Les Jours De Ma Vie

Growing Older Growing Wiser

[avocatdudevil]

Nothing on the top but a bucket and a mop and an illustrated book about birds

Remember how Nirvana came to be and why Kurt Cobain gave up his life? He wanted to give the world something different and he did and then what he believed to be an individual pursuit became so mainstream he just gave up on his life. A band that was just 3 albums old came to its demise because the world enjoyed what it heard and wanted more of the same because it was never heard of before.

Fact is everybody likes to be different. One individual steps out of the regular mould and people encourage his courage to go offbeat. Another person who sees said person’s success vies for the same and does the same. Basically a trend starts and people follow the trend.

Hence the trend as of today is to step out of the regular grunge of being a lawyer, doctor or an engineer. Youngsters today are instead going for options that are available to them at the left of center. Which are musicians, actors, writers, comedians, painters, bakers, sportsperson (Badminton/swimming/billiards) etc…

As a lawyer, at the end of the day when I am traversing my way through the traffic to head back home I listen to music. Once I’m home I either continue listening to music, watch something on the television or better still, read a book. It is when I am relaxing like this that I feel thankful for authors, musicians and actors. I am glad that they chose their profession because I am entertained.

What would all the mainstream Janata do to relax if not for the fodder provided by the offbeat Janata? Similarly the offbeat Janata needs the engineer, the lawyer, the doctor. We are symbiotic professional creatures. What is mainstream today becomes offbeat tomorrow and vice-versa. The point of this post is very simple. Whatever profession you choose, make sure it is because you want to. Never make a choice to please someone. It is after all your choice, one that you have to live with.

Like the Meat Puppets said, “Well the many hands began to scan around for the next plateau, some said it was in Greenland and some say Mexico. Others decided it was nowhere except for where they stood But those were all just guesses, wouldn't help you if they could.”

Peace :)

[avocatdudevil]

Whatsapp

“This is the funny thing about growing up. For years and years, everybody's desperately afraid to be different, you know, in any way. And then, suddenly, almost overnight, everybody wants to be different, and that is where we win.”-Mitchell Pritchett ( Modern Family Season 1 Episode 18)

I like escaping people. I have been told time and again that I am blunt. I don’t know any other way of being. I can’t smile and be all pink and cotton candy-ish.

I have re–lived most my school horrors on this blog. This should give everyone a fair idea as to why I am not keen on staying in touch with my classmates. Thanks to Whatsapp though, one person who had my phone number added me in our Xth Standard Group. Thanks to said person every person I was avoiding has my phone-number. You’d think over a decade later people would at least “Grow Out” of their cliques. Nah! That is expecting too much. I am okay with the cliques. I think I got so used to it that their existence just didn’t matter any more. The only solace I find in growing up is that as I grow older I am more secure about the kind of person I am growing up to be. I am comfortable in my own skin and yes, I have an opinion and if you bother me I will deal with you in a fashion that you wish you never encounter again.

I find that most of my classmates have since school stopped developing as people. They still tend to bank on their over a decade old “cool” quotient( Though I completely disagree on them having EVER been cool).

Do you remember that awful “Non-Veg” joke that made the round in school, the one about the man who had a really long dick that, he had to drape it around his neck. Then one fine day he sees a beautiful naked woman and dies of strangulation?

Well, that sums up the maturity of the group I am in. Those are still the jokes that make the rounds there. I hate forwards. I don’t send forwards. I don’t like receiving forwards. If you are a dear friend and send them to me I will not complain. I will just not read it. Things were fine until one day when the jokes got a tad bit out of hand. I just didn’t see the point in staying in the group. Instead of making a fuss and asking people to behave I decided to exit the group.

Exiting a group is a crime. Did you know that? Hence I got added right back and my departure was hushed up as a minor glitch by the administrator. I knew that something would go down soon. [I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t hoping for a verbal battle.]  

One fine evening the Section 370 forward did its round in group. As a lawyer, I was firstly offended by the very ignorance of the forward. FIRST OF ALL IT IS NOT SECTION 370 IT IS ARTICLE370 OF THE INDIAN CONSTITUTION. I mean - come on man! At least get that right. The message goes downhill from there. I decided to unleash my inner mata and then there was silence that prevailed like never before. Phone battery that dies down in 12 hours lasted 6 hours more that day. All thanks to me. Such peace. Little did I know that onetiny outburst would result in the slow death of ANY conversation in the group.

I understand that when people meet after a decade, it is natural to re-live old stories and laugh about things of past. For how long? I hate being stuck in a certain phase. Going back to a phase. Everything has a time. When the time is past, you move on. Move to newer things.

When people gather together after a span of time it is natural to go back to things that bound us as a group back then. That is just initially to break ice. Things have changed. Nobody knows how much has changed. Hence we tread gently by broaching topics familiar to us as a group. As we start talking we encroach on other conversational territories to which we may or may not be able to contribute. You can talk about what has taken your interest lately. Who knows someone else in the group may share the same interest. Unless we talk about what is occupying our mind now, how is anybody who has not been in touch for a long span of time know what to talk about?

The general need to get back in touch with people is to get to know them better. It shouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone that the people they once knew have changed. As long as people are a better and improved version of themselves from 10 years back nobody will complain. If you are merely a magnified version of your school self then there is definitely room for worry. If you were a twerp or a moron back then but have now changed your ways or discovered your brain then I guess you really have come a long way.

If you were considered weird then and are considered weirder now, go right back up to the top of this post :)

Peace.

