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The book explains how Rocky easily learns English, so I kinda like the idea that he could potentially understand some animals, like whales.
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@angelynmoon
When you have nothing better to do on a space ship than listen to some gossip.
The book explains how Rocky easily learns English, so I kinda like the idea that he could potentially understand some animals, like whales.
The Raiders absolutely hazed rookie Ilya by teaching him bullshit English expressions, but some of them were smart enough to mix in a few real ones, so it takes Ilya literal years to filter through everything they taught him and figure out which ones are real and which ones aren’t.
They especially taught him fake “sexy” sayings, which resulted in multiple instances with Shane in which he was trying to dirty talk and ended up saying something completely nonsensical, leaving him very embarrassed and Shane trying not to laugh.
Don’t worry, Ilya got his team back by telling them the most inane lies about Russia, ranging from sympathy inducing (claiming there was only one TV in his village growing up and he had to hunt for all his food) to fear inspiring (he learned how to build bombs in school).
This information gets spread throughout the league, and Russian players for years to come suffer from its effects.
If you want a fic with a premise similar to this, read Coriander vs Kориандр by Ghost_grem.
I fear you guys don’t get how #myraiders are genuinely completely sure Ilya is being played by ‘Montreal Jane’ but don’t bring it up because after so long of getting vague shifty answers out of Ilya who always leaps to his phone for any text sound but only gets with her when ‘Jane’ wants to - the guys are a little concerned their buddy is being taken advantage of and like catfished / in the process of being conned for his money so like any good older players would do, they call nev and max from MTV’s Catfish and Ilya genuinely tries to murder them in cold blood (Shane only finds out years later after their wedding and does not stop laughing)
Concept:
Yuna Hollander is actually a member of the Japanese Imperial Family. For context, the Japanese Royal line is strictly male only so no women can inherit the throne and any females of the family who marry normal people, have to give up their titles. (Princess Mako famously did this in real life)
So what if Yuna was a Japanese princess?
She went to McGill as a foreign exchange student to study in a place where she could have a few years as a normal person before starting royal duties but fell for the handsome hockey player David while there. Since she is a woman, she isn't going to inherit and although she only has sisters, one of them can have a son to carry the bloodline so she decided to give up her place in the family to marry David and become a commoner.
She is perfectly happy with this outcome and makes a life for herself in Canada. She and David have Shane and although they did occasionally visit some members of her family when Shane was small so Shane could meet his granddad (who happens to be the Emperor), because she gave up her claim, Shane is also technically excluded from the throne and the visits were so low key that people outside Japan forgot she even existed.
Besides, they stopped visiting after a while because Shane's hockey career was taking off.
Unfortunately, the Japanese Imperial Family is facing a succession crisis due to the lack of males in the family line, and inside Japan, Shane is starting to look like a good candidate for the next Crown Prince.
Shane, and the wider Western World, have no idea about any of this. Ilya eventually learns and almost loses his mind.
(Anyone feel free to add to this)
Expanding on my own thoughts, so here we go.
Shane doesn't understand just how important his family is. Yuna is the oldest daughter of the Emperor but since she became a commoner to marry David, the media and people agreed to leave her alone and in Japan, that wish is respected so Yuna and Shane are not approached by the general public.
Obviously, she bought Shane to meet his family when he was a baby but with the commoner status, they couldn't take part in anything in any ceremonial capacity, so it was all just meetings in private, where everything was more normal. Still very formal but Shane, brought up in a western culture and only seeing this part of his Asian heritage, thinks its normal and he knows that his family was important but not that important.
Shane adores his grandfather and was spoilt rotten whenever he came to Japan and some people even referred to him as a Prince, but it was never taken seriously. Back in Canada, with his anglicized name and habits, it didn't even register to him that he was being treated differently. He is fluent in Japanese but since English and French are the languages of his home, he never paid attention to the honorifics being said to him when he was in Japan. It also helps that he has a Japanese name as well so many people don't connect the Japanese Royal with a white bread name like Shane. Yuna and David, while not keeping things from him, didn't advertise it as they didn't want Shane growing up with an ego or being resentful because he was not in the line to inherit.
