The Pairing Jar

Keeping the words and dreams flowing.

[scarecrowbutch]

Moana (2016)

[gameraboy]

[kenyatta]

As a 4 year old, this was the funniest thing I’d ever seen. I think I talked about it for days.

This is still funny to me.

[rwiggly]

lmfao just walking away at the end like fuck this shit I’m out

[paxamericana]

[thetasteoffire]

i am at my fucking capacity

[oldtumblhurgoyf]

Food $200 Data $150 Rent $800 Avocado Toast $3600 Utility $150 someone who is good at the economy please help me budget this. my family is dying

[villaincousland]

Rich people truly have no concept of money

[oakttree-deactivated20221126]

[munacarabiner]

lms if u have naturally curly/wavy hair and it kinda just does whatever it wants and it looks best when you wash it and let it air dry and you wash it and its soft and bouncy and pretty but u go to sleep and its smushed and nothing u do can bring it back because its flat curly and u just gotta wash it again to make it look good does someone understand

[fivetail]

bitch you lack so much class marx declared you a utopia

[2am-poetry-deactivated20160318]

[tbhliv-deactivated20181214]

i express all of my emotions by saying “fuck” in varying tones

[fivekets]

someday, in the distant future, humans will once again be capable of hearing the phrase “what is love” without also feeling the primal urge to  respond with “baby don’t hurt me”

[lovelysuggestion]

treat yourself like you would treat your favorite character

[runningwolf62]

As a fanfiction author I think this is a bad idea.

[the-future-now-deactivated20170]

Trump picks anti-vaxxer to lead commission on vaccine safety

Trump on Tuesday asked a prominent anti-vaxxer to lead a commission on vaccine safety.

Robert F. Kennedy Jr., son of Bobby Kennedy, said he agreed to lead the commission, which will seek to ensure there is “scientific integrity in the vaccine process for efficacy and safety effects,” Kennedy said.

Kennedy believes vaccines have led to a rise in autism, a claim that’s been debunked by doctors and scientists.

Kennedy told reporters Tuesday that Trump “has some doubts about the current vaccine policies.” Read more

follow @the-future-now

[drfitzmonster]

[closet-keys]

50+ million are going to lose healthcare and then they’re going to weaken herd-immunity and create a spike in illness we haven’t seen in decades. 

[aspiringdoctors-blog]

Oh my god

[mycovenisasoongandroid]

I’m having a hard time articulating my thoughts right now but

as an autistic woman, I am begging my allistic (non-autistic) friends and their followers to read this and pass it on. this isn’t anything new, we’ve been dealing with antivaxxers for years, but I’m terrified seeing that monster act like my neurotype makes me a walking bubonic plague. the world already thinks I shouldn’t exist as it is. this cannot be allowed to stand.

[kittykat8311]

He needs to die.

[collegiate-confession]

[hey-i-have-those-pants]

if you miss the wrong day at college your semester is OVER

[siderealscion]

tfw the heroine of a YA book meets a new male character and the phrase “not much older than her” gets dropped and u stare into the camera because you know that really means HERE’S THE LOVE INTEREST, FOUND HIM, THIS IS HIM, HERE HE IS, PREPARE FOR SMIRKING AND EXCESSIVE DESCRIPTIONS OF EYE COLOR

[nick-avallone]

my fav moment was when my friend told me that there were going to be a whole 3 other gay guys at a party as if that was the holy grail of choices

[commander-ledi]

pros of being adult:

absolutely nobody is here stopping me from living on garlic baguettes and coca cola four days straight

cons of being adult:

absolutely nobody is here stopping me from living on garlic baguettes and coca cola four days straight 

[radioactivepeasant]

It occurs to me that as much as “humans are the scary ones” fits sometimes, if you look at it another way, humans might seem like the absurdly friendly or curious ones.

I mean, who looked at an elephant, gigantic creature thoroughly capable of killing someone if it has to, and thought “I’m gonna ride on that thing!”?

And put a human near any canine predator and there’s a strong chance of said human yelling “PUPPY!” and initiating playful interaction with it.

And what about the people who look at whales, bigger than basically everything else, and decide “I’m gonna swim with our splashy danger friends!”

Heck, for all we know, humans might run into the scariest, toughest aliens out there and say “Heck with it. I’m gonna hug ‘em.”

“Why?!”

“I dunno. I gotta hug ‘em.”

And it’s like the first friendly interaction the species has had in forever so suddenly humanity has a bunch of big scary friends.

[adrenaline-revolver]

“Commander, we must update the code of conduct to include the humans.” “Why? Are they more aggressive than we anticipated?” “It seems to be the opposite Commander. Just this morning a crewman nearly lost their hand when attempting to stroke an unidentified feline on an unknown world. Their reaction to the attack was to call the creature a “mean kitty” and vow to win it over. Upon inquiry it seems they bond so readily with creatures outside their species that they have the capacity to feel sympathy for an alien creature they have never seen before simply because it appears distressed. I hate to say this commander but we must install a rule to prevent them from endangering their own lives when interacting with the galaxy’s fauna.” “I see what you mean. So be it, from now on no crewman is allowed to touch unknown animals without permission from a superior officer. And send a message to supplies about acquiring one of these “puppies” so that their desire to touch furred predators can be safely sated. 