[avocatdudevil]

Embrace of the endless ocean

I spent most of my teenage years and early twenties being a very angry person. Most of it had to do with always letting academics take the driver’s seat with parents riding shotgun, my swimming days and dreams taking the back seat. Where was I? Riding on top of the car? No. I was chasing the car. In retrospect I realise, I had no options but to chase the car. I could have stood rooted to the spot, or just walked away. Alas, everything of importance to my life was in the car. So, I ran after it like a mad child trying to catch up with it. I couldn’t see anything around me just the bloody car that I was chasing after. I eventually caught up with it. The first thing I did was get academics out of the way so that I was in control of the car. I was steering it in the direction I wanted to go. When I looked in the rear-view mirror the dreams looked different. I don’t know when swimming got off the car. There was an empty seat at the back. All I want to do now is drive to the coast. Let my parents relax at the beach. While I let my dreams wander and I take a swim in the ocean. 

[avocatdudevil]

Being Lawyer

Being a lawyer is fun in most parts but on some occasions it can do to your mind what prisoners feel in solitary confinement. I enjoy the work that I do because when I started I had the option of choosing what cases I wanted to concentrate on. Once you get into litigation it is good to gain exposure in all branches – criminal, civil, personal laws, banking, corporate litigation you name it and just dip your finger tips and toes in it.

When I started practice I made just one request to my senior – To not assign any family court cases to me. I can’t go near family court cases because I believed that I was jinxed when it came to those cases. He phoo-phooed me and the very first solo case that I drafted and filed in my life was a divorce case. Let me just say that the case never saw the inside of a court hall. The incident only made my resolve stronger to never ever handle a family case again.

In college I had spent most of my 8th and 9th semester in family court helping in the mediation process which involved counselling couples. I remember coming home exhausted and angry. The reasons that the couples gave were so asinine that the very idea that the two were actually permitted to enter matrimony baffles me. On some occasions I was glad that the couple in question hadn’t procreated. The idea of morons multiplying is what my nightmares are made of.

I stubbornly continued to refuse family court cases. Until one fine day a friend called and asked to meet up with me. I hadn’t met this friend for over 13 years and I was just glad to catch up with her because she and I shared plenty of common interests which is why inspite of not having met for over a decade we could still catch up and discuss life as it is today instead of leaping back in time and reliving school memories. As we sat speaking I knew intuitively that I would soon be her lawyer. I waited for her to broach the topic.

She eventually told me that she had decided to seek for a divorce and wanted to know the procedure and duration to obtain a court order to the same effect. As a lawyer I had sworn that I would try and stay in the bounds of what is right and not step out of my moral boundaries that I have been drawing since childhood. Hers was a love marriage and I am a believer in all things love. (Yes, way down in the bottom of my heart and in some random corner in my mind I am a passive aggressive romantic who believes that if you’ve loved someone at some point of time in your life no matter what happens next the fact that you loved that person trumps all else that you feel and just set the person free if that is the only way to move forward. Try not to make a mess. If parting ways is the only way to go clink glasses, cheer each other for a better future. Move on.) I like to think that I can bifurcate between the friend and client barrier without difficulty. Clinically I laid out her options. One of the options I recommended was divorce by mutual consent which would take about 6 to 7 months from the date of filing and that she and her husband would be required to be present in the court on the date of filing the case and 6 months later when they are required to file their affidavits stating that they haven’t retracted their decision to separate. That is when my friend told me that before she approached me she had consulted with another lawyer. This lawyer hadn’t even suggested a Mutual consent divorce but had instead told her that the he could help her get half of her husband’s property and told her the case would be long drawn and could take years. After stating all this he quoted an exorbitant fee and put his hand forward to seal the deal.

This particular lawyer specie is the kind that drags cases only to fill their pocket, because god forbid if a case closed too soon how would he fend for himself? Such lawyers always live in the constant fear of losing their monthly fee that their gullible clients pay. People fear courts. I wish people didn’t. I want people to look at courts as an approachable forum to actually get the relief they seek for the violation of their rights. That is not going to happen. People have this deep seated fear in the judiciary and a little girl can only try to dispense the fear but it is the clients job to actually let go of that fear.

When I started out as a newbie I would patiently explain the process and tell the  client in explicit detail my plan of action and encourage a Q & A session after I charted out my plan for them. This worked well with some, some didn’t want any details and some just got more nervous because they thought I was talking too much to cover up the lack of any fruitful conclusion to their case. I had to pull out my human sieve and learnt to separate the clients who wanted to be in the loop, the ones who didn’t and the ones I preferred never enter the court hall. Having done that it was relatively easy to proceed with cases.

I was given complete freedom to do as I pleased with the files assigned to me. Young lawyers rarely get to argue/cross examine witnesses within a month of starting practice. I just got very lucky. With that started my experiments and pretty soon I was called the little girl who managed to close cases within a year without even troubling the client to step in to the witness box. All was fine until the land mafia decided to just make my life a wee bit more interesting. I guess self-defense and police protection is covered under my job description.

Being a lawyer is interesting because I have met people from all walks of life. Seen what desperation does to people. Seen how wealth sees no kindness and have seen families prey on each other like their life has no meaning beyond a piece of land. If it were possible I’d say I became more cynical. The clients crib, cry and complain about everything.

The following are some specimens of the clients I have had to represent:

The Paranoid Client:There are some clients who are so paranoid that they suspect their own lawyer of sabotaging the case. In the 5 years that I have practiced I have been accused by one such client of this. I am a competitor. I LOVE to win. I am not even ashamed to admit it. When I step in the court hall I have no friends. It is just my clients interest that are my priority and I prepare for every case like that is my only case. Thus when a client accuses me of sabotaging his case, I do the only decent thing I can do, I give him his file and ask him to leave. (I don’t wish such people good luck, come on I am Human.)

I Need to see it to believe it: This specie usually looks at my face and wonders why the youngest person in the office has been assigned the file. I sympathize with them because I know what they are thinking – Dear good god! Why her? Am I going to lose my case? Is that why it is assigned to her? Is my case really that simple that this person is handling it?

I ask such clients to be present in the Court Hall for their case. I don’t say much else. After this client sees me in the court and sees how I present my case I know I have won them over and trust has thereby been established. From thereon they are the nicest clients to have.

