Baked Feminism

[bakedfeminism]

So, it... V e g a n s        (Cupcakes)

Here’s an actual reason to smile, but only if you like cupcakes. This was my first vegan bake and I have to say it was so much easier than I expected. So, get ready to be kind to animals with this recipe.

(Quick aside: huskies are big, active dogs, not direwolves. Please don’t get ‘surprised’ when they are too big and send them to a pound. Adopt a shelter doggo instead!)

RESEARCH

First the condensed (soy) milk reason of my research concerning vegan substitutions:

1/4 cup of unsweetened applesauce = one egg

all-vegetable shortening = butter or margarine

soy milk = bean juice

BE SURE TO CHECK FOR GELATIN IN TOPPINGS. This includes sprinkles. You can also use egg replacers (which apparently a thing) instead of applesauce. Important tip-- if you add more than one cup of applesauce, the texture is likely to be off. The color will be darker from the caramelized sugar on the top as well. I made two batches. The first was heavier on the applesauce and lighter on the baking soda. This resulted in an apple cake flavor. The second round was more akin to a vanilla cake. I started with a yellow cake recipe and some confidence.

okay so some of you are like --ugh-- i like animal in my baked goods and you can’t make me be sensitive blahblahblah. *inhale* you trigger-warning-hating, Ebaum’s World disciple, devourers of cows can click here for the original yellow cake recipe:

https://www.allrecipes.com/recipe/8051/four-egg-yellow-cake/

the rest of us are looking out for allergies, dietary restrictions, and generally enjoying branching out below. *exhale*

THE ACTUAL RECIPE

1/2 cup unsweetened applesauce (3/4 cup for apple cake taste)

1/2 cup all-vegetable shortening

1 cup white sugar (I like the texture of organic better, but you do you)

1 1/3 cup of all-purpose flour

1 1/2 teaspoons baking soda

1 1/3 cup soy milk

1.2 teaspoon salt (sea salt is my preference)

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Beat the shortening and sugar together in a large mixing bowl. Add the applesauce and then the vanilla. In a separate bowl, whisk or sift together the flour, baking soda, and salt together. (Why, yes! That is an Oxford comma; thank you for noticing.)  Combine the dry mix to the creamed mix, alternating the dry with soy milk. This ensures a consistent texture and rise. You may need to add a little more four if the mixture is too runny. Add in tablespoons as needed. The batter will only be a bit more slack than conventional batter. About as slack-jawed as a white man about to say, “Well, actually.”)

Fill a greased muffin tin to the top of the cupcake liners. You don’t have to use liners if you grease the pan sufficiently. However, liner will help you transport the cupcakes in one piece.

Bake for approximately 20-21 mins or until the toothpick test comes back clean.

Allow to cool at least one hour out of the tin, preferably on a wire rack. Then you can ice them. You can make icing with shortening and powdered sugar if you have got time for that. I just bought some store-brand after checking the ingredients.

Whether you want to eat animal products is a personal choice for some and a means of survival for others. It is not our place to judge the vegan path, just as the vegans in my life try not to be ideologues. No matter your baking style, I hope we can all agree to BURN THE PATRIARCHY AND NOT THE CUPCAKES.

[oldbagwithcats]

Found on Facebook

[bakedfeminism]

This Bread Will Make You Phat

Garlic butter, pull apart loaf, savory herby bread... OH MYYYYYYY

Ladies and all you other people, have I got a diet wrecker for you! Let’s put on our body positivity and get ready to eat all the bread.

This recipe is a commitment to dishes, time, and calories.  We are talking Pringles level of consuming! Get ready to push yourself.

DOUGH INGREDIENTS:

1 package of active dry yeast (Fleischmann’s)

1 egg

2 tablespoons butter, softened

1/2 cup water (1/4 will be used for the yeast)

1/2 cup milk

1 teaspoon sea salt

1 tablespoon organic sugar

2 1/2 cups bread flour (King Arthur’s)

BUTTERY GOODNESS INGREDIENTS:

1/4 cup butter, melted

1 teaspoon minced garlic

1 teaspoon smoked paprika

1/2 teaspoon rubbed sage

1/2 teaspoon tarragon

1/2 teaspoon garlic powder

1/4 cup shredded Parmesan cheese

LET’S TALK ABOUT YEAST!

It’s reeeeallly easy to f*ck this part up; so pay attention.  In a warm bowl, combine one packet of active dry yeast (0.25 ounce size) with 1/4 cup of warm water with one teaspoon of sugar per the instructions on the packet. The water needs to be NO WARMER THAN EIGHTY DEGREES FAHRENHEIT.

