does alfred drop chaotic lore about himself at random times like a stereotypical granddad? if so, how do each of the batfam react?
Dick: I've been thinking lately, should I legally change my last name to Grayson-Wayne? I want to remember my parents always, but I can't deny Bruce is my family too, even if we had our differences.
Alfred: I don't see why not. My surname used to be Beagle.
Steph: Thanks again, the last thing I want is to show up to the gala all bruised up. Where did you learn how to do makeup, anyway?
Alfred: I was a makeup artist for several years. My father was not thrilled, so to say.
Steph: Your dad can stick it. No offense.
Alfred: None taken. I hardly talked to him, but to be fair, he quite literally handed me this job.
Tim: Let's review. What do you do if you're shoved into the trunk of a car?
Alfred: Kick the tail light out, of course. I've been kidnapped enough times to remember that.
Barbara: Cass, maybe you should ask someone else—
Alfred, rolling up his sleeves: I once defeated an evil Superman. This will be easy.
Jason, reading a script: To be or not to be.
Alfred: No, no, no! It's all about execution. You need to drive power through your words.
Alfred, acting: To be or not to be, that is the question.
Jason: Right, professional actor.
Alfred: An actor at the Globe Theatre, no less.
Damian, walking around the cave: What marvelous bat feeders. I wonder who is responsible.
Alfred: I am, Master Damian.
Damian: How did you get them all the way up there?
Alfred: I was a trespassing delinquent in my youth. I know how to reach the unreachable.
Alfred: *chopping vegetables*
Duke, venting: —don't get me wrong, I love all of you, but sometimes I wish there were more Gotham vigilantes with powers. There are just some things you don't understand, and I don't wanna bother the Justice League every time I have a question.
Alfred: *telekinetically summons an onion*
Alfred and Leslie: *making out*
Bruce: *horrified silence*
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