As he grew, Shane stopped going to Japan often and although he talked to his Grandparents, aunts and cousins over the phone, he didn't see them in person anymore.
All plans to go back to Japan went out the window when he began preparing for the Prospect Cup, since he was balancing Schoolwork with the possibility of getting drafted (although he does remember one call with his grandfather who told him if Shane wanted to join the AIHL, he had contacts. It didn't occur to Shane at the time that it was odd his grandfather basically offered to get him into the Asian League)
After Shane got drafted, he did plan one trip during his rookie season but it fell apart before he could go. One of his aunts and his cousins came to Canada and America and he did plan to catch up with them but had to pull out due to being on the road for a game (He was a bit annoyed they didn't offer to change the date of their meeting, not realising that it was a state visit and those can't just be changed at random)
After that, a lot of his down time was taken up with growing his career and his friendships with Hayden and JJ (and later, with Ilya) He manages some video calls now since his grandfather is very tech savvy and his parents still go to Japan occasionally and when they do, they bring him back lavish gifts from his grandparents and aunts.
These gifts are so expensive that one time, he showed something he got to JJ and the Pikes and JJ asked if Shane was sure his grandfather wasn't in the Yakuza. It was a joke but Shane definitely put two and two together and got the completely wrong number. He remembered his grandfather's offer to get him into the AIHL and it gives Shane mixed feelings but he eventually decides plausible deniability is the best. If his family is involved in organise crime, he doesn't want to know. So he ignores it.
Things do get a little weird during the Sochi Olympics, especially when Canada vs. Japan. The Japanese players are very weird around Shane, especially when he introduces himself to them using his Japanese name (sans Title) as a gesture of good will, but Shane had chalked it up to the team being nervous to represent their country and if they insisted on bowing to him and avoiding eye contact, well, maybe his reputation as one of the best players managed to make it to Asia.
Sometimes he is approached in the streets of Montreal by Japanese tourists, but he just assumed they were fans of hockey, even if they acted confused when he offered them his autograph.
Eventually he and Ilya are outed and Shane calls his grandfather to tell him. His grandfather is upset and Shane thinks he will have to cut off contact but eventually, dear old granddad comes around (After Yuna has words with her father) What Shane doesn't know is none of his aunts had managed to produce a son meaning there is no heir for two generations and in Japan, there is a lot of talk about him. Some people want him placed back in the line of succession while others hate that he is a half white foreigner.
Even his grandfather is reassessing Shane's position in the family and him being gay is a possible problem. So his relationship with Ilya, even if he doesn't realise it, could be seen as an issue for the future. But his granddad is reasonable and doesn't want to destroy his relationship with Shane over something that might not happen. He even sends a really nice gift for the wedding.
After Shane and Ilya marry and he joins the Centaurs and they win their first Stanley Cup together, the MLH agrees to a Show Game against the AIHL. Since a Japanese team won the Asian League that year, they invited the Centaurs to Tokyo for a match between the two winning teams.
Shane hasn't seen his family in person since he was a kid, he decides he should visit while he is there. Ilya can come with him or join the rest of the Centaurs going to Disney after the game because Shane isn't certain Ilya would enjoy the formal, stuffy atmosphere he remembers from his childhood. Ilya is 1000% down to join Shane because he has also heard the Yakuza rumour from Hayden and Jackie. He is not letting Shane walk into that alone.
They travel to Japan and are surprised to learn the whole team is being housed in a grand hotel paid for by, they assume, the AIHL, and Shane and Ilya have been given the most expensive penthouse (Shane assumes they got the room because Ilya is the Captain and Shane is just there as a perc of being his husband and built in roommate)
Game day begins and the stadium is packed. It seems the whole of Tokyo came out to watch. (Shane doesn't know it but rumours the beloved Emperor's commoner grandson is playing has spread and everyone wants to see him. It's the only way they can satisfy their curiosity about him without breaching the unspoken rule to leave him alone) Shane just wants to show everyone his skills and then they can enjoy the impromptu holiday for a few days before Shane goes to visit his family.
