aydann

aydann • still just figuring things out • Roswell New Mexico and anything else that catches my attention

[rainbow-femme]

They move in together full time and Ilya notices that Anya acts differently with Shane than she does with him, more quiet and less playful, and he worries that means she doesn’t like Shane or is jealous, so he hires a dog trainer to come over and see if there’s anything they need to do to help

After a while of talking about how Anya acts the trainer says there’s nothing to worry about, Anya likes Shane just fine, it’s just that she sees him as the boss and is acting accordingly

And Ilya is like. But. I’m the one who adopted her? And raised her before Shane got here?? And the trainer is just like yeah well she sees you more like an equal. And Ilya is like WAIT she thinks Shane is in charge of both of us?? And the trainer is just like well do you interact in a way that would make her think that?

Ilya’s life flashes before his eyes as he thinks of all the times Shane has come over with a snack for Ilya and a treat for Anya, or all the times Shane has announced they’re all going for an after dinner walk, or pets Ilya’s hair and tells him he did a good job at practice, or the fact that he uses the same warning tone with Anya when she misbehaves as he does with Ilya when he’s causing problems on purpose

Shane comes home to Ilya with his face in his hands going oh god I’m not Anya’s dad I’m her brother and she thinks we’re both your pets. And Shane just goes. What.

[wingkink]

btw it's so fucking stupid you can be anxious physically in your body even after you've decided mentally you don't care. I'm supposed to be in charge here

[allthingswhumpyandangsty]

reblog if you love archive of our own and how they firmly refuse to let censorship have any place on their platform

[aydann-runs]

[sinmonger]

Hollanov + tweets (part 2)

[ddeck]

as always happy pride to people that are not out. happy pride to people that dont plan to come out any time soon. happy pride to people for whom it is not safe to be out. happy pride to people that live in a homophobic environment and happy pride to people from countries that criminalize queerness

[sinmonger]

I could build your heart a home.

[sheheatedonmyrivalry]

shane desperately trying to explain to ilya that he can't do anything until he gets "the good breath™️"

Shane: No its like, the breathing gets in your throat

Ilya: Baby, that's where the air goes?

Shane: NO ITS THE BREATHING AND THE AIR IS IN YOUR MOUTH

Ilya: I am worried about you, Shane. Is there no air in your mouth? Just mouth breathe?

Shane: *sweating* Ilya, i need the good one, please do not fucking piss me off

*5 minutes of panic later Shane literally arches his back and tips his head as he breathes and just holds for a sec and lets out the biggest sigh after*

Shane: okay i got it, i'm okay now

Ilya is so confused and so concerned as shane just stands upright and looks completely normal again. Has to google later "Why does my boyfriend need the good breath?" "Mouth breathing?" "Is there air in my mouth?"

[sheheatedonmyrivalry]

since there is some confusion this is how i can manage to explain:

for folks who are anxious or like can sometimes get too aware of their breathing, especially if they breathe from their chest more than the diaphram, theres this kind of breath you can take thats like a really really deep breath where it feels like the lungs are filled kinda past capacity? Like when a drink is so full it comes up into the straw kind of thing.

like your throat is a tube into your lungs, and the breath is so deep it fills up the lungs and has to also fill into the tube.

so its like an extra deep breath kind of? But like i feel it in the top of my chest and in my throat and sometimes in my head? like a pressure kind of. its nice, and can be very relaxing and like a reset but when youre aware of your breathing and are trying to get this breath it can be like distressing to not be able to get one and the more you stress the harder it gets to breathe? not fun lol.

but also maybe the way i have explained it doesnt match other people. this is just me lol.

[fandomwithjoy]

I call this "air hunger." And I experience it about once a month or so. It feels like I can't take a breath, even though I know I'm breathing fine. Usually if I can relax and get slightly distracted by something I can take a breath that's deep enough to be satisfying.

[foramomentonly]

Oh my god. I thought I was the only one? Who sometimes couldn't get the good breath? The full breath? The secret compartment breath?

Genuinely so validated right now.

