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Aqua Utopia|海の底で記憶を紡ぐ

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@autumnknight
Do you know what it’s like to watch your family starve? I do. My… Hani Almadhoun needs your support for Hot meals 4 Starved Palestinian
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Hayden Pike needs to get behind me.
Because what do you mean people actually believe Ilya’s chirp of “Montreal’s 15th best player”???
Hayden is Alternate Captain and plays on first line with Shane.
In fanfics and tumblr posts, people are actually saying Hayden is a mid hockey player.
When in the books…that’s just not true.
Just like how in the books Scott Hunter is actually only three years older than Shane and Ilya.
Just like how in the books Shane Hollander isn’t slow and doesn’t have a weak backhand. Shane is the most talented hockey player in the league!
For any 2000s basketball fans out there, Ilya chirping about Hayden is like if Tim Duncan turned to Kobe Bryant and said “Your teammate Shaquille O’Neal is okay at his job.”
(It’s not an exact 1:1 comparison but I think it makes my point)
Hayden leads in assists in the whole league. He's on the first line and won 3 Cups being on the first line.
Ilya and Hayden are eventually friends too and tease each other like siblings.
They knocked heads because they both are jealous of the other.
Ilya Rozanov and the IRCC (Immigration, Refugees, and Citizenship Canada)
So here's a thing about me: I'm a historian of the US immigration system and citizenship and denaturalization law, and I specialize in the years like 1900-1930(ish). But as a result of doing bullshit grad school stuff I also know quite a lot about modern immigration, asylum, refugee, deportation, and denaturalization processes for the US, Canada, and Mexico.
Normally all I do with this knowledge outside of my actual job is go to protests and be really fucking depressed, but now I have a new blorbo, and so we're going to figure out how exactly Ilya Rozanov qualifies for Canadian permanent residency.
The specific avenue that it makes the most sense for Ilya to pursue for citizenship is the "federal skilled worker program." Specifically he would qualify under TEER 3 (occupations that require either a college degree, an apprenticeship program, or more than six months of on the job training) NOC code 53200 (athletes). If Ilya waited to start the legal process until after he and Shane got outed for whatever reason, then Ilya probably could claim asylum status as a refugee on the grounds of persecution for his sexual orientation, but let's be so fucking for real Yuna got going on this shit the second the ink was dry on Ilya's contract with the Cens in 2018.
Of course the official canada.ca has web page on how to obtain Federal Skilled Worker permanent residency, but like all government websites, it's a bitch to read, so for ease of readability I'm putting in the post comments a worksheet published by the Canadian Immigration Law Firm. Let's score Ilya on this worksheet, shall we? Basically this worksheet has 100 points possible across multiple "factors" of criteria, but you need 67 to pass.
Factor 1: Education, 25 points possible. Max points for a PhD, then descending for other levels of graduate work, then college, then just secondary school. Ilya got drafted into the NHL at 18, and AO3 users facingthenorthwind and SiladhielLithvirax have convinced me that Ilya probably did a year in the KHL before that. So Ilya has graduated secondary school, which is worth 5 points. We are at 5/67.
Factor 2: Language Proficiency, worth a maximum amount of 28 points. You can qualify for either English or French, because Canada, and use basic language skills in the other language to supplement. By 2018, Ilya has been working in North America for eight years (he and Shane started their rookie years in October 2010), but he'd done two rounds at World Juniors before that. During the show, we see his English get better as time passes. Also, these tests don't require you to be like. The most beautiful English speaker to ever do it. It's just if you can get through daily life. We have seen Ilya getting through daily life in English just fine, but we have no confirmation that he speaks any French. In fact, he mutters to himself angrily about "in fucking French" when he watches Shane speak French on tv. So we don't max out the category, but we do max it out in one of the languages. 12 points, bringing us to 17/67
Factor 3: Age. Ilya is in the 18-35 range, making out the category at 12. Straightforward. 29/67
Factor 4: Work Experience, 15 points possible. This isn't work experience in Canada, it's work experience total. You max out the category if you have six years of work experience in your industry, and Ilya has 8 in the NHL (more if the KHL and World Juniors years count, but we don't need them). We max out the category, and are at 44/67
Factor 5: Arranged Employment, 10 points possible. You get those ten points if you currently work in Canada on a valid wokr permit, or if you have weird exceptions. Let's assume the Ottawa Centaurs are not breaking employment law, and max out the category. 54/67
Factor 6: Adaptability, 10 points possible. So There's multiple options to prove adaptability that Ilya qualifies for, but he cannot double dip in the category. You hit 10 if you work in Canada full time for at least a year, hit 5 if your spouse works in Canada, get another 5 if your parter's parents speak English or French, etc. Ilya qualifies for almost everything in this category (his spouse didn't go to college, which is the only thing he doesn't hit), but he can only hit 10. so we give him 10. 64/67
Uh oh! *siren emoji* So with a final score of 64/67, Ilya Rozanov does not pass all the criteria to get permanent residency in Canada as of the time he signs to the Cens in 2018. This is a problem for all the reasons Ilya's Russian citizenship was already a problem. so we need to go back in and pick up some points. We only need 3 more.