Here’s some visuals as to why you want to get this right:

When I did it this my way--

I followed the original recipe (written for a bread machine. I’m not fancy enough for that noise.) the second time and this happened--

#accidentalflatbread  It was still tasty though! So, take comfort in the fact you have three packets of yeast and multiple cups of bread flour in the bag. 

INSTRUCTIONS:

Once the yeast is fluffy, take a plastic spatula (blade, not pancake flipper!) and dump the yeast into a large bowl that contains the egg, milk, and remaining water.  Next you are going to sift the flour, salt, and sugar over the top.  (You can whisk all the dry ingredients together in another bowl if you don’t have a sifter.) Then mix the hell out of it like a working out all your frustrations after some meninist mansplains to you that women make less money because they choose lower paying fields. (Even though we all know that women have been systemically discouraged and socially conditioned to believe they are ill-suited for such fields.)

Go on and grease a glass 5x7 loaf pan or other clear glass dish.  I pre-heated my oven to 350 and set the cling wrap covered glass loaf pan on the corner of the stove, not directly over the heat vent though.  You can use a proving drawer or as an experienced baker suggested recently, your car!  As you watch the dough gradually rise, imagine it’s your courage growing when you ask for a wage worthy of your skills and experience.  Set a timer for thirty minutes, but check fairly regularly.

Once the dough is doubled in size, remove the bread from the heat source.  You will melt the butter and add the garlic to it in a medium-sized bowl.  In yet another bowl, combine the paprika, garlic powder, sage, tarragon, and Parmesan with a whisk.

Coat your hands in some butter to help keep the dough off.  Pull out a chunk of dough and roll it into a ball.  Roll that in the butter and then in the herb mixture.  Place on a large plate.  Keep going until you run out of dough.   Next, place it in a 10″ greased cast iron skillet. 

Bake for about thirty minutes in the oven (350 degrees Fahrenheit).  When you can put a toothpick in the center and it comes out clean, it is done! Remember diets are made up and the calories don’t matter! And as always, burn the patriarchy, not the bread!

[oldbagwithcats]

Broflake Sugar Cookies

Create a flurry of annoying comments about “Straight Pride” and “White History Month” with these sugar cookies.

This is the easiest recipe I have done so far.  Far easier than trying to teach an old broflake to empathize.  As always, I have modified the original recipe. You can find it the original recipe in the comments. 

Preheat to 400 F whenever.

You need:

¾ cup unsalted, butter

1 cup white sugar

2 eggs

½ teaspoon vanilla extract

2 ½ cups all-purpose flour

1 teaspoon baking powder

½ teaspoon salt

Cream together the butter and sugar with beater until smooth like your one-liner about “gender quality” not being any different than “feminism.”  Beat in the eggs and vanilla.  Stir in the flour, baking powder, and salt.  Lay out a wrap of some kind (cling wrap, wax paper) and then make a log of cookie dough.  Cover with the wrap completely and chill for one hour.  For best results, chill overnight (or in the case of being a brokflake, you can chill forever because ain’t nobody time to explain life to you.)

Take off the wrap after the chill out period.  Slice thinly and bake on an ungreased cookie sheet 6-8 minutes. Yields about a dozen cookies.

I thought I mess this up early by skipping ahead to putting the flour in with the butter and sugar.  Nevertheless, I didn’t f*ck it up.  Decorating is my real challenge.  I made a broflake stencil out of aluminum foil and dumped powdered sugar on top.  Apparently, I needed to sieve the sugar. 

The moral of this story is I will try again soon! And never forget, burn the patriarchy, not the cookies.

[celebratingamazingwomen]

Patricia Roberts Harris (1924-1985) was the first African American woman in the United States Cabinet, as well as in the line of presidential succession. She was the US Secretary of Housing and Urban Development, and later Secretary of Health, Education, and Welfare during the Carter administration.

Before starting her political career, she was Assistant Director of the American Council on Human Rights, and worked for the US Department of Justice. In 1965, she became Ambassador to Luxembourg, the first African-American woman to obtain this type of diplomatic position.

[hell-bound-and-diversivolent]

happy pride month!!

[celebratingamazingwomen]

Zelda Rubinstein (1993-2010) was an actress starring in numerous films and TV shows, most famously in the Poltergeist series. She was also an activist for little people and HIV/AIDS awareness.

She studied bacteriology and worked as a medical lab technician before pursuing an acting career. Throughout her three decades of activity she talked about the challenges of being born with dwarfism, and starred in advertising campaigns promoting safe sex and AIDS prevention.

[bakedfeminism]

Irish (You Bodily Autonomy) Bread

In honor of the women of Ireland, who just gained the right to choose, I present to you a modified Irish Bread recipe. I changed the fruit component, but if you want the traditional route, that link will be in the comments. 

