Incorrect Batfamily Quotes

things that the batfamily have probably said at some point in their lives. just maybe.

[batfamilyposts]

dick: remember when you didn’t try to solve all your problems with attempted murder?

jason: stop romanticising the past

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dick: what do you call a fish with no eye?

tim: myxine circifrons

dick:

dick: fsh

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Damian: I think Father mixed up our school lunches. Look [holds up a post it that says "I love you so much"]

Cass: Oh, that explains this [reads post it that says "Please be good. For the love of God, be good”]

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tim: it must be hard not being able to laugh

damian: i do have a sense of humour, you know

tim: i’ve never heard you laugh

damian: i’ve never heard you say anything funny

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jason: am i in trouble?

bruce: take a guess

jason: no?

bruce: take another guess

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tim: weird flex but okay

damian, an intellectual: preposterous boast but alas

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Duke: today i saw tim crying for five minutes until his alarm went off and he just... stopped crying and went back to work

Dick: wow

Tim: it’s called time management

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Dick: sorry it took me so long to bail you out of jail

Jason: no, it’s my fault

Jason: i shouldn’t have used my one phone call to prank call the police

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Dick: what are these dead bodies doing here?!?

Jason, nudging one of the bodies: honestly, not much

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Damian: it’s almost time to switch from my regular old everyday knives to my fancy Christmas knives.

Tim: there’s a difference?

Damian: yeah, the Christmas ones light up.

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Tim, on top of a building: I’m gonna jump!

Damian: Do a flip!

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“Who named it ‘parenting’ when they could’ve named it ‘heir conditioning’?”

— Talia al Ghul, about Damian Wayne

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Dick: There are three ways to do things: the right way, the wrong way, and the Jason way.

Tim: Isn’t that just the wrong way?

Dick: Yeah, but it’s faster.

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Tim: Listen, you’re cute but you’re too enthusiastic.

Stephanie: But I-

Tim: Call me when you realise nothing matters.

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Jason: Jesus Christ, is that a gremlin?

Bruce: Jason, that’s Damian.

Jason: Whatever, just nobody feed that fucking thing after midnight.

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Jason: Just know that this pro and con list is going to be a waste of your time! The end result is going to be, “Damn, this plan is awesome, that list was pointless. I wasted all that paper and ink. Sorry, trees. Sorry, squids.”

Tim: Wait. Is that where you think we get ink from? Squids?

Jason:

Jason: No...

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Tim: Has anyone ever told you what a drag you are?

Damian: Everyone. Constantly.