I trust you completely: This specie is rare but they exist and I have found that when a client puts so much faith in me I find myself  being petrified because I don’t know what about me appealed to them that they decided to trust me completely and not question my methods. I take more care in their cases because when you are as young as me and someone trusts you to know exactly what you are doing to protect their entire life’s earning you have no other option but to deliver. As overwhelming as their trust is, it is just as powerful in knowing that you can actually safeguard their interest.

Being a lawyer also helps one get to know oneself better. I started out as being cynical. I have become more hard hearted over the past 5 years. I am a workaholic who discovered her love for whiskey and Amon Amarth. I also found that I have a dual personality. Outside the court hall I am being a human being. Inside the court hall I unleash my lawyer – self. The Court hall is my turf and I am the King. The kind of comfort I feel inside a court hall makes me smile. I don’t feel that kind of comfort with people but here I am surrounded by people arguing on behalf of a person and yet when I speak, in my mind the court hall is empty, it is just the judge and I trying to convince the judge to rule in my favor. My behavior inside the court hall is the complete antithesis of how I am otherwise.

It is a demanding profession. A time sucker. I tend to fall off the grid while I work. I know what is happening around the world and in the country but I can’t pay too much attention to all the details because I am busy saving the human race and fighting crime for real. What are you doing?

P.S: If you like your whisky - Try Amrut, Indian Single Malt Whisky. It is out of this world.

[avocatdudevil]

And I will OWLways love you...

I don't know when my obsession with owls began. I guess it started with Harry Potter and from that point on I began collecting an assortment of all things owl. 

It began with Key-chains because I collect those too. I basically get excited about the smallest things which has resulted in me collecting all sorts of things. From tooth- picks to match boxes, marbles even. I guess I am a hoarder. Though I like to call my self a connoisseur of "simple fine pleasures". No matter how bad the weather around me, they guarantee a smile or at-least the comfort of having something that I can carry with me because I am too old now to be carrying my doll with me for company!

This is the bling- max thing I own. Truly. I am not a shine and startle person.

This owl has seen the best and worst in me. The key-chain that has the keys to my vehicle, office and my cabinet.

Yellow eyed owl key chain, because I love Yellow!

The OWL Vase has a nice spot on the top most corner shelf in my room. Nice view point for someone stationed so high. Every time I look at it I invariably start singing Every breath you take by the Police!  

Owl Ear Accessories :)

Sri-Lankan moolah has owlies printed on their Rs.20/- notes.

Inspired by Sherlock I always wanted to own a pocket watch and a Pipe.

I know it is goofy. But come on, it has major cute quotient.

Owl Flip-flops. Cool or what?

This Chain is a treasure :) The perfect thing to wear with black tops :)

Bagged me an owl purse too.

The tiny thing is good for a gloss, tissues and my card.

My Chumbak Magnet. A gift from the brother and the bhabhi. :)

My love for owls has been fueled by my friends and family everything above are gifts from my brother, sister in law, friends and even my boss. So you see, this obsession has transcended all sense of sane.

Apparently Owls are considered lucky in some cultures and a bad omen in others. To me they are but a bit of comfort to carry around in any form. We all have our little quirks. One of mine are owls. 

Woot! :) Have a hoot.

[avocatdudevil]

The Spanish Gardener

Yes, I am referring to A. J. Cronin’s book in this post. I had just finished 7thstandard and during the summer vacations before I started 8thstandard was the year I was permitted to choose my own books at the library. This was the first book I picked. I don’t remember the story now. I remember it vaguely but this book had an impact on my heart. When I say impact, I mean it stirred up emotions in me that I didn’t even know existed. The feeling was so turbulent. Just remembering how the story pans out and how it unfolds churns rage, love and pure shock at the action of the characters in the book.

It is a beautiful book. I read Shannon’s way, Citadel (The Book that inspired the Dev Ananad Starer - Tere mere sapne) and The Stars Look Down by him but nothing ever did to me what the Spanish Gardener did. That was the third book that made me cry.

I am not going to tell you the story or introduce you to the characters because I’d be robbing you of the experience of reading the book yourself. It was the first book that introduced me to Love. No book since that has made me think of love in the same innocent way as was portrayed in the book.  It was also my first contact with looking at the world with cynical eyes. Yeah, an 11 year old looking at the world with scorn and wondering how could you let that happen? Why couldn’t you let things be?  What a child I was. I am sure if I read the book now I may not feel the same way. I am scared of going back to something that made me feel so much. Yet over the years I have been fighting the turmoil of picking the book again. I am coming real close to losing the battle because I haven’t felt in a long time. I need to un-numb.

So read the book. If you landed here by mistake or on purpose, either way read the book. Let me know if it did to you what it did to me. Let me know even if it didn’t.  I won’t judge you.

Happy Reading.

P.S: This song kept playing in loop in my head while I typed this post. Don't bother about the mis-matched music and post content. But, if you think that somewhere they blend then all I can say is - I feel you.

[avocatdudevil]

Hey Little Girl…Part III

Discovering who she was, was an easy task but clearly people in college still had a problem with the person she was. The Woman started noticing that she couldn’t help but get along with people older than her and her peers just as in school continued to be intimidated by her and preferred keeping their distance.

In the last two years of her school life when the girl realized that she was the happiest when she was free to express herself. Express she did in moots, debates, camps, talks held in schools and colleges. As she adapted to the surroundings she knew she would never compromise this freedom of being herself for a group of people whom she would not be working with or seeing after 5 years of college. She knew in her heart that even if she did see them there was no danger of her having to acknowledge their existence. That little boat of being politely civil had long sailed. People in their late teens and early twenties invariably end up spending too much time worrying about being accepted by the clique that they want to be a part of. They forget that they are individuals who don’t necessarily have to fit.

