Human Cockroach

A squishy 23 year slob

[porterr-robinson]

[heavydirtysoul-24]

[dragon-in-a-fez]

“I don’t want you to be hopeful, I want you to feel fear” this girl is 43 levels of metal

[frankendykes-monster]

You ever just get owned by your own mother?

[mastergir]

imagine this popping up on your computer

[sailormoonsub]

“again?” is objectively the funniest thing you can say in any situation because it implies a) this absurdly specific circumstance has happened before and b) you’re absolutely sick of it

[bransonreese]

[funnypicsdept]

[metaangelz]

this is too funny

[just-shower-thoughts]

If the ancient Egyptians used to worship cats and write on walls, then internet made us the modern Egyptians.

[shaiza]

Bruh Egyptians still exist

[hotvampireadjacent]

I had my first orgasm (involuntarily) to keetongu dying in one of the bionicle movies

do i look like a priest to you

[ttzsource]

The Twilight Zone “The Monsters Are Due on Maple Street” (TV Series, 1959 – 1964)

[hilarioushumorfromouterspace]

[elonmuskisabitch]

imagine thinking this and genuinely believing you’re right

[ghostly-harmless]

*looks at three year old* daddy wouldn’t need that third job if you were at the mines right now

[she-who-drank-vodka-with-cats]

first try on of my Venom cosplay

[cherumie]

@redladydeath

[teathattast]

please tell others about this

[adonischildsupportcase]

[irrevocably-delicious2]

Some retail complaints from twitter this morning. I don’t think anyone can fully comprehend how stupid humans are until they work a retail or hospitality job.

[starfire003]

I’d like to add on the people who ask a question, get an answer they don’t like and ask the same question in a different way to get the response they want.

[corisanna]

I get stuff like this often enough at work, but that last one? There is one customer we have that does that so frequently and for so long (personal record with me is goddamn FORTY MINUTES of trying to get the answer she wanted) that we call her Circle Lady when she isn’t present.

Then there are the ones who do this, fail, and try it again with the same employees the next day.

[greatfay]

Me: “For the drink, it’s [x amount] :)”

Customer: “I saw a sign that I get a free drink?”

Me: “For signing up for our rewards program, yes :)”

Customer: “Oh… I don’t have one of those”

Me: “Well if you sign up, you can get the free drink! :)”

Customer: “Eh I don’t want to sign up”

Me: “…” “…” “:)”

Customer: “I hate getting all those emails”

Me: “Oh, well you can opt out of emails, I can show you how :)”

Customer: “No thanks, I don’t want an account”

Me: “Okay… well the drink will be [x amount] :)”

Customer: “I thought it was free?”

Me: “:)”

Me: “It’s free if you sign up for our rewards program :)”

Customer: “I don’t want to sign up”

Me: “Then the drink isn’t free :)”

Customer: “You can’t just give me the drink?”

Me: “No, I can’t unfortunately :)”

Customer: “Why not? It’s only [x amount]”

Me: “If that’s not a lot of money to you, why don’t you just pay for it? :)”

Customer: “This is shit customer service”

Me: “:)”

Customer: “This is highway robbery, squeezing every dime out of people, you should be ashamed of yourself—”

Me: “I don’t control the prices, I’m just a cashier :)“

Customer: “—making a fucking fuss over a damn drink and it’s not even a large—”

Me: “That’s not my decision, I’m just a cashier :)”

Customer: “—and you bet I won’t be coming back here again”

Me: “How unfortunate :)”

[thekeybladeninja]

I can feel the :) deep in my soul