[radioactivepeasant]

Ehehehe I love this! Every time someone adds a short story to my post it gets like 90% cuter and more epic

[talkingbirdguy]

Lets be honest, the humans would ignore the hell outta that rule whenever alone.

[beka-tiddalik]

“So I hear that you’ve just recruited a human for your ship.”

“Yes, it’s the first time that I’ve worked with these species, but they come highly recommended. Say, you’ve worked with a few, what tips can you give me? I’d hate to have some kind of cultural misunderstanding if it’s avoidable.”

“The first rule of working with humans is never leave them unsupervised.”

“Wait, what?”

“I’m serious. Don’t do it. Things. Happen.”

“But wait, I thought that I heard you highly recommended that every crew should have at least one on board?”

“Absolutely, and I stand by that. Humans are excellent innovators, and are psychologically very resilient. If you have a crisis, then a human that has bonded wth your crew properly can be invaluable. Treat your human well and you should get the best out of them as a crew member. Their ability to get on with almost any species is legendary.”

“But Toks, didn’t you just say…”

“The trouble is that they will potentially try to bond with anything. If you leave them unsupervised, you have no idea what kind of trouble they can get themselves into. It was sheer luck that the Fanzorians thought that it was funny that the human picked up the Crown Prince to coo at him.”

“Crown Prince Horram, Scourge of Pixia?”

“The very same. Surprisingly good sense of humour. But don’t even get me started on that one time with the Dunlip. Al-Human wanted to know if they could keep it. As a pet.”

“A Dunlip? You mean the 3 metre tall apex predators from Jowun?”

“Yup. Don’t leave your humans unsupervised.”

“I’ll uh, take that under advisement.”

[uristmcdorf]

“Seriously. Get a supply of safe animals for the humans to bond with or they will make their own. I mean, they will try to befriend anything they come across anyway, but without any permanent pets they can get… creative. Don’t even get me started on the time one of them taped a knife to one of our auto-cleaners and named it Stabby. Three weeks in and when we finally caught the wretched thing, half the humans on crew tried to revolt about us “killing” Stabby by removing the knife. “How… how did you resolve that sir?” “Glaxcol made a toy knife out of insulation rubber and strapped that on instead. Quite a creative solution, I suppose.” “And that sated the humans? “Worse.” “Worse?” “They thought it was so funny they made a second one, strapped false eyes on springs to both and held mock battles. Then decided Stabby and Knifey were in love and now none of them will allow the others to stage fights between them any more.”

[unidentified-manatee]

“Umm, Commander? One of the humans just let in a Scroobly.”

“Oh no, not a Scroobly! The terrible 8 foot tall furry beasts with eyes on their tails that eat people?”

“Yes, one of those.”

“What is happeinng?”

“The Scroobly is laying on the humans’ laps and … purring.”

“What?”

“It seems that the Scroobly has been tamed by these humans.”

“But we have trying to do that for a milenia! How have they succeeded?”

“I do not know, Commander. But it seems they have done it.”

“These humans are so weird.”

[enjoloras-deactivated20220821]

Review of ‘ChocoVine’ Raspberry Chocolate flavoured wine:

The bottle isn’t much to look at, with the most Dutch artwork they could possibly find for a Dutch product plastered across it. The pleasant, unassuming scenery puts you falsely at ease for what is to come. Testimony of the cashier when purchasing this product was ‘I’ve never heard of this’. 

Upon opening it, found to have a deceptively smooth texture and colour that draws in your trust by imitating chocolate liquor or something akin to Baileys. DO NOT TRUST IT. Taking a whiff of this stuff from the glass can only be likened to shoving an entire Yankee Candle up your nose whilst simultaneously inhaling turpentine. 

This should have been warning enough of what was in store, but, intrepid and determined to do my part for science, I soldiered on. The initial taste can only be described as Satan’s sugared shit, and the after-taste is like being kicked in the throat by an angry Dutchman who is offended that you do not like his chocolate flavoured death elixir. The promised raspberry flavour is hereto unknown, presumably lost to the chocolate. The band ‘The Killers’ should be informed that their line ‘The Devil’s water it ain’t so sweet’ in their song ‘When you were young’ is in fact false. The Devil’s water is so sweet that you can see through time and space. This product is so intensely sugary that diabetics would be advised to not only avoid this drink, but also stay up to and above a mile away from any place that sells it, in case the wind direction changes. 

In what I can only imagine is an attempt to divert from the taste of oblivion and feeling of mortal dread that consumes you after tasting it, ChocoVine has made this product 14% alcohol, though it still remains to be seen if they’ve used methylated spirits to achieve this. My friend drank half a glass, stood up, and for one moment I witnessed her face the void. To their credit ChocoVine does not do overcompensating by half-measures.  

One can only assume the company ChocoVine makes it’s sales solely off novelty value. Do not trust anybody who likes this as they probably do not have your best interests at heart.

Overall review: 1/5 stars.

Best paired with: Existential terror, the End of all Days, Desperation. 

[emmyc]

Some Disney comics I made for a mini zine years back but didn’t post all of them online anywheres! Here you go.

[kateordie]

Emmy is a goddamn national treasure. I am surprised at all times that Nick Cage isn’t hunting for her, I really am

[sadgirl5ever-deactivated2020071]

The mulan one!

[lonniiii-deactivated20170829]

College is literally the best/worst time of your life. One minute you’re living it up with your friends, the next you have $3.00 and 4 exams.