tledbedsmeed

[deadpowol]

[dramatic-dolphin]

i love declining birth rates 🥰 "what a horrible problem! society will collapse!" oopsie it looks like you're gonna have to make having children worth it 😊 teehee you're gonna have to improve society in order to fix this problem, or it will all collapse. oh noooooo. how horrible. :3c

[weirdthingifoundonline]

[hrgifs]

At the end, Connor takes a shower, he comes back into bed and he says, “You killed me, Hollander. I’m dead.” And [looking to Connor] you touch his face, and you kiss him—do you remember this? After the first take, I was like, “You can’t be nice to him after that; you have to get uncomfortable.” But then that puppy-dog look, he was like, “Look, he’s being so nice to me!” And I was like, “I know, but it’s episode two, so we have to remember this can’t end—you have to get freaked out by this.” He was being too loving. We have places to go with this still. — Jacob Tierney via Queerty

[melancholygirls]

I passed a flower shop next to a tattoo shop and at first I laughed because I thought it was ironic and then i freaked because IMAGINE YOUR OTP IN A FLORIST/TATTOO ARTIST AU

[stillalittlekid]

OMG I COULD TOTALLY IMAGINE THEM LIKE THAT IT WOULD BE SO PERFECT

[christ-with-a-why]

[melancholygirls]

I cannot BELIEVE a post I made when I was 13 is circulating! And also apparently started this trope? I thought somebody had the idea separately and it blew up that way😭

[maraleestuff]

During the pre-tuna melt era, there’s a few accidental sleepovers (that both Ilya and Shane unspokenly decide mean nothing)

The first time, Shane accidentally dozes off after sex. It’s after a game, late in the night, and Ilya decided to challenge himself to see how many Os that he could get out of Shane. Add in a soft bed and a Russian hockey-player weighted blanket—it doesn’t take long.

Ilya flops onto the bed beside him, catching his own breath. He turns to Shane, a chirp on his lips, when he notices—Shane looks peaceful and blissed out, cheek half pressed into the pillow. Ilya’s heart warms (but he tries very hard to ignore what the feeling is).

He should rouse Shane and coax him back to his room. It would be the smart thing to do.

Instead, he gently cleans up Shane with a damp cloth (Shane grumbles a little but doesn’t wake) and pulls the duvet over both of them.

[sweetbabyshane]

Sometimes, when they are out with the team and Shane is in the right mood, he will sip on Ilya's vodka and chase it with his ginger ale. He won't directly ask for his own drink, but Ilya is happy to share, especially when it leads to what Ilya affectionately calls 'brutally honest Shane', who will chirp their friends and call bullshit on anything they say that he disagrees with.

Some of Ilya's favorite appearances of 'brutally honest Shane' are at the Kingfisher with their team, as well as the Admirals.

---

Hunter and Vaughn both rolled their eyes at yet another classic Rozanov chirp. Shane hadn't been listening to that side of the table, as he was enjoying his conversation with Kip about the latest paintings he acquired for a gallery.

"God, Roz, you are a real piece of work. I bet you even chirp the kids at your camps," Carter said, a little too plainly to be a joke. Shane did not like that one bit.

"What? Ilya would never. He is a sweetheart with the kids," Shane countered, turning his attention and leaning into Ilya's side.

Scott huffed a laugh and nodded. "Well, that may be true, but on the ice, he’s a menace. Even you can admit that, Rook."

"Of course he is; it’s a strategy. That is the role he plays. He’s nothing like that off the ice. That's how most of us are, you know that," Shane replied firmly. He knew Ilya enjoyed the chirping when it was fair, but Shane did not like the implication of his husband being bad with children or just genuinely being a 'bad' person.

"You are the same on and off, Hollz," Carter said.

Ilya stopped himself from laughing, but Shane couldn't. He chuckled a bit and then paused before responding. "Oh, wait, you’re serious?"

The entire table went quiet, listening in on the conversation now. Scott was the one to reply. "Uh, yeah, Shane. You are the nicest guy in the league."

"I am definitely not," Shane said, not able to hide his surprise. Ilya had to tuck his face into Shane's shoulder to keep his smile at bay.

"What are you talking about? You are always composed on the ice. You are a good leader, especially for the rookies. All the stripes love you. You don't fight. I mean, you started a whole damn charity. They called you Canada's Golden Boy for a reason, Rook."

