known shit disturber

chase | it/he/they

[yorkshirearthurdent]

I think if I heard I Gotta Feeling by The Black Eyed Peas in the correct circumstances it could move me to tears. It's like the promise of a brighter future that never came to pass

[glitterypopcorn]

that? oh thats the mysterious bruise i got thursday , #mybruise

[innerchildabortionclinic]

getting kicked off love island for just swimming in the pool and not talking to anyone

[kropotkindersurprise]

my friend competed in a Survivor knock-off reality tv contest on a tropical island, and he did exactly this. While everyone was scheming and forming cliques and voting strategically to get rid of the others, he just floated in the sea for weeks.

Weeks into the show they had to like, reintroduce him in the editing because he had just been absent from the show till then; "remember this guy? he's also still here". They started with 60 people or something, and he made it to the final 6, where he lost a balancing game.

It was very funny to watch the crappy show just to see my friend, because most episodes he just didnt feature at all. He didn't stress about winning the big prize or anything, he just treated it as a vacation where he got to chill out for two months and get paid for it. A real icon.

[ofchaosgoddess]

help I’m having ideas beyond my available free time

[nothereforthedrama]

help I'm having ideas beyond my available energy levels

[silvermoon424]

I’ve been meaning to watch Cardcaptor Sakura for YEARS and this might be the post that pushes me to do it lol

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

heard someone say "who even owns a rolling pin anymore" and my brain froze trying to process it. what does that mean. are u implying rolling pins are outdated technology? did we come up with a shiny new 21st century method of flattening dough of which i remain uninformed? is there now an app on the app store people are using instead??? im losing my mind "who even owns a rolling pin" people who BAKE

[sharkfiinn]

this isso dumb

[sandersstudies]

One of the baristas at a nearby Starbucks makes me lose my mind every time I’m working there by saying things that are not outside the spectrum of normal human words but are just slightly off-the-wall.

Barista: Welcome to Starbucks, home of delicious, what deliciousness can I put in motion for you today?

Customer: … Can I get a trenta pink drink please?

Barista: Go big or go home, we here at Starbucks appreciate your commitment, what else can I get started for you?

***

Customer: Nitro cold brew with shots of espresso please.

Barista: Brave of you to commit to staying awake for three days, anything else today?

***

Barista: *slams open drive-thru window* HI HOW ARE YOU?

Customer: …I’m pretty good.

Barista: Are you ready to be even better? Because you’re about to be. *hands them their coffee* 

***

Barista, realizing that a drink was made wrong: *slams open window* SO how do you feel about surprises?

Customer: ….they’re okay.

Barista: Great because I’m about to give you one.

***

Barista: You have two drinks so I am going to hand you two straws which means, FANTASTIC news, these straws double as drumsticks. / You have one drink so I am going to hand you one straw and, promise not to tell anyone, this straw doubles as a magic wand.

***

Barista: Here are those cake pops, I plucked them fresh from the tree myself.

***

Barista: *slams open window, holding drink* Amazing, fantastic, delicious, you are a very lucky man/woman!

***

Barista, realizing drink is being delayed or remade: Looks like it’s gonna be just one minute so they have time to put the extra love in.

***

Barista: I’ll be with you in one hot second. *beat* WOW that second sure was hot!

Anyway she has a few dozen catchphrases she rotates appropriately and it’s both distracting and fantastic to listen.

[sandersstudies]

Everyone saying “i love her” in the notes, do NOT worry she loves you too.

Every time a customer says “I love your energy,” or “I love your enthusiasm,” she says “I love YOUR energy! You have a fantabulous rest of your day, don’t forget to be awesome! I’ll see you later, alligator!”

[sandersstudies]

Okay guys this post has a lot of notes so I figured I would add:

This barista actually left Starbucks and I figured I would never see her again.

Last month she got hired at a local brewery I also work at. So, she’s back.

[fiore-firelily]

such insolence... guards? seize her! ...no. stop. not like that. you are doing it gay. why are you seizing her gay style

[mira-mira-0n-the-wall]

[catchymemes]

@goth-queen

[puppybotz]

We finally got an MRI of what happens to your brain when you smoke the puppy weed

[egg-ify]

i think i need to draw more grace being a freak and rocky and simon being freaked out

[guilhernunes]

The router is not functioning.

[fairycosmos]

my dead wife. the ad free internet

[lastoneout]

Here's my real tip for anyone moving out on their own for the first time; when you buy a set of measuring cups or spoons buy ones that have the measurement engraved into the cup/spoon and do NOT buy ones where it's just printed on. Because that ink/paint/ect. can rub off and then you'll have a bunch of useless little spoons and cups you have to get rid of bcs they no longer say what size they are. Don't ask me how I know, just trust me that you wanna buy engraved ones.

[mostlyghostly66]

Baba is fridge magnet

[heavensghost]

yeah shoutout to pleasures of the flesh