hey guys do u like my new shoelaces
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@babsbabbles
hey guys do u like my new shoelaces
Every day I handle more money than I will ever make. Every day.
At the start of my employment, my boss showed me videos of people stealing, and we both had a chuckle about it. How silly they were! There was a camera overhead, and it’s not to watch the shoppers. See, we can’t actually stop shoplifters. They get away with it maybe nine out of ten times. But we, who are watched and tallied and witnessed? We are always caught.
At first it was hard to hold one hundred dollars bills. An amount I had never seen before. An amount that didn’t exist in my household. It’s normal now. Here is something that is not for me.
“What the hell, I’ll take another,” says the man, pondering our 200 dollar watches. What the hell. Total comes to 580 and not even a flinch in his face. I have been working for 11 hours today and made only 110 dollars. It will go to my rent. Today I work for free, it feels. When I get my check, I will have 35 dollars left for food and saving.
The six hundreds he hands me go into the cash register. For a moment, I imagine having money. Then I put it away, counting out his change.
I know for a fact we sell our products for double what they are worth. That I could be making commission. That they could hand me those 580 dollars and change my life and not even mark the difference in their checkbooks. He’s not the only sale they make today, but I am the reason they made it. He’s not the only one spending 600 dollars, but if I hadn’t spent two hours with him telling me about his life, he wouldn’t have spent any. I go home. I don’t own a watch.
I have watched and rewatched a video on how to make salmon four ways. My shopping list is always the same. Pasta. Rice. Tuna. If I can afford butter it was a good week. I dream of the world I will never walk in, where I can throw the best fish fillet in the cart with a shrug. I hold hundreds in my hand and look up at the camera. I put them under the cash drawer.
I go to work. I scrap together my savings. I eat my bowl of rice slowly. My manager takes a paid week off from work just for his birthday. He owns a yacht.
I’m not worth the cost of a watch.
i wrote this while i was working at orlando’s walt disney world parks.
i was part of their college program. i moved to the state for it. they legally owned the building i was living in and still charged me rent. i ostensibly was being charged to work for them. it was a 2 bedroom apartment and they placed 6 adult women in it in forced triples.
as many as one in ten disney employees have experienced homelessness while working for the company. despite huge efforts to unionize, strike, or otherwise demand fair treatment; disney has refused to increase employee quality of life.
disney admits publicly that a good portion of their success is because the employees (“cast members”) are dedicated, passionate, and selfless. this is never reflected in pay. even “face” characters (ie those that are princesses etc) make barely above a minimum wage.
at the time that i worked there, i made $8.50 an hour. at one point i was asked to create a human shield around a bag because a bomb dog had alerted to it. for eight fucking dollars an hour.
i now work a very cushy office job. i have bought the salmon and cooked it all four ways.
i go to the store. i am nice to the person behind the counter. she looks up at the camera while she counts out my change. there is nothing fundamentally different about her and i.
we are both worth more than the watch, anyway.
Unoriginal sin. Derivative sin
that’s just my nightstand knife don’t worry
Every piece of fiction that makes Steve and Herobrine minecraft brothers is so funny because it’s like. Yeah these are my sons. We got Herobrine, Ruler of Hell, Slayer of Gods and Men. and this is steve
anything that makes them both family makes me giggle so much
Like it could be brothers, father and son, uncle and nephew, anything. You have this god thats immortal and feared upon...... then theres Steve.
i hear there are several types of ways to feel
to me, correctly using 5+ commas in a single sentence is like perfectly executing a combo in a fighting game. to me.
if you think a sentence needs 5+ commas it should be two sentences
it’s not about what the sentence needs, i’m afraid, nor is it about economy, clarity, or style. it’s about winning, little-theatre-fairy.
Comment on my MA thesis:
GET A LOAD OF THAT DOG
[distantly] THAT DOG
Hey Steve.
I love life even if it breaks my heart all the time
if my pitched-down, chopped-up remix of the wii shop channel theme gets stuck in ur head as much as the original gets stuck in mine, then i’ve accomplished my goal. if not then fuck u
This is the character select theme for the chillest arcade cabinet racing game where every level takes place at 2am in the most inexplicably neon-lit city. Any time you crash into another object it just makes a satisfying “ding!” sfx that layers on top of the music.
Which chess piece is the most dateable?
King
Queen
Bishop
Knight
Rook
Pawn
Which chess piece is the most fuckable?
King
Queen
Bishop
Knight
Rook
Pawn
if I were president I would make sure that every politician got paid less
additional changes I would make if I became president:
Politicians' salaries are capped at $100k a year. Yes, including the president. You don't need $400k a year when you're not even paying rent, and if you can't survive on $100k a year in general that is a budgeting issue*
The freed-up revenue will go towards food pantries and homeless shelters
Hostile architecture is illegal
Owners of businesses/corporations with more than 100 employees cannot pay their lowest-paid employees any less than 2% of their salary
Planned Parenthood defunded, that money goes to resources for pregnant people, new parents, and the foster care system
Minecraft Day is now a federal holiday
*nuance applies
my roommate and i were trying to identify two birds outside of our window and she's pulling up pictures on her phone and she says "ok so that one's a house sparrow" and shows me a picture i nod my head and then she points to the reddish one next to it outside and says "and that one's a house finch" and she shows me again and i nod and then she switches to a new tab and it's a picture of hugh laurie and she says "and this is house m.d." i'm gonna kill her
Ok I'll bite. you are bleeding now
I think the "pre" and "post" parts in "preposterous" should cancel each other out but everyone else seems to find my idea completely erous
it's time for "unsolicited etymology facts with goats!"
the pre and post are the point. it's absurd because it's pre (before) posterous (behind)
you don’t realize how important lunch is until you’re wandering around thinking about how unloveable and untalented and uniquely cursed you are and then it’s 4pm and you finally eat lunch and you go Oh. oh right.
lot of people commenting on this post like "who eats lunch at 4pm that's a terrible time to eat lunch" yes. that is the point. 4pm lunch is inadvisable. 4pm lunch is not the ideal. 4pm lunch makes the mind demons real.