dad!dazai (dadzai) hcs
• he is the absolute worst… and also the absolute best.
• you have no idea where the money comes from and at this point you don’t even wanna know
• he dials you randomly at least once a week and always claims that he’s just “making sure you’re okay”
• which is total BS because only god knows how many times he’s called you at school
• you call him “dazai” like everyone else
• if you’re into guys, he does background checks on every boy you so much as mention (“boys only want one thing…”)
• and he ALWAYS finds dirt. even if it’s some miniscule detail that’s nobody’s business.
• (you’re certain he’s trying to discourage you from dating at all)
• he makes yosano give you the sex ed talk.
• (not because he’s embarrassed or anything, but because he knows you won’t take him seriously.)
• i mean, he jokes around and teases you 24/7. he brought this onto himself 😌😌
• he tries his best to pretend he’s not a depressed SOB, so he doesn’t make suicide jokes around you
• but sometimes he’ll just disappear…
• and no one really knows where he goes.
• when you ask where he’s been, he avoids the question and distracts you 😕
• you wish it was easier to hold a conversation with your old man.
• his way of overreacting to every small little thing you say or do feels… artificial sometimes.
• i mean, he knows exactly how to cheer you up and make you laugh, but you wish he’d be a little serious once in a while
• honestly, you don’t know how to get the “real dazai” to talk to you.
• but even with his flippant attitude, there’s no doubt in anyone’s mind that dazai loves you to pieces.
• he’s affectionate to the point where it is downright embarrassing;
• and he’s equally protective *shudders*
• he will probably hunt down anyone who makes you cry.
• you know for a fact that dazai has gps tracking on either you or your phone, but you can’t figure out exactly where or how.
• (chances are you’ll never get anywhere close to disabling it.)
• thankfully, the concept of a curfew is alien to him (he’s never had one obv)
• but he simply MUST know where you are at all times.
• dazai also taught you self defense at a very, very young age
• you cannot remember a time when you couldn’t best people 4x your size in hand-to-hand combat.
• he’s scared that the mafia might find out about you
• he’s taught you to be extremely vigilant of your surroundings; you were raised to instinctively distrust others.
• but there’s one thing dazai can’t keep you safe from, one thing he’s afraid he might have passed on genetically…
• that is, ofc, depression.
• if you develop a depressive disorder, dazai will blame himself ruthlessly, to the point where he shuts down altogether.
• his coworkers would have to chip in to get you the help you need
• but perhaps such an event would finally prompt him to get help for himself, too—
• it’d be a wake up call for him: that he’s responsible for more than one person now, body and mind.
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