Shane rolled his eyes. He appreciated all of Scott's kind words, but sometimes he hated that his reputation always boiled down to that, especially given the pressure of maintaining it.

"I guess that is true. Thank you, but like I said before, that is on the ice. I'm not saying I'm a bad person or anything, but I can be a real bitch. I know that."

Multiple voices called out around the table in contention, shocked by what he just said.

Shane's eyes grew wide, seeing them all react as if this were new information. He thought it was a bit obvious. "What? It’s true!"

Scott set his beer down with a loud clatter on the table. "You aren’t a bitch, Shane. What the hell are you talking about?"

Shane shrugged as he took another bolstering sip of Ilya's vodka, not even bothering to chase this one. "Not all the time, no, but I’m way meaner than Ilya. I just don't chirp you guys to your faces."

Ilya finally joined the conversation with a nod before adding, "Is true. He is like that meme. Looks like cinnamon roll but could kill you. I have been saying Shane Hollander is an asshole for many years, and no one would listen."

Everyone around the table laughed, some sporting expressions of recognition at Ilya's meme comparison. That was until Troy leaned in from his spot across the table.

"Hang on, Hollzy. What do you mean you don't chirp us to our faces?"

Shane leveled Troy with that unimpressed look some of the Centaurs have received after making subpar passing choices or shot attempts at practice.

"Barrett, you really think Ilya comes up with chirps about stats on his own? Or the ones in French? I thought you were smarter than that."

The entire table burst with laughter again, at Troy's expense this time. Kip looked especially pleased with this revelation as he said, "Oh my God, Shane, you really are a bitch. I love this for you."

[hollzyer]

fic where ilya finds out shane wears glasses via shane running out of contacts on a string of road games so he’s benched for a game (conveniently boston…) and ilya is faced with shane hollander in glasses multiple times when he looks up at the jumbo tron

[zonttalktome]

Imagine:

Openly Gay Ice Hockey Prince Shane Hollander being very confused why Rozanov keeps on wanting to start beef with him. He was never homophobic but this was getting weird.

Down Bad Loverboy Ilya Rozanov tripping all over himself, trying to get Hollander to respond to his challenges (he just wants a chance to talk to the man)

[angelynmoon]

So, Hollanov toddler fic where, for whatever reason, Irina and Ilya are at the same airport as Shane and his parents.

Irina is having a stilted conversation with one of the airport workers, maybe her tickets are wrong because they've seated her five year old away from her, I don't fly so whatever.

Anyway Ilya is bored and doesn't really understand the conversation anyway so he's looking around and notices Shane, who saw a dog and wandered away from his parent because he wanted to pet it and forgot that he should say something about the dog and wanting to pet it, something something mostly nonverbal Shane.

So Shane realizes that he can't find his parents or the doggy and starts to cry and well, no one really cares about one crying toddler when they have flights to catch, except Ilya decides that he's going to help this kid, so he goes over and gets babyShane to stop crying and tells him he'll help in his very limited English and takes his hand to take him back to Irina but they can't find her so they go on an adventure through the airport trying to find either of their parents.

Eventually Shane remembers the bording gate he and his parents were going to and they go off to find it, they get there and Ilya is helping Shane climb onto a seat but Shane won't stand on it because you're not supposed to do that, that's a bad thing and Shane's already been bad enough in his eyes today so Ilya is standing on the chair looking for two people that look like Shane because the concept of parents not looking like their kids is foreign to him.

However, they are only little and airports, adventures and new friends are exhausting, so eventually Ilya sits down in the chair and curls up with Shane and they fall asleep together sharing the same chair.

They are found by an airport worker who reports it but doesn't want to wake the children so they wait while the parents are located and brought over and while Yuna meets Irina David is taking a dozen pictures of the two on his camera.

However they do still have flights to catch and while Ilya doesn't wake up when Irina untangled him Shane does and wails the entire way to the bording gate and through most of their flight before he passes out from exhaustion.

Unfortunatly Shane asks for Ilya almost everyday for a year because he's his bestest friend and he helped him find his parents but neither David nor Yuna thought to get anything more than Irina's name, they didn't think their son would fixate on a boy he knew for a handful of hours so deeply.

Ilya also asks for Shane but well, he's no stranger to not getting things he wants so his asking doesn't last nearly as long.

Of course, David never got the pictures from that trip developed, at least not until after the Hollanov wedding, and he finds a handful of pictures of his kid with another kid (who he does eventually recognize as Ilya but not immediatly) curled up in an airport chair and thinks that looks familiar and realized that it's the same exact way Ilya and Shane curl up together on the couch or loveseat when they are over watching a movie.

