged nerdy men. Literally all the worst indicators with regards to caring about minorities:
white = racist cishet = trans- and homophobic middle-aged = outdated ideals and opinions nerdy = egotistical and pretentious men = misogynistic
They are the perfect recipe for a couple of assholes. The exact type of people who usually get away with exploiting the feelings and experiences of minorities for their own gain.
And in our day and age, with our collective history of queerbaits and dissapointmens, with our shared trauma, this assumption is the most logical conclusion.
At least at first glance...
Our preconcieved notions, are fueling this hatred and hurt. From all sides:
The homophobic crowd is using it to make fun of bylers for believing in the undeniable gay storyline, that was "obviously" never there. They are using it to gloat. And to pat themselves on the back for being "right". And therefore "winning". "See? You are delusional. Your stories don't deserve to be told. Because they don't (and/or shouldn't) exist."
Do I even need to explain how this is harmful?
The GA (and casual fandom) are using it to justify and/or downplay their dissapointment with the story. They are using it in an attempt to move on. "The Duffers were never that good anyway. It's a shame the show deterioated so quickly, but what can you expect from a show that's been running for 10 years? They probably just didn't care anymore."
This mostly hurts themselves... Never striving for anything above the ordinary. Lowering expectations. Accepting mediocrity.
But, it does also hurt creators. Artists... At least in the long run: Critique is essential if we ever want to evolve. But, why practice your craft if people don't care enough to look deeper? To wonder about your thought-process? To share their opinion, or notice how you've improved? Why put in any effort at all? Why even create, if no one cares anyway? Art is meant to be shared. It's meant to challenge us. Meant to improve us. And most importantly, unite us. Art is about understanding, interpreting and relating to eachother. Art is, inherently, meant to be analysed.
So, in the end, it hurts us all. It hurts us as consumers. As art-lovers. Because why should the rich and powerful invest in expensive projects? No one notices or cares about the amount of effort and love that has gone into it anyway. If they can get away with soulless crap, they will get away with soulless crap. And slowly but surely, they will lower our expectations of quality and heighten our acceptence of mediocrity.
The queer crowd is... interesting. We dont even have a consensus on the situation...
We have some who are using it to gloat, just like the homophobes are. Making fun of bylers for being queerbaited, and saying we should have seen it coming. That we should have expected this outcome, because of what the Duffers are. "I can't believe we went through the Johnlock-secret-good-episode-theory again. This is so funny, byler was obviously never gonna happen. You can't trust mainstream media."
Not only are we creating a rift in the community, we are also lowering the expectations for future representation on-screen. Why is it funny to expect that the industry has become more inclusive? Why are you laughing about people being genuinely hurt, just as you were hurt in the past? Why are we pitting ourselves against eachother? You are not better, just because you didn't trust the narrative to actually unfold in the way it was set up. We are not worse for trusting the Duffers to go through with that story.
Then we have the people denying that byler was even a queerbait? "I can't believe y'all are getting mad about a gay character not getting with his crush. Sorry to say, but you are being dramatic. You are all entitled, and just throwing this serious word around like it's nothing. Queerbaiting is actually harmful. Your ship didn't become canon. That doesn't mean it's queerbaiting. Deal with it."
This one is interesting, because genuinely what... HOW is it not a queerbait? Most people that are saying this either don't understand what queerbaiting actually is, and/or haven't looked into how byler undoubtedly has been used to promote the show. This argument completely dismisses our feelings and is often said without looking into byler at all. The lack of care and empathy with this statement is just truly hurtful.
But the way the byler community has completely split up might honestly be the most harmful reaction of them all...
Divorgate truthers... Actively ignoring and discrediting the female writers on the show. And spreading misinformation about Leigh/the Duffers. "Leigh is the only reason we have byler, everyone thank Leigh. I hope Leigh sues the Duffers for stealing her life's work. If only Leigh had been in the writers room, then we'd actually have a good season. The Duffers are so clearly misogynistic - they didn't care about the pregnant women in the UD lab or El and Kali. They just killed them as a shock factor."
I have genuinely heard people think these claims about Leigh are factual. There are articles about this theory, despite there being absolutely zero evidence of this being the case. Yes, women have been stolen from in the past. It is possible. And yes, she could definitely have influenced the show in some/many ways. But to claim that she is the sole reason byler exists?? That's an entirely different story.
If Leigh had any bigger role in Stranger Things creation/development, she would have been credited. She is in the industry herself. She was a bigger name than the Duffers were, before Stranger Things took off. It makes zero sense to not use her name, if she was genuinely involved. It could only have helped ST's perception.
Furthermore, we are completely erasing Kate Trefry and Caitlin Schneiderhan from the conversation. They are 2 out of the 5 main writers, and were each asked to write tie-ins for the show. Kate wrote the play "The First Shadow" and Caitlin wrote the books "Flight of Icarus" and "One Way or Another". The Duffers clearly trusts them - otherwise they wouldn't have been given these responsibilities. Kate wouldn't have been a part of the writer's team since season 2, if they didn't trust her. Caitlin wouldn't be the story editor for season 5 if they didn't trust her.