It baffled the woman that people didn’t feel the need to participate in everything. The fear of losing face was more over powering than the “What if I just manage to wing it feeling”. After having watched the Dead Poets Society a million times the woman as a girl had sworn that she will do exactly what she wants and not what others expect of her. Little did she know then that it was a life lesson that she would carry with her for the rest of her life.

EXPERIMENT while you can. CARPE DIEM. Of course she experimented. Who doesn’t? She for one enjoyed steeping out of her comfort zone. The shell was always there. It was invisible and people were not allowed to see the history of why she was the way she was. They were allowed to assume she had been a freak of nature since birth. Stepping out of her zone involved dating a guy she knew she didn’t want to spend the rest of her life with but she still dated him because he was persistent. Unfortunately for her being persistent was the only thing that the guy was good at. Things didn’t end well for her or the guy. She was put off of dating and she was sure her mother most of all was pleased with the results.

She always wanted to know how well or rather how much more vocal she would be if she ever got drunk before one of her seminars. You can be sure she did that and no one suspected a thing because she behaved no better when she was sober.

She wanted to know what was the easiest way to get kicked out of college. In spite of being the person she was, she was never short of attendance and teachers who didn’t like her couldn’t do much because she had an excellent academic record. This strangely made her feel like she was missing out on some important life experiences. So she decided to spend an entire semester just representing the college in every fest and travelling out of the state to competitions just so that she would not get the required attendance percentage, so that the principal would finally call her and verbally abuse her like he did 99% of the college junta. As fate would have it her name appeared on the list of “Shortage of attendance list” seeing that in the morning cheered her up so much. During the break she told her senior friends that she finally made the list. Unfortunately when they went to see the list her name had been scratched off. Apparently you don’t qualify the list if you represent the college and win because then your efforts have been fruitful and is proof that you have learnt something.

After this incident she knew she had to do something more extreme. She decided to smoke on campus. That ought to draw some attention. She did and got caught but was not reported because of her academic record!

She knew it was futile and gave up her attempts at trying to let people know that she was only trying to see what she can and can’t get away with. Her classmates thought she was a stuck up beach. She was secretly pleased about that. They also called her Miss Nofeelings because she had no boyfriend and also because of the way she had treated that one guy that she dated.

So much was happening in her life and the only person who got a full share of the incidents was her brother. Yup. She told him about her exploits and misadventures. He laughed at most of it. Gave her some good advice but most importantly he initiated her into the drink fest. He was the guy who told her she could try anything she wanted and that he would take her wherever she wanted to go try her experiments with drinking. He introduced her to more books and music. Even though they’d fought in their teens her brother was the first person to know if something was wrong with her. He was always her confidant. Peace reigned on both of them. Time went by now they are grown ups and realize that school was only a part of learning how wonderful their parents were to never have compared them. To have given them the security and freedom of pursuing their individual interests and most importantly letting them learn to respect one another given everything that happened. They are both glad that they retained their individuality J

P.S: Having a sibling means you get a free punching bag. The kind that is stable and will take the blows and after the tempest hear you out and may be give you a hug :P

[avocatdudevil]

Hey Little Girl! - Part II

The Little Girl re-lived the horrors of the World wars in her mind. Kane and Abel became her favorite novel. Hazard by Richard Marx was her anthem. She went to school armed with her books and music. The little girl had realized that though she didn’t talk to many people she had a razor tongue that could hurt people. She used it and went home every day to hide behind the dictionary to sharpen her weapon to unleash her words on anyone who came to attack her. She never indulged in physical violence unless it meant trying the moves she saw on W.W.F and those were learnt only to defend herself from her brother who grew to be a tyrant. The little girl was just a little bug to her brother. They fought. They fought physically with a vengeance. The little girl would leap at her brother to hit him and he would bring his knuckles crashing on her head. She didn’t quite understand why they fought as much as they did. The fights grew in their intensity. They grew distant. They wouldn’t acknowledge the others presence in school. People who didn’t know them were surprised to find out ( when they visited either)that the two were actually siblings.

Their activities and interests were mutually exclusive of the other and hence they lived in separate worlds that never collided. Little did the Girl know that even by not communicating with each other they did have some similarities. On one occasion when the senior classes (the ones appearing for their boards X and XII) were moved to the 1stfloor and 8th standard kids who were under no pressure at all had to move to the ground floor. On entering the classroom this is what the kids saw on blackboard written in a handwriting which was all too familiar to her:

The Girl on seeing this burst out laughing. Unfortunately for her the History teacher had just walked in and stared at the board in horror. She looked at the girl and asked her, “How dare you write that on the board?” The Girl held out her hand and let the teacher see there were no traces of chalk on her hand. Because the teacher had seen the girl laugh she became the easy target for ridicule. The teacher asked her to face the classroom and tell them why she found the writing on the board so funny.

The Girl said, “ For those of you who don’t understand what Copulation means, it is a synonym for intercourse, what we discuss during lunch break as sex, fuck or fornication. As we have learnt already this leads to children being born which is the leading cause for increase in population in the Country. Of course the statement on the board is a fact but I liked the word play hence the laughter. Also since I have been given permission to talk on this subject, did you guys know F.U.C.K is the acronym for Fornication Under the Consentof the King? Isn’t that a cool bit of trivia?”

The Girl knew now that the students were not only in awe of her but this incident only further increased the ever extending gap between her and her classmates. The history teacher no longer cared what book the girl was reading as long as she wasn’t addressing the class. The teachers discussed the girl in the staff room and the very next day her English teacher called her aside and gave her a list of books she thought would interest the girl. One of the books was Silas Marner by George Eliot. The Girl read the book and has been forever grateful to her teacher for letting her be.

9thand 10th Standard was bearable only because the girl met a kindred spirit who made coming to school every day seem less of a task.