And maybe there is a picture or two of Irina collecting a sleeping Ilya and of him sleeping on her shoulder before they leave.

And David wonders if maybe, just maybe they were meant to find one another.

He does, of course, use the pictures to embarass them at one of their anniverseries when Harris is asking aboit the Hollanov Timeline, David has the gleeful pleasure of saying that Ilya and Shane are both wrong as he whips the pictures out and says they were meant for each other long before Rookie season or the summer before and thus causes a breakdown in most of the team and their partners but also unlocks that memory for Ilya and Shane.

Something something, we'll make our way back to eachother no matter what, and I'll find you in every lifetime.

[angelynmoon]

So, Hollanov toddler fic where, for whatever reason, Irina and Ilya are at the same airport as Shane and his parents.

Irina is having a stilted conversation with one of the airport workers, maybe her tickets are wrong because they've seated her five year old away from her, I don't fly so whatever.

Anyway Ilya is bored and doesn't really understand the conversation anyway so he's looking around and notices Shane, who saw a dog and wandered away from his parent because he wanted to pet it and forgot that he should say something about the dog and wanting to pet it, something something mostly nonverbal Shane.

So Shane realizes that he can't find his parents or the doggy and starts to cry and well, no one really cares about one crying toddler when they have flights to catch, except Ilya decides that he's going to help this kid, so he goes over and gets babyShane to stop crying and tells him he'll help in his very limited English and takes his hand to take him back to Irina but they can't find her so they go on an adventure through the airport trying to find either of their parents.

Eventually Shane remembers the bording gate he and his parents were going to and they go off to find it, they get there and Ilya is helping Shane climb onto a seat but Shane won't stand on it because you're not supposed to do that, that's a bad thing and Shane's already been bad enough in his eyes today so Ilya is standing on the chair looking for two people that look like Shane because the concept of parents not looking like their kids is foreign to him.

However, they are only little and airports, adventures and new friends are exhausting, so eventually Ilya sits down in the chair and curls up with Shane and they fall asleep together sharing the same chair.

They are found by an airport worker who reports it but doesn't want to wake the children so they wait while the parents are located and brought over and while Yuna meets Irina David is taking a dozen pictures of the two on his camera.

However they do still have flights to catch and while Ilya doesn't wake up when Irina untangled him Shane does and wails the entire way to the bording gate and through most of their flight before he passes out from exhaustion.

Unfortunatly Shane asks for Ilya almost everyday for a year because he's his bestest friend and he helped him find his parents but neither David nor Yuna thought to get anything more than Irina's name, they didn't think their son would fixate on a boy he knew for a handful of hours so deeply.

Ilya also asks for Shane but well, he's no stranger to not getting things he wants so his asking doesn't last nearly as long.

Of course, David never got the pictures from that trip developed, at least not until after the Hollanov wedding, and he finds a handful of pictures of his kid with another kid (who he does eventually recognize as Ilya but not immediatly) curled up in an airport chair and thinks that looks familiar and realized that it's the same exact way Ilya and Shane curl up together on the couch or loveseat when they are over watching a movie.

And maybe there is a picture or two of Irina collecting a sleeping Ilya and of him sleeping on her shoulder before they leave.

And David wonders if maybe, just maybe they were meant to find one another.

He does, of course, use the pictures to embarass them at one of their anniverseries when Harris is asking aboit the Hollanov Timeline, David has the gleeful pleasure of saying that Ilya and Shane are both wrong as he whips the pictures out and says they were meant for each other long before Rookie season or the summer before and thus causes a breakdown in most of the team and their partners but also unlocks that memory for Ilya and Shane.

Something something, we'll make our way back to eachother no matter what, and I'll find you in every lifetime.

[blacksheepcolorfulskin]

I like to think the Tunameltdown chirping never ends. They’re in their 50s and Shane innocently asks Ilya if he wants a tuna melt for lunch and Ilya goes, “Yes, but let me hide your running shoes first.” Shane just throws a fork at him.