[aydann-runs]

[stabthroughme]

Ilya can't go back to visit his mother's grave, but sometimes higher ups from the Treasury Board in Canada do go on diplomatic missions.

David who's assigned to go on a trip to Russia after Hollanov's been outed, because he's been picking up Russian and it would be a good temperature read on the Russian counterparts.

David who visits Irina's grave and spends time cleaning it up, lights a candle and sits until long after it's burned out.

David who tells Irina about Shane as a child, who tells her about all the ways Shane and Ilya fit together, who tells her about the puzzle nights and the cookies and cream ice cream and the blanket they keep specifically for Ilya on their couch.

David who reassures Irina that he helped Ilya with his cuff links on his wedding day, tells her not to worry about her boy.

David who tells Irina that her son is so loved and cherished.

David who plants a little maple tree as a "sign of friendship" in a park across from the cemetery Irina is buried in. He got to pick the place, and he made sure she would be able to see it.

Edit may 3: Hey if you're here from threads :) Love getting jump-scared with my own tumblr post getting screenshotted (this is fine i promise, they credited me properly) but jfc. Right in front of my salad???

Yes I kissed the brick :D

[evilwriter37]

Saying “this niche, properly tagged, warned, and rated piece of fiction could theoretically hurt someone” is not a good argument. This properly labeled cookie with the allergen information at the bottom that contains gluten could theoretically harm me very badly, but only if I consume it. Tags are like nutrition labels, and warnings are like allergy information. If you know you have an allergy to something, the logic is to stay away from it. It is the same with fiction. I’m not running through stores yelling at people to take all the products with gluten off the shelves just because it could hurt me. Instead I ignore it and go to the gluten free section and find cookies that are right for me. And if running through a grocery store yelling sounds ridiculous, that’s because it is. Stop doing the same with fiction.

[kokichis-dead-dove-club]

this is the best way i’ve seen this put!!

[lynati]

And just like with food, what might be harmful for one person to consume could be quite *beneficial* for others. One man’s trigger is another man’s catharsis.

[randomslasher]

AND if you lack the maturity/self control/awareness to stop yourself from eating things that could potentially harm you, you either 1) are too young to be making your own food choices and should be supervised by a parent/other adult who is supposed to be responsible for you (and the store clerk who put the food on the shelf is NOT) or 2) need to take accountability for your own actions, because if you deliberately consumed something you knew could hurt you as a fully autonomous adult, then you really have no one to blame but yourself.

[nikoford]

I’d like to add that within AO3, “Choose Not To Use Archive Warnings” is, in this food analogy, like the food labels that read “This product was manufactured in a facility where [potential food allergens] are used in the production of some products”. It’s not telling you they’re in there, but even more importantly, it’s not telling you they’re not. This is not the same as “No Archive Warnings Apply” which would be the certified [food allergen] free food. One guarantees a certain experience, the other has given you no promises as to what may or may not be included and is very much a consume-at-your-own-risk product.

[sevdrag]

perfection

[aydann-runs]

Asking for a friend...is "the hum in my office is too loud today" a valid reason to go home sick from work?

[aydann-runs]

[thisfeebleheart]

Shane touching Ilya's face when they kiss is one of my favorite things ever

[manhasetardis]

"Our research showed that young gay men strategically invest their self-worth in those areas in which they can succeed, namely academics, appearance, and competition, more so than straight men. Essentially, it seems as if young gay men go to great lengths to prove their worth to others in those domains. This is particularly likely for those who concealed their sexual orientation for long periods of time when growing up and for those who grew up in more stigmatizing states. Our results also showed that being "the best little boy in the world" comes at a cost, as young gay men who invested in these status-related domains were more likely to spend more time alone, to report more daily eating problems, getting into arguments and lying to others, and to feel more stress each day. As previously discussed, besting others at competitive tasks represents one way for young gay men to control a threatening environment, although not without cost." - John Pachankis and Mark Hatzenbuehler

[emziess]

Heated Rivalry Week 2026 | Day 4 | March 19: Favourite Location: Each other's arms

[kikibabybunny]