What actually unleashed the Girls full potential of being crazy was class XI and XII where she reunited with kids she was with in kindergarten and her neighbors who went to rival schools but had to join her school if they wanted to continue in C.B.S.E. The Girl used these two years to discover who she really was. Without her brother wandering the corridors. For the first time being the only one from her family in the school. For the first time juniors looked up to her for her carpentry and acting skills. Most of all the freedom to finally speak and voice out every thought then and there and run and whistle in the corridors without the fear of her exploits making the dinner table conversation. Discovering who she was, was the best thing to happen to the Girl. Without having her brothers or cousins name shadowing her at all times.

Two years of not being compared. Two years of experimenting with PEOPLE and EVERYTHING finally led her to her calling. To finally have the peace to know what she wanted to do with her future. To unleash unto the world the Awesome Woman that she grew to be .

To be continued…

For Part 1 Click Here

P.S Title for Part 1 was inspired by Jack Johnson - My little girl

Title for Part 2 was inspired by Pendulum – Girl in the Fire

[avocatdudevil]

Hey Little Girl... Part I

The little girl aped her elder brother. To her, he was the coolest dude that existed. She was the kid in school who was spoken to because she was so and so’s sister. As a kid she was extremely naïve. Her brother was the quizzer, the topper, the teacher’s pet, the social guy and everybody liked him. She on the other hand was the brat, the swimmer, a teacher’s nightmare, anti social and didn’t want to be liked by anyone. They were polar opposites of each other. Her brother - the witty charmer and She, the *shrugs shoulders* and very impolitely leaving conversation kind of person.

Perhaps… the younger version of her envied the ease with which her brother was able to make friends and be at the core of everything that was happening in school. The fact that they were so different and studied in the same school eventually led to teachers constantly comparing them. It wasn’t anything she couldn’t handle. But imagine a little girl always being chastised and all sermons ending with, “why aren’t you more like your brother?”  Truth be told she tried.

As she grew a little older and started understanding the school and the people in it. She decided she had to make friends. She had the weirdest set of friends – the Assamese, the Bengali, the Catholic, the Coorgi and the soon to join army school kid. She was very proud of her set of friends they enjoyed enacting wars and scenes from mythology and for the strangest reasons loved to portray death in their enactments.  Being the youngest, the shortest and the smallest she was an easy target for bullies, but her posse of friends kept her safe. The idea of gender differences hadn’t crept in, so life was good until one day somebody pointed out saying that She had no female friends. She looked around at her friends and realized that it was true. She didn’t have a friend who was a girl. But what the heck she didn’t mind it one bit.

This Needle who had pointed the obvious to the little girl was also a girl. The Needle offered the little girl her friendship. The little girl accepted. The Needle then introduced her to another girl and they all became friends. 2 weeks passed and then it began. The Needle and the other girl asked to be invited to the little girl’s house for lunch. The little girl asked her mother if she could invite her friends and the mother agreed. The day for lunch was set and the girls came over to the little girl’s house.

They exchanged niceties with the mother and then went to the little girl’s room to play till lunch time. While sitting at the dining table for lunch, the Needle asked the little girl, “Where is your brother?” The little girl said, “He’s gone to visit his friends.” The Needle and the other girl exchanged disheartened looks and didn’t even stay for dessert. The little girl didn’t mind it a bit.

The next day when she went to school, the Needle and the other girl told her that they couldn’t be friends anymore because they only befriended her so that they could be introduced to her brother. The little girl was crushed. [This was the first of many such female friends the little girl made as she grew older. Except she had learnt her lesson well the first time. This was probably where she withdrew into her shell the first time.]

Her posse took her back without a word and the universe seemed to be righting itself. She was not short of friends or fun with them around but that didn’t last long either. What with 6thstandard students knowing their calling when they were 10 making the decision to join Army school to be trained and disciplined for the life they were sure they were destined for. In 7th standard the Bengali boy transferred to Bhubaneshwar. In the middle of the year the Coorgi boy moved to Jhansi, because his dad was in the Army. In 8th standard the Catholic boy moved to a Catholic school. The little girl and the Assamese boy were the only two left in what was once the group. They became easy targets to being teased as a “couple” and all the other juvenile things kids do at that age. The Assamese boy and the little girl slowly drifted apart and spoke to each other only when they met outside of school.

As time went by the little girl withdrew more into her shell only to venture out when she felt like it. Debates and chess matches were the only things that kept her going and slowly her love for books became an obsession. She started living in a world of her own where characters from fiction were dearer to her than the person sitting next to her. She felt that the books were meant for her, to be read by her so that she would not be short of friends or short of advice. Jack London, Saki, T. S . Elliot, William Golding soon encompassed her into the darkness of their literature and she went into that world willingly.

To be continued…

[avocatdudevil]

Help me help myself, by believing that you are helping yourself.

I am not big on self-help books. I didn’t have an opinion on them until I read one. I always thought I wouldn’t read one because these books are categorized as “Self Help”. Enough said right? I mean why would one want to read a self-help book? When one can step out of their house to do whatever they want to?[I know you need legs to step out. If you have them step out. If you don’t have them figure out a way to step out. If you have legs but don’t know how to use them – I’ll imagine you as a baby between the age group of 1 day – 15 months old who is a prodigy and can read and chose my blog of all blogs to be educated about the world based on my constant rants on my life experiences. But if you aren’t in the age bracket I mentioned, please don’t try and contact me.]

The first thing about experiencing anything is to actually get out there and do whatever the hell it is that your brain is prompting you to do. There are three ways that this experiment can go – You fail or succeed and if you are that ickle baby then you can get run-over by a vehicle as soon as you step out of the safety of your compound (Thus, I wouldn’t recommend that for you.)

If you succeed in your endeavors it only acts a morale booster to go out more often and experiment with your social and networking skills in achieving your goals. If you fail then you just review your work and tinker with your plan and figure out if it is really viable or was a fart even before you began executing the idea. If you are that insy baby then I applaud your success, if you failed then don’t worry you have years ahead of you or days given that you might have been lucky the first time getting out of your house and not being run over. You might not be so lucky the second time around.

