Literally Balaur

he / it × holothery / nonhumanity blog × tengriist Shawnee

[balaur-bondoc-real]

Intro Post

last upd. Thu Jul 2 2026 @ 6:45 PM

This is a sideblog for my main blog, @e-li-ye . It focuses exclusively on my nonhumanity. I may still post art here.

Hi, I'm Elliot. I am not human, never have been, never will be. Do not ever refer to me as human; I use avian and avialan dromaeosauroid vivterms. The closest thing to "human" I am okay with is being referred to as a person. That's fine.

I came to terms with being nonhuman on April 19 of 2025. I first thought I was a bearded vulture. I was wrong. I wrote the date down because it's important to me in my path towards self love. I hated myself for a long time for a lot of different things, so I now choose to love myself for what I am.

I am Shawnee, Welsh, and Scots-Irish in human terms. I'm trying to reconnect with my indigenous culture after living without it and being pushed away from it for most of my life. Humans would also call me transsex or transgender, but I am really just a male Balaur bondoc. I make labels on my main blog for such experiences so they make more sense to humans.

You may call me Eliye, Ailiye, Elliot, or any other transliteration of my name (Elliot). The name Ailiye was given to me by my Mandarin Phase IV teacher as a transliteration of my name. Eliye is the Tsalagi transliteration, and I only use it because I also have Cherokee family who approve of me doing so.

Theriotypes

× Balaur bondoc (palaeoholothere, past life)

× Bearded vulture (spiritual, past life, psychological; color basis for my self depiction)

Hearttypes

From most connection to least:

× Bald eagle

× Snowy owl

× Red sprite

× Kokanee

× Philippine eagle

× Praya dubia

DNI & BYI

DNI: MAGAts/right wingers, radfems OF ANY KIND, queerphobes/transphobes, anti-kin, proship, darkship, profic, radqueers, transID, xenosatanists, endo "systems" (and anything adjacent), misogynists, misandrists, MRAs, racists, intersexists, exorsexists, anti-neos/xenogenders, TCC, NatSoc, pro-genAI, MAPs (pedos), zoophiles, any other harmful paras (no matter contact stance), highly vocal religious people (specifically & especially Abrahamics), sanists & ableists, minors under 16. I feel like these are all kind of a given but whatever.

BYI: This is primarily a vent and thoughts blog. You have been warned. According to the humans I have bipolar 1, CPTSD, and am autistic, so please be patient with me. I will talk about past life experiences and yearning or homesickness here. If you have a problem with any of this, or find it triggering, kindly DNI. I don't tag triggers here, but anything particularly triggering will come with a warning and a cutoff. I am an adult, and as such I would prefer that minors under 16 not interact with this blog in particular. This will change as I age, as in there will be a point in which I will not want minors to interact at all. I don't need vulnerable kids to be any more exposed to sad things than they already are. I use he/it pronouns exclusively. No "they".

Interests

Bands/music artists: The Hu, Spiritbox, Metallica, Carcass, Mayhem (I really only like their music and the only member I ever really accept is Dead. Although he's quite gone anyway), Sepultura, Eldritch/Kuma the Third, Kendrick Lamar, Ghost, Babymetal, 3Teeth, Black Sabbath, Megadeth, Nightwish, Ozzy Osbourne, Iron Maiden

Hobbies and sciences: Drawing (traditional and digital), ornithology (special interest), palaeontology, zoology and virology in general, creative and essay writing, journaling, yapping about stuff

Visual & literary artists: Clive Barker, Salvator Rosa, Doctor Nowhere/Silas Orion, Trevor Henderson, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

Asks Open!

userboxes here by me ^

[e-li-ye]

did some more playing in da bowl (updated version)

[image description: a cartoonish digital drawing of a Balaur bondoc with bearded vulture-like coloration. he is sitting in a bowl, facing the left of the canvas, with a caption that reads: "'get a job' nope I'm playing in da bowl". the caption is partially sans serif font and partially script. the background is a simple gray field. signed "ailiye". end id]

i love doing silly little things like this in my spare time :P

[balaur-bondoc-real]

cough cough im so funy

[balaur-bondoc-real]

here me bro... this is me ok...