He is surprised when it's announced to the Centaurs that the Emperor of Japan has come to watch the game.
He just about has a heart attack when he skates onto the ice and looks up to the Royal Box to see his grandfather, aunts and cousins sitting there, watching him.
And that's how Shane discovers he is a member of the oldest monarchy in existance.
Guessing this would happen, Yuna is very prepared for Shane's irate phone call and David has to talk Ilya down from a panic attack because he's been there and it's not that bad really. The in-laws are actually nice, if a little strict.
After Ilya recovers, he and the rest of the Centaurs have prime teasing material for Shane for not realising who his family is. They also have bragging rights because they have a legit Prince on their team and 'screw you, Metros, you threw away actual Royality'
(Also, Ilya manages to win over all of Shane's family during their later meeting and now brags that he is the favourite of the Emperor of Japan.)
Shane and Ilya have a child that absolutely loves hockey with every fiber of their being but is God awful at it. They don’t have an athletic bone in their body. Shane and Ilya know the only reason their child is on their team is out of respect for them. If the kid didn’t have the two hockey gods as dads, they wouldn’t have been able to peak inside a hockey locker room let along be on a roster. Shane and Ilya are trying to figure out how they’re going to talk to their kid and let them down gently when David comes over and starts talking to them about coaching. David gets them really interested in it. They transition from player to coach’s assistant. Two decades later, they’re hired as the head coach of the Boston raiders and they become the goat head coach.
an idea for an au where shane is a virgin at 30 years old and chronically single and he asks his friend rose to help him find someone to lose his virginity to so rose asks her other friend svetlana and she actually has the perfect guy for this. shane goes to the guy’s house “it’s perfectly fine shane, nothing bad will happen to you. i trust svetlana” rose eases him cus shane is very anxious. and he checks rose’s messages again to make sure he has the right apartment number, takes the elevator straight to 801, knocks on the door and it swings open and shane is face to face with the hottest guy he’s ever seen, who introduces himself as ilya and shane notices an accent but doesn’t comment. everything goes so smoothly, shane enjoys every single thing they do and finds everything incredibly hot, he’s genuinely having the time of his life and asking himself “why did i take so long to do this?”. after everything they’re lying in bed panting and shane gets up, turns to ilya and says “thank you so much for everything, you were perfect” doesn’t even wait for a response goes straight to the bathroom to shower, puts his clothes back on, grabs his keys, and thanks ilya one more time before leaving a completely dumbfounded ilya still lying in bed. and of course ilya is just obsessed with shane, he bugs svetlana and rose so much to give him shane’s number because he can’t let go of a perfect man like this — even if he’s really odd, but it’s charming — and their chemistry was insane and the guy was a virgin? looking like that? ilya can’t just let that go, the guy has to be his. poor shane is totally oblivious about everything, he’s just happy to finally not be a virgin anymore he has no idea he’s being hunted. later ilya finds out they work at the same company and he cannot believe his luck, he can’t believe shane was right under his nose this whole time and he didn’t notice, but now that he knows shane can’t escape.
I love the idea of Shane's Wikipedia page having a single sentence about him being "previously romantically linked to Rose Landry" under Personal Life with Rose Landry's name hyperlinked and Ilya getting irrationally annoyed by it.
He makes an offhanded comment to Shane about it during dinner one night and Shane says something like "Oh I didn't even know it said that. You can submit a correction and edit it to delete that sentence if you care so much since you're so whiny and jealous" and Ilya is like "I'm not whining, I'm just making boring conversation about boring people on boring website." Then promptly excuses himself and whips his phone out to do the very thing that Shane has just inadvertently taught him.
And Ilya is getting more and more frustrated that it keeps getting edited back to say Shane dated Rose. He can never mention this to Shane because then Shane will know that Ilya is still jealous AND still checking his Wikipedia page.
