The Early Bird Special Gets The Spaghetti

(Glitter grandma)

[and-so-on]

[jingerpi]

[an-android-in-a-tutu]

the thing about working as a housekeeper is that sometimes I will be called to clean a room that is in such a state that it gives me pause.

The thing about being a housekeeper at a Hospital is that it is not the things that would usually be concerning that leave me with questions.

Like if I go clean a room and it is just covered in blood, I'm not all "where did all this blood come from" that would be silly. It came from inside the patient and they were already in a hospital so they're probably mostly fine hopefully.

In fact "Inside the patient" is where most of the potentially concerning stuff I have to deal with comes from. Vomit? That's from inside the patient. Urine? Feces? Inside the patient baby. Needles full of unidentified drugs? That was supposed to go inside the patient but I guess they frogot.

But when I go to clean a hospital room and it is full of Sand... Did that come from inside the patient? I hope not. Why is there so much sand? Where did it come from? Was there some kind of terrible beach accident?

I have many questions and I'm scared of the answers.

[theradicalace]

this is such a delightful pair of tags

[connortron7]

Patient happened to be under the effect of the pharaohs curse at the time

[kahguyaht]

[Image ID: tags reading “#unsanitary #but op will fix that”. End ID.]

[parkchanwoohoo]

Partner: What was our code for being high in public?

Me: [Solid Snake voice] Hrm, Colonel, it seems I'm HIGH on WEED.

Partner:

Me: I mean we weren't exactly sober when we came up with it

[parkchanwoohoo]

Me: Hrm, Colonel, it seems I'm HIGH on WEED.

Partner, in Campbell voice, not missing a beat: Careful, Snake. You've ingested a high dose. Don't trust any visual anomalies you may experience.

Me: You mean to say I can't trust my own eyes?

Partner, now in Mei voice: Now would be a good time to save!

[parkchanwoohoo]

I belatedly realized that some people might not know why I drew a picture of Snake getting high and put it in my partner's weed chest so here's better context

[deboracabral]

I saw a t-shirt that had this lyric and a capybara and I needed the crab version 🦀

[official-crab-posts]

official crab post

[deboracabral]

HELL YEAH IT IS

[charl0ttan]

its amazing how if you decide not to do something day after day it never gets done. not how i would have things

[notallmensheviks]

[papayajuan2019]

it's so fucked up you cant start working on your life at 3 am. when it most matters

[thefuuuucomics]

[ninjasmudge]

worlds slowest fanfic author tries really really hard

[ninjasmudge]

everyone in the notes we are all holding hands. everyone who hasnt worked on a wip in weeks or months or years, its okay. we are going slow but we are going

[aletheyass]

not to be all i told you so about ancestry tests but 23 and me went bankrupt and can now legally sell human genetic information to the highest bidder, as per their privacy policy which was signed by approx. 15 million test takers

[junglejinn4322]

im still mind blown that people really readily submitted their dna so they could be classed by ethnicity on paper permanently. like yeah theres no way this could go badly huh

[endearmint]

How to delete your 23andMe data after the company filed for bankruptcy

When the California biotech firm filed for bankruptcy, there was one looming question for customers: What's going to happen to my data?

[king-shit-thembo]

[talesfromtreatment]

I... I don't think the patient's weight got entered correctly. Just a hunch

[wimpud]

please, my dog, he is sick

[talesfromtreatment]

Every single note and comment is comedy gold and I'm wheezing from laughing so hard

[awaggaa]

[memorycycle]

these teenagers and their dog are trying ruin our money laundering business. no tony put the gun down were doing this the old fashioned way. were gonna dress up as monsters and scare them

[blignick]

[hometoursandotherstuff]

You just have to wait until the spring thaw.

[anonyk1tty]

blasting my mutuals and all my honeys out there with my pink “have a good day” ray gun 💕

[weirdness-is-good]

[lachonk]

Imagine if a hog saw this

[lachonk]

Wouldn’t be nearly as many mushrooms is all I’m saying

[brightlotusmoon]

I found photos of those Pallas Cat kittens born this year and bye I'm deceased

[curlicuetruth]

why do these kittens have the exact same energy as a nest of baby owls

[sanguine-tenshi]

@curlicuetruth you are very right

[curlicuecal]