Avoiding the issue? Maybe Its Time To Seek Help.

For those with fearful avoidance and avoidant attachment, sometimes you might need to do a little self reflecting. It’s ok to need help ❤️ a place to vent, a place to ask, a place to seek support, and a place to get advice on when to seek help professionally.

[baba-is-blog]

BABA IS EMOTIONALLY COMPROMISED

[avpdculture]

avpd culture is: a girl refused my offer to go see a movie together in 8th grade and i have literally never recovered from it. i've never tried to initiate an activity with a friend since. because obviously that girl didn't actually like me and/or thought i was super weird for asking and it'll surely be the same with anyone i try to ask now

~

[avoidingavoidanceissues]

You won’t just keep missing great movies.

You could be missing great connection ❤️

[avpdculture]

avpd culture is feeling lonely and longing for deep, meaningful friendships, and yet feeling almost nauseous when thinking about reaching out to people.

~

[avoidingavoidanceissues]

You can always work through the avoidance.

Reach out.

Talk to them.

Heal together ❤️‍🩹

[letsbelonelytogetherr]

— Albert Camus, The Misunderstanding

[avoidingavoidanceissues]

You don’t have to understand to love.

But you can help them understand if you don’t give in to the urge to run.

Reach out.

Talk to them.

Heal together ❤️‍🩹

[letsbelonelytogetherr]

— unknown (via letsbelonelytogetherr)

[avoidingavoidanceissues]

It can be.

Reach out. Talk to them.

Heal together ❤️‍🩹

[borderlinereminders]

Learning to communicate in a healthy way doesn’t mean you get it perfect. But it means you take accountability and make efforts to clarify if needed.

Fumbles are fine.

You can say:

“That didn’t come out right.”

“I was trying to ask for closeness, but it sounded like blame.”

It’s okay to fumble. It doesn’t mean you’re a failure. No one is perfect and you don’t need to get it perfect every time.

[avoidingavoidanceissues]

The same goes for avoidance. You don’t have to be perfect. It doesn’t make you a failure. It just means you stumbled. You ran instead of talking. It happens.

What can you do about it?

Turn around. Reach out. Talk to them.

Heal together ❤️‍🩹

[talking-to-the-sun]

if i was no longer in your life, would you even care? did my presence ever matter?

[avoidingavoidanceissues]

We’re willing to bet they do still care, and the presence you left in their life when you ran left a deep emptiness to them.

Reach out. Talk to them.

Heal together ❤️‍🩹

[uniquecookie]

Love isn't something for the weak to do. Being romantic takes a hell of a lot of hope.

[avoidingavoidanceissues]

It also takes courage, it takes patience. It takes commitment every day. It takes overcoming your fears. It takes not running when things get hard or deeply emotional. It takes reaching out and talking about your concerns, your doubts, your anger, your hurt, your worry, your fear, your joy, your sorrow.

It takes healing.

Heal together ❤️‍🩹

[still-psychology]

The Right Person Won’t Regulate Your Nervous System for You

Yes, relationships can be healing. Yes, co-regulation is real. But let’s get this straight:

The right partner can support your healing—but they can’t do the emotional work for you.

If you expect someone else to keep you grounded, calm you down, give you safety, stability, and a full sense of self, you’re not looking for a relationship. You’re looking for a nervous system manager.

Here’s the clinical side: co-regulation depends on both people having some capacity for self-regulation. If you can’t soothe your own system, you’ll treat your partner like a human Xanax. And when they can’t deliver perfectly, you’ll spiral. Not because they failed, but because you outsourced your emotional safety to them in the first place.

This isn’t about shame. It’s about clarity. The right person will hold space for you—but they won’t heal your attachment wounds for you. That’s your job. Otherwise, your need for reassurance turns into emotional dependence, and closeness becomes claustrophobic—for both of you.

Regulation is an inside job. Someone else can sit with you in the storm. But they can’t calm the weather if you refuse to learn how to sit with your own thunder.

Are you building intimacy—or just outsourcing the parts of yourself you haven’t learned to hold yet?

[avoidingavoidanceissues]

Once again we don’t have much to add.

Yes. Call them. Visit them. Talk to them. Heal together ❤️‍🩹

But make sure you’re healing yourself too ❤️ a beautiful relationship is one where both partners are putting in the effort.

[doitforyourmouth]

When you’re feeling down just remember baby

We’re all fucked up

[avoidingavoidanceissues]

It’s true. In some way we all are, but that’s one beautiful thing. We all fuck up too. Maybe the reason you ran is they fucked up. Maybe you did and you ran to avoid dealing with it.

But you know what’s not fucked up? Trying to fix it.

Reach out to them. Have a talk.

Heal together ❤️‍🩹

[purr-in-ink]

Happy Caturday 🐾🤍

[avoidingavoidanceissues]

None of us always know what we’re doing.

But we can support each other.

The people you love and whom love you can support you.

If you let them.

Reach out.

Talk to them.