This goes on for weeks. Wikipedia eventually restricts Ilya. He makes a second account and the same thing happens. He eventually takes the L.
It isn't until like 5 years into marriage that Svetlana drunkenly admits that she's the one that put the Rose Landry fact in Shane's Wikipedia page in the first place and that she edits it back in there every time she notices it's gone.
ilya, drunk and enraged: YOU FUCKASS TRAITOR
svetlana, drunk and elated: NOT SORRYYYYY
shane, drunk and confused: wait, you've been fighting over my WIKIPEDIA PAGE
after Cliff’s first (he certainly hopes not his last) time with Shane and Ilya he’s not like. totally willing to start self-identifying as anything other than straight. he still loves fucking women but fuck, he’s certainly never going to turn down the opportunity to join those two in bed again, if they ask.
what he does take away from the experience is an appreciation for certain types of people. he finds his attention lingering on blonde curls and freckles and brown eyes and soft looking skin with smatterings of moles. men, women, whoever really- he begins to notice the patterns.
it’s at some league event where Cliff meets this absolute fox of a woman. yeah, okay- she reminds him of Shane which really does it for him- but she’s fucking sharp and seems to know eeeverything about hockey- which, also hot- and Cliff becomes a little obsessed with her immediately. he’s always been into older women so that’s another draw. and he keeps running into her at hockey stuff, like, way too regularly to be a coincidence so he starts thinking, yeah ya know what? I’m Cliff fucking Marleau I can ask out this sexy older woman, I fucking pull, dude I can do anything-
anyway that’s the story of how Cliff got rejected by Shane’s mom.
Okay, but what if Yuna and David are just as freaky as Shane and Ilya, and Yuna doesn't immediatly place Cliff as Ilya's friend, instead she turns to David and just raises her eyebrow in question and David gives Cliff a very obvious once over and Cliff realizes that oh, she's married, I'm about to get my ass kicked.
Instead David nods and Yuna smiles and they lead him to a room or closet, whatever floats the boat and Cliff is thoroughly debauched, and they give him their number and tell him to give them a call when he's in town.
And obviously he goes to brag about it to Ilya and Shane is listening, not really interested until Cliff says something and Shane has the slow dawning horror that Ilya's best friend, a man they've had sex with has also had sex with his parents.
Now, Ilya does not clock this, the one time he doesn't, so Shane is experiencing the Horrors and wondering how to tell Cliff he slept with his parents, or if he even should.
Now, this can go several ways, Cliff finds out he slept with the Hollander parents and tries to apologize and Shane is like we never mention this again.
Cliff only learns that Yuna and David are Shane's parents after they've invited him into the relationship and he's being introduced to Shane as a new step parents and Ilya is laughing so hard but trying to be a supportive husband to his poor husband and be a good friend and trying to balance being happy for Cliff but also now experiencing the horror of knowing that his best friend is essentually sleeping with his parents, not only that but he and Shane have also slept with Cliff, no one can ever know.
Or Cliff, poor stupid Cliff never learns who Yuna and David really are, however you want to justify that, Shane has to introduce his parents to Cliff and Cliff just says hello and moves on.
Point is that Shane suffers with the knowledge that he and his parents have the same taste in thirds.
while you made sad ilya headcanons, i studied The Code (the bro code, for your bros that you’re definitely not in love with but also it would kinda be okay if you were)
bc like. ilya breaks the news that he’s going to ottawa. cliff knows why. but also that’s unacceptable bc he can’t just leave him like that. that’s his bro! that’s his bestie! his ride or die! and he’s seen ilya change over the past year. he knows things got Serious between him and shane over the summer. Ilya’s happier now, but he’s also sadder now when they’re not together. quieter. more withdrawn. sure, ottawa is a hell of a lot closer than boston, but shane will still be in montreal. who will ilya have in ottawa in the meantime?? nobody.
cliff can’t let that happen.