Yes, women are often underappreciated and/or taken advantage of in the industry. But when you have two extremely talented female writers on your main team, who are both given major responsibilitiies - I simply can't understand why you wouldn't credit a third woman's involvement. Unless, it's because she wasn't actually involved... That there wasn't a reason to credit her...
This claim, while maybe having good intentions, is actively erasing the work of female writers. It's removing the responsibility they had, and given to the Duffers. The critique for them is moved onto the Duffers. And both the potential and actual credit they deserved is given to Leigh instead.
Even if conformitygate isn't real, divorcegate is harmful.
Byler deniers erasing Mike Wheelers queercoding. "I guess Mike truly wasn't queer. He is just a sad loser in love with El. But I still like byler, even though Mike is straight."
Just because byler didn't become canon (or even really get any resolution) doesn't mean Mike isn't gay. A queer couple not happening, doesn't erase the queer subtext and the queercoding. Making Mike's queerness dependant on another person/a ship becoming canon, is harmful. We see this in biphobia a lot. But the person you're dating doesn't equal your sexuality. And the gender of the person you're dating doesn't equal your sexuality either.
The show is set in the 80's. Homophobia was rampant back then. So many people stayed in the closet, because it wasn't (and still isn't) safe to come out. Does that erase their queerness? No! Because being queer doesn't depend on you acting on it. It is literally about your feelings and attractions. Subtext and queercoding is still valid. Queerness is something you are born with. Even if you don't act on it or admit it to anyone else - you are still queer. Being queer is first and foremost an inner experience. It's validness is not based on your outwards behaviour or people's perception of you.
So yes... Mike is still gay (or bi). Even with the mileven ending.
Conformitygate antis, treating cg-truthers the same way bylers have been treated by the GA "No, the Duffers are just stupid. There isn't some big plan behind all of this. You're all being ridiculous, delusional and harmful for spreading these rumours. You're giving us a bad rep."
This behaviour is truly baffling to me. The exact same claims we've had to endure for years, are now being used against ourselves. Yes, some of our theories are a bit of a reach... But we already know that.
We have literally isolated ourselves, because of this behaviour. We have had to create an echo chamber for ourselves, because people won't stop dismissing our theories, with the same few arguments (that aren't convincing, once you get into the cg lore). This is not healthy. We should be able to have a discussion, no matter what we believe. But the mere mention of conformitygate creates hostility...
Which brings me to:
Conformitygate-truthers, acting all high and mighty. "You are stupid if you believe in divorcegate. Conformitygate is the only explanation that makes sense. Stop wallowing in self-pity."
Yes - I am also calling us out. Because we aren't perfect either. We are also contributing to the hostile environment.
I get it. All sides are frustrated. We are all deeply convinced of one theory or another. Some of us are still emotional about the shitass ending, and some of us have entirely moved on. Some of us don't have the mental and emotional space to hope again. And that's okay.
There are so many reasons and explanations for not believing in conformitygate. And I don't blame people for not wanting to believe.
But just because we are having fun with these theories - and find the evidence convincing - doesn't mean we are right. And it doesn't make everyone else dumb either.
We've all been through the same treatment from the GA - we should all be more mindful when discussing this (and any other) theory.
And last (and also least): haters. Genuine haters, sending the cast and crew death threats because of the ending. I'm not gonna give any examples - the behaviour towards Finn after the SNL show and the amount of Shawn Levy/Duffer brothers hatetrains speaks for themselves.
I don't care how bad the ending was. How many plotpoints were fumbled. How personally hurt you were by the show. Harrassment and malicious jokes towards the cast and crew are never okay.
Do I understand where you're coming from? Absolutely! I was also very emotional after volume 2 and 3 (as evidenced here, here and here). But that doesn't excuse my behaviour. It explains it, sure, but it doesn't make it okay.
Even if the finale was truly the end of the story (which I personally don't believe), our behaviour needs to be adressed. We are not without faults. We have contributed with harmful statements and behaviour. Towards ST, towards the GA and towards ourselves.
We can't take back the things we've said and done, but I hope we can reflect on it, learn from our mistakes and improve.
Conformitygate (canon or not) is the perfect social commentary and wake up call. It's entire existence is a form of rebellion. And it demands that we wake the fuck up, and confront our own biases, fears and herd mentality. Please don't let that go to waste.
I'm not asking any of you to believe in conformitygate, but I hope that this post can start a healthy discussion and let us reflect on ourselves. I am so sick of the narrative around bylers being smarter/better than everyone else, cause this whole situation has demonstrated how we are very much not immune to herd mentality.
Thank you for taking the time to read all of this. Sending love and happiness your way <3 /gen
Edit: I completely forgot to credit @byelerheart because this post was what initially inspired me to write all of this. I probably wouldn't have made this post if it wasn't for her post (with the anonymous ask) setting all these thoughts in motion!!