The basic idea is to put yourself out there and see what happens. [Baby, before you leave that house of yours, make sure you clear your browsing history I don’t want your parents knowing where you got your idea to step out of the house from.] Books like all the Self-help anonymous programs [Hi! I am x and I am an alcoholic, Hi! I am y and I am a douche, Hi! I am z and I am a loser] have the same 12 point plan that you should follow. I have always wondered what about people who are non believers like me? What about us? We get screwed over even before we hit point 2.

The thing about the very concept of self help is that they give you a list according to which you are supposed to live and do things and EVERYTHING will fall into place. They never mention hard work, failure, rejection, multiple attempts, experimenting, the fact that your idea from its inception is stupid [If your idea is to sell cans of preserved poop or something alike] or any other aspect that is closer to the reality than their advice in the book.

I for one don’t have a “LIST” of any kind. I don’t even have a bucket list or must travel to these places list or other lists that people my age seem to carry about with them. I like to be surprised by what my brain wakes up to in the mornings. Most often my experiences yield fun results.

The very concept of “Self-help Books” is an oxymoron no? I mean how are you helping yourself by buying a book written by someone who may or may not have a solution for your life problems but are in-fact helping the author by putting money in his/her pocket. Do you comprehend my point here?

Anyhow all I really want to know now is – Who moved my cheese? I’m pretty sure I didn’t eat the last cube. WHO MOVED IT?

P.S: I am not going to mention the name of the self-help book but if you are in dire need of one, I can give you mine for free.

P.P.S: The book was given to me at a camp in college. I DID NOT BUY IT!

[avocatdudevil]

Because the Bakchods are Hilarious!

It is 5:57 A.M and what am I doing up so early on a Sunday, you ask? Well, I am up because I have viral fever.  My nose is clogged and my throat hoarse. I have the whole husky voice thing going for me. I can’t lie down for the fear of suffocating on my own snot. Hence what better way to keep busy and distract myself from my discomfort? -  Write a new blog post.

I have noticed that I always fall sick during court vacations. I somehow manage to hold myself together during the week before vacations which are by far the most hectic days of courts what with judgments/orders being passed which pretty much chart out how I’ll be spending my  vacations  (i) preparing appeals, (ii) preparing caveats or (iii) Both.

It was during the last work week before summer vacations that I gave AIB my full-fledged attention. After watching all their videos on youtube I proceeded to listen to their podcast. Initially though, I felt like I was eavesdropping on a personal conversation but that feeling dissipated soon enough because the duo and their guests keep you entertained enough to get you to come and listen in some more.( Listening to them while driving is highly unadvisable.) I was listening to them even while I was baby-sitting my 2 year old nephew, who had not until that day seen his aunt laugh like a hyena and that for some reason amused him to a point where I was the subject of his interest and looking at me laugh made him laugh. (P.s Don't worry I was using ear- plugs the child only heard ME laugh and NOT the podcast.)

Honestly I don’t know when I last laughed out loud for real. For the first time I was listening to Indian comics with no holds barred attitude using the most appalling language, ribbing politicians, poor people, middle class people, pretty people, ugly people basically they make sure that nobody feels left out on their podcast.

For people who don’t cuss and have a holier than thou attitude towards those of us who cuss please listen to the podcast anyway because it is not the cussing alone that makes them funny. Some of the episodes actually took me down memory lane.  For example when I watched Tridev as a kid I thought the movie ended with the 3 heroes dying but after listening in on the podcast I was in for a surprise.

In some places I actually thought the comics were PMS-ing because from being funny they just transcended to dark humor which actually took me to such lows for just a few seconds but then they got back to daylight or must I say less sensitive subjects. But what remained more with me were those few seconds of dark humor. I don’t know how they do it. But comics that make your mood dip and dive have to have mettle or they wouldn't be comics.

One of their popular videos that went viral was the Kalki and Juhi starrer “It’s your fault” which was all about how every time a rape case is reported the victim is invariably blamed and depicts further victimization of the victim at the hands of the police and every gyan-pundit social group, moral police and the jobless junta. This video even addressed rape in marriages - I mean come on! You really have to give it to these people for having covered the entire bit so fantastically. It is a totally in your face video. This video got so many hits/likes and like many other women in the country I was thinking wow finally somebody put the point across so well that it is getting the desired attention. People will be more sensitive and things will have to get better from here on BUT na ah not so soon… recently A Delhi Court decidedthat forced intercourse  in marriagesdoes not come under the ambit of Rape. (Should make the judge watch this video. This insensitivity is what is appalling.)

If I had to write briefly about all their videos I would, but then I think I would be killing it for you, if you haven’t already watched it. I like the detail with which they make their videos. They put their “funny” in everything from props to tickers to everything.

I am feeling a little low having listened to the last episode of the podcast uploaded by them. Which means I have to wait till the next episode is released. These guys blog too. The general misconception that people still carry around is that comics are out there only to rib others and are not capable of being serious or are unable to put forth a point without hiding behind a joke. Fact- After having read most of their posts, they didn't just come across as being highly opinionated but rather sensible AND sensitive in their outlook.

So yes, like the fangirl that I have become I have been recommending their videos/podcast/blogs to all my friends.

In fact I made my mother listen to the episode featuring – Usha Uthup and boy did she love that episode.

So yeah for all those people who like to laugh and get a dose of current affairs in the most twisted manner this is the channel.

Also in one corner of mind I am glad that these people who are not doctors, engineers or lawyers(like me) are doing such a fantastic job and making people like me envy them . I am glad that when I am not cradling a glass of whisky, I can  still  sit back laugh and de-stress and relax and let the sarcasm that makes the world go round hit me.

