Serene Smiler Spring!!!! @bagelbarr0n - Tumblr Blog

putting carbonated water in my super soaker and spraying it at dogs (they absorb the bubbling nature of the liquid and begin to ascend into the sky) (thousands watch in awe) (no one does anything) (the sight is, in essence, divine)

sexhaver

locusts are SO fucked up. imagine if your apartment complex got too crowded during a drought so everyone in it started overproducing serotonin until they gained 100lb of pure muscle and then chewed through the drywall of every building in the neighborhood

powerburial

they do this over in philly

machine-unlearning

god I'm such a slut for Chinese eggplant in garlic sauce *decides it’s inaccurate to refer to myself as a slut in light of my minimal sexual activity* if The Enemy discovered my ardor for Chinese eggplant in garlic sauce, they would gain a significant strategic advantage

weaver-z

birthday gif for you

Omg a delicious bucket of WAAAUGH

unregistered-hypercam2-deactiva

the evolution here is also a solid contender for meme of the year 2019

agentofdeterioration

The Catalogue of Ships in the Iliad is, to a modern audiences, what classicists have called “boring as hell,” but I can’t help but think that if you were watching Homer recite it it would have been more like when comedians go, “anybody here tonight from Chicago?” and the Chicagoans in the back start cheering

Homer’s like, “and there were forty black ships from… LOCRIS” and the Locrians in the crowd start going absolutely nuts

sickly-victorian-boy

Do you ever think about how many of the items now considered priceless artifacts were once commonplace items? The coins we now marvel at from behind the glass at a museum were once tossed around, stepped on, and traded around. The pottery painstakingly pieced back together was somebody’s favorite wine jug. The decorative pin now rusted and bent once held together the shoulder of someone’s chiton. History is simply a trail of ordinary people going about their day, and I think there’s an odd sort of beauty in that.

dogpuppy

guerrillatech

itmeansalot

I'm starting to think it's not the beer that makes you drunk, but rather the can itself

memser

They're unlocking new quantities

notaaronsroommate

people routinely try to invert orientalist fiction to try and prove how bad it would be like "oh, you think white guy learns karate and becomes the spiritual karate badass in asia is ok? well what if a billionaire from a tier one chinese city crash landed in north dakota and became chosen as spirit cowboy by jesus christ?" and like, what if we did reverse Lawrence of Arabia, and the thing is man it always slaps. Ok, what if we had an arab muslim become the king of being a 1950s greaser? yeah it would kick ass so severely.

if you made a movie where Hou Ming Hao was granted the blood of christ to become the greatest rodeo gun slinger texas had ever seen every single white maoist would fucking kill themselves because that movie would become the highest grossing film of all time after like a third of Chinas population pays to see the movie three times. CPC party members are posting up photo shoots of them in rhinestone chinese civil war era cavalry officer uniforms with cross draw guns akimbo mauser broomhandles with mother of pearl grips, drinking tsingtao out of red solo cups, they're smoking ribs in Szechuan. White american communists would cope and seethe so hard they would all have a brain aneurysm and die.

because this type of "ok, let me invent the coolest fucking shit ever, wouldn't that suck" isn't actually demonstrating what is wrong with orientalist fantasies of mr honky becomes the kung fu master. the problem is that those stories suck and aren't actually that interested in the meat and potatoes of those cultures. T.E. Lawrence may have been a weird freak pervert, but the thing is he was able to hang out in the tea shop and after everyone got over his terrifying blue eyes and him being insanely faggot coded, they were like oh shit this whiteboy can hang.

All these orientalist isekai fantasies are so boring because it's people that want to be the Lawrence of Arabia whiteboy orders shwarma in perfect vernacular Arabic, whole country rebels against the Ottoman Empire, but they never put in the sheer autistic homo effort to truly become arabic the way a T.E. Lawrence, they lack the humility and sense of wonder. They do not have the love.

mangonetics

"why was the ending so rushed it was so good up until the ending" the answer is the same every time no matter the media you're talking about: the author is a bee and had to go back to the hive to defend the queen