[image description: a somewhat cartoonish digital full body portrait of a Balaur bondoc. it stands straight, facing the left of the canvas, and has coloration like that of a bearded vulture. the background is hazy purple. signed "ailiye". end id]

[balaur-bondoc-real]

Yep. I'm a Balaur bondoc. But like. Bearded vulture is sprinkled on top. This feels weird but great, having finally seemed to have figured myself out. I might need to redesign my sona though... that sucks. ;-;

upd im not redesigning my sona im just rewriting him a little

[e-li-ye]

had a dream shift where i was a Balaur bondoc. what the flipflarp bro. stop it. just let me be a bearded vulture dont make me question ANYTHING else

[balaur-bondoc-real]

this.... speaking of my most recent thoughts on the matter. i might be right

[balaur-bondoc-real]

To be honest (and I saw another blogpost earlier that mentioned this), I have been questioning my holothery and potential polytherian identity for a few weeks. It probably hasn't been long enough for me personally to confirm anything, but I have a whole bunch of hearttypes, one kintype (Eurasian bearded vulture as of right now), and I'm so confused.

I have always felt more dinosaur, particularly dromaeosaur or at least dromaeosauroid, all my life. I know I had a past life as a bearded vulture, but I have other memories too, and they point to Balaur bondoc. [pt: Balaur bondoc] I also have a lot of tendencies of both B. bondoc [pt: B. bondoc] and bearded vultures. I am afraid of an uncomfortable with change, though. I could be B. bondoc [pt: B. bondoc] with a bearded vulture past life and psychological type, but that would make me throw almost everything I know about myself out the window. I'd have to embrace something new and I don't like that, even if it's not truly new and has been with me my entire life plus more.

I'm permanently shifted, but I can't tell if it's me being a bearded vulture or B. bondoc [pt: B. bondoc] anymore. The good thing is, in my memories I seemed to have coloration at least somewhat similar to a bearded vulture, so I won't have to give that up. Hooray? I guess it's because I've been the same one or two souls this entire time.

Let this be a reminder to everybeing that indentity is very fluid. You don't have to be one thing forever and that's okay, but if you are one thing forever, that's cool too. Maybe I should take my own advice...

[balaur-bondoc-real]

I feel like deleting all of my socials and running away to the mountains

[balaur-bondoc-real]

Thinking about this again. But then how will I look at pictures if I live alone away from technology in the forest. Decisions decisions

[balaur-bondoc-real]

To be completely honest, I have a mild dislike for all of the nonhuman/alterhuman labels there are. I mean, plutoid and holothere might as well not exist. I use them both for simplicity's sake, but I can literally just say "I am a Balaur bondoc" and leave it at that. No labels necessary. They almost feel human, too human, for me, and in a way invalidating. It also feels like a sort of arms race, but for words, like, "who is the most animal/nonhuman" or "who is the most valid" or "who can claim the most distance from humanity". I'm not saying nobody should be able to use those labels, as like I've said I also use them (although mainly out of a need for self expression), but they just seem... counterintuitive to a degree.

[balaur-bondoc-real]

I feel like deleting all of my socials and running away to the mountains

[e-li-ye]

this is how teeth make me feel cuz i want them outtt

[balaur-bondoc-real]

I want to go home. Not because I'm at my boyfriend's house now and I miss my cats, no, I want to go home. Like, back to the mountains and the steppe. That kind of home. I don't belong in the scorching Southwestern US heat.

[balaur-bondoc-real]

"Journaling helps" is probably the best advice I have ever heard from a therapist, and I've gotten a lot of good advice in general from mine. Because yes. It does help. I can scream into the void about anything I want without constantly worrying about what others will think of it.

My journals have been a good place for exploring my feelings surrounding nonhumanity. It's comfortable and lacks judgement, and like I said, I can just yap about anything I want. It's my paper and pen. I do what I wish with it.

[balaur-bondoc-real]

I am permanently shifted, but I also get dream shifts, and they're the best thing ever. I find them so euphoric, and when I wake up from them I find myself... upset, I guess. Why can't I have it now? I miss everything. I don't want to have to function as a "human". Damn this vessel.

I find it odd, too, how the dream shifts I have are the only dreams I experience in first-person, from my own eyes. Every other dream I have is from outside my body. Also, I used to get dream shifts all the time, but now I don't. It sucks. I consider them a sort of need because my dysphoria is just that bad. I yearn for all I can no longer have.