P.S: I also never in my wildest dreams imagined myself crooning, " Phir tapke shri Kalmadi, kya thodu beyimani" or Singing (with joy), "Tashan, Dil bole Hadippa, tara ra ra rumpum, neal and nikki. " all in one sentence !

[avocatdudevil]

It’s not working well between us…

With that I bid bubye to my facebook account. I have been on facebook since 2006-07. I think it is the 7 year itch that finally sealed the break-up. I thought I’d miss NOT being on facebook but I don’t miss it one bit. Instead I am going about my life as always but more peacefully. My phone doesn’t buzz with anymore candy crush requests or any other game requests. My phone isn’t constantly buzzing with notifications and messages on the messenger. I feel free. The kind of free one feels after being in a bad relationship.

Of-late facebook started to seem like a giant universal album of peoples personal pictures. People sharing their most personal photos (Nah not nudes, but there were a couple of guys [Yeah! JUST a couple] flaunting their chest complaining about the summer heat.) If I attended your wedding, I don’t want to see the pics, if I didn’t attend your wedding it is because I don’t want to see your face, what makes you think I’ll trouble myself to like your pictures?

I don’t care if you finally succeeded in potty training your baby. I don’t care if your husband did a fantastic job of cleaning baby poop. I don’t care about your halwa or chole. I just want to be left alone without being spammed every second by someone uploading a mushy photo with their better (or not so better) Halves. It is so annoying! Some people were annoying when they were single. Being married they have doubled their annoying quotient.

People are exchanging tips on how to cook, bring up their babies, handle husbands *Shakes head at the mere recollection of awful things said by some girls about their husbands.*

I also don’t care where you got drunk last night. I don’t care who you did after getting drunk and I certainly don’t care enough to know the result of your deeds after a couple of months. Check–ins are positively horrid add-ons  that FB could have introduced. It pretty much screams, “HEY STALKER! WHY DIDN’T YOU FOLLOW ME THERE? DIDN’T YOU SEE MY FACEBOOK UPDATE?”  Which is later followed by, “OH GOSH! PEOPLE ARE SUCH STALKERS ALWAYS FOLLOWING ME WHEREEVER I GO. NOBODY  IS SAFE IN THEIR OWN TOWN!” If I didn’t love my laptop I would have smashed the screen. Not being on FB also means there won’t be any more arguments about, “I’m tagging you in my check-in. I want to make people jealous.” * [Yes, readers I am loved. Sometimes I think I am loved too much. Scary shite.]

What is with the selfies? What is with selfies in the loo? [I confess to have taken a group selfie in the loo and that was just one instance because the place had a red glow and we looked positively angelic in-spite of the red around us. O: ) ]

I think the generation that came after me is degenerating into self obsessed slobs who live a lifetime in their rooms making every aspect of their “tiny room world” known to us. You are NOT POLANSKI![And raping a 13 year old in your room does not mean you are him it just makes you as bad as him.] STOP TRYING TO TELL ME THE ENTIRE STORY OF YOUR LIFE FROM YOUR EXPERIENCES IN YOUR ROOM!

I feel better.

I also think my older posts were much nicer.

I don’t know what happened to me after I graduated.

*Sigh* Keep watching this space. I promise I’ll make my blog interesting again.

P.S: If you haven’t listened to Mini World  by Indila yet, please do. RIGHT NOW!

[avocatdudevil]

Watching Over Me

Last Sunday, I made a decision. The decision I made is something that I can't back out off. Needless to say I spent a very sleepless night after making my decision and also for having acted upon it. I couldn't sleep.  I was still wondering how I did what I did. I couldn't even talk to anyone about this. It was a decision I had to come to on my own.

As always I was out for my morning run.  By the time I returned home I must have seen 16 Black dogs of which 5 were labradors. I usually come across 3 Black dogs of which 1 is a labrador. But on Monday it was like the forces had worked to bring a black dog in my sight evertime I took a turn.

I don't know, but it felt like someone was watching over me.  Someone was telling me," You did right.  Don't worry. " and that was it.  My mind was certainly made.

I am an atheist. But what happened on Monday is probably the closest I have ever come to  what I can only explain add a spiritual experience, where I knew that there is someone up there watching me.  Guiding me. Keeping me company.

Peace.

[avocatdudevil]

The guide to a perfect BARF.

     You get that barfy feeling in your stomach? Good, as long you know that alien sensation is a warning that you might hurl any moment.

Acknowledge the sensation and will yourself to find a bush or a sink depending on where you are.

If you are a girl and have hair that is shoulder length or longer make sure you’ve tied it up or request someone to hold it back for you.

Bend over and hurl.

Let it happen naturally don’t retch. You’ll only end up hurting your throat.

If the hurling stops pace around slowly. I know the legs tremble, walk to get them to feel normal. Feeling like you are about to bring up again?

Well repeat step 4, 5 and 6 until the feeling subsides completely.

DO NOT lie back ever! You don’t want to die swallowing your own vomit.

You can sit but bend forward and sit.

Don’t immediately drink anything. Listen to your stomach. If your stomach asks to be replenished with liquid drink some water and make sure you sip it. DO NOT gulp it down.

Feeling better? Good. Now just sit in one place and involve yourself in an activity to distract you from all the barfing. ( Right now after step 11 I’m blogging.)

Feel absolutely able to stand on your feet? Well, get up wash you face and mouth and gargle.

Sip some more water.

Make sure you have a bottle of water with you. If you are in a car make sure the windows are rolled down.

Close your eyes take deep calming breaths smell that pukey aroma? Well get home and take a shower.

What ever you do after step 15 make sure you don’t over do. (Eating or drinking water) Let the stomach settle for a bit.

Sleep.

Well that pretty much sums up the DO’s and DON’T’s of barfing.

Hope this guide helped you barf with confidence.

Peace.

[avocatdudevil]

NAILS!