so he has his agent start desperately pulling strings. his enormous boston-based family does Not understand at first, but they’re a hockey family, so in a way they get it. a good captain is worth following, even if it’s outside the country. cliff keeps it under wraps and doesn’t tell ilya. lets him make his plans and pack his shit and move over the summer without him.
and on the first day with the centaurs, as coach wiebe is introducing ilya to everyone and he’s fighting the nerves he hasn’t felt since he was nineteen and meeting the raiders for the first time, cliff casually strolls in decked out in red and black and smiling ear to ear. ilya definitely doesn’t cry like a baby as he flings himself at him and crushes him in a hug.
the ottawa winters are easier to bear between the two of them.
okay but for sure baby shane on his first hockey team got to play on the ice during an intermission at a centaurs game in the 90s. he scored a goal and did a cute little celebration jump (and immediately lost his balance and fell on his butt). harris pulls the clip from somewhere deep in the centaurs archive. he makes an insta post after shane's first game with the cens and includes the video with a caption about tonight being shane hollander's second ever centaurs goal.
ilya just barely manages to keep himself from sobbing in delight at the video.
fun fact this poem is so popular amongst yall that three separate people, in three separate instances, have commissioned it with their flowers of choice:
Marlelau gets the nickname Big red because well... Clifford. And no one really thinks twice about it, until Russian rookie Ilya is highly confused by this nickname. They show him Clifford the big red dog.
But after this, the name starts to change, just sometimes, in the way nicknames will. Red dog. Big dog. And eventually somehow it lands on Pup, or puppy and doesn't change to much from there.
At some point some poor person is interviewing someone on the team and is like "That was a good okay from Marleau, wasn't it?"
"Oh yeah, great shot from Pup."
Marleau interacting with fans and Ilya is like "Puppy!" And his head snaps up instantly because that is his name.
The internet thinks the Raiders are in some team wide puppy play kink shit.
A ‘Bears walk in to Ilya’s house and see him napping with Shane AU’ where Ilya somehow manages to still keep Shane’s identity a secret.
Ilya always had been a light sleeper, so no matter how lightly they stepped he was awake moments after the first shocked gasp.
Ilya knows it’s over for him. There’s no mistaking that there’s a man asleep on his chest in a clearly non-platonic cuddle. Usually Ilya would be punching the intruder, threatening violence to try and ensure they kept their mouth shut but he has quickly realised something far more important. With the way they are sleeping, Ilya on his underneath on his back and Shane on his stomach on top with his face pressed into the gap between Ilya’s neck and the couch, they can’t see his face.
He quickly pulls Shane’s hood up over his head to hide hair and rests a hand over it to gently discourage Shane from moving it should he start to wake up.
So Ilya just stares down his team and goes “you can be upset, but are going to be fucking quiet about it because if you wake my guest I’m sending all my blackmail on you to your wives, and then start fucking them to help them get over the divorce.”
So the whole “You’re fucking gay!” “No, I’m a fucking bi who is fucking a gay” conversation happens at a furious whisper, with Shane blissfully sleeping on Ilya’s chest as life implodes around him.
Shane may be a deep sleeper - and the argument in whispers - but even he starts to stir at the noise.
Ilya can’t have him moving his face into visibility now, so he just scruffs the back of his neck harshly and pressed him deeper into his shoulder.
Shane lets out a pleased (and not at all quiet) moan, and - worried that he is going to start talking - Ilya realises he needs to shut him up.
So he glares at the Bears to be quiet, while suddenly putting on the softest voice they have ever heard him use as he goes, “shhh quiet time now mоя любовь. Back to sleep.” And then shoves his fingers into Shane’s mouth.
When the Bears leave soon after, some of them have LEARNT some things about themselves. But crucially, none of them have learnt who their captain is fucking.