Step One:

Find this playlist of the hits of 1973:

https://youtu.be/P-cjJRsKvVQ

(BTW, Bra burning was not as common as popular culture would lead you to believe.)

Step Two:

Before you attempt this, you should know what you will need a place to knead your dough.  I used the kitchen counter by the sink, but you want to go ahead and clean it first. Don’t leave any residue from the cleaner on the counter.  It will end up in your bread.  In the interests of full disclosure, you need all of the following and yes, you are signing up to wash all of this:

-two large bowls

-measuring cups

-measuring spoons

-a strainer or colander

-a small knife and a large knife (a young priest and old priest)

-a cutting board or plate

-a cast iron skillet (recipe called for a 9″, but I have a 10″ so I just decreased the cook time from about an hour to checking it starting at 45 minutes.)

If that didn’t scare you off, you will probably want to make sure your kitchen sinks are clean and empty.  There will be a lot of cleaning afterwards all well.

INGREDIENTS:

4 cups all-purpose flour

1 cup organic sugar*

1 teaspoon baking soda

2 teaspoons sea salt

1 3/4 cup buttermilk

(I ended up with more like 2 cups buttermilk in mine, like my sports bra)

1 cup dried cranberries

1 cup dried apricots (quartered)

*The apricots are much sweeter than the original recipe. The bread was sweeter than anticipated. Perhaps, try 3/4 cup of sugar to taste.

Step Three:

I preheated my oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit when I got the folding in the fruit bit, but you can do it now if you are a badass in the kitchen. Whisk together the flour, sugar, baking soda, and salt.  Set aside, like traditional gender roles.

Next, quarter your apricots and then, put the cranberries and apricots in a large bowl with warm water.  Let soak in, like the beauty of Notorious RBG’s dissent collar. 

This is the tricky part: You have to add the buttermilk to the dry mix *GRADUALLY* or you will curdle the dough, much like a “Don’t take this the wrong way...” preamble ensures taking it the chauvinist way. I put the buttermilk in the dry measuring cup (as I don’t have a wet measuring cup) and just sort of shimmied the milk over the edge while my whisk got increasingly more clumped.  Halfway through, I had to split the whisk up and remove the dough from the center.  Before I got enough milk into wet the mixture, I gave up on the whisk altogether and just starting pulling the dough to one side with one hand while pouring the milk with the other. Kinda kneading, but not much.

SPECIAL NOTE:

Buttermilk smells *awful* when it’s in date; it has not gone bad.  It’s just gross on its own, but amazing in the bread.

You need to wash your hands a lot! The dough is gonna be all over you like fedoras on a “nice guy.”

Drain the fruit and give it another good rinse while in the colander. Pat dry with paper towels. I wrapped mine in a paper towel burrito and slapped it around a little. The damper it is the longer you will have to bake the bread. Fold in the fruit to the dough while in bowl.

(This is when I preheated my oven.)

On a well-floured surface, turn out the dough like Fancy’s mama.

I used about a half a cup of flour on the counter by my sink.  You will feel with every ounce of your body that you are doing this wrong, like the side eye you get when you call your significant other “partner” instead of “boy/girlfriend” or “husband/wife.” JUST KEEP KNEADING UNTIL IT IS A BALL! The A-HA! moment will happen and it will be beautiful!

Now that you’ve graduated to this part, make the dough into a round.  Then, you will put it into your greased cast iron skillet.  I used olive oil non-stick spray, liberally (like everything else I do.) Take a sharp knife and cut an ‘x’ on the top.  Bake for about an hour.  The soda bread is done when the crust is golden brown and you can put a knife in the center and pull it out clean. Used tin foil to keep the top from burning.

Good Luck! ... and as always, burn the patriarchy, not the bread!

[hell-bound-and-diversivolent]

women are still treated as secondary issues

[itsnotjustpms]

Spurned advances provoked Texas school shooting, victim's mother says

A teenage boy charged with fatally shooting eight students and two teachers during a gun rampage at a Houston-area high school had been spurned by one of his victims after making aggressive advances, her mother told a newspaper.

She doesn’t owe you a date. She doesn’t owe you her body. She doesn’t owe you a chance to get to know you and get closer to you so you can make it harder for her to get away. She doesn’t owe you. She especially doesn’t owe you her life. She is a human being with the same rights as any other human being. It’s not the end of the world if she doesn’t like you back. It may be that she just isn’t looking right now… but when you harass and harass and harass her, you’re not wearing her down. You’re showing her she was right to say no. Learn empathy. Learn that no one owes you anything. Learn that your wants don’t mean more than a human being’s (or human beings’) life. Stop killing people because if you’re this frustrated and think this is the way out, you’re only going to end up dead or in jail. There’s so much more world out there. Teenage years suck but they don’t last forever. Death does. Time in prison for manslaughter does…. Stop thinking you’re the only person who knows how it feels to be rejected and look around at the humans going through just as much shit as you…. and aren’t killing because of it.