Which brings me to the absolutely hilarious conclusion that Ilya Rozanov has to learn fucking French.
Tweeted Rivalry 7
Heated Rivalry Season 2, Episode 1, Scene 1 😌
Yuna Hollander: when I saw Shane and Ilya kissing Hayden's leaked video, I wanted to kill him (Hayden).
But as Shane's manager...
everytime ilya goes to the pikes house he takes hayden’s stanley cup rings and trophy replicas - shane brings them back - hayden makes no effort to hide them, “i have a trophy room why would i hide MY trophies” - ilya takes them again - “i didn’t even see him go in the trophy room today” - shane returns them - ilya involves the kids when they’re a little older - “FAMILY MEETING! you cannot help rozanov steal things from our house” “but uncle ilya asked nicely and you’re being scary” - ilya convinces jackie to get involved - “shaneeee please tell him to stop” “sorry hayd this is the only reason he’ll come to montreal” “come without him” “…” “sorry” - rinse and repeat!!!!!
(also available on ao3!)
irina and ilyusha 🤍
Sleepy boys 💤
Shane finally agrees to go to a club with Ilya but only if he can bring Hayden. Ilya reluctantly agrees but plans on having the rest of the Centaurs get Hayden too drunk to bother them. Ilya underestimates how much Shane and Hayden missed each other now that they’re on different teams and what lightweights they are. Hayden and Shane are very quickly plastered dancing all over each other in the middle of the dance floor. Ilya steps away for a second to call Jackie to come get her husband and in the meantime the Centaurs have completely lost track of Shane and Hayden. The last thing they remember was them talking about how awesome it would be to be double married. Ilya is freaking out, how dare Hayden Pike try to steal his husband. When Jackie finally gets there she tells Ilya not to worry because she knew this would happen, there is an unofficial rule that they’re not allowed to go drinking without JJ for this exact reason, so she slipped a tracker into Hayden’s wallet. They find Hayden and Shane down the road playing in a fountain downing soggy hotdogs. They don’t seem to have made it to the 24 hour chapel, but the next morning they find out that they did get matching tattoos
ok so
I'm currently watching The Musketeers.. The bbc series.. Release me- This show is not good for me, I love it already
And the boys are the best thing (fun fact for anyone who doesn't know it, Santiago Cabrera, Aramis' actor, is also Lancelot's one)
help
What getting the slightest affection from Athos does to a french mfer
STOP IT, THEY'RE SO CUTE 😭💖
What getting the slightest affection from Athos does to a french mfer
STOP IT, THEY'RE SO CUTE 😭💖
I desperately need more fics that focus on people's surprise that Shane Hollander, Mr. Polite Canadian with his Media Perfect Smile and Practiced Bland Answers and Good Sportsmanship and Sweetheart "Let's Go!" Cheer when he beat Scott and Ilya's time at All-Stars, to realize that the real Shane's vocabulary is literally 30% the word "fuck". "Fuck you", "fuck off", "you fucking moron", "I fucking hate you", "this fucking guy", "go fuck yourself", "are you fucking kidding me", "I will fucking kill you, motherfucker", "fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!" are all things he will say within 45 minutes of showing up to practice. I need more fics of everyone being a little shellshocked about just how much Shane Hollander swears and meanwhile Ilya is just laughing in the background because he told people Shane swore like a sailor and nobody believed him until now.
any semblance of a cool guy persona ilya has with the cens is gone as soon as shane joins. shane makes an admittedly lame joke in front of them and ilya is laughing for wayyy too long. you're married he'll let you hit bro you don't have to do all this
Just some Portamis hurt/comfort cuz fuck it, that's why.