Ilya wants to do one of these "celebraties I don't think my husband can name" videos where he shows different singers to Shane because he thinks it's just too adorable how Shane has no clue about the music industry at all, only for the video to go like this:
- Oh that's Gaga. You know Lady Gaga? Of course, Ilya! She was in A star is born. Really good actress. She is more of a singer actually... Oh yeah that makes sense, I guess. You guess?! Please tell me you know Poker Face, lyubimyy. I know for a fact you have been to a club, you must have heard Poker Face before. I don't know, maybe. [Ilya starts singing Poker Face]. You're lucky you play better hockey than you sing, baby. Oi!!
- Oh I know how him! That's Armando! That's Pitbull. I'm pretty sure that's a human? Are you fucking with me Shanya. Of course baby. I know that he is a rapper but it feels so weird to call him Pitbull, when we met in Miami he said he was Armando. You met in Miami?? Yeah well, was a few years ago, he invited our team to this house- Pitbull invited the Montreal boring fucking Metros to his fucking house???
- Kesha! Do you know her songs? Absolutely none, no. How the fuck- Why am I even suprised you know her too. Oh we met at Roses birthday party in LA. She is so funny, I think you would like her! Maybe I should introduce you. What the fuck- You know what, I call her. Shane!
- Oh that's Kayleigh right? Kayleigh. Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's her. That's Chappell Roan. Dykstra is playing her non-stop in the lockerroom. Oh, really? Pink Pony Club? Good Luck, Babe? Casual? Sounds familiar yes. [Ilya starts singing Casual] [Shane blushes] I think... I think I remember now yeah. Didn't know that was Kayleigh. How do you know all these people but have no clue what they do? Oh funny story, she is a good friend of Rose actually-
- Oh, that's Sam! Sam Smith. I've been to a concert. Met backstage. Really cool person. Shanya, you're surprising me? You go to concerts? Well uhm. When... when I was with Rose she got us tickets and - Yeah okey.
- Montero! Or Lil Nas X. Shall I guess: Another friend of Rose? Maybe, I should ask her. Actually we did this campaign together and- I hate you.
- Oh thats the actress from the movie. The movie with all the actresses. Oceans Eight. That's Rihanna. Yeah! Rihanna. I really liked her there, she should do more movies. Shane, she is actually a singer. Oh, that's cool. You're killing me. What? Should I know her? Shane. Lyubimyy. We literally had our first dance to her song.
- That's Benito! Nice guy. You know Bad Bunny? Who is a bad bunny? That is Bad Bunny. Benito Antonio Martínez Ocasio. Okay yeah? He is literally the biggest singer in the world. Is he now? Yes! Oh, wow he didn't mention. Wait, you met Bad Bunny? Yeah, well we were at some galas together, but to be fair he said- Galas? Like how many? Dunno, like four, five times and- Ilya is your nose bleeding?
I also think it would be really funny if Shane knew Armando as a real estate connection. Armando reached out to him (because they're both celebrities in real estate, obviously). Shane doesn't typically do networking, but this time he looks into this guy's properties and just thinks, "Oh! This guy actually seems to be really successful at this. I should definitely accept his invite and learn from him and maybe meet some other people with good advice. It would be silly not to." Armando at some point drops the most casual "You do hockey, right? How is that?" that Shane has ever heard from someone who seems to know who he his. Armando never brings up performing because everybody obviously knows who he is (obviously), and Shane never thinks to ask if he does anything else. Armando sends him a text inviting him to dinner or to parties he happens to be throwing when he sees Shane has a game in town, and Shane always accepts. It would be rude not to, and he likes Armando. Shane gets so accustomed to seeing Armando when he's in Miami that the first time he plays there without getting an invite, he texts him to let him know he's in town and ask him if he wants to get dinner. Sorry man, I'm on tour right now. Next time, brother. What does that mean? On tour? Like, on a tour of Europe? Or is this some slang he doesn't know? Doesn't matter, he's busy either way. No problem man, next time. 👍🏽 At least things are still good with his good buddy Armando. Maybe now he'll facetime Ilya tonight, instead.