[bakedfeminism]

Thoughts while watching Wonder Woman (2017):

No one is going to tell her to put on pants; look what she just did to that church! ...how do I get god powers?

[bakedfeminism]

What does intersectional feminism teach us? Discuss in the comments.

[celebratingamazingwomen]

Phoebe Anna Traquair (1852-1936) was an Irish artist who achieved prominence for her work during the Arts and Crafts movement in Scotland. Her work varied from large murals to embroidery.

One of her most celebrated works are the murals she created for the church now known as the Mansfield Traquair centre, which has been called ‘the Sistine Chapel of Edinburgh’. She was elected as the first female member of the Royal Scottish Academy in 1920.

Above: Self-portrait, 1911, and Salvation of Mankind, 1886-1893

[bakedfeminism]

Pancake Nightcap Cookies

Do you love breakfast for dinner with a shot of bourbon? Are you uncertain, but the idea has already conjured up Waffle House college studying sessions? (In, like, a good way?) Then, have I got the recipe for you!  We are talking ginger, molasses, and bourbon cookies, my friends!

INGREDIENTS:

2 1/4 cups all-purpose flour*

2 teaspoons (rounded) ground ginger

1 teaspoon baking soda

3/4 teaspoon cinnamon

1/2 teaspoon ground cloves

1/4 teaspoon sea salt

1 cup organic sugar

3/4 unsalted butter, softened**

1 tablespoon water

1/4 cup molasses

1 1/4 tablespoon bourbon, to taste or to wet the dry mixture (We’ll talk about that later)

*I use King Arthur’s because it is excellent, employee-owned and about $5 for a five pound bag.

**You can use margarine or oil depending on your dietary restrictions and preferences.

ADVICE:

The recipe that I modified recommended preheating the oven immediately and said that prep time would be fifteen minutes.  Y’all, it must be nice to be that proficient in the kitchen, but that not me and-- to boot-- I live in the US South, where it is currently 90 everyday.  So, I pre-heated my oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit *after* I added the egg and right before I turned down my air conditioning to 73 degrees Fahrenheit.  You do you, but that’s what works for me. My mom tried to teach me to bake as a teenager, but I was pretty resistant as I was a tomboy since birth.  Now, I just really like food. The lessons that really stuck were:

Keep a towel on your shoulder. You will use it a lot!

Mix in the sink for easy clean-up.

Clean as you go so it’s not such a chore at the end.

Apron strings feel like the patriarchy, but they really protect your boobs from things like flour (tacky when combined with sweat) and fire (like the stoked flames of oven forge from which your baked goods should emerge rather than your goodies submerge!).

Pump up the jams! If you are like my mom, you’ll rock out to Stevie Nicks and Sheryl Crow.  Today, my playlist included Kimbra, St. Vincent, Toto, Henry Belafonte, and The Cranberries.  Make it fun.  Sing along.  Laugh when you f*ck up. I am not a professional and watching all four seasons of GB Bake-off did not make me an expert.

INSTRUCTIONS:

Preheat oven to 350 (at some point).  Start with the dry mix-- maybe crack some sarcastic one-liners as you either sift or whisk together the flour, salt, ginger, cinnamon, cloves, and baking soda.  Then, set it aside, like society’s expectations of femininity.

Then, using a stand or hand mixer, beat together the butter and sugar until fluffy, like kittens available for adoption at your local shelter, but hopefully less furry... rethinking this metaphor pretty seriously now. Beat in the egg.  Then, clean off the beater with a spoon, as you will need all the moisture you can get.  (Give this task to someone you trust.  My partner licked the spoon clean instead of the beaters, but that’s how I came to add the bourbon, which was also his suggestion. Teamwork!) Then, stir in the molasses (This is difficult to get in the bowl.  Use a spatula to scrape clean and try to add a little extra in the event you didn’t the whole 1/4 cup in there.) Add the water and bourbon.  Start with tablespoon of the bourbon.  Then, as you are gradually stirring in the dry with a spatula or spoon evaluate if you will need more moisture.  Then, add either water or bourbon to taste.  You don’t want to see any dry mix left. 

Now, you are going to get about a ping-pong ball sized portion and roll it in your hands into a ball.  Then place on a non-stick cookie pan or a greased regular cookie pan. Flatten it out like a #notallmen post on your newsfeed. Space those babies out!  They are going to spread like third-wave feminism.  Bake for about nine minutes. Let cool for five minutes on the pan.

Glass of milk or shot of bourbon pairs really well with these.  Enjoy and burn the patriarchy, not the cookies!