Heal together ❤️‍🩹

[spirulin4]

a quick “why is my life so bad” checklist

how’s your sleep schedule

have you eaten or drank anything besides sugar and caffeine

how long have you been sitting in one spot

have you gone out in public recently

have you taken a shower/brushed your teeth/groomed yourself properly

have you spent time doing an activity that doesn’t involve a screen

etc

[spirulin4]

i myself needed to be reminded of this today. the freedom of summer also means the risk of falling back into bad habits if i'm not mindful

[avoidingavoidanceissues]

Be sure you take care of yourself today. You can’t break the cycle if you’re not also taking care of your own needs ❤️‍🩹 get a snack. Get some water (not soda. Not coffee. Not tea. Water.) step outside for just a few minutes, then have a quick shower.

Then reach out to them.

Heal together ❤️‍🩹

[evenlis]

When your phone buzzes,will you quietly hope it's me?

- Evenlis

[avoidingavoidanceissues]

Maybe that one you ran from is hoping it’s you.

Maybe you’re hoping it’s them, even if you left no way for them to.

Maybe if you call they’ll answer. Maybe they’ll say “it’s ok. I missed you. I love you. I want you. We both need to do some healing, but you’re always welcome.” Maybe, just maybe, they’ll have learned better how to love you. How to recognize and ask. How to give space when it’s needed. How will you know?

Reach out.

Talk to them.

Heal together

[evenlis]

Gods, that's really beautifully put.

I can't agree with you more on this, when you love someone, romatic or platonic, your heart never forgets them. Only your memory blurs a little.

When people matter, when you're still thinking about them, it's worth a reach out. Maybe you can start again or pick up where you left or even get closure. It's worth it.

Always chase what your inner self tells you to go after. See what it's trying to tell you.

[avoidingavoidanceissues]

Beautiful response ❤️‍🩹

[avoidingavoidanceissues]

hi, same anon from earlier asking about needs and wants. I just wanted to say your response helped me a lot, thanks again for the advice and space to send the ask

I’m very lucky to have recently gotten back into therapy, but I never really knew what to bring up and how, and now I have starting points! which is really helpful

no need to respond (unless you want to), just wanted to say thanks

We’re thrilled to hear that you took the initiative and big step to resume mental health care, and even moreso that we could help you have talking points. We know sometimes therapy can be a fearful process, both due to uncertainty and due to the fear of what it will dig up. But it is worth it. You make yourself better for YOU, and then you take that best current version of you and feel secure and safe in that you’re putting in the work to love yourself and someone else in a better place than before.

For what it is worth, anon, we’re all very proud of you!

We’re so happy to have been this safe place for you. All we ask is you spread the message, and spread some kindness today ❤️‍🩹

[torstherapy]

[avoidingavoidanceissues]

You are worthy of love. You are worthy of care. You have needs. We all do.

It’s just deciding if that one you ran away from is because they can’t fulfill those needs, or if you’re afraid they’re able to, because what control that gives a person to know you. To know how to love you. To know how to make you feel safe, heard, seen, respected, loved, and valued.

Maybe, just maybe, you can have it all.

Reach out.

Talk to them.

Heal together ❤️‍🩹

[still-psychology]

Attachment Style Isn’t a Personality. Stop Using It as a Shield.

Attachment theory is useful—until people turn it into a personality quiz and start hiding behind it like a diagnosis they found on Instagram.

Saying “I’m just anxious” or “I’m super avoidant” might help explain a pattern. But an explanation isn’t an excuse. It doesn’t give you a pass to ghost people, chase validation, or emotionally disappear and call it boundaries. That’s not growth. That’s just dressing up your damage with clinical language.

Your attachment style is not a personality type. It’s a set of survival responses your nervous system built early on, when your brain was still wiring itself around how safe it felt to need people. If your caregivers were unpredictable, dismissive, or inconsistent, your system adapted—either by clinging or shutting down. In clinical terms, these are internal working models—your blueprint for what to expect from others and what you think you have to do to be loved.

The catch? Those models don’t update on their own. They feel like “who you are” because they’ve been running in the background for years. But they’re not hardwired. They’re habits. And the moment you treat them like permanent traits, you stop giving yourself the chance to change.

So yeah, know your style. Understand your tendencies. But if you’re using attachment theory to justify bad behavior instead of working through it, that’s not insight. That’s emotional self-sabotage with a psych degree.

Is your attachment style something you're working to shift or just a convenient reason to stay stuck?

[avoidingavoidanceissues]

We…have nothing really to add here.

Except maybe it’s time to break the cycle.

Reach out.

Talk to them.

Heal together ❤️‍🩹

[evenlis]

When your phone buzzes,will you quietly hope it's me?

- Evenlis

[avoidingavoidanceissues]

Maybe that one you ran from is hoping it’s you.

Maybe you’re hoping it’s them, even if you left no way for them to.

Maybe if you call they’ll answer. Maybe they’ll say “it’s ok. I missed you. I love you. I want you. We both need to do some healing, but you’re always welcome.” Maybe, just maybe, they’ll have learned better how to love you. How to recognize and ask. How to give space when it’s needed. How will you know?

Reach out.

Talk to them.

Heal together