prev how dare you hide this in the tags
One of my favorite cliff headcanons is that he is supportive of Ilya and Shane, but he doesn't really get it not bc of the whole 'Shane is boring Ilya is not' propaganda everyone on the internet is saying he thinks Shane makes sense for Ilya he just doesn't understand how gay relationships work, like he understands conceptually that people are gay and Shane and ilya are in a gay relationship he understands they are in love, and they fuck, and he isn't homophobic, but he has never seen a gay couple and especially a gay couple where both parties are Masc and all his experiences with romance are based on relationships with traditional gender roles so he thinks that's how gay relationships work also so when the summer after their wedding he calls ilya up like 'bro I missed you we gotta catch up and shit' and ilya is like 'I can't leave my beautiful husband to come see your ugly mog you understand' but Shane feels bad that Ilya had to leave Marley when he moved bc he is a good friend he was at their wedding and shit and Shane lowkey wants to prove he deserves ilya to marly bc ilya doesn't have any family left that isn't his asshole brother so sveta and marly are the closest thing he has to family, and he wants them to like him and its stupid bc it's not like if Marley doesn't like him anything will change they are already married, but he just needs this one thing to work out so bad so he is like 'why don't you invite him to the cottage I am sure he'd love to spend time there and I want to get to know him better he is one of your best friends.'
So Ilya invites Marley to the cottage and Shane brings his A game he is usually a good husband naturally, but he is trying to impress Marley so he brings flowers to ilya when he gets back from grocery shopping or cooks his favorite meals or is just being generally physicality affectionate in front of cliff like kissing his forehead and holding his hand while watching a movie that type of stuff bc he knows ilya likes being shown off, and he tries to do all the little house errands that need to be done himself so ilya can spend his time with cliff catching up and eventually when Shane is out of the house for like a commercial cliff finally is like 'dude why is Hollander doing all that I thought he was the girl are you the girl?.' And ilya is like 'first we are both men so what the fuck second if you say that about my husband again I will hit you hard.' And cliff is like trying to explain himself by saying he thought all relationships had one person who was the one getting spoiled and one person who spoils them and the one getting spoiled is always the girl based on his relationship with woman and ilya is like wow he is in a prison of his own making, and he tells Shane and Shane feels so bad bc it kinda reminds him of how he thought about relationships before he realized he liked man, and he doesn't think cliff likes men, but he still wants to talk to him about it, and they end up sitting down and talking about how if he wants quote unquote princess treatment he can just ask for what he wants and needs relationships are about compromise and just bc they are men doesn't mean they don't deserve nice things also and of course cliff understands him to an extent, but he is a little stupid, so his takeaway isn't 'I should ask for what I want fuck gender roles' its 'dating a dude is like having a best friend who fucks you and still treats you like a princess, and he is like maybe I should date a dude.' But Shane isn't there for the second part of this revelation ilya is so he is like 'yes you should.' And then cliff wishes them a good rest of their vacation and leaves and then when they meet up during the season 4 months or so later cliff sees Shane on the ice, and he is like an exited puppy so he goes up to him and tells him he's got a boyfriend, and thanks him for the advice and tells him how awesome it's been and Shane is stunned for the rest of the game but after the game ilya is like supper smug bc he knew this was going to happen and is like 'cliff invited us to meet his boyfriend.' And Shane is like 'fuck it I guess this is my life now at least cliff likes me.'
This idea is so funny to me omg OP
Shane (indirectly) telling Cliff "hey your girlfriends should treat you better, you also deserve nice things in relationships" - Cliff of course misinterprets this and returns 6 months later like "hey so I got a boyfriend and he treats me like a princess, thanks for the advice Hollander!" and Shane is baffled and bewildered but ultimately supportive
This came to me in a dream
I wonder if growth for elves is somewhat proportional to their lifespan? 👀
Legolas having a bit of an existential crisis over just how fast mortals, particularly Gimli, age. Time for him to build his boat.
Made for this months art challenge for the @whumplovers-collaborate on discord, the prompt was embrace, leaf, left to die.