“You can tell a lot from a person's nails. When a life starts to unravel, they're among the first to go.”  ― Ian McEwan, Saturday

I have found that I don’t like people who try to get familiar too soon. People who read my blog and think they can deduce who I am or that people can just start a conversation with me and that I would be intrigued by what they have to merely because they are speaking of what they think is an unusual topic.

I personally am fascinated by nails – finger nails. What makes a person chew their nails? What makes a person stop chewing their nails? Are nails tasty? Let me bite my own and check. Why do people paint their nails? What are the different kinds of manicures? What color would best suit my skin-tone? Is a top coat mandatory after painting nails? Why do nails become yellow? Why don’t men understand the need to maintain hygiene when it comes to toe nails?

See… mundane topic yet, so vast. We go looking for things to talk about when there is so much right here in front of us and nobody ever discusses it. But, come on haven’t you ever thought a persons feet stinks and you see that they have long toe nails that need trimming? Or admired a woman’s hand or criticized her choice of color or for a  moment just been dazzled by the way people use their hands while they talk and keenly observed the nails that they so openly display? I have found that men and women who tend to make gestures when they talk are often the ones who maintain their nails.

Dear reader, are you now going to start observing those little details about people around you? If you haven’t already you should. I find it fun to catch little details about people. A thing that started out as a hobby is now a trait. Thanks to this trait I easily within 60 seconds or less get my personal dossier of person in question ready. It is not a judgment, merely an observation which most often turns out to be a decent appraisal of people and they never disappoint.

If I ever have the chance of meeting anybody who is a stranger to my blog please reader do try to keep clean nails and trimmed toe nails it would be much appreciated and may be then I will say at least more than 5 words to you.

I do come across as being pompous don’t I? 

P.S: A dear friend of mine who was  in the habit of biting nails has finally given up the god awful habit. 

[avocatdudevil]

Happiness is…… Being inspired :)

I wanted to dedicate a post to Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar. Sachin Tendulkar the one individual who bought and entire country together for his last match. What a beautiful farewell he got and how much more inspiring his speech was. How marvelous a journey the man had led from his first interview giving monosyllable answers to an entire speech on the last day of his game. Talk about being moved.

Amidst all this frenzy over Sachin retiring there was one section of the Country that believed that the fanfare was too much and that he didn’t deserve it and that everything was just a bit too much. That the country had more pressing matters to take care of. That he was just another sportsman… yada yada…

AND all I could think was…. WHAT A LEGEND! I mean to be the best at what you love to do -  not just in your family, or your district, or your State, or your Country, or your Continent but to be the best in whole entire world… THAT that that is just mind blowing!!!!!

For a while there no one was talking about Gang rapes, no one was talking about scams, nobody gave a damn about what the ministers were up to. The nation was chanting just one name – SACHIN.

Why am I writing this today? Well, Nelson Mandela passed on and the first thing that I thought of when I heard that on the news was the movie – Invictus.  A true story.  A story about a nation that came together and all because of Rugby and a man who was ready to forgive.

We all find inspirations in the things and people we surround ourselves with. I find inspiration in the books I read, the music I listen to, the movies I watch, the sports I watch and the people that surround me. Anything that tells a story is inspiration.

History we say, repeats itself. May be if we took a leaf from Mandela’s book and start with forgiving, we could probably head somewhere new.

Two Bharat Ratna Awardees who have in their own way inspired millions and me. The only way I can honor both is by dedicating this post to them.

“I am the master of my fate,

I am the captain of my soul.” – Invictus, William Ernest Henley

Peace :)

[avocatdudevil]

Happiness is... S.I.L.E.N.C.E

I go to the office early in the evening because I get to have the books and the computer to myself and I can listen to my music while I work. I like listening to music while I work and I like doing my work without being interrupted. So the time I keep for myself in the evening is something I look forward to because I get almost all my work done. This little time that I get  - I call it “UTOPIA”. I mean 30 mins to work on an entire set of files the next day without interruptions is a boon.

Today I am writing a blog post instead. I have just one file for tomorrow. Here I was thinking what should I write in my blog? It’s been so long since I wrote anything. I basically wanted write something that would move the reader to dig deep in their hearts and pull every scrap of emotion and say – YEAH! I HAVE FELT THAT WAY! SO TRUE!

While I was sifting for ideas in my brain a client comes to the office and asks me, “What time will your senior be coming?” I tell him, “He should be here by 7.” The guy then goes on to ask me about where I studied law, list of law colleges in Mysore, List of law colleges in the State. I rattle on the names of the colleges I know and then introduce him to this lovely thing called “GOOGLE”. The man goes on to tell me that he knows what google is and that he was just making conversation. It bothered me that the guy even if he couldn't gather from my tone, should have at least taken a hint when I was violently tapping they keys on the keyboard which F.Y.I I am still doing because the man won’t keep quiet. I just told him I am busy with some typing and I’d prefer continuing without having to constantly pause with what I am doing in order to answer his questions. Man finally gets point and is sitting quietly.

I just read what I have typed so far and while I was reading I wasn't typing. Man was busy clearing his throat and fake coughing. Why is it that people need to make as much noise as they do? Is it mandatory to talk just because there is someone sitting opposite you? If that someone was working would you go and interrupt them continuously and not let them work in peace? Why is that people take up law books, randomly look at an act and a particular section and ask you if you know about it? After I am done answering their question I like asking them a question too. It can range from what is the crop commonly grown in Uttar Pradesh? Who is the Chief Minister of Maharashtra? Or who is the chief justice of India? I usually never get an answer to my questions. But I always enjoy the results which is silence from the annoying party.

I think I have mastered the art of putting up a wall when I don’t want to be bothered. Achievement unlocked.

Peace reigns in the office now. UTOPIA shall be visited tomorrow if luck approves.

Face-palm! Just wen I typed peace man starts playing with his phone checking his ring tones. ARGHHHHHH…. Oh man got call. Man is talking very loudly.

UTOPIA you elusive dream.