What Even Is This Blog Anymore 💁

Forever tired.

[tentacleteapot]

listen I can respect that Marina ‘and the Diamonds’ Lambrini Diamandis wrote a song about how bad she wants to fuck and made all the lyrics about fruit and eating and stuff, but I cannot condone her using the lyric ‘I’m your cauliflower’ and expecting it to be considered sexy

[martinscorsissy-deactivated2019]

it was carnal flower but for the sake of this post i’m gonna agree with you

[sweetmeatdale]

It sounds like you’re trying to sell me a cursed knife

[randomitemdrop]

Item: Talking Knife that’s just a little too into its job

[maryburgers]

[stability]

[knifefightscene]

that video of somebody putting makeup on an egg and somehow making that egg looks exactly like 89% of instagram just explains makeup culture more thoroughly than anyone on here ever could

[knifefightscene]

in case you guys don’t know what i’m talking about

[swiftispunk-deactivated20241031]

isn’t it weird how it’s already february but it’s also only february

[thenextjenneration83]

I see this post every February and it always fucks me up

[i-hate-chick-fil-a]

Analysis: https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/2019/01/29/president-trump-tweets-nonsensical-figures-illegal-immigration/?utm_term=.cfcdb86ebcab

LMAOOOOOO

he’s showing us he can do this shit outright and get away with it

[birlinterrupted]

One time I saw a movie at a sex shop called “raw and order: special bottoms unit” and I literally cannot think of the actual series without that phrase replacing it in my head

[hockgay]

[superbatson]

@biweatherman

[ohboywonder]

the most unrealistic thing about harry potter

is that no teacher ever called him James by accident, or that Ron never was called “Bill-, eh Charl-, no Per-, argh!”

[animateglee-archived]

As a younger sister who knows this struggle all too well: THIS IS REAL. Pretty sure 70% of my past teachers still think I’m called what my sister is called in fact.

Imagine Fred being called Percy by McGonagall accidentally and then he gets so offended that he refers to her by “Professor [insert any other name but McGonagall” for the rest of the year, costing Gryffindor a considerable amount of points one at a time.

From then on, she vows to just call them all Mr Weasley.

Until Ginny comes along and she calls her Mr Weasley by accident and Ginny “accidentally’ calls her Sir and it starts again.

[kyraneko]

It’s lightly off-topic but also slightly relevant but I have long cherished this mental image of Professor Snape saying something snappish to Harry in just the wrong tone of voice and Harry absentmindedly, wearily, and completely accidentally responding with, “Yes, Aunt Petunia.”

[tarvek-sturmvoraus]

which would have all kinds of additional ramifications when you remember snape is the only one who knew petunia personally

[mjrtaurus]

He asks Harry to stay after class and straight up asks him “Am I truly that unpleasant?”

[sheepfulsheepyard]

Okay, okay, okay, this is probably deeply off-track, but all I can think of is Harry––who upon learning that Snape, of all people, his pain in the neck potions professor knows his aunt––has now received what can only be called a psychic punch to balls. 

How, how, how, is a teenage boy supposed to rectify this, mentally? Connect these strange unjoined worlds to somehow explain that Snape––Snape!––knows his Aunt Petunia?

“It doesn’t make any sense, mate,” Harry tells Ron, blearily, desperately wishing at age thirteen years that his butter beer was a real beer. “It just––it can’t be. Why would he know Aunt Petunia?” Ron grimaces. “Why would he want to? I mean, I know he’s Snape, and all that, but––”

Harry writes his only letter back to #4 Privet Drive, dotted with tears, and it has one line: How do you know Severus Snape?

Petunia writes back: DO NOT MENTION THAT MAN EVER AGAIN. 

And this. This. Sparks a light in Harry’s head. This is the same way Petunia talks about celebrities who have deeply, personally offended her. Usually when she fancied them and then they got married. It’s so completely clear to him, now: Snape is deeply, irrevocably, utterly in love with Aunt Petunia. 

Keep reading

[pomrania]

Honestly, I’d reblogged this post in hopes that someone would pick up the chain and add something more; but I wasn’t expecting it to be THIS much and THIS good!

[buckybarnes123456-deactivated20]

this is so valid

[ifitaintbaroque]

I work at a coffee shop and have gotten all my co-workers to start calling lattes “hot milkybois”

[ifitaintbaroque]

I also got everyone to refer to the salted caramel blended drink as “the big salty” and I consider it one of my greatest accomplishments

[ifitaintbaroque]

Oh yeah and any time someone orders a hazelnut latte with almond milk (which specifically is a weirdly popular drink) I say “one HOT NUT latte coming right up!”

My coworkers have not latched on to this one like they did with the others for some reason.

[ifitaintbaroque]

I forgot to mention I also pronounce “hot chocolate” like “hot cocklate”… because I’m awful.

[goatbran-deactivated20190407]

please give us updates

[ifitaintbaroque]

Our largest drink size is affectionately referred to as “Texas Size” so sometimes when I hand it out in the drive-thru I like to say, “Here’s that TEXAS SIZE [drink] for ya, YEEEEHAW!”

And some people look at me as though I have just made their entire day while others look like they they could not possibly get away from me soon enough. Both reactions are equally satisfying. 

[ifitaintbaroque]

I made this into a game except when I hand out the Texas-size drinks I say “Can I get a YEEHAW?” And the guests always look mortified but occasionally one of them will let out a terrified “yeehaw” and all my coworkers cheer and then we keep a running tally of how many yeehaws we each get on the back of a pastry bag.

[antique-scarecrow]

op will not die of natural causes

[hoechloin]

[ludaprilgate]

[hurglewurm]

yall ever worked in retail

[aviculor]

My dog wrote this article after she saw me eating corn dogs

[ashleyjowilliams-deactivated202]

like ive been thinking about this line from that creme brulee brownie recipe for days like literally where is this woman now like how is she doing 

[legislacerator]

i can’t believe how many people in their mid-20s are buying the amazon alexa and like hooking it up to their home security systems and lights and phone and shit like i know we all saw the 1999 disney channel original movie smart house. they warned us and you are playing with fire