[lerissewestridge]

pls don't kill me but have you thought about an edmonton polycule-inspired au where Rose and Svetlana fall in love but they can't be out (Rose's career isn't stable enough yet, Svetlana's dad's career as a government Minister in the show) so they get married to Shane and Ilya respectively because Hollanov also can't be out yet. They have a big double wedding and go to their honeymoon together. People speculate they're a polycule because Hollanov and Roselana are so sweet with each other. Also Roselana spend a lottttt of time together even though they're already long distance from their husbands most of the year 🫣

They all get divorced once Hollanov retires and marry their true loves instead 🥰 At this point Rose has achieved her dream of winning an Academy Award and her position in the industry is stable enough that she won't be typecast in only lesbian roles + Svetlana's dad is retired and no longer living in Russia. Hollanov have had a very successful run in Ottawa with a ton of Stanley cups and awards. They renovate the cottage so they could have a bigger joint trophy room. Happily ever after!

[omens-of-what-is-to-cum]

see SOMEONES matching my freak here!! lowkey if im not pushing a polyamarous friendship group dynamic in every scenario then just know i have been replaced by a skinwalker wearing a flesh suit.

this is such a GOLDEN idea and could be taken in so many great directions- a smau that’s just the internet being increasingly baffled by what the FUCK this dynamic is, an angsty as fuck brutal analysis of the bigotry still ever present in the entertainment and sports industries…….

so much potential and so little time in my life to do anything with it😭😭

[canadasgoldengirl]

headcanon that the centaurs win the cup every single season after shane joins them until their retirement

hollanov’s joint retirement announcement is an ig post of their jerseys hung up either in the locker room or their closet and the caption just says

“time to let someone else win the cup for a change”

[omens-of-what-is-to-cum]

au where Hollanov get outed by a video recording of them fighting instead of kissing, and have to fix their reputations twice over, because online ppl cannot fathom the fact that they aren’t an evil irredeemable couple because they fought one time and everyone else is being homophobic…

[hunybody]

living in the world where ilya and svetlana go on a zaney abortion road trip across the usa. and yes obviously she is pregnant by ilya. they discussed ilya throwing her down the stairs and also the effects of party drugs vis a vis abortion success before packing up his jag (with 21 miles of gas in it) and heading down the highway

[hunybody]

it is CRUCIAL to me that svetlana is also an idiot. like they’re both incredibly smart and have stunning people skills and have drive and talent and shine like precious rare beetles to me obviously. but ilya is stupid as bricks and, as his lifelong best friend, i MUST conclude that svetlana is stupid in an identical way. All this to say i think they’re trying insane abortion home remedies they get from etsy witches ilya finds online when it’s svetlana’s turn to drive. and also from maureen the diner waitress who swears her aunt drank from a specific well and had a barren womb for the rest of her life.

[hunybody]

they reminisce fondly about their route 66 abortion roadtrip in front of shane years later and he gets so jealous he has to leave to pace in the yard. it should have been HIM that got teenage pregnant and had to abort for his career while ilya supportively held his hand down a scenic highway at sunset! fuck!

[eldritchazure]

they’re very intelligent people who are also unfortunately bone dead stupid <3

they give themselves mugwort poisoning and have to call poison control because svetlana makes mugwort tea to abort that thang and ilya drinks it too in solidarity because mugwort tea is bitter as hell. however svetlana decides to eyeball how much mugwort she should use and wildly overestimates how much she should put in like a single serving so now she and ilya are both dizzy and nauseous but they’ve still not managed to abort that thang yet out of pure bad luck in mugwort poisoning side effects

[omens-of-what-is-to-cum]

help this is literally everything to meeeee

I’m imagining some shitty tabloid in like, 2023, somehow discovers Ilya got Svetlana teenpregnant (maybe they don’t even actually know, they just accuse them of anything and this one happens to be true) and they’re confronting Ilya about it in post-game press.

they ask him “do you have anything to say about the alleged secret child you have been hiding with Svetlana Vetrova since you were teenagers? What does your husband have to say about this?”

and Ilya visibly bluescreens and just says “what secret child?? I only know about one and we definitely got rid of it, it was a very thorough road trip”

and the entire press room is just stunned for a second because what???????

[blacksheepcolorfulskin]

One day Shane finds a shoebox full of random stuff at Ilya’s house like old hotel keycards, coasters, mini toiletries, receipts and can’t fathom why he’s kept these things. Then he slowly realizes they’re all little keepsakes from times they met up over the years.

[hollanovprompts]

There's already some "Lily" gets added to the Voyagers WAGs group chat but I haven't seen any "Jane" get added to the Boston Raiders WAGs group chat yet, we need some!

free plot bunny to a good home!